Should i keep this going or let this go?

[babylove00]

I met this guy online,& i gave him my number. We talked day and night for about 2 weeks. Our conversations were mainly playful but we wrote paragraphs to eachother. We hit it off so well with our conversations,it felt like ive been knowing him forever. After 2 weeks passed i decided to hang out with him. He took me to his house and we just basically laughed a whole lot ,danced and made out. The second date came around the next week. Keep in mind we are still texting everyday at this point. On the second date i had sex with him, but the sucky part is that i lost my virginity to him!!(it didnt really go in all the way cause it hurt so bad) I feel so shamful and dont know how to swallow the fact that i lost it just like that after waiting 18 long years. I dont know why i did it, i just got seduced. (im 18 ,hes 21). I wanted to wait till marriage to have sex but now thats all down the drain and i feel like a easy skank just like the rest of them. We hung out 6 times. All those times besides the 1st date, we fooled around. On the 6th date we had sex again and this time it went all the way in. While he was doing it ,all i wanted was for him to stop but my i didnt speak up.I didnt enjoy it at all, i had so many other things on my mind, i felt speechless and helpless. But before we had sex i said if he was having sex with other girls and he replied no and i told him i dont want to have sex with him because im going to get attached to you, and his response was " im already attached to you" and i replied no you arent and he just stayed quiet. i should have known from that no reply it was a nogo but my temptation took over me. After that happened, we watched the notebook, danced, laughed a whole lot. Our conversations never end. We always have something to laugh about. We wrestled on the bed and played hand games however we didnt have any intellectual conversations. I feel like i can be myself with him fully and i feel he can do the same. Ever since that happened , we still text everyday but our conversations are dead and he is always the one who stops replying. I know this sounds childish but we live in a texting generation, and i feel you can express any type of emotion over text if you know the person well.

 

(We have been talking for 2 and half months now)

 

I just dont know what to do with my emotions.Hes the first thing i think about when i wake up and the last thing i think about before i go to sleep. Actually i think about him all throughout the day. I feel overly clingy but he doesn't know that i feel this way about him. I feel like this would just scare him away. Im just in lust with him. Its hard for me to deal with this shameful infatuation. Its my mistake that i lost it to someone who isnt mine. Let me be clear , i know its all my fault for being easy but things just happened. He is my first for everything which sucks. I just never hit off with a guy like him. For some odd reason i trusted him...

Im catholic & I just cant believe i went against my morality....it breaks my heart so bad...i feel my shame linger...

 

Do you think there could be a possibility that this "thing" could turn into a relationship later on? or is it too late since i already gave up the challenge. Deep in my heart i feel there is potential for this relationship however deep in my gut i feel he just wanted to have sex and he got what he wanted.

 

Should i just tell him how i feel in a gentle way or should i just follow my instincts and let this go without saying anything? or just go with the flow and try to block out my feelings as long as i can

 

We still talk everyday but our convos are really short now and just playful, it seems like he doesnt want to get to know the real me, he only knows the funny side of me.

 

I just feel like he got to see the prize already without even opening it. & now hes not excited to see whats inside anymore because he knows what it is now... however i feel like i have so much to offer personality wise/support wise but like i said he already seen the prize...

Edited April 5, 2013 by babylove00
i forgot to add something

[juststarry6443]

Unfortunately, I do think that he wanted nothing more than sex from you. But don't feel so ashamed of yourself or linger on to him because then he will have truly have accomplished something. And it usually is hard for a girl to have the guy she first lost "it" to to forget about him it may take even years for you to completely forget about him. But your best bet is to move on and care less about what he has to say or how he acts.

[LoverOfDance]

I think u should tell him. I don't think he's really taking u seriously. Probably taking this as something casual. Let him know how u feel. I'm just like u. Catholic and very morally grounded so I understand exactly how u feel and I can tell u're extremely attached. Been there. Tell him and see what happens.

 

If he doesn't feel the same then take this as a very important lesson that came at a great price. Accept the reality of the situation and move on. But if he does, wonderful. Hopefully u guys can move forward from there.

