picaso28 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Had few dates recently both online and with a girl I worked with. Just seems to me its such hardwork. firstly the girl I knew from work said she isn't entirely sure how she feels about us which is cool. She has agreed to second date though and she texts me a fair bit..... Then I go out with great girl online... It goes ok but not sure she is into me. She agrees to second date and texts me a lot only to text me the night before planned date to say she isn't into dating at moment.....she still goes online on site tho! Then I meet another online girl for date. Prob a 7 out 10 date. No kiss but we agree to another date she texts sayin she wishes she had kissed me on our date. Then the next day she is online on dating site and suddenly no more texts.....gotta a funny feeling she has had second thougts or better offer. I mean I haven't text her either but normally she initiates texts though I feel like giving up! Dating is hardwork and cost a ton of money! I just want to meet a girl that I can have fun with and see where it goes....that too much to ask?
phineas Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Let me help you. Rule #1 STOP TEXTING! Rule #2 STOP TEXTING! Rule # 3 see rules 1 & 2. Serious. You get them on the phone & you speak to them. Then you set up a meet in the next few days. you only text to confirm the night before. She don't want to meet? You next her. See how easy that is? No work at all. Women on these sites are being hammered by men with messages. They are texting 5 different guys they have no desire to actually meet & they are getting off on the validation high. 9/10 if they are interested all you gotta do is email them a bit they ask if you want to talk. At least that's how it's been for me. I've met two in two days with minimal effort on my part. The first one I wasn't into but she was into me. The 2nd one wasn't into me & fled the bar 45mins in. LOL! I don't care because she was using older pics in her profile. I then proceeded to make friends in the bar & had a great evening. Bottom line is OLD is a joke. Maybe 5% of the people on these sites actually are willing to date someone who doesn't look like a model. Don't take it seriously.
Philosopher Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Dating at the end of the day is a numbers game. The more dates you go on the more likely you are to find someone. You have only been on a few dates so far so the chances are that you would not have found someone just yet. Secondly, like almost everything else dating is a skill that you will get better with time. Over time the more you will learn what works and what doesn't. You have already managed to get a few dates from online dating which is already quite an achievement from online dating. It took me months to get my first date from online dating. My advice is don't give up. 1
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Because anything worth having doesn't come easy. No offense, but this is one of the most over-rated, over-used and defeatist idioms i hear. I met my late wife on day one, told her i loved her on day 15 and I married her on day 286. All was easy, smooth, wonderful and I ended up being married to her for 12+ years. There are many things worth having that shouldn't be difficult. People make it difficult b/c we are simply complicated and we tend to bring in all of our previous experiences good and bad into relationships. It's difficult b/c we convince ourselves that such idioms must be true, so if it's too easy, it couldn't be right. It's difficult b/c too many of us spend more time nurturing the negatives in our experiences than the positives. It's difficult b/c too many of us are too guarded or jerks to make it or keep it simpler. 1
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 This has been my experience in business as well. When something seems too good to be true, sometimes it's not. That's another one of those idioms that is often over-used and simply defeatist..."if it's too good to be true, then it probably/likely is...." the problem is that too many people forget the probably/likely and become suspicious, insecure and begin to sabotage their own relationships, etc.
phineas Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 No offense, but this is one of the most over-rated, over-used and defeatist idioms i hear. I met my late wife on day one, told her i loved her on day 15 and I married her on day 286. All was easy, smooth, wonderful and I ended up being married to her for 12+ years. There are many things worth having that shouldn't be difficult. People make it difficult b/c we are simply complicated and we tend to bring in all of our previous experiences good and bad into relationships. It's difficult b/c we convince ourselves that such idioms must be true, so if it's too easy, it couldn't be right. It's difficult b/c too many of us spend more time nurturing the negatives in our experiences than the positives. It's difficult b/c too many of us are too guarded or jerks to make it or keep it simpler. That's another one of those idioms that is often over-used and simply defeatist..."if it's too good to be true, then it probably/likely is...." the problem is that too many people forget the probably/likely and become suspicious, insecure and begin to sabotage their own relationships, etc. This. OP went on two dates & didn't find "the one" seriously? WTF?!? He calls that hard? I'd hate to see what he considers impossible. I've NEVER had to work when it came to a woman who was into me. She made it EASY to spend time with her. Every time I give in to stupidity & decide to chase a woman for a little bit all it amounts to is a colossal waste of time. There is nothing easier than forgetting a woman who isn't showing a keen interest in you.
El Brujo Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Dating feels like hard work because it's changing and a lot of us are still stuck in the old mentality. Nowadays you have to think of dating more like doing construction work than like playing a roulette wheel or a slot machine.
