Chelseaown Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Hi everyone, I am recently in some sort of situation. And know I'm looking for a way to hate the guy. I am a very bad person. I have been married for 2 years with my husband. My husband is a kinda good guy. In our first year of marriage he was very verbally abusive towards and sometimes physically. i forgave him for the most part. 6 moths ago i met this guy. I was very cautious of not getting to attached to him. One kiss led to one time sex which led to an affair. we were both married. He told me the typical **** like I dont love my wife anymore. She is very verbally abusive. And he is the warm loving type. He even did facial treatments for her. He told me that she did not appreciate him at all. we both wanted to divorce and get remarried. But we were waiting for the right time. From the beginning he told me that he had always loved me.(we know each other since we were kids) and that I was the woman he always had wanted. a few months ago i stopped taking the pill. I dont know what my reasons were back than. I told the guy I was having the affair with that i wasnt on the pill. and he told me how amazing it would be to have his baby. i believed that ****. Very quickly I got pregnant with his child (my husband and i have intimacy issues and rarely have sex). I know the child is my Lovers. I told my lover about the pregnancy and he was happy. He told me that he would tell his wife eright away. I told him to wait. He would get a divorce. I would tell my husband and Iwould also have to divorce. 2 days after I told my lover about the pregnancy het told me that his wife IM'ed him that he"s going to be a dad again. I was mad. Because im prenant and she is also. He can not leave her now. i hate him for doing this. But its his wife and im the other woman. Im so stupid. Now i'm going to have an abortion because he wont leave his wife anytime soon and I dont want him with 2 kids. My lover isnt against the abortion. He told me that if I wanted to keep it he would be a part of our lives. But I dont want to keep this baby. I am now planning on telling mys husband who knows nothing the whole story. he's going to get hurt. Im so sorry that I had to this to him and I dont deserve forgiveness. I want to divorce him because he deserves someone better than I am. Im so sad right know. I was so stupid. I really loved that guy. He was the first guy i ever got really intimate with. I have never experienced sex like that with my husband. i wanna die right now. im a murderer..... someone please add to this list please.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Wow - I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I can somewhat sympathize because I was pregnant with my xMM's baby, but miscarried and I am sure I am much older than you. I grieved this child, but also understood what a challenge this would have been in all of our lives. But, because if my personal beliefs (weird I know), I would have kept the baby. Think through this very, very carefully. Do not make a rash decision that you will regret the rest of your life. God bless you.
TigerCub Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 This is very sad. #1) Really think things through before getting the abortion - make sure you are sure you're doing what's best for you. #2) I'm sorry, but I really have doubts that your lover's wife is pregnant. I think he told you that so that he can have a "noble" reason not to leave her and to have you go through this on your own. #3) Your husband doesn't sound like a good guy at all. Anyone that's verbally, emotionally or physically abusive isn't "good". BUT having said that, he still didn't deserve to get cheated on. That's not an excuse. I hope you get out of your bad marriage and I hope you take time to grieve these loses and focus on you. You're learning some really tough lessons and I feel for you. I hope that you stay strong and look after yourself. Good luck 1
drifter777 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 You are describing a complete train-wreck of a life and are overwhelmed with it all right now. Get in to see a counselor ASAP as you need help to get through this crisis. Lots of what you are saying does make sense but these are heavy burdens that you need to share with someone. I think abortion in this case is the right thing but I'm not you and you need to be sure this is what you want before taking this irreversible step. Divorcing your husband also seems like a good, logical thing to do since you obviously don't love him and are young enough for both of you to start over. Just make sure you have an emotional support system in place that you can lean on when you feel overwhelmed.