[lovenote24]

I honestly don't think the fact that you had sex with him is what changed it all. I think it's your guilt. You need to be honest with him that you did something that isn't what you wanted. That's why he doesn't know the whole you, because you're scared to tell him. Even if you hadn't had sex, the fun playful side would die down eventually, as it has, but it wouldn't have hurt so much. It got your mind running. When the initial excitement starts to wear off, it leaves open space to fill with a meaningful relationship. You can still have fun together, but you can also get to know each other and let your guards down a little. Honestly, if he just wanted sex he wouldn't be talking to you at all. Its just a slow spot. Make it exciting! Not just with jokes, but show him who you are.

Don't be scared of losing him over it.

 

It is better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not for if you are not loved for your true self, you are not loved anyway.

[uniqwa]

wow. Dude I can totally relate.. I lost mine at 18 to my ex.. Same thing.. Only I knew him a year before.. Literally three years total.. We started off as enemies, Typical movie crap.. He hated me " I hated him but was secretly in love with him", We grew on each other and I had been friends with his sister.. One day he told me " I could be the man to love you if you'd let me", Then I didn't talk to him.. Ignored him.. Then we started texting was an all day and night for 5 months.. He had his sister call me and tell me he was looking to be with me, I did not date so he asked his sister if I would consider marrying him..We knew each other one year prior, 5 months of textdate and actually seeing each other Day and night.. We got married by his family, I didn't lose my vcard till three months and GOD he was gentle.. He literally only fingered until I told him I was ready.. That was a total of 8 months and when He took my vcard, He didn't take it easily, He had told me " I love you, I want you to give it to me only if you feel that you are going to be with me, that you feel the same way", we did it and his whole fam found out.. But he told me that night " your not my little girl anymore your my woman".. Then we talked about babies, how he wanted at least 3.. I didn't want any.. And he convinced me our babies would be attractive and take after him and if they were stupid he would give them up for adoption or we would adopt. but the romance didn't stop.. He fell more in love with me, He wanted me around day and night and he begged and he would cry on the phone ( not literally but a begging), We didn't just have sex. We had the 2 hour walks around the park. Baby sitting his little sisters, lol he would literally bring me the newborns and say " this is what our baby will be like, don't drop it practice", We lasted two years and in our two year relationship, that passion it lingered the sex we had amazing passionate sex every single time. There was not one moment where during sex he didn't say " baby I love you so much, I love you, your my everything, I love you more then anything", He made love to me. And when he took my vcard, He seduced me and made love. He kissed every part of me. He kissed my hands, My feet, My neck, my ears, he whispered " I love you" He was gentle, The lust.. There was attraction for one another, but when a man loves you.. He shows you by giving you time, He was raised muslim so He didn't have sex like a lot of toads do..so I know it took a lot out of him not to just jump my bones, Literally his legs would shake and he would pant and I really wanted him,like every single time. I tried to force him and he told me "no it'll hurt you and I love you so much, I wouldn't be able to stand if I hurt you, when you can take the width of my fingers, that is when you'll be ready for me and only when you want it". Now my ex..I lusted after his ass so much I was there day and night, lmao literally when he made me wait, NO freaking man does that, He literally made me wait 3 months after he made us "official" to his family, AND it hurt me more then it hurt him, He got nothing out of it because, I was a good girl and told him I would never give him a Bj, I didn't know about sex. SO I didn't know how to pleasure him, So he literally did everything himself and he only told me to kiss his neck and he kissed me and fingered, That was IT. That was my first experience. It wasn't "lust"

. but love is patient, and any man who just gets the goodies and flips the script just got what he wanted. Now lust is not being able to wait for someone. Also he had told me before we did anything that he wasn't a virgin, but he was raised in an islamic country, when he got to the US he had so many bitches throw **** his way.. but with me.. I can honestly say, My ex gave me the best sex experience any woman will ever have. to have a man who was raised in an islamic country ( sex is taboo) come to the US and get ass tossed salad his way constantly and he played, He had sex.. but with me he literally waited and in waiting he made me wait... No man waits that long unless they love you.. O_- I was stupid.. he is now my ex..

Edited April 8, 2013 by uniqwa