WHAT IS GOING ON?!? Is he in a rebound?

[MizBabyKat]

Me and my ex-boyfriend dated for about 5 months, in a loving/serious/committed/passionate relationship.

He's 17, almost 18. I'm 16, almost 17. (I know..we're young. But that's not the whole point..)

 

He left me, but not very easily..things just started to get stressful. :/ The distance wasn't good, because we only saw eachother once a week. Sometimes twice. And if we were lucky..three times. And there would be times where we'd go 2-3 weeks without seeing eachother!! But we still had managed to stay together, since we wanted to be together so bad. <3 But he then started to feel like the distance wasn't healthy, for either of us. And that he can't really see how much longer a relationship could keep working, with distance like that. He apparently WANTED it to work so badly, but he just couldn't really see how it would become better anytime soon (because of our schedules and everything). He started saying how he feels I would be happier with someone I could see more, and that could give me more. He has really bad self esteem issues..and suffers from depression. He also gets bad stress. He has had a rough past, and experienced a horrid depression/suicidal time after his horrible break up with this girl he dated a long time ago. They had a bad relationship..although everything in his life was just turning into a mess. So it wasn't just because of her. But anyways, he stated that me no longer being his will hurt, and that he doesn't want to lose me. And he never wants me out of his life, no matter what. I told him I could never look at him as just a friend, and he said he could never look at me as just that either. He also told me that I deserve a real prince charming, and someone that isn't 'messed up' like him. He called himself an "imitator prince charming" and a "radical stoner". He told me he quit smoking once he found out I don't condone it, to make me happy. And has been trying so hard to keep me happy in every aspect, but feels it isn't enough. And it was stressing him out. Although I don't remember ever pressuring him into having to be "perfect". I looked past his flaws, accepted him, and was willing to stand by his side through anything. He was starting to feel the need again, to stress relieve himself..by smoking cigarettes sometimes, or even getting high. :/ And he knew that would break my heart, because I told him it would, because I care about him, and love him. Even when we were talking about what we should do (whether to end it now, or what. Because we were trying to figure out what would be better in the long run. Although I was leaning way more towards trying to stay together.) he looked like he was gonna cry, looked super upset/confused/stressed, and kept telling me he loves me and everything. And said that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, and that he has ever seen, regardless if I have makeup smeared all over my face. I was crying so bad, and he was wiping away my tears. Especially since this young girl had come up to me and said he was a cheater. (I had a real hard time believing it, but I just was so stressed already, I bursted out crying hearing that). He freaked out, promised he isn't, that he's been cheated on twice, and yeah. I believed him..although he was all "I know your trust is deteriorating in me. Don't tell me it's not! Cause I know it is...." and when I look back at everything, he seemed to always tell the truth. Because he would even tell me things that I wouldn't LOVE to hear, but he was just being honest. Also, when we were talking about everything..he kept mentioning that I have done nothing wrong.

 

We never fought. Not once. We always talked things out maturely, and calmly if there was ever something that would be considered negative to pop up. We were both high off of happiness with eachother. Honestly, it was love at first sight. He told me I was the one that actually had taken away his depression, made him a better person, and that I came into his life when he really needed it. He said he wish he found me sooner. I can't even explain the connection/sparks we had with eachother. It was just insane. And everybody saw it. I was the "most beautiful girl in the world" to him. And I do NOT mean this in any way or form of bragging, but he was always expressing his deep love for my looks. I was constantly "stunning" him with my "beauty", and that "no other girl can even compare". He'd tell anyone that too. Not just me. He also would express alot about how much he loves my personality and everything. We just clicked, and made eachother so happy, there are no words. We both actually cried over our happiness before. He was the sweetest guy I could ever even think of to exist. He has made me cry by being so sweet. He apparently couldn't believe I was actually his girlfriend, and I was also amazed that I had someone like him. He flaunted it everywhere too. Would tell his family, friends, school, facebook, etc. about me and our relationship. And his friends/family said they have never seen him fall so hard for anyone in his life. I never had fallen so hard for anyone until him, either. He would constantly talk/dream about our future together. And honestly, at one point, it ended up him being on one knee, taking me by the hand, and the words "I can't wait till the day I take you by the hand..and ask you to be mine forever and forever." then he kissed my hand. I about cried when that happened, thinking he was really serious about wanting to be with me for the rest of his life. He would always tell me how he really wants to marry me, and really hopes one day it does happen. I was "his dream girl, but even better". I really wish I could explain every little thing in detail..lol, but I know I can't. He was willing to do anything for me, and told me he'd even change himself for me. Although I loved him for him. <3 He always said that if he ever does anything wrong in our relationship, for me to tell him, so he can fix it. I told him to do the same to me. He would never pressure me or force me into anything, and would always make sure I'm comfortable with everything. You could just see the love/adoration in his eyes. And you could see it in mine too.

