ruby ruby Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Im shattered 46 s separated I have known my husband 11 years or there abouts, we where together for 3 years in the beginning and we had a very exciting relationship sexually and emotionally, and became pregnant but lost the baby, but it was on and off with his back an forth between me and his ex partner mother of his two kids. Eventually I let him go because he kept me on a string and was a bit of a ladies man, handsome, and loved the attention of woman a bit too much, and it drive me mad in the end.. And I wanted a family and a stable life with a stable man. We had a break for four and half years, then got back together, by chance. We reconciled, and our relationship was great, but I wasnt as sexually driven as him, but certainly we had a fulfilling relationship in that way, an he was happy he told me often, but commented i was tired from time to time and our sex life wasnt like it used to be. We married last March 2013, after alot of convincing on his part. I made it clear no more mucking around, as marriage is serious, and I made him fully aware I wanted to persue my dream to be a mum, and his had to change his womanising ways. He was all for it, and we couldnt wait to marry. We were very happy, both of us. His speech at our wedding was 45 mins long he talked of all his dreams with me And I was the only woman for him. We honeymooned and then came home, to spend our lives together. We have 50% share custody of his two beautiful children, and everything runs smoothly, busy but smoothly. We both work full time, and life is hectic during the week we have them, school run, after school activities, all the normal stuff, hence to say I get rather tired, and have slowed down a little. I pick all the after school stuff cook dinner and work full time as well.Im human right !!!! Im 46 okay !!!! Not old, and of good health, but I get a little tired. We continued with our ivf plans, without too much fuss really, as Im a get on with it person, and didnt want to stress him with any of the emotional stuff. From November last year he started to become rather critical of most things I did, and his attitude started to change and effect me, so i suggested councelling with he dismissed. I thought maybe he was freaking out a bit, so we gave the ivf a rest. We continued in March, and just after I finished my last IVF cycle, found a string of emails confirming he was having an affair with his ex, before me, not the mum of the kids. He was with her for three years, and used to complain to me, she was too aggressive and would never marry her, and missed me during their relationship. When I asked him why he cheated, he said I have lost my passion for him in the bedroom !! We have nothing in common, And I wouldnt try anything new in the bedroom, (same old thing he said).... We were intimate 2-3 times a week, and not as much with his kids, as I didnt want them to hear. He told me not to worry about that, they cant hear,, but it did effect how often we could relax in that way. Anyway I have had alot of councelling since then and ongoing , and Im totally lost and devastated. I cant trust him, and he wont promise me he will stop all contact with this woman. I now cant be intimate with him now, I keep seeing him with her together, in my head. And Im very angry at both of them. He sleeps in his daughters room now. I asked him what he really wants and he says he needs time to think about it. OMG He is now deciding what he wants to do !!! I feel if I dont spice things up he will run away. Our relationship was very loving in many many ways I told him I loved him all the time, cuddles and kisses. If my performance and energy levels dont improve there is no hope, and that puts an enormous amount of pressure on me, and I still love him. I must be an IDIOT.....But I feel I gave him all my love. And told him all the time. Anyway my life seems to be a mess now, separated 46. My friends say dont worry, he doesnt deserve you, your pretty and slim, and a lovely person, but Im so sad. In time Im thinking Im better off being a single parent, and and single life, and just enjoy my dear friends and family.
