PogoStick Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Ladies, would you like to be kissed on the 1st date from OLD? Not a big make out, but an end of the night "hey I'm into you" kiss. Since it's OLD, might a girl think the guy is just out for sex if he goes for the kiss that quickly? I feel OLD is almost a blind date, just a few short messages exchanged, then "hey we might as well have this conversation in person." That's different than people who have already known each other casually who go on a 1st date. Situation: Meeting post dinner on Sunday for a couple beers at a nice bar. Going for simple conversation probably be there 2-3 hours. A chance to feel each other out. Are there women who would think less of a guy for not trying if it went well? Knowing she's cute and has many offers, is it better to go for it?
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 (edited) I really don't think it has anything to do with the partner being from OLD. All but one of the ladies that I've dated gave me at least a peck on the lips. All from OLD. It really depends upon whether there is strong attraction, chemistry in the date. Edited April 5, 2013 by soccerrprp 1
candie13 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I see your point asking. My general view on that is a firm no. Getting to know eachother better, no pressure, each one is free to contact - or stop contacting the other person, as they please. And if you like what you see after the first 3 -5 dates, why not. But the correct answer is: it depends. If there's an electric chemistry between the two of you, you'd be silly not to kiss the girl, if you feel really strongly that it's the right thing to do. So just listen to yourself and don't put any pressure. I think if, at the end of the date, you have a genuine smile, express the fact that you've enjoyed the evening and follow up on that next, she'll understand you're interested. Just don't play any games, as in: "I like you, but won't kiss you, I text you, but then I take forever to respond your text, I ask you out but never set up a firm date" type of sh*t. No one above 17 enjoys it. 5
RedRobin Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 IME, kissing someone expresses romantic interest. Just because you have one nice date, to me doesn't qualify as romantic interest IF you are looking for a relationship. (keep in mind...this is OLD and meeting a complete stranger for the first time). Unless you have some other underlying context like lots of emails, phone chats, etc... it really IS like a blind date. Also, a lot of women uncomfortable with the 3-5 date until sex trajectory know full well that a guy kissing you on the first date is jumping on that treadmill or trying to... By pushing things that early, you are forcing her to make a decision about you prematurely. With me, it always leans to the negative. But that is just me. 5
Art_Critic Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I'll tell you my experience... In all the relationships I have had ALL started with a kiss on the first date, some more For me if the kiss on the first date doesn't happen it isn't going anywhere, this is why I have always given the advice to kiss a girl on the first date if you are interested.... 1
Gottabestrong Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I don't like being kissed after the first date. Especially if it was a get-to-know-each-other coffee date. It would feel weird to me. I need to get to know a guy a little bit better in order to feel comfortable enough to kiss him. Especially if it is from online dating, since I don't like to kiss numerous guys simultaneously. This means that I might have 2-3 first dates in a week, I would hate it if all of them kissed me at the end of it. In my own book I would feel like a 'slut'. I use the first date to see whether we are interested in seeing each other again. If a second date happens and you get all the right signals, a peck on the lips at the end of it would be nice though. Just my 2 cents. 2
Star Gazer Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 By pushing things that early, you are forcing her to make a decision about you prematurely. With me, it always leans to the negative. But that is just me. Yes! That's the perfect way to explain why I wouldn't recommend it. I have only been kissed a couple times on the first date from OLD, and in most of those instances, it felt...icky. Too fast, like there was "expectation."
RedRobin Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 NONE of my significant LTRs lasting 5 years or more started with a first date kiss or the guy even trying. The ones that crashed and burned in a few months, the guy tried... So, if a guy tries to kiss me on a first date now, he's an instant NEXT unless I've known him for awhile.
KatZee Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I personally don't kiss on a first date. It's the first time I'm ever meeting you. I'm trying to feel you out, get a feel for the person behind all the texting or communication. If he goes to be physical on the end of the first date of 2 hours, to me that's a huge turn off. I understand a guy feels attraction but to me all that says is, "I want to be in your pants and nothing more." I like taking my time to get to know someone. I like building the foundation from the bottom up, not just rushing into something physical. 2
sabre80 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I'll tell you my experience... In all the relationships I have had ALL started with a kiss on the first date, some more For me if the kiss on the first date doesn't happen it isn't going anywhere, this is why I have always given the advice to kiss a girl on the first date if you are interested.... Interesting. I have had the inverse experience. In all instances of first date kisses (some extremely passionate) they have never gone anywhere or the relationship crashed and burned after a few weeks. The ones I wait till around 3rd date have been the most fulfilling relationships I have ever had. Though my sample size is limited to just 3 waited kisses and 3 good relationships.
