abc445 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I posted this before but no replies. I really need some help with this This will be long but please read. I was in a horrible relationship for almost a year. We fought like crazy, he would lie and take his anger out on me, call me names, etc. I was a constant wreck and at the time he basically ruined who I was. Nearing the end of our relationship I met a guy that was one of his friends and we instantly clicked. We would always hang out by ourselves when we were in a group and talk about life and everything. We ended up admitting we both liked eachother a lot and he said he wanted to be with me, etc. My boyfriend at the time and I ended up breaking up and I guess I wasn't as prepared for it as I thought I was. I tried to basically jump into a new relationship with the other guy straight away and it kind of freaked him out. The last week when me and my ex tried to be friends things kind of dwindled with the friend. I would try and explain my side and eventually just gave up at the thought. I realized I couldn't just go and find someone else to try and make myself feel better and to not feel the pain of my break up. At the time I thought that maybe he was kind of a rebound, that I was subconsciously using him to heal myself quicker? Anyway, a few weeks after my ex and I broke up we ended up hanging out one night to talk about everything. During this time, I hadn't talked to the other guy for like two weeks or so. After the other guy found out, he randomly messaged me having a go at me, saying just because he didn't talk to me I assume it's over, etc etc. It was so confusing! I ended up feeling really bad about it and tried to resolve the issue with him the next day but he kept being a smart ass about it then basically said he had 'used' me and didn't want to say anything cause he didn't want me to think bad of him. It was so confusing, why act like I 'hurt' you and say all that stuff then tell me you didn't care anyway! Over the next few months I would sometimes (very rarely) say hello or try to start a conversation with no response from him. I ended up cutting him out when a few weeks after that he asked a mutual friend to ask me to 'uncut' him out. I did, but he didn't say anything or talk to me or anything. I was still a mess about my ex boyfriend, but I often thought about the other guy. I missed the connection we had and how he had made me feel so special during the short time we were close. After a while I eventually starting moving on, with then my ex getting back into contact with me asking for another chance. I was very skeptical, as he had treated me so badly before. At the time I didn't know whether I was willing to give him another chance because I wanted too, or just because I didn't want to cry and feel the pain of NOT having him anymore. My ex ended up really changing, making an effort and being a really good boyfriend. I was so surprised with the transition and started to quickly fall back in love with him like at the start of our relationship. I saw the other guy a few times due to parties or a group of us hanging out. It felt as though that 'connection' was still there but I brushed it off. We didn't talk about anything, besides him stating he still 'wanted' me. (Not in a relationship way though, he meant physically). I didn't end up seeing him for months, and during those months it was very random. He would cut me out, then say something completely random but when I'd reply he wouldn't say anything back, then cut me out again. It was weird. My ex and I moved in together after a while and although the other guy would pop into my head sometimes, I was doing fine and knew I made the right decision. Then he ended up coming over to our place. The first time it was fine. We talked a little and it felt like we were actually just good friends. I liked the friendship aspect of it. We did talk a bit of the 'connection' thing. He said that it was still there but not as much as the first time. He then came over again for a get together and I guess alcohol made him a little flirty. Actually really flirty. During the middle of the night I asked him if he was starting to like me again and he said no. At the end of the night he tried to get with me. We ended up kissing, but nothing more. I kept saying I didn't want to do this because it wasn't fair to my ex, etc. He said something about the connection thing and I questioned it and he said that obviously it was still there otherwise this wouldn't be happening. He then said again how its not as much as the first time. I asked is this the only reason we are friends again, cause you want someone to get with and he said no that we are friends. He kept saying how we were just having fun and it was fine, etc but I felt so horrible and bad. I went to bed and the next morning we didn't really talk much. That night and the day after I felt so weird. It was like it finally clicked to me that this whole 'connection' thing was complete bull. I tried to send a friendly message but he didn't reply. I realized we weren't friends. He had just tried to use me again, and it half worked. I felt horrible and hurt and upset. Honestly I did feel this strange connection I had never felt with anyone before, and I always thought it was something that would always be there even if we didn't want to be together, and finding out that he doesn't think that either really hurt. I guess I'll never know exactly how he feels, or if he was telling the truth about still feeling it but I feel like he just said it to get with me. I ended up cutting him out again today and opening up about it to a close family member. I felt a lot better being able to tell someone and I felt better about ME making the decision to cut him out. I don't know if I loved him, or if it was just lust. He was there at my weakest time and maybe I still hold on to that. I am that type of person - I find it hard to let go of things and I take things personally when I care about someone. I hate the fact that I am so upset over this person when my boyfriend has changed and is so amazing now. I also think maybe it's all the excitement that leads me to still have 'feelings'. New gets old too. I need some advice on how to let it go. I know you all probably think I'm a horrible person and that I deserve feeling like this but I really want some advice on how to move on from basically someone I never had and to focus on my relationship now. This guy really did mean something different to me, and it hurts so much to think that he never felt the same, or that he did at one point but now just sees me as someone to flirt with and have 'fun' with. Thank you for reading.
incandescent Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 wow, wtf did i just read? :/ pretty low, girl, pretty low. you sorta started it by asking him if he liked you, to which you already knew the answer... egging him on by the sounds of it. and the whole 'connection' thing, just sounds like he was feeding you that bull**** to butter you up to be honest, he sounds like a bit of a douche i'm confused, were you going out with your changed bf at the time you kissed him? or?
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