What's A Guy To Do?

[Avery234]

My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago, She said " I need to do this for myself, I need to be single and experience things without worrying about pleasing anyone else" and that "I'm confident I'm doing whats best for me" I didn't fight with her about the break up and allowed her to do what she thought was best even though I still loved and cared about her a lot.

 

Now we were high school sweethearts, Had a year of LDR, till i moved to the west coast to go to college and to be closer to her. We had a very fun and mature relationship, We did a ton of things together, volunteered in Africa for a month, skiing, camping etc. She was a girl I would love to spend the rest of my life with. It seems as if she was getting "grass is greener" syndrome and wants to know what is out there in order to appreciate what we had. Since the day she broke things off I have initiated NC and it hasn't been easy but I want the greatest chances of getting back with her.

 

With this time apart and NC I've been trying to better myself and realize my priorities for the future. What will help me get this girl back or should I have these "single experiences" as well while I'm young and hope one day our paths meet again?

 

Any advise is greatly appreciated.

-Avery234

[uniqwa]

I think if she wanted to see " if the grass was greener on the other side" then you should let her go.... Simply because if you were giving your whole heart and she left with no other intent but rather just to see if she could do better .... YOU are too good for her and she doesn't deserve someone who sees her so highly.... Would you really want to be with someone who didn't love you for YOU ? if she needs to " test other pastures" then why should you or anyone else buy the milk when it's for free.. Something to think about.. She does not deserve someone as dedicated. That being said there is always room for self improvement, but the improvement should be for yourself because she does not deserve that from you.

[Avery234]

I think if she wanted to see " if the grass was greener on the other side" then you should let her go.... Simply because if you were giving your whole heart and she left with no other intent but rather just to see if she could do better .... YOU are too good for her and she doesn't deserve someone who sees her so highly.... Would you really want to be with someone who didn't love you for YOU ? if she needs to " test other pastures" then why should you or anyone else buy the milk when it's for free.. Something to think about.. She does not deserve someone as dedicated. That being said there is always room for self improvement, but the improvement should be for yourself because she does not deserve that from you.

 

Thank you for your reply, I do feel torn that she would just call it quits and kick me to the curb. I think she just wants to have experiences before a serious relationship that could eventually lead to marriage. Do these "break ups" tend to work out in the long run? I just am so unsure of what to do with all of this. We ended the relationship on good terms but its hard to move on when you talked to someone everyday for 4 years then wake up and they are gone...

[Tmo2]

 

With this time apart and NC I've been trying to better myself and realize my priorities for the future. What will help me get this girl back or should I have these "single experiences" as well while I'm young and hope one day our paths meet again?

 

I do feel torn that she would just call it quits and kick me to the curb. I think she just wants to have experiences before a serious relationship that could eventually lead to marriage. Do these "break ups" tend to work out in the long run? I just am so unsure of what to do with all of this. We ended the relationship on good terms but its hard to move on when you talked to someone everyday for 4 years then wake up and they are gone...

 

-Avery234

 

Trying to better yourself and choosing what you want for your future is good. Being true to yourself is important for a committed relationship. It is very heartbreaking after being dumped, understand that you will be single and without her for a few months. Time will fly by very quickly believe me. In 4-6 months the stress should be gone. I recommend not being to strict on the ''rules'' post-breakup... Just follow your intuition. You seem mature with your emotions. You should know that begging is not good for you, so try to restrain from doing it at any point. We can't say exactly what she is thinking about and what she is feeling, but one thing is for sure: she has problems and needs a break. Unfortunately this is forced onto you. You MUST accept it and move on, try to understand what you don't want in relationships and what you want in life. There is a lesson to be learned. It is a time for maturity. Become a better men, alone. Friends will notice your ''new you'' in time and they will tell you. It will be good for you self-esteem and you will come to realize that you are a good catch.

Ending in good terms is always good. It will be hard to move on for the next 2 months... You have to return to a state of mind where you are comfortable and satisfied with yourself ... Keep your chin up.

Edited April 6, 2013 by Tmo2

[Avery234]

Should I continue with NC? I keep having thoughts that she may be thinking "If he loves me he'll get a hold of me", even though she is the one that ended things. I don't want her to forget about me and think I didn't care about our relationship/her because I have not contacted her.

[coffeebean201]

Hi Avery,

She left. Doesn't sound like she is in love with a new man, so there is a chance you will get back together.

 

How about having a good friend to start filling the void in your everyday life. A fun friend, but who is a good influence.

