why do men move on so quickly?

[uniqwa]

I am just wondering if men find it easier, If they genuinely do move on faster..

i had been with my ex for two years.. I loved him very much... He left because of something so STUPID. I literally find it mind blowing how everything went down, but regardless he got the truth and even when he had the truth it meant nothing to him.. I know he doesn't have any feelings towards me, His new gf lied about something I had messaged her (DUH) I had said " I was very considerate towards you because he had told me you were raped, but you knew about me", She lied and said I had told her she deserved it.. I got chewed out for it.. He gave me no consideration, no benefit of the doubt instead he took her word and obviously because that's who he's with.. He had told his mother that " he wants nothing to do with me and I can't understand, He said I would have left her sooner but, I felt sorry for her"

For two years I helped support him. I did a lot for him, I bought the food ( he sucked at shopping) I washed his clothes, I cooked for him and his family, I treated his mother like my own mother, I loved his sisters and genuinely did feel as though I was just as much apart of his life as he was mine. I didn't trust him because he was always careless, he needed an open sex relationship, I let him have one regardless of the fact it hurt me..

For the past two months I have tried not NC.. During the first initial stages of the breakup, I did message him.. I begged him because his sister had sent him a message that supposedly caused the breakup..

I begged and begged and begged some more.. And every single time it was either met with annoyance or rejection a few times he gave me compassion..

Now during these two months everything that I've said to him, my begging, pleading crying, His gf has made fake facebook accounts and laughed at everything I've said.. Literally and he's joined her in doing so.. He's 21 and she's either 17-20, I don't know her exact age.. I know she's graduated HS because when I talked to him about her she was a massage therapist at a spa, I'm assuming she did not have enough spare time if she was actively participating in school and such..

Now the thing that gets me.. Is literally that he doesn't care that she literally pokes fun at everything I've said, and he does them with her.. I sent him pictures so he could remember me and the pictures I sent.. she went so far as to mock those as well.. This entire time he repeatedly said " she's better then you", I know I'm a better person because I would never be that childish or cruel.. but It's just the fact that everything I thought I had was literally a lie.

[all_cats_rgray]

Tell you the truth I didn't read what you typed.

 

Cause in a few day a post will pop up that says "Why do woman move on so quickly?"

 

This is not a gender thing. Its a people thing. It's the natural steps of a dumper.

[Damaged23]

Let the way these people make fun of you the push you need to forget this guy. He has zero respect for you. Respect your self.

[Simon Phoenix]

Tell you the truth I didn't read what you typed.

 

Cause in a few day a post will pop up that says "Why do woman move on so quickly?"

 

This is not a gender thing. Its a people thing. It's the natural steps of a dumper.

 

Exactly. It's not gender-specific, it's dumper-specific.

[uniqwa]

Alright so despite it not being "gender specific" I am finding extremely hard to just grasp.. AND even when I see the " zero respect" its just everything literally was a lie.. It's just so inconceivable for me, I try to wrap my head around it and then everything just plays over and over, All the times I caught him.. All the times he said he "loved me" its literally as if I don't dwell on the fact he has no respect because I can't get past HIM, he was so much a part of my life, I built expectations a false perception of the reality of who he really was, and them both being *******s and poking fun just hurts, its like throwing salt on an open wound.. I literally feel as though I can't get past it. I've spoken to his family, They all tell me the same thing " he doesn't love you, he used you" and its something I can't just get over its literally as if I'm drowning and the tears, I literally fight them because to acknowledge that it was a lie hurts even more then the lie.

[uniqwa]

I also wanted to add that I do not contact him and try to make him see things from my side.. I begged for a while, but I stopped. I did contact him and ask that he stop.. yesterday I found out that he may marry her, His sister and I talked SO I wished him luck and said, I was very happy that he found someone who made him happy and that he was in love.. It was hard but I literally just wanted to wish him luck and I thought doing that would make the pain more bearable.. They practice islam so he will have an islamic marriage to her... Now it's only been two months and I feel as though literally my world has shattered..

[Derpderpleton]

Women do it too. Not even a week removed from our breakup, my ex was 'talking' to other guys.

 

Some people just can't stand to be alone and have to rely on others to help make them happy, instead of being happy with themselves. Maybe that's over-thinking it, but that's how I see it.

[Roadkill007]

Tell you the truth I didn't read what you typed.

 

Cause in a few day a post will pop up that says "Why do woman move on so quickly?"

 

This is not a gender thing. Its a people thing. It's the natural steps of a dumper.

 

 

People feeling like the other gender moves on from them faster than they do from the other gender may be a people thing. (my god that was wordy, wasn't it?)

 

However, I think psychologically, it's been suggested that in a break up of a serious relationship, men often suffer more for the first few months, as they tend to not have a close knit social support group (aka close friends they can talk/drink with).

 

Thus OP writer, the reason you feel this way was because he wasn't really into you as much as you were into him in the first place. Has nothing to do with gender, as the other guy said, although there ARE gender factors in a "real" breakup of a "real" relationship.