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Im shattered 46 s separated .......... In time Im thinking Im better off being a single parent, and and single life, and just enjoy my dear friends and family. I have little or no comfort for you , save to say I agree with your last statement. And FWIW, in my opinion? Thank God IVF never brought a result...... You really don't need that right now. or ever. 3
dichotomy Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 You have his kids part time, your 46, and give him sex 2-3 times a week?! Wow, what a selfish bastard. He wants new stuff? Heck most married men at this age range are happy enough if the OLD stuff is still part of the offerings once or maybe twice week. This is not the man, and his kids, for you to devote the last half of your life too The biggest issue is your having a baby. I think if you can swing it money and time wise (and support from family?) having a baby on your own is a choice you have to make now. IVF usually has its limits and 50 is usually that limit. But this is a tough one. 1
Minnie09 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 You seem like a level-heads person who has her act together. You don't need this unreliable prick. Your friends are right. He cheated in the past, is a ladies man (how ridiculous), cons you into a marriage and pulls the same crap all over again. Incredible. And now he has to think about it? To figure out what HE wants? After raising his kids and cleaning up after them while working full time to bring some money home.....that's pretty crappy imo. How much more disrespect does be think he can subject to to? Enough already. 3
Jonah Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Please understand that you can have love. This door must close before another will open. I hope that you will soon come to understand that this is not your problem. Sorry to read of your hurt and that you wasted your time on a POS. Pretty on the outside ugly on the inside. Decide to shed yourself of this nobody. And that is how you should address him. Not by his given name but just as a nameless faceless bubba, 3
whichwayisup Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 In time Im thinking Im better off being a single parent, and and single life, and just enjoy my dear friends and family. Yes. And when the timing is better and right, you'll meet a great guy who will love and adore you and your child. Your H is a buffoon! He is blaming you for his cheating! What an Ahole! 4
Holyoak Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I cant trust him, and he wont promise me he will stop all contact with this woman. You have your answer... Please don't allow yourself to live this way. Peace and strength to you, I know how hard it can be and get.
Author ruby ruby Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 Thank you for replying, I appreciate it. Its a crappy time
Author ruby ruby Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 Hello and thank you for replying, thats lovely. I have savings luckily, and you have confirmed what I was already thinking. I really needed opinions and other people thoughts because Im so frazzled, to say the least. Thank you so much.
Author ruby ruby Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 Thank you Minnie09, yes I know incredible isnt it. Having your opinion has helped me alot. I thought marriage would would help Dumb Dumb Dumb !!! He says Im not passionate enough, what a joke. Thank you xxxxxxx
Author ruby ruby Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 Thank you Jonah, yes I was blamming myself quite alot, as a boring partner, but the more I think about it, I have never had that said to me. Im going to be single for a long time to come, as recovery is required now Thank you so much x
Author ruby ruby Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 Thanks yes he is blaming me, but then says he isnt. Saying Im not passionate in the bedroom, wow, Im not a trapese artist, but Im certainly not dead. I appreciate your post, as I am a bit lost with it all xx
TaraMaiden Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Good to hear back from you ruby ruby.... Please have faith in yourself. Truly, he is 'deflecting'. In short, this is all his fault, but he's doing his damnest to justify his total jerkdom by putting it all on you. I suggest you pack whatever you can right now, and leave. Just like that. No advance warning, no alert, no threat. Just leave. Talk to your work: Get a few days off and don't tell your H. Move out whatever is totally yours in those days, and leave him a note. File for D. It's a strategy, and may well take some arranging, but do it. Go somewhere 'safe' (Not saying he's frightening or abusive, but go somewhere you feel 100% loved and wanted. You need support right now, from those who love you unconditionally....) He's all mouth and trousers. You MUST demonstrate through your actions that he has gone too far, and there is no going back. And his kids? His problem. 1
Jonah Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Yes. And when the timing is better and right, you'll meet a great guy who will love and adore you and your child. Your H is a buffoon! He is blaming you for his cheating! What an Ahole! True This!
Author ruby ruby Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Hi TaraMaiden, Im doing just that now and great advise, but asked him to move out, which he is doing. The house is perfect for me, and my dog, and he can pay to move, and until then he is staying somewhere else !!! I told him I dont care where, just move. I have my lovely bulldog, and my dear friends. Im really angry now, and so heartbroken, but will survive. I have filed for divorce today. In Austarlia you have to be separated for 12 months, but the ball is rolling. I am so greatful of your advise and comments, you said what I was thinking. xxxx 1
Author ruby ruby Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Hello Just a poster. Well bought me lingere' is what he did !!! After the fact !!! Is he for real !!! I cant even look at him. Yes and as much as I want to be a mum, but not with a cheater , just as much, so it wasnt meant to happen. What amazing me is the promises he made, and a short few months later he does this !!! I have lost alot of faith in words now. Need to be alone xx Thank you
Author ruby ruby Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Hello Just a poster. Well bought me lingere' is what he did !!! After the fact !!! Is he for real !!! I cant even look at him. Yes and as much as I want to be a mum, but not with a cheater , just as much, so it wasnt meant to happen. What amazing me is the promises he made, and a short few months later he does this !!! I have lost alot of faith in words now. Need to be alone xx Thank you All you girls are fantastic, thanks for your advise,, Im not going crazy
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