Hugs

[Tmo2]

Hey don't worry, she won't forget you, she just needs time to re-evaluate her priorities in life. I suggest you do the same. There will be opportunities to speak to each other in time. + what coffeebean said

[uniqwa]

Honestly Avery

I think there's a chance.. I don't think YOU should want that chance considering YOU DID NOTHING WRONG?!?!?!

but there is a chance, YOU just work on yourself and become a more independent individual, You really need to accept the possibility that you both may not engage in another relationship..

If she is not serious about the partner whom she's with, then YOU have a shot and I say go for it if that is what will make you happy!! but don't just think It'll happen there's a chance it won't and then you have the possibility, NOW you never really miss something until its gone.. That is very true.. SO give it time..

[Avery234]

Update: She broke NC this afternoon with a text message. The text was unusual, she read in the news about a bad car collision where an elderly lady passed away near by my apartment building and she was checking to make sure it wasn't my elderly neighbor.

I found it a little odd but I replied back saying my neighbor is alive and well. I wanted to keep the conversation short and sweet especially as it was our first time talking after the break up. We only exchanged a few texts mostly regarding how we've been over the past week.

Should I go back to NC even thought she broke it? She was saying she is getting stressed as she starts writing her college finals soon, Do I text her sometime before finals wishing her all the best on the exams?

Thanks love shack for all your replies.

[Shocked Suzie]

Update: She broke NC this afternoon with a text message. The text was unusual, she read in the news about a bad car collision where an elderly lady passed away near by my apartment building and she was checking to make sure it wasn't my elderly neighbor.

I found it a little odd but I replied back saying my neighbor is alive and well. I wanted to keep the conversation short and sweet especially as it was our first time talking after the break up. We only exchanged a few texts mostly regarding how we've been over the past week.

Should I go back to NC even thought she broke it? She was saying she is getting stressed as she starts writing her college finals soon, Do I text her sometime before finals wishing her all the best on the exams?

Thanks love shack for all your replies.

 

Stick with the NC! She is otherwise testing the water or is having 2nd thoughts either way don't let it be easy for her.... It will payout in the end either way. If you do get back together you need to make some changes together.

 

I don't see anything major wrong in her asking for a break as you are young, it's what she does from now on that will prove her real intentions, just don't let her string you along at her convenience and using you as a safety net while she makes up her mind.

 

Good luck

[Avery234]

Update: I've been in pretty much NC since the last update other than a text I sent her letting her know I wish her all the best on her upcoming finals. We texted a little bit afterwards and I ask if she wanted to grab a quick coffee and exchange our items left at each others houses, she said yes.

 

So I meet for coffee, her sister and her boyfriend came along as well but didn't sit with us, I was close with her sister and her sisters boyfriend so i had no issues of them being there and they were all going for supper after this meet up. I kept the conversations light, no talk about the break up. She did seem very cold and awkward during the whole visit. I told her I was moving back to our home state for a job I have been wanting and just letting her know I've been doing well and keeping busy since breaking up.

 

Now a little insight here, While we were still together there was this guy (Lets call him Jack) Jack would send my GF Facebook msgs that at times she would say "Were a little too much" Always telling her she's beautiful but "he isn't suppose to because she has a bf". I never liked this guy for those reasons.

 

So coffee ended I drive past Wal Mart on the way to the main road and I have to stop for a pedestrian that walked in front of my car, I look to my left and there is a guy leaning against Wal-Mart trying to kind of hide his face, But I saw it was Jack from his tattoo on his arm and hands. Now I know he came with them as they all live in the same town about 30 min away and it made sense, Drop him off at Wal-Mart while my ex and I chat and they'd pick him up and all go for supper together after.

 

Love shack, I am angry that I was rebounded so quickly from a girl that I shared so much with. It doesn't feel good but I'm just going to move on live my life, not worry about her at all. At the end of the day my ex Gf lost a good guy by dumping me!

[Tmo2]

Update: I've been in pretty much NC since the last update other than a text I sent her letting her know I wish her all the best on her upcoming finals. We texted a little bit afterwards and I ask if she wanted to grab a quick coffee and exchange our items left at each others houses, she said yes.

 

So I meet for coffee, her sister and her boyfriend came along as well, I was close with her sister and her sisters boyfriend so i had no issues of them being there and they were all going for supper after this meet up. I kept the conversations light, no talk about the break up. She did seem very cold and awkward during the whole visit. I told her I was moving back to our home state for a job I have been wanting and just letting her know I've been doing well and keeping busy since breaking up.

 

Love shack, I am angry that I was rebounded so quickly from a girl that I shared so much with. It doesn't feel good but I'm just going to move on live my life, not worry about her at all. At the end of the day my ex Gf lost a good guy by dumping me!

