uniqwa Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I have seen tips and even read the "NC" rule that so many on this forum speak about.. I have been practicing this.. I have been separated from my ex for two months now, He ended things officially on Vday.... He told me he found someone better, she made him happy and so forth.. Now the feelings I have are just memories, how sweet he was, how kind and I just remember all the good. I do have moments where I just think about how much of an ass he was, but I can't block out all the good and it keeps me from moving forward.. I have gone so far as to separate myself completely, I was friends with his sister for three years, before I had been with him I was her friend.. She's how I met him ( even though she advised against it) I stopped being friends with her, All his sisters literally loved me, they told me " his new wife won't be like you adela and she will never be our sister", they literally all loved me very much and I loved them very much but I gave them up. We had bought a car together. I gave that away, I didn't even charge money for it because I just wanted it gone! we had a dog together, I gave her to the ASPCA she was another constant reminder that everything was over and I couldn't take it..I talked to his mother about everything and she told me this " you will always be like a daughter to me, I know you are a very good person and you did love my son, He doesn't love you.. You need to accept that" I have everyone telling me to "accept" and I am literally doing my best.. I used to look at his pictures and cry, I sent him emails begging for him to understand some things, I tried my best to get through to him.. But all he said was this '" she doesn't understand that I want nothing to do with her" and " I would rather die then ever be with you again", He was very clear but I being stuck on hope wanted to believe otherwise.. I just can't seem to get over him and two years, I feel like this is normal, we literally lived together for two years like husband and wife. We were like a married couple. So the loss that I feel is just that.. ( we were married religiously)
blindhope Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Wish there was ans easy answer to this one, It's going to be tough. I was in a similar situation. With a girl for 7 years. Lived together much like a married couple for 4 1/2. Then She decided to pick up and walk a out suddenly in an entirely messed up situation, but lied and used the whole I need space and get myself right. That meant someone else. I was devastated especially before I knew her true motives. I never saw myself even beginning to heal. But It will come. I was very close to her family as I knew them all before I knew her. They still reach out to me and I accept and use their support. I'll take it anywhere I can get it. We have a dog and I could never giver her up though. I guess my point is don't let him dictate your life or choices. Find strength that you can hold onto. As corny and cliche as it sounds eating healthy and exercise is really good for the mind and stress too. Fill your day the best you can, and stay close with family and friends. One good piece of advice I got was do not turn down any invitation for now. It keeps you from wallowing on the couch. Take care of yourself, dress to impress, keep your home clean, and feel good about yourself. It's tough going from and US to and I, but put in the work and build up some motivation, it'll make a world of difference. 1
blindhope Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Mutant: Not losing, just coping. When such a big part of your life is taken away in a flash you need to find a way to slowly let it go. You've found a defense mechanism from dealing with this all on one shot would be my guess. And it may help, it may prolong it. But at least you recognize it. Just remember something that can be brought down so easily wasn't strong enough to last. This gives you the experience and opportunity to rebuild something better and stronger.
Am4Real Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 From my perspective the ‘imaginary’ conversations with the EX are normal. I do it all the time, but mostly when I am alone. Distractions or events take me back into reality; hence the best advice is getting out there and doing something – anything. Depending on the imaginary conversations you experience, mine center around how I feel; what I would ‘call her out on’; let her know ‘what I know’ in a ‘you’re not getting away with anything’ sort of confrontation. (I was severely duped by person leading a dual life!) All it does is lets my mind process the emotions and channel them right back at the source instead of feeling generally depressed in all areas. I’ve experienced these ‘imaginary conversations’ in other situations so I know the drill. However, if your conversations are somehow interactive in means you are actually sharing positive information and daily activities as if she was there in the room with you, then yours and my experiences are definitely different. My problem is I cant stop imagining my ex's reaction to everything I do plus I keep having imaginary conversations with her. I went to a group meet last night where there's loads of people (including women) who meet to talk in different languages, like a babel meetup. I was talking to a girl and we kind of clicked and I forgot about my ex until I got home and then started the whole conversation in my head about this new girl and how I am just having fun learning Italian and etc. Boy am i exhausted with this kind of delusions. Is it normal or am I losing it slowly ? 1
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