RyanShady Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Hi Guys, allow me to share with you guys my story: i met her in a martial art club. she is a friendly and carefree person that let every emotions of her show on her face. Although we were in the same club, but we barely talk. I myself is an introvert and i dont like socialize with other people a lot. i just do what i like. It continued on like that for 2 years (back then she was with another guy). Then one day while i was joking with my friends, i jokingly told her That "you made me feel like a pussy" because she can broke 2 tiles with her hand. After that day, my life changed. She initiate chatting with me, through that i know that she is sad because of past relationships never ends well and she still hung over it. I cheer her up, being funny and caring. We get along just fine. Then after just around 2 months of dating. I asked her to be my girlfriend and she agreed. That was the happiest day of my life. Some time later, she confess that before me she dated another guy and she really like him, but he rejected her. I pay nomind to it because i love her and believe that my love can heal her. Along the way, she said she love me, and became more happy. But no relationship is perfect. We had the same flaws which many consider to be bad for us if we continue to be together. We both have short temper, She are very easily offended and get angry very fast, but she also forget it very fast and back to being cheerful again. Me i get angry fast, but stay angry for a very long period, and usually need people to apologize to me in order for me to be normal again. Due to that reason, and other factors such as we are a young couple, so the financial problem just keep stressing us out and put a strain on our relationship. We quarrel a lot, almost once a week, but will be back to normal again the next week. Sometime just because of one small thing, i got pissed off and turn it into a big quarrel, then ask her to broke up, and then we reconcile again. This goes on for 4-5 times. During all that, she was trying her best to let us not quarrel, such as if we quarrel, she always the one immediately try to cheer me up. Because of that, i took her for granted. Then one day, she nagged at me about money, due to my inability to control my spending, which affect her financial ( means she have to support me until my pay come). I got angry at it and didnt talk to her for a week. During that time she got sick. so in the weekend, i contacted her, saying that i will visit her, but she said no need and it's too late. i got angry again and ask her to break up. This time, we didnt do it face to face... so it was for real. Our relationship lasted for 10 months... After the break up i was really sad and have no motivation in life. After two months, i realized that i still love her deeply and i want her back. i contacted her. but her replies are cold and short. And she explained that she now feel happier and lest stressful. I managed to ask her to talk with me face to face for a few minutes, so i could say sorry to her about all the bad things i did to her. I also promised to change myself to become a better man. I asked to be friend again with her. She agreed, and we talked casually like before. i was really happy, then i told her that maybe someday in the future we can get back together, i will wait for you. but she just said we can only be friend, i dont want to give you hope. Later, i found out from one of her close friend that she is has someone else in mind now. I got mad and then i keep pressing her to meet and talk, so she can give me a definite answer if she still have any feeling for me and any chance that we can be together again. After that i realized that what i did was selfish and wrong. So i texted her, saying sorry and let's keep continue being friend. she said ok, but from her replies in chats and texts, i can sense that she dont want to talk to me anymore, and feel annoyed by me. What should i do, i really love her and i want to be with her again! Because right now without her, i cant sleep, cant eat and cant do anything. My best friend got angry at me because he said that i am throwing my life away and dont accept any help from anybody to get myself up. I am really lost and dont know what to do. Keep telling myself to love myself and everything will be find, move on and then you can get her back in the future. But nothing helps.
hannah11 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Focus on yourself, not her. If your goal is just to get her back in the future then you will build your life up only for that reason. Then, in the future, if she is moved on and doesn't want you back, your life will just fall once again and you will be back in the same place. Get your life together for yourself, not for anyone else. Once you are happy with your life being single then everything else falls into place. 1
Author RyanShady Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 But She was my frist love! And Focus on myself? how? if i dont focus on her, she gonna be with someone esle soon!
hannah11 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 First love is rarely ever your last love. It is all about moving on. It is very very normal, and you will do fine:) Let her be with someone else, she is also moving on. Stick to the no contact rule and work on making yourself happy without her. Find something that helps you clear your mind. Work on a hobby or go do something you have always wanted to do but never got the chance to.
Author RyanShady Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 so basically you suggest that i should give up on her? Sorry but i wont. I rather let her be free to do all she like and change myself, then one day start chasing her again, than chase another the girl
hannah11 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 so basically you suggest that i should give up on her? Sorry but i wont. I rather let her be free to do all she like and change myself, then one day start chasing her again, than chase another the girl I'm not saying to give up on her, and I'm not saying to chase other girls. You do not always have to be pursuing some girl. It is not about chasing after people. I'm saying pursue yourself. Figure out your own life. Work on yourself. Be the best person that you can be. Do the things that you love doing. She has moved on, and so you also need to. I'm sorry, trust me, I know it's hard but it is not impossible. Just go along with the no contact rule for now, it gets easier as time goes by.
Author RyanShady Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 what is the no contact rules? and how does it work? As i have said above, i already contacted her 2 after two months of no contact. Not just that, we still going to the same martial art club. I see her at least twice a week. How will no contact work with that?
Harradin Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated#post4510329 - Best no contact guide around, even explains if you have to see them on a regular basis. If you truly love someone you let them go, not for you but for them, because you want them to be happy so no matter what they want in their life, even if that means not including you in it, you're happy for them. Because if its ment to be they will cross your path again. It sounds horribly soppy but its 100% true. 1
Author RyanShady Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 i believe that how painful it is when you see the one you love is not with you but with someone else, right? even if you are happy for them, how can you be happy for yourself?
Harradin Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 i believe that how painful it is when you see the one you love is not with you but with someone else, right? even if you are happy for them, how can you be happy for yourself? Its extremely painful, from experience. But you end up caring about them so much that you forget about your own happiness as you want the best for them. Eventually it doesn't matter, so you focus on your life and getting the best out of it. You can't make someone love you, the general trend is if you keep trying to get her back, it'll do the opposite and make her not want to have you back.
hannah11 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 i believe that how painful it is when you see the one you love is not with you but with someone else, right? even if you are happy for them, how can you be happy for yourself? Exactly. The letting her go is for her, because you love her. But the moving on is where you find your own satisfaction in life. Seeing that person happy with someone else wont ever make you happy unless you are already happy. Seeing them happy when you aren't will only make you more miserable. So let her go because you love her, but move on because you also have to think about yourself sometimes.
Author RyanShady Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 Is there anyway for me to send a clear message to her that "i made a mistake, and what can i do to redeem myself?"
hannah11 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 It's best to just move on...if she was still interested then she would be talking to her friends trying to get you interested. But since she is already interested in another guy then the best thing you can do for her and for yourself is to just try and let her be and not make it more complicated than necessary
Author RyanShady Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 So i have decided to go with the no contact rules... deleted our chat conversations. dont get update from her on fb, delete my twitter app and deactivate it. instagram too (she use it so i just follow to make her happy). Hopefully i can cope with it for the time being and able to let go of all the sadness and depression. But I will stay firm that i will not give up on her. i will change and i will chase her again. No matter how long do i have to wait, she will be with me again!
LoveB86 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I know exactly how you feel. I'm sorry as this hurts bad.
hannah11 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I know it's hard, but I think you can do it! Just wait, as time goes on you may not even have feelings for her anymore. But if you do, then good luck getting her back as well. Just make sure you are completely satisfied with how you are before you try 'chasing after her' again. If you aren't totally satisfied with your life and she rejects you again then you will just be back at square one.
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