 

You seem calm and confident about this situation, it is very pleasing to read. Now if I am correct, you must be at 3-4 weeks post-breakup? It must be still overwhelming sometimes, continue what you started, you are on the right track. Remember that she left because she needs space/experience (time), it will be most beneficial if she gets it. And without a doubt it will also do good for yourself. Personally it took me from 3 to 4 month to completely accept a similar situation and to be happy with the break-up. It is a good thing for both of you if it is ever to start over again. You two have been together for a while and have lived many experiences together. She may not feel how much you mean to her right now but she will continue to think about this for a while/ and so will you. Make new friends in the meantime, it will help you feel better. Stay strong and become the man you want to be!

 

Keep us updated!

[lonewalker]

It may take her years to discover. Maybe a couple of relationships to find out u r the best.

 

Ever heard of the story?

 

Once upon a time there is a kid. An old man asked the kid to go into this forest and tie a red string on the tallest tree he can find. But he can only move forward in the forest and never turn back.

 

The kid went into the forest and sure many tall trees. He saw one really tall one as it out grew the rest... but thinking that there might be taller ones deeper in the forest, he didnt tie the string to the tree and walked on. he pass by many more trees and before he knew it, he was out of the forest.

 

 

Many years later, the kid grow to become a man. The old man ask the chap to go into this garden and pluck out thw most beautiful flower he can find. The same rules applies. He can only move forward and never turn back to pluck the flowers he left behind.

 

The chap went into the forest and within a few mins, he plucked out a flower that is beautiful but far from being the most extraordinary. The old man ask him why he chooses the flower so fast. The man replied

" i used to think there is better ones out there for me when i was younger... in the end i end up with nothing. So this time i want to make sure that if i ever find something i like, i will cherish it. It doesnt have to be the best as long as i find it beautiful to me"

 

Sounds like the grass is greener problem. Ts. It make take years and many failed relationship for her to realised u r the best. But then, u may have moved on. In time, she will too after reakising her mistake. She will be sad maybe for a long time but she will move on again. and she will realised again u may be the best but she will too find another best in her life.

 

U will too. If she ever meant to be.. u will be together with her again.

Edited April 25, 2013 by lonewalker

[Simon Phoenix]

Update: I've been in pretty much NC since the last update other than a text I sent her letting her know I wish her all the best on her upcoming finals. We texted a little bit afterwards and I ask if she wanted to grab a quick coffee and exchange our items left at each others houses, she said yes.

 

So I meet for coffee, her sister and her boyfriend came along as well but didn't sit with us, I was close with her sister and her sisters boyfriend so i had no issues of them being there and they were all going for supper after this meet up. I kept the conversations light, no talk about the break up. She did seem very cold and awkward during the whole visit. I told her I was moving back to our home state for a job I have been wanting and just letting her know I've been doing well and keeping busy since breaking up.

 

Now a little insight here, While we were still together there was this guy (Lets call him Jack) Jack would send my GF Facebook msgs that at times she would say "Were a little too much" Always telling her she's beautiful but "he isn't suppose to because she has a bf". I never liked this guy for those reasons.

 

So coffee ended I drive past Wal Mart on the way to the main road and I have to stop for a pedestrian that walked in front of my car, I look to my left and there is a guy leaning against Wal-Mart trying to kind of hide his face, But I saw it was Jack from his tattoo on his arm and hands. Now I know he came with them as they all live in the same town about 30 min away and it made sense, Drop him off at Wal-Mart while my ex and I chat and they'd pick him up and all go for supper together after.

 

Love shack, I am angry that I was rebounded so quickly from a girl that I shared so much with. It doesn't feel good but I'm just going to move on live my life, not worry about her at all. At the end of the day my ex Gf lost a good guy by dumping me!

 

And this is the reason you stick with NC. You weren't "pretty much" in NC -- you texted her good luck and then you asked her out to coffee. That's not remotely in the realm of NC. NC means no contact whatsoever. I know it's tough, but it's essential early in the post-breakup. You have to work on you without her in the picture. You didn't do that and, unfortunately, reality slapped you in the face.

 

Now is the time to focus on yourself and focus on moving forward. Maybe this latest incident will give you the inspiration to actually give NC and healing a real try.

[LumberJack]

I always read posts on here of people asking - "wait, I went on NC, but what if she doesn't *know* how I feel? I mean, if she texted me and I ignore it then I'm sabotaging this comeback I'm praying for". That's why you gotta be as open and clear as you can about things on your last talk before initiating no-contact. With as much dignity as you can muster up say: "I still love you & want you. I want to make us work. You game?". Let them say no, then fall silent. That way you're not stuck in the whole "what if I was misunderstood" loop. It's all her from that point on.

 

Good luck!