Fiance's married sleazeball of a friend is trying to get him to cheat too!

[onthemoon]

I did something terrible. I was alone in the room with my fiance's cell phone and I read through his text messages. I am a nosy person and I feel really bad for doing so as I know it was wrong. I know that I have some apologizing to do.

 

Fiance's best friend will be visiting from Florida next week. I was excited to meet his childhood friend after hearing about him for so long. I've met all four of his best friends and their wives and we all get along so well!

 

This best friend in particular is married with two children, but you'd think otherwise from his texts! His best friend texted about his strategic plan to get both of them girls at the bars/clubs during his stay and asked for him not to bring me along. My fiance texted back that he is getting married next month, that he would never be unfaithful to me and he is taking our relationship very seriously. Best friend kept egging him on and ended the conversation with there will be temptation everywhere after my fiance kept refusing.

 

I am starting to feel uneasy about my fiance going out with this sleazeball of a friend now. I trust him, otherwise I wouldn't be marrying the man. We have a healthy relationship and he does have his alone time with his friends at a bar once a month to catch up which is great! However, his night out with his best friend doesn't sound like innocent fun and I think it is inappropriate to knowingly place yourself in temptation's path, even with the "strongest mind" in the world.

 

Any ideas on how to approach my fiance about this? Would you feel uneasy as well? How would you handle this?

Edited April 5, 2013 by onthemoon

[whichwayisup]

I did something terrible. I was alone in the room with my fiance's cell phone and I read through his text messages. I am a nosy person and I feel really bad for doing so as I know it was wrong. I know that I have some apologizing to do.

 

Fiance's best friend will be visiting from Florida next week. I was excited to meet his childhood friend after hearing about him for so long. I've met all four of his best friends and their wives and we all get along so well!

 

This best friend in particular is married with two children, but you'd think otherwise from his texts! His best friend texted about his strategic plan to get both of them girls at the bars/clubs during his stay and asked for him not to bring me along. My fiance texted back that he is getting married next month, that he would never be unfaithful to me and he is taking our relationship very seriously. Best friend kept egging him on and ended the conversation with there will be temptation everywhere after my fiance kept refusing.

 

I am starting to feel uneasy about my fiance going out with this sleazeball of a friend now. I trust him, otherwise I wouldn't be marrying the man. We have a healthy relationship and he does have his alone time with his friends at a bar once a month to catch up which is great! However, his night out with his best friend doesn't sound like innocent fun and I think it is inappropriate to knowingly place yourself in temptation's path, even with the "strongest mind" in the world.

 

Any ideas on how to approach my fiance about this? Would you feel uneasy as well? How would you handle this?

 

When you meet this guy, tell your fiance that you feel uneasy and you got a bad feeling from him, that there's something about him you do not like and you really don't feel comfortable with them going out without you. Or something along those lines. Your future h is not going to cheat on you, don't worry.. Though I do understand why you wouldn't want him going out with that guy, he certainly is a scum bucket!

[Sparty97]

Don't tell your fiancee you snooped, and from now on stop doing that.

 

Tell your fiance there's something about his friend that gives you the creeps, you can't put your finger on it, and ask your fiancee "Is there anything about this friend that you haven't told me, that I should know about?" If your fiancee owns up about his friend trying to get him to cheat on you, then you can trust your fiancee. If your fiancee lies to you and says "No there's nothing you need to worry about concerning this particular friend" then that's a direct lie by your fiancee to you and you need to postpone your wedding until the two of you have counseling and straighten things out. Otherwise your fiancee is putting his friendship with a cheating scumbag who wants to get him to cheat as well, above his relationship and marriage to you.

 

If your fiancee answers the question honestly then you have the grounds to ask him to distance himself from this "friend."

 

At some point you may have to address having snooped on his phone, and if asked point blank, you shouldn't lie about it, but right now I wouldn't offer it up until you have gone through the above discussion about the friend without your fiancee knowing the source of your suspicions.

 

So wait...you advice is for her to lie and deceive to see if her fiancee is lying to her? Wow.

 

BTW, if she asks "Is there anything about this friend that you haven't told me, that I should know about?" and he says "no" how is that a lie? She has asked his opinion...is there anything I should know about...it's simply his judgement as to whether she needs to know.

 

How about this OP...without knowing he is being tested, your man has already passed. How about you continue to trust him (although you have violated his) and don't hassle him about going out with his friends.

[Sparty97]

When you suggested she

"Tell your fiance there's something about his friend that gives you the creeps, you can't put your finger on it, and ask your fiancee "Is there anything about this friend that you haven't told me, that I should know about?"

You told her to lie. She can't put her finger on it? Sure she can...she read the text, you are telling her to omit that part. That's a lie.

[Sparty97]

And again, he has told no lie if he says "no" in your fantasy situation. Unless she comes clean about what she has done, she is the one who is lying.

[dichotomy]

I have experience much worse from spouse friend.

 

Look your fiance said the right things - defended your relationship and feelings -said it is NOT going to happen. What more could have have said? So don't worry and please don't say anything about your snooping.... there is nothing to bust HIM about.... as he did right by you..

 

...but since I have been burned before you MIGHT want to snoop one last time after this friend leaves town - cause he will say to him what happened while he was there ...and you will know if your guy stayed true as he did in the texts. Then forget about snooping and never do it again.

[Sparty97]

Oh my goodness. So her fiancee should just go out with a man who is cheating on his wife--his best friend--and actively trying to get him to cheat on her, and turn her eyes from it?

 

 

 

 

You're forgetting that something made OP look in his phone in the first place.

 

I wonder what that was.

 

Maybe she is an untrusting b*tch...by her own admission he has never done anything to warrant that mistrust.

[Sparty97]

You sound like someone who cheated and got busted on your cellphone:laugh: Hyper sensitive today are we?

 

 

Not at all. I just spotted the hypocrisy in your post and called you on it. Sorry if I hit a nerve.

 

I will tell you this, if I found out my wife had gone through my phone, emails, whatever we would have a talk about it as I was packing a bag.

[Sparty97]

"No way you d bag and I am sending a copy of this txt to your wife!"

 

Bwahahahaha...

[Sparty97]

So you think it's a joke to cheat?

 

Good for you.

 

Did you laugh when you caught your wife with the basketball team?

 

 

No, I think it's ridiculous to think a man would forward another man's wife a text like that.

 

And hey, if would get me out of alimony she could take on the entire Final Four.

[Mr. Lucky]

I agree that the question has been asked (by the friend) and answered (by your fiancé). You can't tail him 24/7, that's where trust comes into play. And it sounds like you've got a good partner worthy of your trust. Let it go and move on...

 

Mr. Lucky