 

What always got to me though was...he always seemed to treat me as if I was "higher" than him. I was "so perfect" in his eyes, and "never did anything wrong". He would constantly say that I could do "so much better", and could "get any guy I want". All I wanted was him though. He's all that mattered. And he was always afraid that I was gonna leave him for someone else. He would sometimes have nightmares about it. I told him I was sometimes afraid he would leave me for someone else too. Although he told me he could never do that, never would want to, and isn't going anywhere. I told him the same. He said that if he were to ever lose me, that he really doesn't think he'd be able survive. Or at least..would go back into major depression, and never find love like ours again. He told his best friend that too. If he really did see me as all "perfect" and all that stuff..then I really wish he would have realized that I'm still only human. I make mistakes. I have my flaws. I'm not perfect. It was sweet of him to think/say that..but after everything, including the breakup, he made it seem as if I was "too good" for him or something. And it made me feel terrible.

 

But then..there's this side of the story that makes me doubt/question everything. And confuses me oh so badly. He had ended up asking for a break, and so on Facebook, he put into a complicated relationship with me, instead of single (as if he was actually struggling on the thought of letting me go). That went on for a week. Then......he broke up with me. Wanna know how? By changing his relationship status to single. My heart sunk to my stomach in disbelief that he did it like that. I then quickly confronted him about it, and all he said was he just felt it wouldn't work out if we were to get back together, and that he still wants to be friends. I asked if he left me for someone else, and he said no. He has no one. It's just..everything started to go down the drain once he started hanging out alot more again with one of his best friends. His best friend is an immature douche bag. No offence. And I sometimes think he was actually jealous of the long/loving relationship we had, because he can NEVER hold down any relationship. I don't know. Just by the things he'd say/do. And I know he kept influencing him to "live the single life" and all that crap. My ex was in the car, with his best friend, possibly this other guy, and this new girl that works at my ex's work (she seemed like a snob when I met her). She apparently flashed her tits to a hobo while in the car, then my ex's best friend (yes, the immature douche one) told her to flash to them too!! So, she did. -_- Then apparently something about my ex skyping her too? And he broke up with me that weekend. I had heard about all this from my two good friends, two days after he broke up with me. I was so upset. Because I felt that he might have left me for someone else!!! Making it even worse...a slut. I was so confused, and so heart broken. Then I would hear things that made it sound like he was then having a thing with her shortly after we broke up. (Like, a week or two later, I don't know). So I was heartbroken by hearing about all that. And still so confused. Then, a little later, I hear from one of his exes (that I'm now friends with) that he liked her old best friend now? And that she likes him too? So I was thinking "Wtf? Okay? I swore he had a thing with that one slut. But now he's having a thing with this other girl? Wth?!" So yeah. I wasn't too sure about that one, but it could have been true. And also, after breaking up with me..he not too long after, ended up going driving naked with his douchebag friend, and that slut girl!! THEY WERE ALL NAKED. And I was thinking..WTF?!?!?!? WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HAVE YOU GONE MAD?! I just kept getting more and more heartbroken.......I felt like he didn't even care that much as to what has happened. He then that night (after he did the naked thing. And people had started freaking out at him for it..cuz he was stupid, and posted about it on FB) ended up apologizing, saying he's a terrible person and all that. He said sorry about 2765425 times. And that he's hurt. And that he didn't want to lead me on, so he had to end it (our relationship). Also that the last thing he wants to do is give me mixed signals on chances of us getting back together, when he's not sure if we will or won't. And apparently...he was crying. He apparently felt so bad. But he was all "I just felt I would be happier single, and I am". Which hurt..but I had to accept. He said he doesn't want a relationship burden on him. I then about a week later, sent him this huge long message. It was explaining all my feelings, and why I'm hurt. I just wanted him to be aware of everything, and for him to know exactly how I feel. I didn't plead for him to come back to me, and I even said I'm not trying to. I just was honest with everything. And he like, never replied to it. All he said was "I don't know how to reply to that". And I told him I didn't expect him to..

