TaylorBe Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Hi Everyone, I realized last week that most of my pain surrounding the "Break Up" Was due to my issues I had with myself. I eternalized everything and blamed myself. I hadn’t figured out how to love myself unconditionally and I struggle with living & enjoying life in the present. He was a lets enjoy the now and let whatever happens happen when it happens type of guy. Now that I realize how powerful that concept is, I've been working on forgiving and letting go of my past and freeing myself from the anxiety I have trying to ensure a happy future. My ultimate goal is to fall in love with myself be at peace and enjoy the life I've worked so hard to create. Because I realized that I was in a better place I decided to break my 3 weeks of NC to send him an email a few days ago. The email simply thanked him for the experience and let him know I was no longer blaming him for the pain I went through, that I was 100% responsible for the choice I made. (I used hate him for pursuing me and forcing me to let down my walls when he knew he wasn’t ready for anything more than casual dating). I'm so glad I broke NC against the advice of this site and some of my friends because he told me that he really wanted to reach out to me and leave a snicker, some dollar bills & a thank you note on my door (this is a huge gesture for personal reasons I won’t say here loll). The fact that he wanted to do something to make me happy showed me that he genuinely cares about me. Now that I know he cared/cares about me I can forgive myself for letting my walls down for him… I no longer feel like an idiot. Now I can move on taking the lessons from this experience with me, to make me a better person but not letting them hold me back from enjoying life. 1
Author TaylorBe Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 I should probably point out that the reason I didnt think he cared about me was because people were telling me if he cared he would have faught for me, broke NC, reached out, ect...well in my case he knew he couldnt give me what I wanted (now I realized it was what I thought I wanted lol) so he cared enough to let me go so I could find it with someone else.
TearyEyedPride Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Omg! Thank you so much for being honest. Don't get me wrong, I believe in NC for at least 1-2 weeks because it sometimes takes that time to get over the anger, and the crushing feeling that depresses and makes people incapable of communicating without being overly emotional. After that I feel like the healing process depends on the relationship. After people have had a chance to kind of step outside their feelings and truly evaluate their relationship for what it is, sometimes LC or NC is the best way to go. I usually suggest NC for really unhealthy, emotional unstable, abusive or tragic relationships. I also suggest it when people fail to accept that their ex wants to let go, or has dreams of reconciliation without change. However, I do find that NC is limiting sometimes because if you and your ex had a mature relationship or understanding, above average communication and weren't all about the games and manipulation, usually there is some type of communication, understanding and closure you need to have with them to move forward. I feel like when you break up with an ex... and you can truly thank them for the changes they've made in your life... that's healing and should be expressed. So thank you thank you thank you for putting that out there. I feel like people need to know that. 3
Amelie1980 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I thought you weren't using this site anymore. Also try not to fall too deeply in love with yourself...narcissim isn't attractive. 1
Author TaylorBe Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 I thought you weren't using this site anymore. Also try not to fall too deeply in love with yourself...narcissim isn't attractive. I never said I wasn't using this site anymore lol...I was just suggesting giving it a break from time to time to actually put the knowledge we've gained from all the posts we read to use
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