Artie Lang Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 this is a very sad story, indeed. the problem i have is that you're pretty much blaming this OM for a decision you consciously made on your own. the only person you should he mad at is yourself. why in the world would you get pregnant with this man's child when you weren't even thinking of divorcing your current husband??? i mean, seriously..... as if the affair itself wasn't bad enough. you need to come clean to your husband and let him decide what's best for himself. 1
Holyoak Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I almost get the feeling had not a child become an issue, you would have no problem with what you have done... Even to see you write "lover" in this post knowing what you have done, and reading all the blameshift makes me sick. Ever been cheated on?, know what it feels like that you wish to die while you are awake, and dream of it when you sleep (if you can). Feel a loss, a pain more profound than the death of a parent, child, best friend? Literally feel like your guts have been ripped from you, and the person willfully did it? See your childeren so upset they pass out from the trauma, take drugs to cope, and feel as if the very person they trusted most, sold them out for nothing but selfish pleasure? Live with triggers so strong you go into panic attacks, feel like vomiting, and that your life will never be the same? This is what awaits your H and the other spouse, plus a LOT more! I want to divorce him because he deserves someone better than I am.No you don't, you want absolution and a mechanism to cope FOR YOU... My WW said the exact same thing, and I read it on every board. Because i'm not a "splitter", I do wish you well with the baby, and hope your poor husband and the OPOS wife make out OK with this terrible situation caused by nothing more than selfishness. 1
jlola Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Hi everyone, I am recently in some sort of situation. And know I'm looking for a way to hate the guy. I am a very bad person. I have been married for 2 years with my husband. My husband is a kinda good guy. In our first year of marriage he was very verbally abusive towards and sometimes physically. i forgave him for the most part. 6 moths ago i met this guy. I was very cautious of not getting to attached to him. One kiss led to one time sex which led to an affair. we were both married. He told me the typical **** like I dont love my wife anymore. She is very verbally abusive. And he is the warm loving type. He even did facial treatments for her. He told me that she did not appreciate him at all. we both wanted to divorce and get remarried. But we were waiting for the right time. From the beginning he told me that he had always loved me.(we know each other since we were kids) and that I was the woman he always had wanted. a few months ago i stopped taking the pill. I dont know what my reasons were back than. I told the guy I was having the affair with that i wasnt on the pill. and he told me how amazing it would be to have his baby. i believed that ****. Very quickly I got pregnant with his child (my husband and i have intimacy issues and rarely have sex). I know the child is my Lovers. I told my lover about the pregnancy and he was happy. He told me that he would tell his wife eright away. I told him to wait. He would get a divorce. I would tell my husband and Iwould also have to divorce. 2 days after I told my lover about the pregnancy het told me that his wife IM'ed him that he"s going to be a dad again. I was mad. Because im prenant and she is also. He can not leave her now. i hate him for doing this. But its his wife and im the other woman. Im so stupid. Now i'm going to have an abortion because he wont leave his wife anytime soon and I dont want him with 2 kids. My lover isnt against the abortion. He told me that if I wanted to keep it he would be a part of our lives. But I dont want to keep this baby. I am now planning on telling mys husband who knows nothing the whole story. he's going to get hurt. Im so sorry that I had to this to him and I dont deserve forgiveness. I want to divorce him because he deserves someone better than I am. Im so sad right know. I was so stupid. I really loved that guy. He was the first guy i ever got really intimate with. I have never experienced sex like that with my husband. i wanna die right now. im a murderer..... someone please add to this list please. Now I have seen it all!! Intentionally getting off the pill and pregnant. The OM going around impregnating MW and getting his wife pregnant. YOU were willing to get pregnant while still in a marriage and only tell your husband of the situation after the fact. Can you see how selfish this is? A man who's wife becomes pregnant by another man deals with the biggest humiliation ever. The child also will deal with issues. WM's wife would be hurt beyond comprehension if she knew. You both sought to destroy 2 people with your selfish act. If you really were meant to be together,could you not wait to divorce,see where this is all going, then get off your birth control? Many people act and then think of consequences later. Great way to ruin many lives. 1