[uniqwa]

Thank you.

I realize I should not have asked "why do men move on so quickly"

that is not what I am really looking for in general, I am looking for a reason as to why he moved on so quickly and gave me such hate and disregard, He once told me he loved me.. He had told me that he wanted to become independent, but I am piecing all the facts together and the reality of the situation is that he really didn't love me as much as I loved him.. Had he the same feelings he would have been more understanding, He would not have led me to believe he was going to see me when he was already gone.. he would have taken the fact that his sister sent him the letter into consideration and he would have been more kind, He would have given me an apology at least. He would have given me understanding..I'm so heartbroken over everything I just can't seem to find the strength to MOVE ON. He told me I should move on because he was over me, but I can't.. I literally can't find the strength to do that. It's been extremely hard for me to even try to live life, I feel as though I'm just alive and that's it. I'm so depressed.

[Roadkill007]

Thank you.

I realize I should not have asked "why do men move on so quickly"

that is not what I am really looking for in general, I am looking for a reason as to why he moved on so quickly and gave me such hate and disregard, He once told me he loved me.. He had told me that he wanted to become independent, but I am piecing all the facts together and the reality of the situation is that he really didn't love me as much as I loved him.. Had he the same feelings he would have been more understanding, He would not have led me to believe he was going to see me when he was already gone.. he would have taken the fact that his sister sent him the letter into consideration and he would have been more kind, He would have given me an apology at least. He would have given me understanding..I'm so heartbroken over everything I just can't seem to find the strength to MOVE ON. He told me I should move on because he was over me, but I can't.. I literally can't find the strength to do that. It's been extremely hard for me to even try to live life, I feel as though I'm just alive and that's it. I'm so depressed.

 

It may sound a bit childish, but if I were in your position, I'd be sitting on my couch in a fetal position with a half empty, half melted tub of ice cream. I know people like to say that things get better over time, but ofc that thought doesn't really help when you are feeling THAT terrible in that moment. Please do something for yourself, anything, to bring yourself some comfort.

[Limbo21]

Some dumpers move on quickly cos they emotionally checked out months before they drop the bomb

 

They simply aren't into you anymore

[Am4Real]

To answer you...he's not really a MAN, he's more or less a boy as she is a GIRL and not anything near a LADY. Therefore, your comparison of MEN is inaccurate.

[uniqwa]

After my ex and I broke up.. His mother told me to get my mind off him. she started talking to my ex's MMA trainer and they talked about marriage.. She moved on rather quickly and talking to other men, EVEN if it was 6 months, helped her cope. I think that "talking" to other guys helps. I was in a severe state of depression. I literally cried every single day for a month strait and that was even BEFORE he told me that he was never coming back. I felt it.. I also got to see his mean ass replies.. I did not "flirt" with men on a level that was beyond control. I wanted to use whatever to get over him, I took his mother's advice and talked to other men, but that was simply because MY ex literally started making me notice things. SUCH AS THE FACT HE DIDN"T GIVE A ****. I had his sisters, mother and a whole muslim community of women even telling me to talk to other men because he was never coming back, that he didn't care... I honestly think the whole talking to other men literally only made things worse because, OTHER men literally only acted as venting solutions... They would also tell me the same thing " you are too good for him, he doesn't love you, That is not love", I had become extremely attached to him.. I went as far as to give everything of him away. Nothing has seemed to help. I've gone on one date, that date I spent talking about my ex and the guy gave me advice " if he loved you he'd be with you", O_- as if I didn't know that.. BUT literally when I talked to guys, all I did was resort back to venting about the whole ruined situation and the fact I'm not over him.

[uniqwa]

I know it's been only two months but I felt as though I was going to marry him. I literally have never gotten along with anyone on that level nor have I ever felt the feelings I had for him.. He was my first everything. I literally adored him when He wasn't an *******.. but he literally found so many faults in me.. His gf on the other hand.. they both have something in common they don't understand what it means to love someone so much when they leave you feel as though your heart has been torn out and you can't breathe, I just cried and cried and cried. I didn't leave my sister inlaws bed. I didn't go out. I just stayed in bed and cried. His own sisters told me they'd find someone for me if I wanted, that option is still on the table.. but I literally feel like the harder I try to forget, to let him go. The harder it is for me. I don't "attach easily" people literally have to jump through hoops for me to care about them. I had a friend Bm who was there for me the entire time, I literally confided in him as a friend and he told me recently that he has feelings for me.. I've tried not to be an ******* to him.. I tried really hard, but I don't feel anything for anyone. I felt obligated to give him responses because he literally was like a rock and let me talk to him about everything, I saw him as a friend considering I knew him since I was 14 years old, that was another blow because now I have ended talking to him.. I couldn't keep it up and he literally told me that when " i got over my ex" he'd be there because he wants to be with me..

[uniqwa]

I am sorry everyone.. BUT I feel like I need to vent about all this stupid ****..

