lilyjaye Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I've been with my boyfriend over 4 years, since I was 16. I was very shy when I was in school so he was my first in every respect. Now I love him very much, I can see myself happy with him for the rest of my life. But I can't help but think that I missed out with being so shy in school, at playing the field. The idea of going my entire life having kissed only 1 person makes me feel odd. I know people say that if it's the right one what does it matter, and he is the right one, he's perfect, but I can't help but think I missed out. I would never sleep with another person, this is purely about kissing. But has anybody else experienced this? Part of my wants to go out and kiss a stranger just to get it out of my system and then the majority of me thinks I can't do that to my boyfriend. I really don't know what to do or how to even feel. Am I being unreasonable in my thoughts or is this normal?
Krieger Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I've been with my boyfriend over 4 years, since I was 16. I was very shy when I was in school so he was my first in every respect. Now I love him very much, I can see myself happy with him for the rest of my life. But I can't help but think that I missed out with being so shy in school, at playing the field. The idea of going my entire life having kissed only 1 person makes me feel odd. I know people say that if it's the right one what does it matter, and he is the right one, he's perfect, but I can't help but think I missed out. I would never sleep with another person, this is purely about kissing. But has anybody else experienced this? Part of my wants to go out and kiss a stranger just to get it out of my system and then the majority of me thinks I can't do that to my boyfriend. I really don't know what to do or how to even feel. Am I being unreasonable in my thoughts or is this normal? I do not see this lasting too much longer. Sorry the odds are stack against you two . 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Am I being unreasonable in my thoughts or is this normal? Normal. Oh so normal. God, soooooo NORMAL!! And 'kissing' is just the start of it..... Really. You need to be completely honest with your BF, and cut ties, move on and savour life a bit. I recommend it to every single young 'first love' person who comes in with similar situations - and you are legion, trust me... Guys, gals, guys on the receiving end, gals on the receiving end....Guys who yearn to fly, gals who yearn to fly. The answer's the same. The first love is NEVER the great love. You need to expand your horizons, dearie. Honest. Listen to Momma. 7
TaraMaiden Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 It's quality, not quantity, that counts... COMPLETELY disagree, in this case..... 1
amaysngrace Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 COMPLETELY disagree, in this case..... I know a few couples who went to 8th Grade Dance together at 13 or 14 and ended up married and very very happy. I guess everybody has different experiences but for them taking a break before marriage just made them realize they already had what they were looking for. So for them, their first one was the one. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 How about a middle ground. Would your BF be okay with you making out with a girl if he gets to watch. That would be hot and you could still kiss someone else. 2
xxoo Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 The first love is NEVER the great love. Never? I beg to differ..... lilyjaye, have you talked to your boyfriend about your doubts? What is his experience? 2
Woggle Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 If you are having these thoughts leave before you hurt him. 1
PogoStick Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I know a few couples who went to 8th Grade Dance together at 13 or 14 and ended up married and very very happy. For each 1 of those there are 50 that didn't work out. She should kiss, date, and have sex with more than 1 person. It's time to find yourself young lady! 3
xxoo Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Judge the relationship you are in. Don't walk away from something wonderful because of a fantasy of what else is out there. But if this relationship is not highly fulfilling, then move on. You are way too young to settle for less than true, deep love. I've been with my "amazing" since I was 17. I had some thoughts of "what else is out there???" in my 20s, but I would have been a damn fool to leave. Sometimes the first really is that good. 2
ThaWholigan Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I have mixed views about this. She could very well regret it if she leaves this guy. However, it's generally not good if you are feeling this way, so it is unlikely it will last. I'm torn. 4
