Am i missing out having been with only 1?

[stillafool]

OP are you your bf's first gf as well? If so, he probably wants to kiss another as well. I definitely think you need to break up and see other people before you settle down. You may be surprised to find that the next guy you kiss may send you over the moon. If you marry your bf before you have a chance to experience other men you may later feel that you've missed out.

[amaysngrace]

For each 1 of those there are 50 that didn't work out.

 

She should kiss, date, and have sex with more than 1 person. It's time to find yourself young lady!

 

Are you suggesting that leaving a loving relationship to go sleep around is "finding" herself?

 

That's sad if she defines herself by her sexuality alone rather than being committed to just one person, given the choice of the two.

[Radu]

Are you suggesting that leaving a loving relationship to go sleep around is "finding" herself?

 

That's sad if she defines herself by her sexuality alone rather than being committed to just one person, given the choice of the two.

 

How many threads have we seen on LS where a guy/girl leaves to find himself/herself.

[amaysngrace]

How many threads have we seen on LS where a guy/girl leaves to find himself/herself.

 

I know. It's sad to think that whoring oneself is the path to happiness.

 

Happiness should not be reliant on others. That's rule #1.

[xxoo]

I don't have any issue with dating casually, if that is what a person wants.

 

But I don't believe that happiness comes from dating others. Dating multiple people means multiple break ups, multiple broken hearts. I've seen a lot of suffering that I've avoided by recognizing and appreciating a good thing when I found it, even though I found it young. In the end, after all the dating, what my friends were looking for is what I already had.

[Radu]

I know. It's sad to think that whoring oneself is the path to happiness.

 

Happiness should not be reliant on others. That's rule #1.

 

Happiness ... one vagina/dick at a time.

[Woggle]

I will be honest and say there is not much out there but drama and heartache but she has to figure that out for yourself. If she doesn't get on the other side and see for herself that the grass is not greener then she will really end up hurting him and maybe cheating on him.

 

The days when people married their first love and didn't question what else is out there is over. How you feel about that depends on your point of view but in a society where the bigger and better is always promoted she needs to see it for herself. If I married my current wife at 19 and never dated anybody else I would not be able to appreciate her. Now that I have something to compare her to it makes me want to stay even more.

[Giraffe1]

This is the problem you run into with only being with one person. It's curiosity, it's the wondering what it would be like to be with a different guy.

 

It is in our human nature to explore and it sounds to me like you should. Do you really want to have spaghetti for the rest of your life, would you like to try out some new food groups?

 

I'm not encouraging you to cheat but I think you should talk to your boyfriend about all of this. As cheesy as it sounds if you two are meant to be you will be together. Maybe you need some time on your own to dabble in some other food groups.

[PogoStick]

Are you suggesting that leaving a loving relationship to go sleep around is "finding" herself?

 

That's sad if she defines herself by her sexuality alone rather than being committed to just one person, given the choice of the two.

 

No, it means young people who lack breadth of experience struggle to objectively evaluate their relationship. Most people who get past their 1st relationship will look back years later and realize it wasn't that good.

 

It's like Republicans always bashing European socialism despite having never ventured outside of the US.

[mesmerized]

You are and you are not. It'd hard to say. Being with one man all your life means you will miss out on a lot of experiences and they don't necessarily have to be sexual experiences...Just experiences that the freedom of being single will bring you. You get to be more independent and spontaneous and just get to know yourself in a better way. But at the same time, you'll get your heart broken, feel lonely and waste time dating men that will lead nowhere.

 

Personally, I don't find being with one man all my life to be appealing. I would certainly feel like I'm missing out. so yeah, it's pretty normal.

[amaysngrace]

No, it means young people who lack breadth of experience struggle to objectively evaluate their relationship. Most people who get past their 1st relationship will look back years later and realize it wasn't that good.

 

It's like Republicans always bashing European socialism despite having never ventured outside of the US.

 

What is it with all the analogies? Doesn't anybody know how to make a valid point anymore?

 

Maybe some "young" people know who they are and what they want without analyzing their relationships bit by bit.

 

Maybe some just know that they are happy with the person they're with and can see themselves being happy with that person for the rest of their lives....just like she said.

 

I've known some old people who are much more clueless than some young people are.

[suladas]

You are and you are not. It'd hard to say. Being with one man all your life means you will miss out on a lot of experiences and they don't necessarily have to be sexual experiences...Just experiences that the freedom of being single will bring you. You get to be more independent and spontaneous and just get to know yourself in a better way. But at the same time, you'll get your heart broken, feel lonely and waste time dating men that will lead nowhere.

 

Personally, I don't find being with one man all my life to be appealing. I would certainly feel like I'm missing out. so yeah, it's pretty normal.

 

I agree with what you're saying, except I find being with only one women very appealing. Being single has some perks, but in my opinion it is nowhere as good as being in a relationship. I don't know if it's the right word but I find being single and dating around to be very empty. I also find being in a good relationship motivates me like crazy to improve myself.

 

Although I will say experiencing the heartbreak of loosing someone you love really makes you appreciate a relationship more. But if I had to chose, I would be happy going my life never having to experience that horrible pain.

 

You truly never know just how "good" your relationship is, and ending any relationship is a risk if there is a better one out there, or if you're loosing the best there is. Would you rather be with someone who's a good match and meet them early in life, or spend another 10 years dating around and find someone who's a tiny bit better match? Even if you did know there was a bit better out there, I would go for the earlier one in a second, because you have so many more years together. Plus you never really know, you may never find as good of match again.

