iwishiknewwhattodo Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I am new to this forum and this seems to be the only place right now where I can say the whole thing without hearing a word of blame/ finger pointing and more that is going on around me at the moment. I met my husband three years ago through our parents. As we both had a failed love relationships, it seemed convenient at that time to resort to more conservative ways of marrying. So my mum introduced me to my husband through a common friend and after spending a total of 6 days we were married. It was a long distance relationship for a year after marriage and then I migrated and joined my husband in Australia. On the first night of my marriage we went to an army club party when my husband got drunk and drove us to a ditch. I hit my head and was disappointed to see this side of him so soon -precisely within 10 hours of my marriage. His response to my disappointment was "Lets seperate" if you are repenting this decision (referring to our marriage in the morning). I got over this episode thinking he was drunk but this was repeated soon after I joined him in Australia where he got drunk at a friend's wedding and I had to get someone's help to get him home. The embarrasment it caused him was perhaps enough that he started being more civil outside but when he would drink home he will drink until he passed out. This disgusts me to no limits. I was still ready to let it all go but everytime I brought the subject of having a family of my own, my husband would outrightly tell me that he does not want kids or any extra responsibility for that matter. He did not mention it even once to me before marriage and infact asked me if i could see having babies with him which was enough clue for me to assume that he wasn't against the idea. He conveniently changed his mind after marriage. He has a schizophrenic brother who is going to be his responsibility when parents are not around but at the moment his brother is living with his parents and my husband has to do absolutely nothing for him. I am not sure whether it is him that weighs on his mind or it is something else. He tells me that his goal in life is to travel the world and have fun and similarly organise trips for his parents. As a wife who contributes more financially and even emotionally I feel am not being represented in the relationship at all and that my feelings and dreams have no value for him. His parents are visiting us soon for two and a half months and I casually brought the subject of having my parents over at the end of this year if possible or early next year but this infuriated him so much that he yelled at me, called me and my mum names. After that we did not speak for two weeks and one night we resolved the issue by saying that we will seek couples counseling. Next morning we had an argument over a pettly little thing and he left the house and started living with his friend. He also told me that he won't pay the mortgage for the house and/ or any bills. I was not ready to fight over anything at that point and paid for everything. He on a lot of persuasion from his family moved back in. After a week he went to a friend's bucks and next morning came home all apologetic. At that moment I knew he had done something even worse. He had gambled away all his salary in one night and was now scared to realise that he has a problem. It has happened before too and he always made promises that he did not keep. I was ready to let go everything until 5 days later I found out that he has a credit card of $10,000 recently approved on top of his $14,000 debt from before marriage. I was furious when I heard him talk to his parents over skype how I am not supportive and ready to change despite of him making an effort. I told them the truth and this infuriated him even more. Since that day we haven't spoken to each other. His parents have tried to convince me with several reasons as to why he is behaving this way knowing well enough that all his problems that exist today exist even before my marriage. They are adamant and maintain that I should have told them and that they would have been able to help me despite of knowing that he practically hit me when I told his mother about his gambling after the first year of our marriage. His mother quietly forgot about it when the whole incidence was over. I don't understand why she assumed that the problem no longer existed only because I stopped sharing my marriage issues with her due to what happened. Now they are coming over to Australia to attend a relo's son's wedding and also to take care of their son and improve him. I am feeling so lonely as I have no family here in Australia and all my family is overseas. I am not sure how I will cope with having in-laws who are possibly hurt now for their own reasons and a husband who thinks I am the of all problems. I am feeling helpless and alone. When he left the house I knew exactly what I was going to do and had made up my mind to leave him. Then he came back and we are now living under the same roof perhap and gradually moving towards separation but in the process everyday I feel weaker and weaker and more confused as to which way I want to go. Do I want to get it over with and start afresh? or Do I wait for him to improve and give my marriage another chance? What bothers me is that I have no hope he will change but I still want to believe that he will. Why is it so hard to decide when the facts are right in front of me?
Gunny376 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 As a single United States Marine? I use to love going to Sidney while on a South China Sea MAGTF! (Marine Amphibious Group Task Force) We would only be in port for a week or so before "shipping out" But what a week! Australian men treat their women like crap! Why? Well after WWI, WWII, the Korean War, the Vietnam War etc? The ratio of men to women is something akin to one man to every 20 women? Ditto with the Philippines. We Marines would treat the local as though it were back in the States 1 to 1? And they LOVED us for it! We would treat and appreciate them for who and what they were. It wasn't just about a quick "Slam, Bam, and Thank Ya' Ma'am" nor just a piece of azz? Hell! It wasn't even about having sex! (I never got that lucky in Australia ~ I was just glad to have a good time for a day or two while in port! Oh it wasn't that I didn't have the proposition? I JUST couldn't take it to the next level knowing I had to get back on ship? I couldn't reconcile having some child of mine growing up in Australia, the Philippines, Korea, Hong Kong etc having their Mother tell them that their Father was "Some Marine" It was just having female companionship ~and that was ENOUGH! Dump this clown! He's not worthy of you, your love!
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