Author Navajo46 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 So my ex's son and I were supposed to go to hang out today... but I found out that the party was for little kids and we decided not to go. We spoke for a minute and he said we can hang out anytime and I told him it's in his court and to let me know whenever and I told him that I really mean it. He then sends me a text 10 minutes later and says "I know you do man and it means more than anything to hear you say that. Your more of a father than my dad ever was to me and I can't thanks you enough for it". This brought tears to my eyes. One because I miss the kid and Two because it really fealt good to hear that at least he cared about me after 4.5 months BU and I had an impact on his life. Love that kid. 3
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Navajo46, I respect the man you sound like you are. There aren't too many people willing to resume with the pain of loss to "do the right thing." One of my first thoughts was that your ex finds it convenient that there's a man, you, to provide her with something that she isn't getting right now. I can't help thinking that she isn't taking advantage of your love and commitment to her son. If she doesn't love you, it's what I'm thinking. But, you are showing her and her child that you're a man of true substance. Believe me, I know what you are going through, though my "romantic" feelings for my ex have all but evaporated. Good luck and respect!
Author Navajo46 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 Thats the reason when we first broke up that i wanted nothing to do with either of them because she was asking to stay friends and still talk to her son. I didnt want her to have the benefit of me taking care of her son while she starts a whole new relationship. After a few months though, she really doesnt have anything to do with it. I didnt want to be perceived as trying to stay in her life. She and i have had no contact whatsoever and i wouldnt see it as her taking advantage of me in his case. I finally made a choice to be a part of his life as long as he wants to be and to never speak of his mother and keep the relationship just between he and i. She didnt love me and i know that now. I just want to make sure he gets what he needs. I dont really care anymore how she perceives it at all.
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I hear you, but the reality is that you are still in her life. Your commitment to her son doesn't happen unless she says it does. You still need to talk to her, meet with her, be in her presence for the relationship with the son to continue, right? I do have to be fair to my ex, though, she is cares about me and I have no right or reason to think that she is taking advantage of my loyalty.
Author Navajo46 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 I hear you, but the reality is that you are still in her life. Your commitment to her son doesn't happen unless she says it does. You still need to talk to her, meet with her, be in her presence for the relationship with the son to continue, right? I do have to be fair to my ex, though, she is cares about me and I have no right or reason to think that she is taking advantage of my loyalty. It's true that it doesn't happen unless she says it does. But, no I do not have to talk to her, meet with her or be in her presence. Basically, he runs it by his mom when he wants to talk to me or hang out and then texts or calls me. And then I would just pick him up and drop him off. She and I went through a BU/Separation a few years ago and this is exactly how it was. I guess it is staying in her life, but with no direct contact with her.
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 It's true that it doesn't happen unless she says it does. But, no I do not have to talk to her, meet with her or be in her presence. Basically, he runs it by his mom when he wants to talk to me or hang out and then texts or calls me. And then I would just pick him up and drop him off. She and I went through a BU/Separation a few years ago and this is exactly how it was. I guess it is staying in her life, but with no direct contact with her. I see. I'm in a situation where I'm still seeing my ex and her kids. More to it than that, but whenever I see her I am even more encouraged by our friendship. I know, just as you, that we couldn't work out as a couple again, but I feel great that she responds, trusts and calls on me when she needs and wants to get together. It sounds awfully dysfunctional, but I see her when I want to and she when I let her. Some will say that this interferes with my dating and I admit that it does. Not b/c I can't move on, rather, b/c the ladies that I have dated can't get past the fact that I have an ex that I am close to. AND BELIEVE ME I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT. Try to find a way to move on and date. If you find it too hard b/c you are still thinking about you ex, having a relationship with her son isn't helping regardless of your intentions. You know one day your ex may move or want nothing more to do with you, but you did the decent thing. You remained true to the good that is in you. It reminds me of that scene in the LOTR where Galadriel is tested by the alllure of the corrupting power of the ring. This is a test that will either destroy the self or keep it intact. In the end, no matter what, if you continue being you, you will have won. You will have remained true to yourself. I know corny, but such thoughts are what keeps me in my ex's life. Wanting nothing more to remain myself and not allowing the situation nor her change me into something more cynical, spiteful.
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