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How to have a sex life with older children around

velvetunderground

By velvetunderground
in General Relationship Discussion

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velvetunderground Established Member

velvetunderground

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I'm in a relationship that is mostly sex based. We are both newly separated and not in the place for a real long-term relationship.

 

My younger son is with me usually three nights a week and my bf and I see each other only once every week or two, so that works out fine. The problem is that my older son is moving in with me for the summer –*four months.

 

I don't want to bring this man into their lives, as you can imagine. I also don't want to tell my son I'm sleeping over at a guy's place. So how do I keep this up? I'm thinking there will be no sleepovers, which just sucks. It's going to feel like a booty call and although the relationship isn't everlasting, it's a lot more than a booty call.

 

I can lie and say I'm staying at a girlfriend's place, but it's out of character for me. I could maybe get away with it once or twice but not all the time.

 

Any suggestions?

hannah11 Member

hannah11

Posted
Posted

How old is your son? I would say, if you don't want this man to be a part of your kids lives, then you should't be sleeping with him. It makes things complicated. If it is more than a booty call, and you two are in a relationship then you should not have to keep him a secret from your son. Teenagers take it very personally when their parents lie to them, and they usually can tell if you are not being straight with them. You are both newly separated and it is a sex based relationship, understandable that you don't want him to be in your kids lives. If your kid stays the night at friends houses or something, which they usually do, especially over the summer, then take advantage of that time. But I suggest don't lie to your kid because he will eventually find out, and if you don't want the guy to be part of their lives, don't bring him home while your son is there.

wisernow Established Member

wisernow

Posted
Posted
I'm in a relationship that is mostly sex based. We are both newly separated and not in the place for a real long-term relationship.

 

My younger son is with me usually three nights a week and my bf and I see each other only once every week or two, so that works out fine. The problem is that my older son is moving in with me for the summer –*four months.

 

I don't want to bring this man into their lives, as you can imagine. I also don't want to tell my son I'm sleeping over at a guy's place. So how do I keep this up? I'm thinking there will be no sleepovers, which just sucks. It's going to feel like a booty call and although the relationship isn't everlasting, it's a lot more than a booty call.

 

I can lie and say I'm staying at a girlfriend's place, but it's out of character for me. I could maybe get away with it once or twice but not all the time.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Ah yea... You want to get your groove on, don't do it in your house or when your kids are a factor. 4 months, pfff.. Figure out a way to get your sex on that doesn't happen in your house or infringe on your kids life. Mom first, sex (while important) second.

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velvetunderground Established Member

velvetunderground

Posted
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Posted

Yeah, guess I've just gotta do what I've gotta do and get whatever I can get whenever I can get it. My older son won't be having "sleepovers" – he's 20. I mean, I'm sure there will be times when he won't come home but I won't know about those times in advance, so won't be able to take advantage of them.

 

I don't mind my kids knowing I'm dating and have been telling them lately that I'm going to start doing so, but there's a big difference between dating and sleeping with someone ... especially when it's your mother :o

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

I would sacrifice the sleepovers for the summer. You can stay out late, and have long evenings "in" at the guy's place.

 

Why would it make you feel like a booty call if you are choosing to going home because of your own priorities? The quality of your time with the guy doesn't need to change.

clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted (edited)

The fact that your son is 20 years old is really giving me pause. He's not a child anymore, and as an adult should understand the concept of privacy. I don't think you have to share every detail of your personal life with him. Why can't you just say that you are going out for the evening, and you will be back in the morning? He's not a child anymore, and it really isn't any of his business what you are doing or where you are staying. Why do you have to tell him where you are sleeping? (I'm sure he will figure it out on his own, but so what?) As long as he can get a hold of you in case of emergency, it really shouldn't be an issue. I just don't think your life should have to stop because your adult son is moving in with you. Just be discreet. (And for that matter, if he doesn't have to come home at night, why should you?)

Edited by clia
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velvetunderground Established Member

velvetunderground

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The fact that your son is 20 years old is really giving me pause. He's not a child anymore, and as an adult should understand the concept of privacy. I don't think you have to share every detail of your personal life with him. Why can't you just say that you are going out for the evening, and you will be back in the morning? He's not a child anymore, and it really isn't any of his business what you are doing or where you are staying. Why do you have to tell him where you are sleeping? (I'm sure he will figure it out on his own, but so what?) As long as he can get a hold of you in case of emergency, it really shouldn't be an issue. I just don't think your life should have to stop because your adult son is moving in with you. Just be discreet. (And for that matter, if he doesn't have to come home at night, why should you?)

 

In a way I can see your point, but there are two factors that change things:

 

One, it hasn't been that long since I was with their father. This is not just dealing with me sleeping with someone, it's dealing with the whole separation and me sleeping with someone and that someone is not their dad. My son being 20 doesn't make any of this easy on him.

 

Two, if I'm not talking to them about an actual relationship (whether or not my younger son is around on sleepover nights I have to assume the two of them will talk), then what am I teaching them about sex? That it's ok to sleep around? Do I really want them thinking I am sleeping around? (which I'm not, but will they come to that conclusion if I don't tell them I have a regular boyfriend?)

 

You know, as I'm writing this out I'm coming to the conclusion that I should just tell both of them that I am seeing someone specific but that I'm not going to let them all meet until I know it's serious.

hannah11 Member

hannah11

Posted
Posted

If he is 20 then he knows your having sex...just saying. Unless he is totally oblivious. Like you said, just tell then you are seeing someone. They will of course jump to the conclusion that you are sleeping with him, and they might even jokingly make a comment about it. I don't really know your family, that is just what I would do if my parents divorced and started seeing other people. I would have to say though, as a young adult I hate when my parents try to lie to me, because I know when they are and it just makes things worse. So stick with the truth and don't try and sneak things around them. Oh, and don't forget to have fun!! :)

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