underwater2010 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Should a woman who has raised her kids while their husband works away lose her kids over her prominiscuity ? I don't think she should lose her kids due to promiscuity, however an ever revolving door of men in and out can do a lot of damage to a child. But that is also the hard part of being a single mother. When do introduce a man to your children? Can you keep sex separate from the house your children live in while you have custody? Can you make your kids a priority over sexual interests? You being a general term, not personal. Do you think this is fair? No, but I don't think it is fair that a woman is considered, often times, the first to win primary custody. I do not I think it's absurd. Unless of course she is an unfit mother (drink, drugs, neglect - and dont start saying she neglected her kids when she was sleeping around you could say the same for every single mother out there who has sex etc) It could be considered neglect if her children were witness to her cheating ways. ie being introduced to the partners, left to play while mom was getting it on etc. But the truth is that you need to prove neglect via drugs, alcohol, beating, inattention etc. in order to be consider unfit. Not just a cheat.
Spark1111 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I get what your saying but personally I disagree, if she is indeed a good mother to her kids her personal sexual life is of no concern as long as she isn't endangering the kids. But where would you draw the line here? You personally? I agree the sex life of an adult is private as long as they are discreet and very mindful of their role as parent. But what if they are not? What if the kids are in the yard while she is at the neighbor's house doing him? or the kids are sleeping down the hall and she is on the couch with her lover? What if her promiscuity shows poor, poor parental judgement and instability because she is reckless, and not discreet at all? What if the man she brings home is potentially violent, or his BS or GF is? What if your xH starts to date a woman whose BF is known to be violent and carries a gun, and he chooses to have her over when your babies are sleeping there? You wouldn't go crazy with worry over his poor judgement to potentially put them in harm's way over his very private sex life? THAT's the scenario you cannot have both ways, IMO.
Got it Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Alienation of affection is a wonderfull thing. It doesn't carry jail time. And few states have it, and those that due allot it towards civil issues. So monetary recovery, potentially. Putting the person in jail, no. So why, tied to the comment about jail times does it make alienation of affection a wonderful thing?
Spark1111 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 It doesn't carry jail time. And few states have it, and those that due allot it towards civil issues. So monetary recovery, potentially. Putting the person in jail, no. So why, tied to the comment about jail times does it make alienation of affection a wonderful thing? If you can prove it, the spouse loses custody and you gain it. It is considered very serious emotional abuse.
Got it Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Absolutely. If my H had run off with OW,as much as he desired for her to meet his kids, that was not going to happen, ever. If he married her he would not have them over at his house. She would not be invited ever to any family functions regarding my children. So yeah, his time with his children would have been very very limited. What legal grounds do you have to be able to do this? I sympathize with your desire to not have her interact with your kids but if he has any custody/visitation with them, what ability would you have to make sure this happened? 1
Got it Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 If you can prove it, the spouse loses custody and you gain it. It is considered very serious emotional abuse. Really? I don't know of any rulings where the parent loses custody/visitation of their children. I know that it can be used to go from primary to joint or vice versa. But even with that, there is only one or two states, NC for one, that does this. Most states don't care. "Alienation of affection-in which the plaintiff alleges that a third party maliciously acted to destroy his or her marriage-is a relatively rare cause of action, with North Carolina one of just a handful of jurisdictions that allow it. The cases are particularly difficult to win, too, because the deserted spouse must show that there was genuine love and affection in the relationship before the third party became involved, and that the defendant’s own conduct caused or was the major contributor to the destruction of the marriage." So actually being able to prove it is extremely difficult in a state that allows it, like NC. And in researching I can see that it can definitely impact alimony and child support amounts but I can't find anything showing that it can affect custody even for North Carolina.