ComingInHot Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I think it may be time to think and act like a grown up instead of just playing pretend M for two years. The real world is not an episode of Dallas or some late night soap. Real lives are involved. Real heartbreak! For the love and respect of all involved, at least separate from your H and figure out what you want in your future and who you want to be and w/who. Good luck w/being honest* 1
Jonah Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Stop dogging yourself darlin. You just didn't know what was going on and that's ok. You are disappointed in yourself and feeling bad. We all get to do that! Ok so now you are in a complex situation that you can't deal with on your own. You know there are many places you can turn to get help. The good news is this will resolve itself. Why stay where you are unloved? Please seek a woman's health clinic. You don't have to get an abortion. Kids arn't that bad and there are plenty of good guys out there that will help you raise your kid. This could be fun for you if you could find yourself a safe place.... and that is what the woman's shelters will help you do. This could be the beginning of a new life for you! Let there be new life honey. For you and your baby. Cherish yourself. Cherish your baby. Don't let anyone down you. living in darkness you found it hard to see and you got lost. You are not the first. Me too! So love thyself! The sun will shine for you... for you and your child on the beach with a caring husband. You can have that if you keep visualizing it. It really is there for you! 1
Author Chelseaown Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 Wow. Thanx for the replies. I feel a bit better now. I'm 28 years old and got married a virgin. Sex between me and my husband is weird. It hurts me like there's to much friction. He doesn't enjoy it either. Its really sad. I have never been a slutty type. Always conservative and I never wanted 2 sex partners. But with the second guy I thought this is it number 2. I was wrong. I don't want any sex partners anymore. I wanted to divorce my husband a long time ago. But my parents don't believe in divorce. They kind of control the marriage counseling part of our lives. And my husband always said well it will get better. Stop whining and stuff. He doesn't even want to talk about divorce. I want to tell my husband everything. I really want to. Any suggestions on how to break the bad news to him. He deserves to know.
Author Chelseaown Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 I never said that I intentionally got of the pill to get prenant. I didn't give a reason in my first post. I stopped because the pill caused some kind of weirdness in my menstrual cycle. It was very stupid of me to have unprotected sex. I agree. But when someone is everything you wanted and tells you that you're the very air they breath you do anything for that person. I was stupid. I know
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Sounds like you were never attracted to your husband right from the beginning. Of course sex is going to hurt if he doesn't turn you on enough. Anyway, your marriage seems to be a mistake and that's how you tell your husband. That you love him but aren't in love with him. That you two are just not a good mix. He has his issues, abuse both mentally and physically against you and obviously that has done a lot of damage to you and how you feel towards your H. You cheating him is just more proof that you are not loving him the way a wife should. Come clean, apologize and own your part in the demise of the marriage, own ALL your decisions for your A and hope he will grant you a divorce. Think about adoption for your child. Do seek counseling. Your emotions are all over the place, making a tough decision like this, shouldn't be decided too quickly.
Jonah Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 You are going to have to bite the bullet and just get it out. "I made a mistake" is the lead in and just tell him strait away. It bothers me that "physically abusive" thing you say. I mean... make sure you are safe. But get this telling behind you. You will feel better after and things will become clearer. I think you are "not wanting this baby" right now because right now when you think of this being you are associating with shame. I hope that you will soon come to understand that there is no shame. That is only an illusion... a thought in your mind. Can you touch it? Can you see it? Is it real? Only to you. Feel something else... Gratitude that you are here to learn. Confidence that you can make a strong decision and stick with it. Your feeling can change you know... it could change to a feeling that you very much want this baby. I woman I know in her 60s adopted her nieces (addict) 2 babies. Now she is "momma" and raising those two kids on her own. The kids are school age now and so adorable! They are the happiest kids I know even though they live in poverty. Doing great in school and nearly always smiling. It sounds like you have folks around. They will help you.... hope they don't get all righteous on you. If they do, they will grow out of it. Knocked up, you will be star of the show. All you need is a little confidence. I just love pregnant ladies. The most beautiful thing in the world!
Jonah Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I never said that " "I never said that" ...you will see that phrase quite often here. Just ignore the replies that show ignorance or if they apparently didn't read your post. This is your thread. They can't help that they are ignorant so just let it go and don't reply.
