Stupid stupid me!!!!

[BetrayedH]

Sounds like you were never attracted to your husband right from the beginning. Of course sex is going to hurt if he doesn't turn you on enough.

 

Anyway, your marriage seems to be a mistake and that's how you tell your husband. That you love him but aren't in love with him. That you two are just not a good mix. He has his issues, abuse both mentally and physically against you and obviously that has done a lot of damage to you and how you feel towards your H. You cheating him is just more proof that you are not loving him the way a wife should.

 

Come clean, apologize and own your part in the demise of the marriage, own ALL your decisions for your A and hope he will grant you a divorce.

 

Think about adoption for your child. Do seek counseling. Your emotions are all over the place, making a tough decision like this, shouldn't be decided too quickly.

 

I agree with all of this except that I might not advise making a decision on your marriage right away. Give your H the truth, just as you've told us here. Then he will have decisions to make about life, just as you will.

 

I particularly like the thought of considering adoption.

 

You have a chance to right some wrongs here. Your self-esteem is at an all-time low. Start making a lot of consecutive decisions that you can be proud of and the next thing you know, you'll be proud of yourself. Pledge yourself to make the next right decision time after time.

 

By the way, sex issues can many times be fixed. This may be a wake-up call for both of you. You fell in love with him before. Affairs also have a tendency to make you mentally rewrite your marital history. It's something to consider.

 

What's encouraging is your current desire to be honest. You can dig yourself out or you can go further into the rabbit hole. The sooner you decide to make the good and correct decisions, the better for you (and probably everyone else, too).

[Jonah]

She must have fessed up to her H by now. I wonder how she is doing... if she is still alive.

[selfawareness]

"I have no idea who you are... still I see other single moms so happy, so independent with the world in the palm of their hands. These guys all that you know... you may not remember their face 10 years from now. Your kid would be ten. A son? A daughter? You are creating life."

 

Let's have a baby shower for miss "stupid stupid." Let's help her come clean, get a divorce, remarry childhood friend, and watch 'em grow into one big happy family.

 

Her husband, and OMW will get over this and find other partners who will love them and they will have beautiful happy families, creating beautiful babies.

 

We will all have the world in the palm of our hands. Cheers!!! How beautiful!

 

Thank you Jonah! I feel so much better reading about your beautiful world.

 

p.s. Nineveh was fiction too.

p.s. "stupid stupid me" don't kill that child, tell your husband, don't kill yourself, more later

Edited April 8, 2013 by selfawareness

[Praying4Peace]

...before you have an abortion. I am not judging you or anyone's decision on what to do. I am just saying that make sure the decision is YOURS. Do NOT get an abortion to make your H or AP happy. Because you know what? They do not and will not ever know what it feels like and you'll have to live with that knowledge forever.

 

Lets say a year down the line you are done with the A for good. You're at that place where you can see clearly...the fog isn't so thick...and perhaps your M is over. Then you will regret it, if you have a tendency to feel strongly about this issue.

 

For me personally- I am fine with any woman doing whatever she wants with her body...but I wouldn't ever get an abortion personally speaking. I just love kids and being a mom too much. That's what I used to say and believe wholeheartedly UNTIL I got pregnant during my A with a man who I loved deeply. He wouldn't have pushed an abortion but with both of our spouses in the dark and the public outcry that would have resulted- we chickened out. A pregnancy would have alerted our spouses and the world that we had a PA. My H would have probably left me. We had no plan. His wife was pregnant (a month before our A began). She'd go into shock and lose the baby. Our "Love" couldn't survive such a hardship...the baby would be labeled as born out of wedlock. There were so many reasons.

 

Now I wish that I hadn't done it. The PA came out to our spouses anyway. I'm getting a D anyway. I wish I had just listened to my own gut and not reacted so quickly and out of fear. My AP said he'd never leave me after that whole horrible procedure..and he's gone.

 

Its just me living with my actions and it really stinks.

 

I hope you can make a decision that you'll be at peace with, whatever that may be.

 

((HUGS))

[Steadfast]

p.s. Nineveh was fiction too.

 

He's arrogant, but don't bring Nineveh into it! Not only were they real (and a model for the Roman Empire) but the Ninevites were some bad dudes.

 

p.s. "stupid stupid me" don't kill that child, tell your husband, don't kill yourself, more later

 

Thanks for writing that. It needs to be said, and said clearly.

 

Sadly, the situation mirrors real life. As in, the only person completely innocent, blameless and without choice is the one facing elimination.