Edited April 6, 2013 by suladas

[suladas]

I personally would rather take that chance of ending up alone, than never try simply for fear of it all going haywire. I also wouldn't want someone to be with me simply because they were too scared they wouldn't find anyone else. I wouldn't want to settle for good enough because it was the easiest option going. That might just be me.

 

I can say without a doubt, I would take my chances at making something work over ending up alone, obviously as long as I was happy, nothing will ever be perfect. Worst case it doesn't work and you end up alone, at least you tried. I think that is a different thing completely, I don't mean staying with someone you're not happy with, or just too lazy to find someone else. I mean someone you're happy with, but in reality you have no idea if there is better out there. Whether it's your first or 5th relationship you don't really know, you have a better idea but you truly never know if there is a better match out there, who knows maybe you're loosing your best match. Personally the way I gauge it is if i'm happy with them, if I am, what else matters?

 

I also think it depends, maybe some people imagine their life in a certain way and want that no matter what. Sure I did to, but I know I fell for a women who didn't exactly fit that, and I would have had no problem with a life different from what I had imagined.

Edited April 6, 2013 by suladas

[KungFuJoe]

This is a tough situation...and one I was in. My first gf ended up being a 4 year serious relationship. And I'm not gonna lie...I was VERY curious what it would be like with other women...especially when I had open offers to be with other women.

 

BUT, the biggest driving factor for me was that I just wasn't IN love with my gf after a couple years and things started getting really bad.

 

The woman I'm with now...I feel like if she was my first gf, that I would never EVER wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. But, it's easy saying that now since I HAVE been with other women. But, who knows.

 

I guess if it really came down to it...I think if two people are REALLY meant to be with each other and REALLY love each other, it doesn't matter if they're each other's first or 100th...you won't want to be with anyone else.

 

So if op is curious, I would say that perhaps she's not completely in love or happy with her current bf.

[man_in_the_box]

I've been with my partner for over 4 years and I'm approaching 25. She has been my only one so I know the feeling you're talking about. Then again I've experienced that eventually I more the less got over it and learned to love what I have. It doesn't really bother me anymore now.

[Woggle]

I've been with my partner for over 4 years and I'm approaching 25. She has been my only one so I know the feeling you're talking about. Then again I've experienced that eventually I more the less got over it and learned to love what I have. It doesn't really bother me anymore now.

 

I would keep yourself ready for when she catches GIGS. Not saying it will happen but just warning you.

[xxoo]

So if op is curious, I would say that perhaps she's not completely in love or happy with her current bf.

 

I wouldn't say that is always true. I think it is natural to be curious, and to have wistful thoughts about "first kisses" when you didn't know to appreciate that your last first kiss would be your last first kiss.

 

I had these thoughts in my 20s, after being together since 17. I got over it! Now, more than a decade later, I have a different perspective. I love the fact that my man remembers me as a 17 year old girl. I love that we got to grow up together, and share all those memories. I love that we'll have a shot at 50+ years together. I'm not taking anything for granted.

[Woggle]

you are an entitled woman.

 

No she is not. She gushes about her husband all the time.

[Woggle]

I wouldn't say that is always true. I think it is natural to be curious, and to have wistful thoughts about "first kisses" when you didn't know to appreciate that your last first kiss would be your last first kiss.

 

I had these thoughts in my 20s, after being together since 17. I got over it! Now, more than a decade later, I have a different perspective. I love the fact that my man remembers me as a 17 year old girl. I love that we got to grow up together, and share all those memories. I love that we'll have a shot at 50+ years together. I'm not taking anything for granted.

 

I would agree with you but I think people of the older generation really do underestimate how strong the anti-relationship messages are these days. If you are in a committed relationship you might as well be in prison and locked away from the world according to some people and it it takes a very strong minded person who doesn't listen to what society says in order to ignore those messages.

 

If she is having these feelings now it will only grow and it is best to get out before she really hurts him. It is a whole different ball game from when you were first dating your husband. It is even different from when I was 20 and that was only in 99.

[man_in_the_box]

I would keep yourself ready for when she catches GIGS. Not saying it will happen but just warning you.

 

IDK, both our numbers are relatively low (2 for her, 1 for me). I've never observed anything remotely GIGS like with her though. It would really surprise me if she would actually.

[Woggle]

IDK, both our numbers are relatively low (2 for her, 1 for me). I've never observed anything remotely GIGS like with her though. It would really surprise me if she would actually.

 

Just be on the lookout.

[zanzi]

if your having those thoughts not, you will always be having them no matter how good things are.

I think the first thing you should do is sit him down and tell him your exact and true feelings about wanting to explore. Maybe you can suggest time apart.

[man_in_the_box]

Thanks for the heads up but what am I supposed to do if I ever do find out ?

 

Ah, getting off-topic. To the OP: 16 is really young. I was 20 when I started. The feelings can eventually disappear but there's also plenty of anecdotal evidence on this thread that sometimes they don't.

[Woggle]

Thanks for the heads up but what am I supposed to do if I ever do find out ?

 

Ah, getting off-topic. To the OP: 16 is really young. I was 20 when I started. The feelings can eventually disappear but there's also plenty of anecdotal evidence on this thread that sometimes they don't.

 

Just be ready. If you start dating any time before 27 GIGS can pop up out of nowhere.

[Woggle]

What does that stand for?

 

Grass is greener syndrome.