icecoldkitkat Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 11:16 PM Saturday, April 6, 2013 (ChST) Saipan, CNMI I'd love some advice so if you're willing, please read on. Kinda long ;/ After leaving a 3 year relationship gone bad, I spent some time single and enjoyed myself with friends. then one day, I met a guy at a friends birthday party. We hit it off and have been dating for almost two years now. I'm still with him as I speak but for the past few months we've been trying to steady our rocky relationship. I tell ya. When we started out, I thought I was the luckiest woman on earth. I had a man who was honest, tall, handsome, and very down to earth. Unlike my previous BF, he showered me with his affection. He'd take me out to dinner, he'd open the car door for me, tell me how beautiful I am, hug me, kiss me...my oh my. He was a complete gentleman. I fell for him because he took such good care of my emotional needs. then we started to go downhill from there. **** It all began with a document I discovered in a folder as I was cleaning out my car. I found the print out stapled on all four corners with blank sides facing out, written sides facing in and I thought it was very strange for someone to staple a document this way. So I gently parted the two sheets with my index fingers and read a few words just to see if it was something important my bf would need for work. since he has the tendency to leave his things in my car and forget about them for weeks. I felt the blood drain from my face as I struggled to understand the nature of the document. It was a print out of a very inappropriate conversation between him and a female intern. My initial thought was, "NO, NOT AGAIN." and i feel a familiar sensation--heart ache. He tells her in the letter that he wants to be with her. "youre all I think about" he says. He was also kind enough to inform her that he has a girlfriend (ME) but never thinks about me because SHES on his mind. What shocked me the most was that it was dated five days AFTER we decided to be official! and I discovered the letter about SEVEN months into the relationship. I was grateful she told him ever so gently that she wasn't into him and that they will only be friends. But reading about his feelings for another girl shocked me so much. I didn't know how to confront him with this but i did. His excuse was old and overused by my knifing ex boyfriend. He claimed that the conversation wasn't serious and that he "didn't know" why he did it. He apologized and asked for my forgiveness. The romantic in me forgave him [yeah, stupid huh] but after that discovery, our relationship and the way I perceived this gentleman changed dramatically. The Luckiest Woman I knew died along with my previous perception of this guy. foolishly, I believed in second chances. **** After his first mess up, I had to make sure he wasn't up to something so I'd monitor his Facebook and as a result had my renewed faith in him crushed. In five months, Ive caught him flirting with two girls on three separate occasions. one from Facebook and one from Hi-5 . He would go too far with these two women --As far as giving out his home phone number and work number. at This time, I dub him the town Idiot. If i were around when she happens to call, what would he say to her? "Hold on baby my GF is here today. I'll call u back." then hang up and smile at me? IDIOT. He would try to cover his tracks but the thing about this guy, he is bad, SO BAD, at it. He was sloppy and archived his emails, thinking he deleted them. I read them one by one, saved each one and presented them to him. **** I tried to leave him three times , one time for each of the three occasions i caught him getting in too deep. The last time I left him, he cried so hard.apologized so many times. and idk why I got back together with him. I just felt sorry for him and so i tried for one last time to make our relationship work. After that dramatic display, he behaved. months passed by, we lived our life. until a few weeks ago, he starts to talk to the same woman from Facebook. he doesnt bother to delete his messages and for about a month the conversations are innocent. they talk as friends. so i decided to be lenient and just let them be friends. I realize she tries to flirt with him relentlessly but he doesn't take the bait. My faith in him was slowly building up again mainly because he refused to flirt and to me, that was a display of a man trying to win my trust back. I was happy again and I started to trust him little by little. Until one day she asks if she could see him. and im taken aback when his reply says sure. He then tells her how to find him at his weekend job. He is a bouncer for a dance club named GIG Discotheque. She asks if he could give him a big hug and he says "sure. just ask for me n ill come out. but dont talk about it anymore because, you know...". It was pure luck that I happened to come across this message before he mastered the fine art of deleting FB messages because sure enough after I checked his page a few hours later, the messages were gone. Even his archives were wiped clean. So i knew this "hug" wasn't going to be as innocent as she made it out to be. He made an attempt to deceive me once more. I didn't confront him about this right away. I just asked him, "What did u do wrong today?" He shrugged, smiled and said "What do u mean baby." I didn't answer, just stared out the window. Then he asked "Why...what did u see on Facebook cuz i didnt do anything this time." I guess he thought he deleted the messages and I didn't see them. So i told him i read his IM before he deleted it. I m not so sure if she ever met up with him. The last i heard, she lived on the neighboring island of Guam. Quite frankly, all the trust and faith that was slowly building up was...gone once more. I do love him, though. Very much. Why? Because i know the man I knew in the beginning is still in there. I just need to advise as to how to treat this situation. All the words I read hurt but as far as I know, those are just words, I'm almost positive he's never ever tried something with anyone in person. He stays home after work and doesn't go anywhere but to the store. well, that's all.. Any type of advice will help. I feel like a weak, spineless fool for taking so much crap when I know I should have been gone, long gone a long time ago. I kept rebelling against my instincts. I enjoy his company very much when he's not deceiving me. Even if we never ended up as a couple, we might have ended up as best friends. Love is all to complicated and im too young but i still want this all to work out for the best.
velvetunderground Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I know this is hard, believe me I know. But let the dude go. My ex was wonderful and kind to me and considerate and always showed in public and private how much he adored me but he had a whole other life with other women. Some women are ok with that and think whatever they don't know won't hurt them but obviously that is not the case with you. He's not going to be monogamous, that much is clear. Either decide you're ok with it or get out, but you can live a very very long time in the limbo of not wanting to accept what's in front of your face. Don't do that to yourself, especially since you're young, not married and don't have kids yet. Why put yourself through years of misery? 1
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