 

By choice! I'd laugh, but the injustice is choking.

 

Here's a suggestion OP; make a plan, think it through, commit to it completely, then do just the opposite. Everyone gets a fighting chance.

[Jonah]

...before you have an abortion. I am not judging you or anyone's decision on what to do. I am just saying that make sure the decision is YOURS. Do NOT get an abortion to make your H or AP happy. Because you know what? They do not and will not ever know what it feels like and you'll have to live with that knowledge forever.

 

Lets say a year down the line you are done with the A for good. You're at that place where you can see clearly...the fog isn't so thick...and perhaps your M is over. Then you will regret it, if you have a tendency to feel strongly about this issue.

 

For me personally- I am fine with any woman doing whatever she wants with her body...but I wouldn't ever get an abortion personally speaking. I just love kids and being a mom too much. That's what I used to say and believe wholeheartedly UNTIL I got pregnant during my A with a man who I loved deeply. He wouldn't have pushed an abortion but with both of our spouses in the dark and the public outcry that would have resulted- we chickened out. A pregnancy would have alerted our spouses and the world that we had a PA. My H would have probably left me. We had no plan. His wife was pregnant (a month before our A began). She'd go into shock and lose the baby. Our "Love" couldn't survive such a hardship...the baby would be labeled as born out of wedlock. There were so many reasons.

 

Now I wish that I hadn't done it. The PA came out to our spouses anyway. I'm getting a D anyway. I wish I had just listened to my own gut and not reacted so quickly and out of fear. My AP said he'd never leave me after that whole horrible procedure..and he's gone.

 

Its just me living with my actions and it really stinks.

 

I hope you can make a decision that you'll be at peace with, whatever that may be.

 

((HUGS))

 

I really like this post. I was trying to describe this but being a guy the words were out of my league.

[Artie Lang]

sorry to be blunt, but i see you and this POS back in each other's arms in no time.

[Chelseaown]

Hi Guys….. so I’m still alive. Well my husband and I are getting a D. I told him everything. He wasn’t shocked at all. My husband confessed that he had been cheating ever before we got married for 2 years with different women. He’s unhappy to. It’s funny how he never said a word. I think that was the reason for his aggressive behavior. I’m relieved.

 

The OM texted me all weekend how sorry he was and how broken he is. The thing is he and his wife are unhappy to. She always texted him (he made me read) that there marriage wouldn’t last any longer. He still doesn’t understand why she would want to bring another child into a loveless marriage. Since she hadn’t told him that she stopped taking BC he felt tricked into this pregnancy. (I think she did it cuz she’s getting older. She is older than he is) He feels trapped. I told him…. Well it’s your wife and now you’ve got to live with it.

 

He looked at me with tears streaming down his face as I told him that he never loved me and as he held his face in hands his body began to shake. My heart broke. He told me that he had never loved someone this much and he had never trusted someone with his heart. I held him for a minute and told him that if we had waited first to get divorced as I had suggested numerous times we wouldn’t be in this position right now. This is our punishment for being that low and dishonest. We talked and cried and talked and cried. We took turns crying. And I’ll be honest we kissed several times.

 

I feel like many of you think that it was because of the sex. But it was more than that cuz if I would describe him it would be something like: A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them.

 

The funny part is that I don’t believe in soulmates. But I will always love him in a special way.

 

I asked him not to contact me in anyway for anything at all and that I was dead to him. He cried as he made that promise. I told him to work on his marriage especially with another lil one on the way. He laughed and said that he will not work on it. He doesn’t want to, he got tricked. He will stay in his marriage because he has to. For the kids sake.

 

I gave him a bag with all the presents he had bought me. Jewelry and stuff. Including this chain he gave me. It was his own. It had sentimental value. He made me promise to give him the chain back the day that could “legally” be together. Now it won’t happen anyways so. He took the bag not knowing what’s inside. By the time he opened it and had seen the content he rushed to my car and wanted to open my door. I had already locked my car. With tears in his eyes he watched me drive off. My heart broke. But I had to. I will try everything to forget him. But really I don’t know if I can. I’m pretty sure that I will never meet someone like him ever again.

 

I’m broken. Shattered and it’s all my fault. I’ll never ever cheat again. I don’t think I will ever love again. I’ll be wondering what it would’ve be like if we had done it the right way. Now we’ll never know.

 

By the way I’m keeping the pregnancy. We’ll see how everything works out in time.