DannyMason Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Honestly, do you really think that kissing or sex with other guys would be so different than having the same experiences with your boyfriend? Honestly, all men have pretty similar anatomy, so if there's something you want to try activity-wise or some aspect of his performance that seems inadequate, that's the part where communication comes in. If you want some new experiences talk to him about it. Many if not most couples end up feeling a need to spice things up physically and romantically after a few years. Your feelings are very normal. Eyes and minds wander, but the grass on the other side isn't always greener, it just looks that way from afar. Don't sabotage something good and beautiful in your life on advice from random internet strangers for whom your relationship means absolutely nothing. They won't have to live with the regret when the greener grass doesn't seem quite so green as the old stuff. Now I love him very much, I can see myself happy with him for the rest of my life. In the question lies the answer. 3
Eggplant Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 My fantasy was to be with only 1 ever. Life is not a fairy tale, however, and I've come to grips with it. But don't overlook a good thing that most people don't get to have. That said, I've heard my step-grandmother and many older women bemoaning the fact that they never met other people and instead married the first man who came along... Ultimately only you can know what you personally want. Nobody else can tell you. 4
Kaiten Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Are you missing out? Hell yes. The fact that you're even thinking about this stuff speaks volumes. If you were satisfied, and happy, would you really be wondering about what you've missed out on? Yes, there are those exceptions who marry their first love, and swan off happily into the sunset...but they are rare. It does happen, but I wouldn't want to continue in an R when I'm wondering what else is out there. You're young, he's young. Plenty of time to settle down. Harmfulsweetz couldnt be more wrong. In our society, presuming you live in America, we are presented with the idea that "We always have a choice and there is always something better coming". We look to the future so much that we are 'trained' to never be content with what we have. Even though what we have may truly be the best for us! Take the Iphone for example. Realistically, there is no reason to buy an Iphone 5. The 4 was great enough, and just 10 years before it was released it would have been every phone carriers dream! But as we know, there is always 'better'. A person with a 4S will say "Why invest in a 5 when i can wait for the 6?" but then he could also say "Why spoil my free upgrade on the 6 when i can wait for the 7?!". OP here is the truth: You really dont need your cell phone to do much more for you than what the 4S does. Why cant you find fulfillment in the guy you have? Are you going to eventually leave him so that your "home screen" can have an "extra row of icons"? Or so that you can have the "panorama" feature on your camera? So If you leave him, who you claim is perfect for you, why ever be with anyone? Because you never know when the man who is his "upgrade" will come along. What makes you content? Why do you feel as though you have missed out? Is it because everyone else around you has had the 'liberty' of kissing multiple people? If you really love this man...I would hazard a guess and say that your desire to experiment comes from without. Well thats enough with analogies for one day. Now if you'll excuse me, im about to go get my Iphone upgrade at the store 1
Kaiten Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 But really though, let me say this. Forgive me for yet another analogy, but it goes along perfect with what i just said. I had Windows 7 on my computer. BUT i f***** around and watched all these videos about how "cool" and "innovative" Windows 8 was. At the end of the videos, i wondered what i was missing out on. I struggled with temptation for a while and then caved in. I set out for BETTER! Guess what? Now i got all these wack screens, and stupid touchpad gestures. My Start Screen looks like an Ipad now. Oh boy. What did i get out of the deal? My login screen now has Picture Password!....dammit! 1
Noproblem Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I don't trust the feelings of teenagers I mean it's true at that time, but then hey I had crushes for tons when I was a teenager, still do like people as I'm growing up..... The idea of someone who is 16, and yet knows that he or she has found the one is a little unbelievable to me. Don't get me wrong I know it happened and I know people have been marrying their lovers from high school for ages, still I'm not really with it I think people at the age 25 and more starts to know what they really want in life I'm sure 2 years from now, you'd be wanting other stuffs, you didn't want or need at the age 16 To answer your question, yes you missing much, but not in the term of kissing. No, I mean it from the whole idea of life and exploring it from other prospective .... Anyway, you have a good guy now, why do you want to ruin everything by these ideas! 2
