Scale Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 The story begins as such.. My gf and I just broke recently after having been in 2 year LDR. We met 2 months before she could leave to study to UK and I liked her and asked her out. We both knew what we were getting into and I really liked her and wanted to give it a shot and she was crazy about me. We talked a lot every time chats, phone and skype everyday. She came down back in Christmas for like 20 days and it was awesome. We taking things as they came. She wanted to have intercourse but at that time we were travelling on a trip and I was exhausted and we did not get the chance again. She left and same story everyday we talked alot and everything was awesome and she knew that when she is done studying in UK and come back that I would go to UK. I was slowly drowning into her love and she said she could never see the love or spark in my eyes and she still wanted to see and figure out the future. On my way to US I stopped in UK only to meet her and she was seeking answers but she never really asked me as she saw she was happy and excited. And again she asked for an intercourse and I was nervous as I would not last long. I realized later she apparently felt bad and rejected and told her friend and also told her that this trip is the decision maker but ultimately pushed it still further. I loved her even more and she was the best thing that happened to me. I was making plans of future with her always and she also responded. She cried a lot at the airport when i left, she felt I came and went in no time and she could not seek her answers what she was looking for. (it was my first relationship and i told her that I may be poor at expressing my feelings but i really do love you and sure about you. She said dont give stupid excuses). She told me that I always feel special with you and feel butterflies and get rushes in my body. We went on dating and when i came to US she then left to go back home. While she was home, her house had negative atmosphere and she started to get into depression plus the job scene was not working well for her. She got into smoking which she would never do or else. She also gave her GRE and we were planning her to come her to be in US with me. But suddenly her plans changed and she said she wants to work into another field and does not want to waste her fathers money on another Masters in US and again if things dont work out between us. I understand that too. She moved to different city and got a job and as I was doing mas Masters things got crazy for me as I was financially not doing well and no friends and no time. I worked like a dog and had to study and look for internships etc. She was in depression and was looking upto me and I was trying my best to give her support and talk to her and she said its not helping. I was not in the right frame of mind and I was not able to give her everything that I could when I was home and she was in UK. She said also she is drifting apart slowly from me and I was trying everything I could. I was not happy one day in US and I used to think of her situation and feel miserable and helpless. I used to send her gifts and flowers in UK but her i had no money so no surprises nothing. I sent her 2 cards, writing so much pouring my heart out which never reached her. I never wrote letters to anybody in my life and she said write to me something but i used to be too tired and exhausted to do so. I use the messenger and wrote few words and talked to her on phone instead. But unfortunately she could not take it any more and slowly moved very distant and only for her happiness I gave into the break up in October. I was holding strong for 2 months as I had my finals in December and I thought its a small break up we will be back again as we felt so strong. I was going to go back home soon and I was also ready to do anything for her to be with me, even marriage if that was the only option. But she was not ready. She did feel bad and also felt that how could i not feel anything after break up. We decided that we would always be friends even after break up. After my graduation, I tried to get back from december and I also offered my house back home to her to live as she wanted to move out and had no money. My mom was fine with her as she liked her as good girl too. I tried hard everytime to get back but she said she has moved on and does not feel the same and I really could not understand that. She said that once I take a decision I never look back and nobody in the world can change my decision, not even if the entire world convinces her and that she took it after thinking a lot and took it slowly. I took her as she is the ONE for me as I loved slowly and treasurely despite having being apart. She met another guy and she feels "HE is the one" as they think the same (for her it was imp and not for me, we never had crazy fights ever) and she does not feel butterflies and feels calm and relaxed with him and would not let him go and want to spend the rest of her life with him. I know I got no option but to move, but I felt so strongly for her and was so sure about her and she told me that Why did you not say all this earlier ? Well I did once-twice even while replying back to her distresssed emails. She is an awesome girl, never met one like her. She said that "once im in a relation i give all my 100%" and she did and I wish she could see and feel my love too. She says i have to give this guy and opportunity and try with him. I told her "how can you be so sure as its only 3 months you know him and any guy is at his best behavior and gives the girl what she wants to know. Also how could she move on ? and the concept of not looking back once taken a decision ( i never met anybody like that) I also broke down telling her many times while trying to get back and she tells me be strong, I dont like guys who cry, how will take care of me and also that many guys have cried for her and Im not the first one. I told your previous relationship that guy took you for granted and now wants to get back and thats why and the other guy who cries, you only took him as a friend. we shared something special." She does say i got no regret from you or that you hurt me, im grateful you came into my life and showed me so much and that I had to go through this phase to find my inner bliss (she got into spirituality which helped her get positive). That guy also applies same methodologies in his life and started a business, so she got inspired by him indirectly as she wanted to start her business too. I feel a part of me has gone and feel empty everytime, I'm still in US and no friends really. I've written her letters which will be delivered by a messenger leaving in 10 days. We still talk but its hard to know that she could get into a relationship so soon. She said "I got a lot of love to give and if i find that right person to share it with I will." She is the most wonderful girl I have ever known and felt crazily amazing for her and with her. She tried explaining me 4-5 hours to get out of it and helping me think positive. I feel pathetic. Any thoughts, comments and advises?
justwhoiam Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 What guarantees that you won't put her through the very same things once you have her back? At times when a guy is in his comfort zone, he feels safe, and stops realizing he has a girlfriend. That happened to you. She was left alone for too long, and too often. Despite she tried to wake you up, it didn't work. And now my advice as a woman: don't get to the point when she has to openly ask you to have intercourse. That's sad. You'd think a boyfriend in love would want to make love. Come on. Don't let it happen again. Two years. She felt rejected. Be more self-confident. Now I guess you can only hope she breaks up with him. But maybe by then you'll have another gf. Good luck.
Author Scale Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 (edited) I know I acted stupid but I really want to make it work for long run and we barely had time with each other. I don't really think I would be able to date anybody or feel the same for anybody. Now I feel very empty and hard to digest that she has another guy whom she is so sure about. Its a horrible feeling to explain. I feel miserable every moment. I can pick up the phone and talk to her but not like before and not that often, I got to hold myself back everytime. And definitely after having realized things I will not do the same again. I was in a very bad state of mind then and could not hear her out for those few months. I treasure her more than anything in this world and would do anything if she wants to give it a shot. Can you tell me how can a girl take a decision and not look back at all and be very adamant about it ? I have never met someone like that Edited April 5, 2013 by Scale
justwhoiam Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Can you tell me how can a girl take a decision and not look back at all and be very adamant about it ? You can talk all you want, but personally I see actions, as they speak louder than words. Also, your intentions might be good, but you're just bad at making them happen. I also hate complaining and nagging, and if I have to do that constantly to make myself heard, it's not a good pattern to be in. It would make me feel out of place or just in a bad relationship. She had several months to think of this all. In the meantime she found someone else who started being caring, and loving to her. He filled the gap. They have things in common and share the same goals in life. Maybe she's less excited compared to being around you, but she's willing to miss that for a stable relationship. This decision came from some reasoning more than from her heart. If you could match that too (stable relationship, seriousness, commitment, etc.), you'd have a good chance to get her back. Maybe. Being inflexible is a way of protecting herself from going through the very same painful pattern again. It's like distancing yourself for your own sake even when you love someone very much. 1
Author Scale Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 I told her that I will come back if I have to only to be with you. She said don't come back for me, you will get another heart attack. I was positive that she has feelings for me but that's when she said nothing will happen even if you come back and it will never happen again. She says now I know what I want from life earlier I did not. She opened up and told me all about this guy as well.
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