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I don't want to live with you

Grinder88

By Grinder88
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Grinder88 Member

Grinder88

Posted
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Here's the deal, my girlfriend and i have been dating for about a year and 3 months, we've talked about moving in together in the fall,

 

We live about half an hour apart right now and go to different colleges, I was okay with the idea of living together at first when she thought she would be transfering to my school but it turns out her credits wont transfer so she has to stay at her current school, I have a good job so im not going to her city

 

so I've made it clear that im now against the idea of moving in together because of the travel, that would equal an hour in the car everyday, now i've become the bad guy because i don't want her moving just to be closer to me and wasting money by driving to school, she keeps guilting me saying now shes homeless and there is no place to live in her town and just acting very childish in my opinion

 

Im almost at the end of my rope, am i in the wrong for saying a college girl with only a part time job should not be driving an hour everyday to class, when there are closer/cheaper living options for her albeit i won't be there

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Lani Established Member

Lani

Posted
Posted

Do you both live alone at the moment?

If so, wouldn't you be saving money living together, and therefore the drive to work wouldn't be a worry? And really, does it actually cost that much??

 

In any case, you don't sound like you're that into her. So maybe just her go.

  • Like 5
veggirl Established Member

veggirl

Posted
Posted

If she is the one who will be making the commute and she is okay with that, then what is the problem? Why are you telling her no when it sounds like she will be the one making the sacrifice? Let her make her own decisions, I assume she is a grown adult capable of doing that.

 

If I was her I'd be very insulted that you think you need to make my decisions for me.

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sabre80 Established Member

sabre80

Posted
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If she is the one who will be making the commute and she is okay with that, then what is the problem? Why are you telling her no when it sounds like she will be the one making the sacrifice? Let her make her own decisions, I assume she is a grown adult capable of doing that.

 

If I was her I'd be very insulted that you think you need to make my decisions for me.

 

You should not be insulted. I have told my girlfriend I did not like certain situations because of things that could potentially cause resentment in the future on either part. It is not a control thing but a defending the relationship thing.

 

However, OP you should also realize maybe she is/has weighed the cost/benefits of moving in with you and realized the commute and money is worth the extra time with you. OR if you are spending a lot of time together already that difference may be marginal. There are also economic benefits to living with someone else that outweigh the cost of a long commute. Of course finances should not be a major reason why someone should move in with another.

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

Posted
Posted

If you don't want her to move in with you, for ANY reason, Do not let her.

 

I made that mistake recently... and it was a big one.

 

 

Do not live with some one unless you are 115% sure you want them to live with you.

clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted

If the only reason you don't want to live with her is because of the travel, then she should make that decision if she is the one having to do the travel. However, I suspect it is far more than that, and you are just blaming the travel. It sounds like you were planning to move in together as a convenience, as opposed to a "taking the next step in the relationship" kind of decision. That is not the right reason to move in together at your age. (I also think you are far too young to move in together.)

 

If you don't want to move in with her, do not move in with her, and do not let her guilt trip you into it. It will only end up in disaster.

Noproblem Established Member

Noproblem

Posted
Posted

You are a practical honest guy, you care for her, but you like to count every step

What you are doing is sound and good, but girls prefer guys who do crazy things over your type......

But, what you did is the right thing! Still, it's hurting her...so I'd be careful if I were you, you might lose her!

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Grinder88 Member

Grinder88

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for the advice everyone, ive been thinking on it a lot, I think I have been just blaming it on the communte, Honestly im just not sure if I'm ready to make this next big step. I have never been a fan of commitment and moving in together seems like the ultimate step of no return. That scares me I keep trying to figure out if shes the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I'm sorry if that makes me sound like a jerk but it scares me to think of making such a big decision, I've talked to her about it and it just upsets her that I don't know like she does.

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

Posted
Posted
Thanks for the advice everyone, ive been thinking on it a lot, I think I have been just blaming it on the communte, Honestly im just not sure if I'm ready to make this next big step. I have never been a fan of commitment and moving in together seems like the ultimate step of no return. That scares me I keep trying to figure out if shes the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I'm sorry if that makes me sound like a jerk but it scares me to think of making such a big decision, I've talked to her about it and it just upsets her that I don't know like she does.

 

Hey, better to be thinking about this now than letting her move in and realizing it later. If you have doubts, you aren't ready.

How old are you guys anyway?

For what its worth, lots of people live with someone they don't end up marrying...but living together DOES make breaking up a lot harder and tbh I don't recommend it if you aren't sure.

Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

Posted
Posted
Honestly im just not sure if I'm ready to make this next big step. I have never been a fan of commitment and moving in together seems like the ultimate step of no return. That scares me I keep trying to figure out if shes the one I want to be with for the rest of my life.
Absolutely do not live together. People who should have broken up years ago waste years of their lives because they live together and it's too inconvenient to just break up.

 

It sounds as though she is not the love of your life, so it probably will end eventually. Better to end it now and move on to the real deal. Life is too short to spend in anything less.

Lani Established Member

Lani

Posted
Posted
Thanks for the advice everyone, ive been thinking on it a lot, I think I have been just blaming it on the communte, Honestly im just not sure if I'm ready to make this next big step. I have never been a fan of commitment and moving in together seems like the ultimate step of no return. That scares me I keep trying to figure out if shes the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I'm sorry if that makes me sound like a jerk but it scares me to think of making such a big decision, I've talked to her about it and it just upsets her that I don't know like she does.

 

If you even have to question whether or not she's the right one for you, then she's not. You should know this and there should be no doubt in your mind.

 

My ex maintained that he didn't want to live with anyone, and that it wasn't an issue between him and I.

He was living with his new girlfriend within 4 months of us breaking up.

 

You're dragging your feet on this. I think you know what needs to be done.

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