Do I deal with the silent treatment giving the silent treatment myself? less...

[frazzled12]

We have been going out for a little over 2 years and during that time he was very supportive towards me as I finished graduate school. He is a great person but resorts to the silent treatment when he is upset at me. He explains that he feels our relationship was like long distance because I was always studying and busy with school. He holds that against me even though I often made quality time to spend with him.

 

Lately, there has been so much tension since we are both transitioning with our careers and looking for jobs plus I expressed to him that I want to start a family. He has been frustrated with his job situation for a very long time and I have finally encouraged him to go after his career dream/job. I feel that my career is finally taking off and his isn't and once again I feel some resentment from his part because I am in a position to make lots of money and he feels threatened by that.

 

It has been a month since we have seen each other but we have spoken almost everyday on the phone. This has never happened in our relationship the reason is because we are both stressed because we both need a job asap (we do not live together) and decided to take some time to focus on the job search. We had a date planned two weeks ago and we had a silly argument and sure enough we did not see each other as we had hoped. He called me ungrateful, nasty and that I act like I am in control of the relationship. I was shocked because I am none of these things. I tried calling him to speak to him and he refuses to speak with me. Now it has been two weeks with no communication from him or me. I am the one who often makes the first attempt at reconciliation but this time I feel hopeless and I am holding back also giving him the silent treatment. I don't know what to do.

Edited April 5, 2013 by frazzled12
info added

[hannah11]

The fact that you guys are both stressed about finding a job and you going through school and in this economy it is hard enough doing those things. When you add in the already not so stable relationship it makes it more complicated, and then when you suggest starting a family it kind of just makes it scary. If neither of you have a job then you are unable to support a family. He probably wants to get firmly on his feet before going into any commitments like that. He may feel threatened by your potential to make more money but don't just assume that is how he is feeling. Just talk to him about it, the silent treatment won't help the situation at all it will probably just make you guys more distant and then you will eventually turn to other potential mates. Maybe you guys are just at different stages in where you want to be in life. You want to start a family, the idea stressed him out even more. You need to find some common ground or move on. Every relationship is different, but communication is a huge part of all relationships. The silent treatment communicates that he is stubborn and is waiting for you to apologize, if you mirror his actions now then eventually you or him will give in. Probably you, since you are usually the one to initiate the apologies. If by some chance you don't give in, then he probably won't either in which case your relationship will not progress at all. Just talk to him. It's understandable that your lives are busy but you still need to find some time to spend together.

[frazzled12]

The fact that you guys are both stressed about finding a job and you going through school and in this economy it is hard enough doing those things. When you add in the already not so stable relationship it makes it more complicated, and then when you suggest starting a family it kind of just makes it scary. If neither of you have a job then you are unable to support a family. He probably wants to get firmly on his feet before going into any commitments like that. He may feel threatened by your potential to make more money but don't just assume that is how he is feeling. Just talk to him about it, the silent treatment won't help the situation at all it will probably just make you guys more distant and then you will eventually turn to other potential mates. Maybe you guys are just at different stages in where you want to be in life. You want to start a family, the idea stressed him out even more. You need to find some common ground or move on. Every relationship is different, but communication is a huge part of all relationships. The silent treatment communicates that he is stubborn and is waiting for you to apologize, if you mirror his actions now then eventually you or him will give in. Probably you, since you are usually the one to initiate the apologies. If by some chance you don't give in, then he probably won't either in which case your relationship will not progress at all. Just talk to him. It's understandable that your lives are busy but you still need to find some time to spend together.

 

Thank you hannah11, I agree it is important to establish good communication patterns from now on. This is why I decided to put my pride aside and make the first move. Someone has to do it afterall.