We haven't talked since. Although it says he went back into our messages the next day..(don't ask me how I know. Lol, hard to explain). So it's as if he was thinking about it..and decided to re-read it or something. I don't know.

 

Then..the other night, I'm sitting on Facebook, and it says he's in another relationship. WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN BROKEN UP FOR A MONTH YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been almost a month. And guess what? It wasn't even one of the two girls I thought it would be. It is some random chick, that goes to his school. And has been in his one class, yet they haven't talked outside of school, till recently. WTF IS HE DOING?!? He's being someone I DO NOT KNOW. I've never heard about her. And everyone is completely shocked that he's now dating her. And she is the COMPLETE opposite of me.

 

Me; Tall and slim, super long brown hair, big brown eyes, casual/girly/bohemian style, smiley/sweet/caring/fun loving personality, creative, non-slutty

 

Her; Super short, curvy-ish, short blonde hair, blue eyes, casual/preppy style, seems to have a sorta preppy personality (I don't know her..so I can't really judge), braces, tongue piercing, and I've heard is a slut/bitch?

 

Everyone is saying he's on complete rebound. My one friend said it's pathetic how he had to go through 3 girls, in such a short period of time, just to find a worthy rebound. I am so confused. I still don't understand anything. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to believe. I don't know what is true. I don't know what is happening. I have never been so hurt in my life. </3 Even his best friends don't know why he's being like this..

 

Since I know him well, and know about his past and stuff..he does seem like the type that would be emotionally unstable when it comes to things like love. Especially after what we had...(well, atleast, what I thought we had). He struggles SO much with depression/stress..I just..ughhh. I don't know. And he's really good at hiding his true feelings. He can fake a smile so well, even though he's hurting.

 

And I noticed he recently un-tagged himself in all the photos of us, and deleted the ones he had too. (On FB) I freaking hate facebook. -_- Lol, but I need to keep it. :/ And I don't wanna delete him as a friend. I know that'll make things worse.

 

He just keeps sending mixed signals though. Since he's a songwriter..he will post things from his songs that he writes. And they will sound like they're about me (and they're not like, negative), but I'm not sure. He has songs about me, that he never got to sing to me. Although I saw little sneak peeks of them. And he just...I don't even know. Is being so weird and confusing, it makes me sick. And I can't trust him anymore. ;/ People are saying he's gonna come back to me. Even one of his exes said he's going to. I'm not sure..but if he does, I don't know what to do. ;/ I wish things would work out between us, and that all that has happened didn't have to happen..because now my trust in him is completely gone. :/ My heart/gut still has this feeling that it's not the end between us.....I just don't know.

 

Is he now in a rebound relationship? Is he just trying to numb the pain, and distract himself from everything? Or does he really just not care that much, and didn't mean everything in our relationship?

 

HELP ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Thank you. <3

Edited April 6, 2013 by MizBabyKat

[Toddbt12y1]

Immaturity doth reign supreme.

 

Seriously, he showed his immaturity multiple times: his lack of self-worth(thinking constantly that you are too good for him), him posting "complicated" on FB, either you are together or not. Him driving naked with a girl/friend of his...then posting about it - immaturity and stupidity.

 

It could be a rebound; but mostlikely is not. He sounds too immature and dumb for that. LOL...sorry...after reading all this...that's what I got from it. He's like any boy: girl shows her tits, whores show interest...he's off trying to get some.

 

It's probably lust more than a rebound. You seem too mature for him. But you are young; this isn't the end of the world, trust me...you'll find better. FB is a pool of immaturity.

[Toddbt12y1]

Oh, you need to moveon if he cones back to you. Truly go NC, as you must have self respect...and not be a doormat. He's obviously done this before(if his ex is to be believed).

[MizBabyKat]

Oh, you need to moveon if he cones back to you. Truly go NC, as you must have self respect...and not be a doormat. He's obviously done this before(if his ex is to be believed).