 

Bye guys. Thanx for the advice, cussing and cursing. All is appreciated.

Edited April 8, 2013 by Chelseaown

[Artie Lang]

look, at least you told your husband. you came with the truth. too bad he was a cheating ********* as well.

 

 

affairs are nothing but heartache.

[TigerCub]

I feel like many of you think that it was because of the sex. But it was more than that cuz if I would describe him it would be something like: A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them.

 

The funny part is that I don’t believe in soulmates. But I will always love him in a special way.

 

Chelseaown,

 

What you wrote there is what I thought of the xmm I was involved with. It was so intense that I believed that yeah he was the only person out there that really got me and that we were made for each other and that fate is so cruel that we can't be together an all that.

 

I understand that intensity, but point is - that feeling is not unique. It almost always exists when it comes to affairs.

 

When you're far enough from it and when you've started to move on and heal, you will see that he really wasn't that special to begin with (he is a liar and a cheater and a user), and unfortunately, there are a LOT of people out there like him.

 

I'm not lecturing you, honestly, I actually mean to give you hope that one day you will move past this and see that he's not that special and there really truly exist some fantastic, faithful, beautiful, special men out there that would NEVER do what he did. And that they are the ones worth a damn in this world.

 

Good luck with the baby and your journey

 

Take good care of yourself

[Chelseaown]

Hahaha. Fairytales don't come true.

[Chelseaown]

Fairytales...... How nice of you. Hugs

[Jonah]

Fairytales...... How nice of you. Hugs

 

Just disregard the replies that are obvious nonsense, but use the replies that you may find useful.

[TigerCub]

Hahaha. Fairytales don't come true.

 

I'm not sure if that was directed at what I wrote to you.

But I honestly didn't mean anything mean by it, I just meant to give you hope that you will move on and see that he wasn't as perfect as you think he is right now.

 

That's all....

[waterwoman]

Sorry for your pain. Chin up sweetie x

[Chelseaown]

Hi Tigercub. The 2 comments are mistakes. I wanted to comment on someone that had said to throw me a babyshower and would bring me and the OM together.

 

Sorry for the confusion. Lol. Its the first time I'm on a forum.

[BetrayedH]

Good decision on coming clean with your husband. Another one with dumping the OM. And another with keeping the pregnancy. Nice job making three consecutive decisions that were good and right.

 

You're off to the start of a new life. I challenge you to keep being open, honest, and authentic and to keep making those consecutive good decisions. If you do, your life won't be defined by the mistakes you made during your affair but by how you respond to mistakes.

 

Good luck.

[Steadfast]

I’m broken. Shattered and it’s all my fault. I’ll never ever cheat again. I don’t think I will ever love again. I’ll be wondering what it would’ve be like if we had done it the right way. Now we’ll never know.

 

By the way I’m keeping the pregnancy. We’ll see how everything works out in time.

 

Bye guys. Thanx for the advice, cussing and cursing. All is appreciated.

 

Bad decisions, made by ourselves or others can and do shatter us sometimes. Break us down. Level 'us' as we know ourselves to be.

 

You can remain shattered, or rebuild. Remake yourself into the person you want to be. The key? Desire. You must desire better before better comes.

 

Frankly? I am thrilled for you. Just watch; the child will fill your life with love and give you a sense of purpose you never knew possible. It'll be a lucky child too, having a mother not interested in blame shifting, justification or being 'afraid' of admitting weakness and mistakes.

 

A strong mother. A loving, grateful mother. Unselfish and wise.

 

The world just got a little better today. Just a little, but it means a lot.

[TigerCub]

Hi Tigercub. The 2 comments are mistakes. I wanted to comment on someone that had said to throw me a babyshower and would bring me and the OM together.

 

Sorry for the confusion. Lol. Its the first time I'm on a forum.

 

No worries! You're doing just fine

[selfawareness]

Steadfast, it was a reverse psychology statement. I do believe in the historicity of Nineveh, it was intended at Jonah's mellowing down everything to one mushy beautiful world. Of course he would say that Nineveh was filled with happy folks enjoying life when this disgruntled man came telling them to change their ways. 'Nobody' likes to hear that they are responsible for their actions, it's all one big happy world nowadays, or is it?

[Praying4Peace]

Wow Chelseaown,

Your post made me so happy. Just don't let anyone change your mind (except yourself). You are headed towards better days...come and post if you get overwhelmed.

 

P4P