NOw since my ex.. I have not BEEN WITH ANOTHER MAN or BOY.. He obviously was not a "man".. I have not even kissed anyone. I have VENTED to men but that is all I've done, I flirted. I played games. BUT there is a serious difference between crossing barriers. NOW when My stupid ex had become an *******, literally Jan 30 or the end of jan, I found out I was pregnant. I had his mother, sisters and other women as witnesses TO THE FACT I HAD NOT ****ING even gone out of the house. I did not see other men. IT WaS His. He told me " if you u have that baby, I'll hate you and I'll never go near it", I had been staying with his mother, so she literally saw everything he had to say. Being heartbroken and hormonal BEYOND ****ING NORMAL because apparently when your pregnant you feel everything like a billion times worse, I was getting morning sickness, I was drained all the time. ON TOP OF BEING ****ED OVER. Now I had to come to terms with everything he had said, " GET THE **** OVER ME, I'm over you", He found out I didn't send that message and he still acted the same.. Now In jan, I felt my stomach have butterflies, I wasn't as driven for sex and did not enjoy it as I had. I felt " differen't" but I had never done anything or experienced this so I dismissed it, sometimes I would cuddle him and have him hold my stomach because it literally kept cramping. I had just had a UTI the month before ( not drinking enough water I will assume that's what happened), Now When I found out.. I wasn't depressed, I didn't feel as though my life was "over" I loved him, I was having OUR baby, I saw this as a blessing. We had always talked about kids, I remember when we first got islamically married, we talked about how I didn't want any, He told me " I think after you have our first one you'll want more", Now I never saw myself as a mother. Growing up I didn't want kids young, I didn't see myself that way. I didn't think I could care for another human being the way my mother had cared for me.. I wasn't being selfish only I was around 18 at the time..two years of being with this guy and I felt as though I could love him FOREVER. I felt as though I could have his kids and love being the mother of his babies.. when I found out. I was genuinely happy. I was creating something that was OURS. Now he told me " IF you have that baby, I will hate you so ****ing much, I will never go near it, I will hate you for the rest of my life, I'll throw a 100 your way ever month"

Now after him telling me that.. I still wanted to keep it.. I didn't want to be alone.. I had fallen in love with the idea of my baby. I fell in love with the idea of being able to love something more then him.

BUT then I spent time with his mother.. I saw how alone she was, How hurt she had been. How she had to deal with her babies on her own. I saw her yell at her baby because she was frustrated and tired.

I know she's more like me then I'd like to admit considering my ex had NOTHING good to say about her.. I did not want to be the mother who couldn't handle her baby because I would have been ALONE. I would end up like her.

I had the abortion and I did it. I can say that I had a friend who was there for me. Someone who I'd trust more then myself. Someone who literally has always been there for me and never turned their back on me.. I can honestly say not going through with that prengancy, Killed my hopes and dreams I HAD WITH HIM, I saw myself marrying him, EVENTUALLY we were going to have kids, I didn't do it on purpose, and he had told me " I can't believe you got pregnant on purpose, YOU got pregnant so I wouldn't leave you?" I literally got pregnant because I believed everything he had told me, such as

YOU CAN't GET PREGNANT IF YOU PEE.. I had taken biology, I know that it is still possible but he said it with such confidence I believed him. STUPID ASS.. I KNOW... ANYWAYS. I had an abortion.. I lived through all his ****.. AND REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH HE's broken my heart. I can not get over him.. I attribute him not wanting me to have the baby as him caring that it would conflict with my life. That having a baby so young would make me have to be dependant.

[all_cats_rgray]

Well, the abortion was the right thing to do. NC, and work on yourself. Maybe find someone to talk to. Always use protection....

[richard9]

Totally disagree, as mentioned women tend to have more of a social circle to vent, guy mates generally come out with one liners such as 'she was a bitch, forget her mate' or .you'll be alryt bro plenty more of them out there', there is no deep convo to really help vent from the guy side.

 

Also the best way to get over someone is most likely to hook up with someone casually, a guy cant just get with a girl he has to work at it, which when your down is not the easiest thing. For a girl, dressing up, a smile and a wink and a lot of guy out there will approach you.

 

Perhaps im wrong, every situation is different, but in my experience its the guy that takes longest to get over a relationship, unless hes a player. Just my thoughts, a little late on.

[Am4Real]

This is a distorted view of reality.

 

 

Totally disagree, as mentioned women tend to have more of a social circle to vent, guy mates generally come out with one liners such as 'she was a bitch, forget her mate' or .you'll be alryt bro plenty more of them out there', there is no deep convo to really help vent from the guy side.

 

Also the best way to get over someone is most likely to hook up with someone casually, a guy cant just get with a girl he has to work at it, which when your down is not the easiest thing. For a girl, dressing up, a smile and a wink and a lot of guy out there will approach you.

 

Perhaps im wrong, every situation is different, but in my experience its the guy that takes longest to get over a relationship, unless hes a player. Just my thoughts, a little late on.