Superdude87 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I am at a crossroads with my current girlfriend. We've been dating for a little over a year and were friends for a few months prior to that. Needless to say, I know her very well. So many things about us click, but unfortunately I feel as though there are many small, (maybe) insignificant things that add up to me not being happy long term. We are clearly compatible, but other aspects of our relationship are lacking and I'm starting to see how it may cause a problem in the future...at least for me. The good? She's super smart, hard working, driven/motivated to succeed in her career, good with money/budgeting, amazing cook, beautiful, and trustworthy. These things clearly show that is a keeper, wife-potential, great motherly instincts, etc... The bad? There is no passion between us. She is a terrible kisser, there is no spark, no passion, and no sensuality when we kiss. It's a few pecks and she turns away and is done. Even before we have sex, there's just no passion. No "knock me off my feet" feelings that I have gotten with previous girlfriends. The sex is not that great either. Honestly, in my experience the girl doesn't have to do that much except show up and participate for me to be happy. This girl almost seems like she isn't even enjoying herself during sex, which also makes me enjoy it a little...or a lot less. She isn't very affectinate, either. Never tells me I look sexy, never even tells me I look good, smell nice, turn her on, whatever. Kinda hurts the ego compared to other girls I've dated. We don't share the same sense of humor. Ok, I know this is nitpicky. However, I find it hard to be myself around her sometimes. I am naturally goofy and make stupid jokes, like dumb movies, and am completely and utterly not ashamed to be lame and dorky sometimes. She doesn't share this with me. She is very level-headed, straightforward, and sometimes up-tight. I don't mean this in a bad way, but our personalities clearly don't match up here. Not a huge deal, but occasionally it bugs me when I feel like she can't have fun with me. Lastly. her work schedule is nuts. She works almost full time, volunteers, goes to school, and is involved in various other things that keep her busy. She will regularly go 3 weeks without a full day off. There is always somewhere she has to be or something she has to do early in the day so that it is nearly impossible to plan day trips or do fun activities together. I feel like the only time we spend together is later in the evening and we are both tired and doing homework/studying (we are both in school). This is fine most the time, but sometimes I think ahead 30 years from now. I don't want to look back and have NO fun, spontaneous memories of the "time we went here and did this" or "did that" or whatever. It seems like it's all business with her, and fun/making memories is not a priority at all. This is good and bad, because this is a quality I admire, but I also want to have some fun with my girlfriend. When it boils down to it, it feels more like a business partnership. We are both intelligent, hardworking, and going to the same place in life (as far as kids, family, marriage goes). I just want to feel some PASSION between us. I want to have fun, have a great sex life, and feel as though my girlfriend is attracted to me and turned on by me. I'm not getting this. What do I do? We've talked about it a little bit, I feel as though it's coming to a boiling point.
spirius Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Sounds like it might be time to call it a day. All sounds great on paper, but that paper isn't going to make you feel wanted.
Mack05 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 (edited) The sex and the kissing thing can be resolved. It just requires great communication, honesty and a little sensitivity. What I think is harder to resolve is this... "We don't share the same sense of humor. Ok, I know this is nitpicky. However, I find it hard to be myself around her sometimes. I am naturally goofy and make stupid jokes, like dumb movies, and am completely and utterly not ashamed to be lame and dorky sometimes. She doesn't share this with me. She is very level-headed, straightforward, and sometimes up-tight. I don't mean this in a bad way, but our personalities clearly don't match up here. Not a huge deal, but occasionally it bugs me when I feel like she can't have fun with me" This believe it or not would be a deal breaker for me. The above paragraph describes my last relationship to a tee, except the sometimes was ALL THE TIME. Relationships go through tough times. It's those goofy silly times (you share together) that can sometimes help get you through. Most men want just want a woman who gets him and lets him be him. The bottom line is when this question is being asked "should I continue this relationship or break up" the answer FAR more often then not is break up.. Edited April 6, 2013 by Mack05 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 If a doubt exists, then follow that doubt. "If it feels good, do it. When in Doubt? Don't." Applies to almost each and every sphere of life I can think of. 2
Author Superdude87 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 Thanks for the advice. And honestly, I guess I feel like I can be myself around her...but it's definitely not reciprocated or appreciated (which I suppose is just as bad). Just because she doesn't laugh or enjoy me being goofy or weird doesn't stop me from doing it, it's just who I am! It's just disheartening when her only response is a scoff, or "pshh, that's stupid". I know she's kidding, but over time that just gets old. I shouldn't compare this relationship to my ex-girlfriends, but certain things I truly miss. I really miss being so silly together you can just lay and laugh hysterically, almost in tears. I miss a slow passionate kiss that makes me tingle. I honestly just think about doing that and realized I haven't had a single moment like that with this girl. The way I see it, if I am to the point of questioning these things and making a thread on an internet forum about it, then there must be a problem. I can talk myself out of it all I want, but deep down this has been bothering me for a while. I do feel kinda stupid for JUST NOW realizing it, since these things have been going on for a while.
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