Star Gazer Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I'll tell you my experience... In all the relationships I have had ALL started with a kiss on the first date, some more For me if the kiss on the first date doesn't happen it isn't going anywhere, this is why I have always given the advice to kiss a girl on the first date if you are interested.... This is one of those situations where it makes more sense to listen to the girl, IMO. Guy: In my experience, if you don't kiss her, it doesn't go anywhere. (Note: This ignores that the reason the guy doesn't the kiss *from the girl where it doesn't go anywhere* probably has a lot to do with the fact that she wasn't all that interested to begin with. Also, he's not the girl you're trying to kiss.) Girl: If you kiss me, there's a very strong likelihood that I'll think you're rushing and be turned off. Lesson: There's no harm in NOT kissing a girl on a first date from OLD, but there's a very huge risk you'll ruin it all.
pbjbear Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 One date from a stranger is not enough to know if I like you or not. So for me, no. I find alot of guys from OLD assumed if I went on a date with them, that is was guaranteed romantic interest. Kissing assumes thats as well. I found that mentality annoying, you have to meet up once to see if anythings there. Just because there arent electrifying sparks doesnt mean you dont like them either. Most of the guys I ended up being into I didnt want to rip their pants off the first date,
Author PogoStick Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 Thanks everyone! One way I've looked at it is to always go for it. If she likes me then all is fine. If she doesn't like me then she dodges the kiss, but I've only lost someone who isn't interested anyways. But your responses indicate damage could be done by trying too soon. Obviously I have to try and read the situation but sometimes the signals aren't clear and it's a leap of faith.
Star Gazer Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Thanks everyone! One way I've looked at it is to always go for it. If she likes me then all is fine. If she doesn't like me then she dodges the kiss, but I've only lost someone who isn't interested anyways. But your responses indicate damage could be done by trying too soon. Obviously I have to try and read the situation but sometimes the signals aren't clear and it's a leap of faith. Careful. I've never dodged a kiss. But afterward, it's left me with a bad feeling. 1
CryForNoOne Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 For me, so far first dates from OLD are distinctly different than first dates IRL. I've always established really good chemistry with women I meet IRL beforehand, that's why I asked them out, and can't remember the last time we didn't kiss at some point on the first date. I've had 5 online first dates and all but one ended in hugs. First off you often know within 5 minutes of meeting that it ain't happening. IRL, you do that before you even exchange numbers. Second, there is this awkwardness about it essentially being a blind date. But if we have the same chemistry as traditional dates, why not kiss? It's really no different at that point. 1
RedRobin Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Thanks everyone! One way I've looked at it is to always go for it. If she likes me then all is fine. If she doesn't like me then she dodges the kiss, but I've only lost someone who isn't interested anyways. But your responses indicate damage could be done by trying too soon. Obviously I have to try and read the situation but sometimes the signals aren't clear and it's a leap of faith. Wrong. Based on the responses from women, you are most likely missing a chance for a fulfilling relationship... because in women's experience, fulfilling relationships didn't happen with guys who tried to kiss them on the first date. If all you care about is getting laid, then go for women who are ok swapping spit with strangers. No mystery there. And ladies... if you want a guy who kisses everything that walks... you can bet he's treating his next however dates the same way he is treating you... trying to stick his tongue down any throat that'll let him. Yuck. (ladies looking for relationships, pay attention) 3
ThaWholigan Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 1st date kisses are a little early - I've had a contrasting experience though. I had 1st date sex with someone I kissed on the 1st date...........the 2nd girl I didn't kiss her on the 1st date and it never went anywhere . Isolated incidents though. I would say that it very much depends on the woman, and occasionally you will encounter a woman who feels strongly enough about you that she may want to be kissed by you on the first date. But there are a variety of factors involved that make it not as clearcut as that. For example, your attraction style may draw women to you who may respond to that, or it may be the opposite. You have to figure that one out. For the first date, I would go a little safe. It is what I prefer - the 1st date sex was a freak scenario with someone I was pretty much guaranteed attraction from so I went for it - it was also pretty casual on the whole. Live and learn.......I say wait. 1
kaylan Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 If it was a first date with someone I had conversed with in real life prior to the date, then yes, Id expect a kiss if there was interest. If its a OLD first date, then I barely have rapport with the girl, and Id expect a kiss by the second date. Unless the chemistry is just super good, I dont really expect a kiss on a first OLD date. We are still feeling each other out on that first date. 1
Star Gazer Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 If it was a first date with someone I had conversed with in real life prior to the date, then yes, Id expect a kiss if there was interest. If its a OLD first date, then I barely have rapport with the girl, and Id expect a kiss by the second date. Unless the chemistry is just super good, I dont really expect a kiss on a first OLD date. We are still feeling each other out on that first date. That you ever "expect" a kiss is kinda creepy and troublesome.