suladas Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I think there is a lot more then just kissing or sex to it. If the sex is good, it's good, having sex with new people after does nothing IMO. It's more knowing if you're a good match only having one relationship. I questioned it a bit with my first, and honestly have "played" the field for the past 9 months there is no doubt I could careless having slept with and kissed more women since. Actually all it did was tell me how good of a match I had in the first place. However I will say at 20 chances are slim it will be forever. But I personally wouldn't say to end it just because you want to see what it's like with someone else, if you're really happy you're happy. 1
Leigh 87 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 It is not the fact it is her first love that bothers me. Being a teenager when you find your first love is a huge red flag in my opinion. Most teenagers have not matured fully, emotionally and physically. Most 16 or 17 year olds will be vastly different people in the years to come. I sure as hell would NOT date and put up with the same cr@p I did when I was in my teens! Having been single from age 20 - 25 taught me who I was and what I wanted in life and in a relationship. You tend to morph somewhat into the relationship in which you are in; when your at a critical stage of development, like 16 year olds are, you run the risk of letting some guy determine who you become in the future years. I think it is essential to establish yourself as a person and solidify your identity before you start up a serious long term relationship. 2
hudson701 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Itchy feet, itchy feet! I know the feeling and it ain't gonna go away till you get out there and experience other boys. Once you've slagged about a bit that thought will be put to rest and then you'll be ready for a long term relationship, usually around the age of 25-26.
PogoStick Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 But really though, let me say this. Forgive me for yet another analogy, but it goes along perfect with what i just said. I had Windows 7 on my computer. BUT i f***** around and watched all these videos about how "cool" and "innovative" Windows 8 was. At the end of the videos, i wondered what i was missing out on. I struggled with temptation for a while and then caved in. I set out for BETTER! Guess what? Now i got all these wack screens, and stupid touchpad gestures. My Start Screen looks like an Ipad now. Oh boy. What did i get out of the deal? My login screen now has Picture Password!....dammit! Or you could have kept Windows 1.0. (Yes I was tempted to throw in DOS). Anyone else enjoy horrible analogies? Since you made a bad computer decision means she shouldn't experience more than 1 relationship? 1
Confusia1 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I've been with my boyfriend over 4 years, since I was 16. I was very shy when I was in school so he was my first in every respect. Now I love him very much, I can see myself happy with him for the rest of my life. But I can't help but think that I missed out with being so shy in school, at playing the field. The idea of going my entire life having kissed only 1 person makes me feel odd. I know people say that if it's the right one what does it matter, and he is the right one, he's perfect, but I can't help but think I missed out. I would never sleep with another person, this is purely about kissing. But has anybody else experienced this? Part of my wants to go out and kiss a stranger just to get it out of my system and then the majority of me thinks I can't do that to my boyfriend. I really don't know what to do or how to even feel. Am I being unreasonable in my thoughts or is this normal? Why are you putting so much stress on yourself over a damn kiss? Just focus on more important things in your life.
Radu Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I've been with my boyfriend over 4 years, since I was 16. I was very shy when I was in school so he was my first in every respect. Now I love him very much, I can see myself happy with him for the rest of my life. But I can't help but think that I missed out with being so shy in school, at playing the field. The idea of going my entire life having kissed only 1 person makes me feel odd. I know people say that if it's the right one what does it matter, and he is the right one, he's perfect, but I can't help but think I missed out. I would never sleep with another person, this is purely about kissing. But has anybody else experienced this? Part of my wants to go out and kiss a stranger just to get it out of my system and then the majority of me thinks I can't do that to my boyfriend. I really don't know what to do or how to even feel. Am I being unreasonable in my thoughts or is this normal? Look up Grass is Greener Syndrome. You are headed that way. 1
crude Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 If you've only eaten 1 kind of food, are you missing out on something?
xxoo Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 If your current relationship really is loving and satisfying, ask yourself this: Are you missing out in not experiencing a break up? A broken heart? A bad relationship? Bad sex? 2
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