frazzled12 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 (edited) I am in a relationship with an amazing man. He is very giving, supportive and has a big heart. However, as things continue to progress more flaws are exposed from both of our parts. One flaw of mine is that I try my best and really hard to be patient with him but he at times makes me really frustrated so I end up giving him a bad attitude. He hates conflict and sulks for days but now he is sulking for weeks (zero communication via phone,text, etc). The reason it has gone this long is because I refuse to go after him (like I always do) to try to resolve conflict, I want him to also own it. In the past I waited a few days before contacting him to check on him and talk, everything is fine afterwards. I am the type of person who likes to resolve conflict as it comes and I do own my mistakes while apologizing. He on the other hand likes to blame me for everything and then later I have to remind him that he took part in the argument too and was at fault and he agrees later. Our last disagreement was last week over something really petty. He was supposed to come over for dinner but I sensed he was already a bit tipsy and gave him a hard time when he started to act boisterous on the phone. At this he hung up and called me ungrateful (he had gone food shopping for us). I called him back several times and texted him to talk. He was furious at me. I tried this approach for a few days and even suggested we meet up but he says he does not want to talk about it or meet. I have noticed his extra sulking and distant behavior since I brought up that I would like to start a family. We are both in our 30's, between jobs and have been going out for 2 years. The last thing he said to me was that I am trying to be in total control of the relationship and that I think I am the one wearing the pants. That comment took me by surprised and I explained that I just want us to have a really good relationship. This was the last interaction we had, I don't know what else to do. Edited April 5, 2013 by frazzled12 extra info
january2011 Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 (edited) just want us to have a really good relationship Yes, but that takes two people to make that happen - not one person moving the pieces around until it fits their picture of what a happy relationship is meant to look like. Regarding the resolution of conflict, I understand, I feel the same way most of the time. However, some people require time to mull and percolate. They don't want to be in conflict resolution mode all the time so that the relationship's flaws are tweaked to perfection. Their view tends to be that if the relationship has all these things that require fixing, what's the point? Why are we doing this? Either he is your willing partner and team mate in this endeavour or he is a reluctant participant in your "really good relationship" dream. If he feels that you are leading him down a path that he doesn't want to go down, or one where he wants to go at his own pace then I'm not surprised that he is "sulking." It's his passive-aggressive way of telling you that you are badgering him into your image of perfection and he wants more of a say in what is happening. Regardless, I suspect that he has strong feelings for you. Otherwise, he would have walked long ago and not returned. My suggestion is to learn to relax. A relationship needs to be enjoyed, especially a young relationship that is only two years old. If you are having weeks of no contact (and neither of you is active military) then I don't see how you can have much of a relationship. If I hadn't heard from my partner in weeks, then I'd assume that he'd done "the fade" and treat it like a breakup. Edited April 6, 2013 by january2011
zanzi Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I agree. Its sounds like you have lost sight of each other, you want him to be something he is not to make you happy. Also it sounds as though he sulks because you speak to him with disrespect and badger him. Its time you were appreciative of his good points. Are you trying to have a romance with him, or with what you would like to think he is?
Author frazzled12 Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 I agree. Its sounds like you have lost sight of each other, you want him to be something he is not to make you happy. Also it sounds as though he sulks because you speak to him with disrespect and badger him. Its time you were appreciative of his good points. Are you trying to have a romance with him, or with what you would like to think he is? Didn't see it this way, this is a different point of view and makes me think. Thank you for your feedback.
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