 

I'm done talking to him. That long message I sent to him was pretty much my last word. He can try talking to me again if he wants to..but most likely, it's not gonna get anywhere back to how things were. I have NO trust in him. He has made some STUPID decisions. And has shattered my heart. And, I know I don't need to drown myself in such heartbreak and immaturity. Maybe then, when he realizes I'm not just waiting on the side lines for him, that he can't just do that kind of stuff to people.

 

So if he does one day come back to me..and is expecting me to be my sweet, accepting, I love you-self...he's got it all wrong. I'm not just gonna give in like that. I have more self-respect than that. \m/

 

I know it's gonna be hard to move on, let go, and everything...but I can't let myself be a complete doormat.

[Toddbt12y1]

I'm done talking to him. That long message I sent to him was pretty much my last word. He can try talking to me again if he wants to..but most likely, it's not gonna get anywhere back to how things were. I have NO trust in him. He has made some STUPID decisions. And has shattered my heart. And, I know I don't need to drown myself in such heartbreak and immaturity. Maybe then, when he realizes I'm not just waiting on the side lines for him, that he can't just do that kind of stuff to people.

 

So if he does one day come back to me..and is expecting me to be my sweet, accepting, I love you-self...he's got it all wrong. I'm not just gonna give in like that. I have more self-respect than that. \m/

 

I know it's gonna be hard to move on, let go, and everything...but I can't let myself be a complete doormat.

 

You're rather a marvel. Most people do not readily accept things, like nc or act as if in such a mature fashion. For a soon to be 17 year old, you have impressed me...with how you are now handling this. You indeed shall be fine; you are

incredibly mature...and definitely have self-respect.

 

He screwed up indeed. You'll find better. Welcome to LS BTW...use it for anything you'd like.

[MizBabyKat]

You're rather a marvel. Most people do not readily accept things, like nc or act as if in such a mature fashion. For a soon to be 17 year old, you have impressed me...with how you are now handling this. You indeed shall be fine; you are

incredibly mature...and definitely have self-respect.

 

He screwed up indeed. You'll find better. Welcome to LS BTW...use it for anything you'd like.

 

Haha, well thank you! (: That means alot! I'm just trying to get the positive side outta all this..cause I know there are positives to every break up. Even though they may be hard to find. But it lets you find yourself, uncover more of what you like/don't like, and helps you grow stronger.

 

It is still hard to believe this has all actually happened. I'm still in alot of shock. But..there's nothing I can do about it. What has happened, has happened. And that is just life. And all I can do is learn from it.

 

I'm going to be mature and stay true to my word, by always being here for him, no matter what. So if he ever needs a friend to talk to about something, I'll be here. But I'm not gonna be standing here, waiting to be in his arms again. Lol, no no.

[Toddbt12y1]

Haha, well thank you! (: That means alot! I'm just trying to get the positive side outta all this..cause I know there are positives to every break up. Even though they may be hard to find. But it lets you find yourself, uncover more of what you like/don't like, and helps you grow stronger.

 

It is still hard to believe this has all actually happened. I'm still in alot of shock. But..there's nothing I can do about it. What has happened, has happened. And that is just life. And all I can do is learn from it.

 

I'm going to be mature and stay true to my word, by always being here for him, no matter what. So if he ever needs a friend to talk to about something, I'll be here. But I'm not gonna be standing here, waiting to be in his arms again. Lol, no no.

 

That is very womanly of you. You are right...you have good perspectives and Morales about you. Although, if it was me..I wouldn't be friends with him. As it hinders progress to be friends with one you may still have feelings for.

[MizBabyKat]

That is very womanly of you. You are right...you have good perspectives and Morales about you. Although, if it was me..I wouldn't be friends with him. As it hinders progress to be friends with one you may still have feelings for.

 

I understand where you're coming from! Alot of people would feel that way! It's just...since I made my word, I don't want to break it. And the fact that I have cared about him as a person, not just relationship wise. I still to this day hope he straightens his life out, and finds happiness.

[Toddbt12y1]

I understand where you're coming from! Alot of people would feel that way! It's just...since I made my word, I don't want to break it. And the fact that I have cared about him as a person, not just relationship wise. I still to this day hope he straightens his life out, and finds happiness.

 

That's a nice way of looking at; innocent and nice way of looking at it.