CarrieT Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 This. OP went on two dates & didn't find "the one" seriously? WTF?!? He calls that hard? Seriously. ^^^ THIS ^^^ OP, I am a woman who went on over fifty meet-and-greet coffee dates. Did you read that? FIFTY. Five-Zero. 50. Yes, dating is hard work. Welcome to life.
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Seriously. ^^^ THIS ^^^ OP, I am a woman who went on over fifty meet-and-greet coffee dates. Did you read that? FIFTY. Five-Zero. 50. Yes, dating is hard work. Welcome to life. Holy crap! 50?! Over what period of time, if I may ask? I certainly don't intend to suggest that dating is easy, but that it shouldn't be "as" difficult as it is. I feel very fortunate about my dating experiences for the most part and really have little to complain about, but do any way, sometimes. As a single father with young children, it does get exhausting and a little hectic.
MrCastle Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 It's always hard when the other person isn't into you. When they genuinely like you, dating is comically easy. 2
Author picaso28 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 So I text her and she text back but after a good few hours. I know she isn't into me for whatever reason but I asked her if she wants to meet up next week. may aswell get to the point....waiting her reply. If its a no would rather move on now. My main point though was why is dating hard when you seem to get on with someone but then they suddenly change..its never simple!
Author picaso28 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 So no reply to my txt asking her on second date... Guess it confirmed what I knew..... Where am I going wrong though? We seemed to click on first date she agrees to second date before we left. Was she being polite ?
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 So no reply to my txt asking her on second date... Guess it confirmed what I knew..... Where am I going wrong though? We seemed to click on first date she agrees to second date before we left. Was she being polite ? She may have been being polite AND she may have found a better option.
curlygirl40 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Carrie's story always gives me hope and it's awesome to see her so happy because I also have now been on 50 first online dates in 2.5 years. A couple of short relationships out of that but that is all. Dating IS hard when you're trying to shove a square peg into a round hole, but when two people really like each other it should be easy. Actually, that is most likely how you will tell when it's right, because it will be easy. When it's difficult, there's a problem. Probably best to move on. People fade away for many reasons. Timing, they met someone else, after they left they changed their mind about seeing you again, etc., etc. 1
CarrieT Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Holy crap! 50?! Over what period of time, if I may ask? About two years.... I certainly don't intend to suggest that dating is easy, but that it shouldn't be "as" difficult as it is. I feel very fortunate about my dating experiences for the most part and really have little to complain about, but do any way, sometimes. In the beginning - experiencing what I think the OP is dealing with - I found it "difficult." Then I took the perspective that it was just part of life to go out and meet people; sometimes it was interesting and occasionally it was annoying. After that, the whole thing became easier. I didn't look upon dating as a CHORE that required a specific outcome, but began to enjoy the process of just getting to know knew people. 1
Author picaso28 Posted April 7, 2013 Author Posted April 7, 2013 thanks for all the advice guys..... Well just to update she eventually replies and says she cannot meet this week as she is away but next week would be good. I txt back sort of nonchalent no worries let me know jokey txt. She txts back straight away sayin I am free wed I do really want meet so you know. I txt back I will double check with work I am free but no repsonse. I sort have gut feeling she isn't interested. Txts have dried up from her, she is on dating site day after first date, etc. It was exactly same with other online date I had. As people said it should be easy if its meant to be so I'm just going to let her contact me now. Question is what an I doing wrong during first dates? Seem to go ok but then they lose interest
CarrieT Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Question is what an I doing wrong during first dates? We have no way of knowing without being there. Seriously, it is a numbers game. Some people want fireworks on a first date and some want to take it slow to get to know a person. I would stop looking at it as work and just approach it as a process that can take a while. The more you fret about it, the more it will seem like it is complicated and problematic. In short - lighten up. she is on dating site day after first date, etc. Ummmm... wouldn't YOU have had to been on the same dating site the day after to have known this? Technically, you are back there as well, aren't you??? 1
Author picaso28 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 Yes you got me! But what has got me puzzled and questioning the whole dating game is her sudden change of attitude....she was very keen on first date and text me when she got home again expressing how keen she was.....then 6 hours later cooling off... I totally understand its a numbers game and I am actually using OLD to boost my experience of dating. From this point a view I have done okay , if I get anything else from it bonus! But what I don't get is how people aren't straight. They say its great and then it goes cold. I am wondering what I am doing wrong as I don't want to keep having dates that don't go to a second. Waste of time and money!
ChessPieceFace Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 I also think very negatively about dating & women, and to me just seems like an endless chore and set of hoops to jump through to be "happy" (huge emphasis on the quotes there.) I think, though, the missing factor in that equation is the thrill & longing you feel for the right person. If it's there then it would seem a whole lot less like work. When you're talking theory or talking about people you aren't really into, then that excitement factor isn't there and it's never going to seem worth it. Certainly not to introverts like myself, anyway.
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