Holyoak Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 But when someone is everything you wanted and tells you that you're the very air they breath you do anything for that person.No, you put up and enforce boundaries as a married women. Even if single, I'm getting a "50 shades" kinda vibe here, or some such. I don't think you were stupid (sounds like a cop out), I do think you made willful, terrible, selfish choices, and a a lot of people are going to suffer because of them. Sex between me and my husband is weird. It hurts me like there's to much friction. He doesn't enjoy it either.Did you, him, both seek a reason for this, any corrective action (medical/psychological, both?) I am not trying to come off mean to you, rather constructive, but it seems you have NO IDEA the ****storm of pain and hurt you are about to unleash, if you can find it in yourself to be totally honest with H, and the other BW. Again, I wish you well with your pregnancy.
Bryanp Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I would suggest that you type out everything you want to say. Then hand him the letter and ask him to read the entire letter before he asks you any questions and then tell him the honest truth for every question he has. Good luck. 1
jnel921 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 You are a mess. This s what happens when you are in a fog because all you can think about is this amazing sex. It got you pregnant and you see...he gives his wife amazing sex too and enjoys it since she is pregnant too. He wants to be with her. If you have this baby will you spend the rest of your life watching him have a life with his wife?
Author Chelseaown Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 A few weeks I told my mom everything accept the pregnant part. I told her that there could be a possibility. But I found out about the pregnancy 4 days ago. So you guys are the only ones that know everything. Everybody again thanx for the advice. I really appreciate it. I will be graduating this month. Bachelor in mechanical engineering so I have a few positive things to look forward to. I'm afraid that when I have gotten the abortion that the guy that got me pregnant will come back and wants to go on with the affair. He already told me that he will never let me go cuz he's in me and I'm in him and that his wife will never be me and he will never be happy with her. And I told him I'm done and finished with all of this and that I forgive him for everything. But he keeps texting me that he's sorry and that he loves me and he that he knows that I still love him. How do I completely let go. How can I stop him from keeping me hooked? I'm afraid he will persuade me again. I'll keep you guys posted if there or any changes but ya'll thanx a lot. Everybody no one excluded.
TaraMaiden Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 If you REALLY want to let go, and move on - sadly, you have to do the hard work. It means growing a spine, and getting a grip. Going No Contact and really, but truly cutting off all and every and any possible avenue of contact. You >>>> him Him >>>> You. Remember this mess. Remember the complications it has brought you, the anxiety, and the danger of the mess it could have led your life in to. You've made some ludicrously stupid decisions and they've come back to bite you in the ass. And they will leave a scar. But you better get your life straight girl, because you only have one chance. You don't want to bow out of your life with this kind of crap on 'lather-rinse-repeat' mode.... 2
Jonah Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I will be graduating this month. Bachelor in mechanical engineering so I have a few positive things to look forward to. Good show! ...but don't stop there! Masters!
Jonah Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I am all for woman's rights, I consistently vote for woman's rights. I am against anyone trying to control others lives. But I am not a woman so I don't know what that would be like. For instance, I can not see what you would find attractive in men. Non the less, having almost earned your degree, you have the means so why not bring something beautiful into the world? What if this is your only chance? So many ladies I know run out of time then find themselves barren. Ok, wrong topic, wrong thread. I have no idea who you are... still I see other single moms so happy, so independent with the world in the palm of their hands. These guys all that you know... you may not remember their face 10 years from now. Your kid would be ten. A son? A daughter? You are creating life.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 And dont believe a word this guy says. He is trying to conceive with his wife, and got her pregnant. Dont be so friggin dumb. He doesnt love you. He just likes to have sex with you. Youre not special. She is.
TigerCub Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 And dont believe a word this guy says. He is trying to conceive with his wife, and got her pregnant. Dont be so friggin dumb. He doesnt love you. He just likes to have sex with you. Youre not special. She is. I agreed with everything you said, till the part in bold. She's not special either if he's cheating on her! OP, you need to get as far away from this loser as possible. You are afraid to get sucked back into the affair - 1 good way to ensure that the affair ends is to let his wife know who you are and what has been going on. Not only will that kill your A, she deserves to know what's going on behind her back. Tell your husband, tell his wife get a divorce and move on and try your damndest to become a smarter, kinder, loyal person.
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