Art_Critic Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 This is one of those situations where it makes more sense to listen to the girl, IMO. Guy: In my experience, if you don't kiss her, it doesn't go anywhere. (Note: This ignores that the reason the guy doesn't the kiss *from the girl where it doesn't go anywhere* probably has a lot to do with the fact that she wasn't all that interested to begin with. Also, he's not the girl you're trying to kiss.) Girl: If you kiss me, there's a very strong likelihood that I'll think you're rushing and be turned off. Lesson: There's no harm in NOT kissing a girl on a first date from OLD, but there's a very huge risk you'll ruin it all. I didn't say I kiss every girl I ever dated, sometimes the kiss was a no brainer where I could judge interest easily and sometimes it was a gamble but in all cases of the relationships I have had the first date ended with a kiss.. whether it was my great radar for figuring out interest or just a wing and a prayer to me it doesn't matter.... I also can't remember a time I gauged the interest wrong..however.. there were a few girls that I didn't go on second dates after a first kiss as well, those were usually the ones where it felt like I was kissing my sister (not that I've ever done that ) During my dating years I lived by the rule of 'kiss 'em on the first date' if you want it to go further... Don't kiss 'em on the first date if you have no interest or you feel no interest.
SunsetRed Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I don't want to be kissed on a first OLD date. A first OLD date is more like a first meet than a first date anyway. the OLD site is a way to arrange meets that might result in chemistry and thus some real dates after that. That's how I see OLD anyway. The men I meet see it differently though and view OLD as a way to get laid on the first or second date, so that's why Im not doing it anymore. 1
RedRobin Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I'm thinking back to all the first meets that were really fun and nice... that were ruined by him trying to kiss me. Even if I went along with the kiss, my enthusiasm was pretty much gone after that. I just would never trust them. This is because I would tell them that I was looking for a serious relationship... and their actions showed me otherwise. They showed me that they had no respect for me. Going for the kiss on a first date... that is what it says to me. It doesn't tell me he is interested. It makes me sad and disappointed mostly and not wanting to see him again.
sillyanswer Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Are there women who would think less of a guy for not trying if it went well? Knowing she's cute and has many offers, is it better to go for it? If you're trying to find a rule that works for all women then you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Behave like you, based on what happens at the time. What would PogoStick do? Would he (try to) kiss the girl?
CryForNoOne Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I'm thinking back to all the first meets that were really fun and nice... that were ruined by him trying to kiss me. Even if I went along with the kiss, my enthusiasm was pretty much gone after that. I just would never trust them. This is because I would tell them that I was looking for a serious relationship... and their actions showed me otherwise. They showed me that they had no respect for me. Going for the kiss on a first date... that is what it says to me. It doesn't tell me he is interested. It makes me sad and disappointed mostly and not wanting to see him again. Did you tell them you don't kiss on the first date? Otherwise you're doing your self a huge disservice and have got some serious trust issues. There are plenty of men looking for a serious relationship who kiss on the first date. I've had 4 LTRs spanning 15 years and all but one of them started with a kiss on the first date. If you keep affection and intimacy (not sex) locked up in such a guarded vault, you will never find someone. The love you take is equal to the love you make...
kaylan Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 That you ever "expect" a kiss is kinda creepy and troublesome. Way to read way into things. If me and a girl have a good vibe going, I think we both expect a kiss. Calm down sister.
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