Got it Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 At least in regards to Illinois law: Ex-spouses seeking to find some personal “closure” after the break-up of their marriage, will likely not find it in an alienation of affection lawsuit against the paramour—despite what you may have heard. Using this type of lawsuit to help heal emotional wounds is just a legal myth in Illinois. Illinois lawmakers enacted the “Alienation of Affections Act” in order to prevent such abuses. While most laws tend to lay out their elements in a detached and clinical manner, this Act “speaks” to spouses and exes to warn of using the course of action for wrong purposes. It says that the previous remedy for alienation of affection lawsuits had been horribly abused for personal monetary gain and for blackmail. Therefore, the Act limits damages to “actual damages” suffered. Further, the Act says that alienation of affection is not to be used to compensate for shame, humiliation, dishonor, or the like when a spouse cheats. In interpreting the Alienation of Affection laws in Illinois, the courts have also decided to narrowly construe this cause of action. They have jumped on board the philosophy of preventing abuse, and sent the message that not only are these actions very limited by the damages prohibitions of the Act, but that the courts will also subject a claim to “very close and strict scrutiny” in terms of what is alleged and how it is proven. To successfully make a claim for alienation of affection, you have to prove three elements—each of which has to pass this tight measure of evaluation. First, the actual love and affection that the cheating ex had for his or her spouse needs to be shown. Clearly this is difficult to accomplish. The only two that really know what the actual level of closeness was during the marriage, are the two that are estranged. It’s pretty unlikely for the ex being sued to be able to recall specifics showing the love and affection. Another element that has to be shown is the conduct by the paramour that ended the closeness and affection. To satisfy this burden, specific acts or conduct have to be proven that demonstrate the paramour’s “willful intent” to destroy the relationship. It is not enough that the two became involved and it developed into something, or that the ex changed his feelings voluntarily. There needs to be a specific intent by the paramour to act in a manner that would entice the ex and cause the end of the affection. The third element for a valid claim relates to the Illinois Alienation of Affection Act; there has to be actual damages. The Act is clear that no punitive or exemplary damages are allowed. Also no damages for pain and suffering or emotional distress are allowed. Illinois courts have also denied damage claims for the attorneys’ fees spent in the divorce action, and for loss of the companionship of the relationship. While it may seem tempting to use the courts to try to punish a cheating ex-spouse and the person he or she cheated with, Illinois law is not going to let that happen so easily. Instead, you may end up paying a lot of money in hourly attorneys’ fees, only to recover a small amount in the courtroom.
Got it Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 FS - Good point. And yes, I think the "choosing" is the crux of the divorce and one of the most difficult parts. PA - Okay.
Imported Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 (edited) If a husband was doing the same thing, he'd be painted as the devil and much worse. A wife does it and people have discussions like this. Did she put her kids life in danger while sucking off a bunch of random cocks from all the different guys she knows when her husband is away? Maybe not, but you know what, **** that. Someone who has such little control over themselves that they can't treat someone they married with respect should be by themselves, not raising children. Then she can be free to **** till her ass falls out. She is a liar, unfaithful and lacks in moral fiber. She should not be raising children. Edited April 6, 2013 by Imported
Spark1111 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Really? I don't know of any rulings where the parent loses custody/visitation of their children. I know that it can be used to go from primary to joint or vice versa. But even with that, there is only one or two states, NC for one, that does this. Most states don't care. "Alienation of affection-in which the plaintiff alleges that a third party maliciously acted to destroy his or her marriage-is a relatively rare cause of action, with North Carolina one of just a handful of jurisdictions that allow it. The cases are particularly difficult to win, too, because the deserted spouse must show that there was genuine love and affection in the relationship before the third party became involved, and that the defendant’s own conduct caused or was the major contributor to the destruction of the marriage." So actually being able to prove it is extremely difficult in a state that allows it, like NC. And in researching I can see that it can definitely impact alimony and child support amounts but I can't find anything showing that it can affect custody even for North Carolina. No, look up Parental alienation of affection, or Parental Alienation
USMCHokie Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 It doesn't carry jail time. And few states have it, and those that due allot it towards civil issues. So monetary recovery, potentially. Putting the person in jail, no. So why, tied to the comment about jail times does it make alienation of affection a wonderful thing? It should be criminalized like it is in military law. Not only is sleeping with someone not your spouse adultery, but so is knowingly sleeping with someone else's spouse, regardless of your own marital status. That's the way it should be done. 2
cocorico Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 My H's infidelity was not a factor at all during the consideration of custody during his D from his xW. Given the age of the kids (teens) custody was awarded as shared, with the proviso that the kids have a choice in where they wish to be. They chose to spend almost all of their time with us. Clearly they did not think his A made him a worse parent.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 How old are the kids? Unless one of the parents is grossly negligent, let the kids decide...
Got it Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 It should be criminalized like it is in military law. Not only is sleeping with someone not your spouse adultery, but so is knowingly sleeping with someone else's spouse, regardless of your own marital status. That's the way it should be done. Maybe to you but not according to enough of the constituents and there for law makers that decide to do away with or minimize the impact of any adultery laws. So, to you that is the way it "should" be done, which is fine for you, but obviously does not weigh in at the same level for others. If it did the laws would be in great effect and in more states than it does currently. It shows to be even less of an emphasis in the rest of the western world.
Got it Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 No, look up Parental alienation of affection, or Parental Alienation Yes I know about Parental Alienation, what does that have to do with alienation of affections with spouses? That is something totally different and I did not find anything connecting affair and parental alienation on the premise of it being an affair. Maybe I don't understand what you are trying to say.
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