Maria46 Posted September 14, 2004 Posted September 14, 2004 When I first joined LS as a member, I was having problems dealing with my insecurity probllem. That is something I work on daily as it causes grief between my SO and myself. I have been with my bf for over a year and a half and believe that he should be more considerate of my feelings. Please give me your insight on this problem as it may just be me being insecure and not realizing it. We are good friends of members of a local band and they were moving to another city about 17 hours away to get a better job. They had lots of equipment to move and my bf and a friend of his offered to move it for them. They planned on taking two days to get there and two days coming back. I understood my bf to explain that they would be staying one day with them and then driving for two days to get back. The first day they were there, they went to an audition with the band, and the next day they had another audition. Well, it seems as thought my bf didn't think it was important to notify me that they were staying an extra day until around 11 pm on the day they should have left. He then told me that they would be leaving the next day. The next day comes and goes and I didn't hear anything from him. I tried to call his friends cell phone and no one answered. The day after, I get ahold of our friend with the band and he tells me they still haven't left yet. I ask him to have my bf call me, which he does, and tells me they are leaving after our friend's gf gets off of work. He also told me he would call me when they got to where they would be staying the night at. I waited for hours that night wondering if they made it safely. I try to call the cell phone and no one answers it again. About 11 pm, my bf finally calls me and tells me that they haven't left. You can imagine how upset I am with him. He promises that he would call me in a half hour as they were still in a restaurant having dinner. Guess what?? No phone call all night long, and no phone call the next morning either. The next morning I call the friend from the band and he says that they did leave that morning which I really didn't believe at first. I told him that my bf told me they were leaving the day before and my friend told me that they stayed to move the equipment from their home to the bar. (The band does not have a vehicle to move this equipment) My bf called me later that day and said he would give me a call when they got to where they would be staying the night, which he did. He explained to me that the nearest pay phone was quite a ways away from where his friends live so that was the reason he never called me back. He should be home this afternoon and I am ready to kick him to the curb. Am I being insecure about this? I feel that I should be treated better. I trust him completely about not seeing any other women, and the gf of our friend told me that they were all together all the time he was there and he wasn't doing anything wrong. I told her that I trust him, but he needs to let me know what he is doing. I love him and I know he loves me, but what do I have to do to get him to consider my feelings about keeping me informed on what is going on? Or when he changes plans without informing me?? He has been divorced for over 6 years. Is it because he has been single too long? I would appreciate any advice, so I will have some idea of what to tell him when he gets home. I already have an idea of what I want to say, but want to make sure I am not just dealing with my insecurities. Thanks for any help you can give me!! One other thing I need to add to this is that I didn't want him to make this trip because of my insecurity problems and as this friend he went with is a real heavy drinker and I was afraid he would drink and drive. We had a few arguements about him going before he actually left.
tanbark813 Posted September 14, 2004 Posted September 14, 2004 Well I don't know if you've been insecure about other stuff, but in this case I don't think you were insecure. I don't think it's a reason to break up with your bf (unless this type of thing happens all the time) but I would be upset if I were in your shoes. I don't think this was about trust or insecurity. It sounds like it was just a matter of your bf lacking common courtesy.
Author Maria46 Posted September 14, 2004 Author Posted September 14, 2004 Thanks for the input on this. I really like the statment you used about him lacking common courtesy. I will use those words in about 4 hours. He is normally quite good about keeping in touch with me. Thanks again!!
Scangie Posted September 14, 2004 Posted September 14, 2004 If he is normally quite good at keeping in touch with you, then I don't think this one incident should be reason to kick him to the curb. Definitely have a discussion with him about how his actions (or lack of them) made you feel, but if the relationship is otherwise good, I wouldn't break up over this. He was in a situation where he was at the mercy of other people's plans & schedules. Plus, if he was always with the band, maybe he felt like it would make him looked whipped if he had to check in with you all the time. (I don't you are this way, but if he is concerned with acting "cool" -- that might account for it). I vote give him another chance!
kellydontwanttasleep Posted September 14, 2004 Posted September 14, 2004 if he is normally quite good at keeping in touch with you, he might have been bangin some groupy chick. if he thinks your going to break up with him if bangs other girls then your forcing him to lie to you. good luck.
Author Maria46 Posted September 15, 2004 Author Posted September 15, 2004 That is a real good thought about him not wanting them to know he needed to call me. We are going to have a nice talk when he gets home tonight. I really believe that after we talk tonight, that this won't ever happen again, or he should tell me the plans are still up in the air and we can go from there. Can't wait to see him. And no.... he's not bangin some groupy chick. I have complete trust in him knowing he will not cheat on me and he trusts me completely in that area as well. That is one of the best things about our relationship. I have always had problems with my jealousy in other relationships, but not with this one. He has made me feel so secure about his love for me. It is so great to be free of the green eyed monster.
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