Locust Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 When I see people either at school or around the streets I always wonder how do they meet the woman and go through the dating process and turn it into a relationship. It’s how these men get dates when I’m soon about to turn 27 years old and never had a single date. I’m in college, my last year, and never dated anyone from the school either or outside of the school. My reason I have not dated anyone in school because I have been taking my major courses and I see the same 10 students for all 4 courses I’m taking this semester, so I don’t have the opportunity to meet anyone. Right now there are no clubs ongoing that I’m personally aware of and not sure how to find out. Now let’s say I was in a GE classes that everyone must take, then I might have a better chance, but I know I won’t make the move easily. I hate to this, but I stereotype and go shy Asian women because they are easier to talk to and talk to ones that I’m not fully attracted to. My personal taste in activities I like to do usually favor for more American women, but I always feel reluctantly to talk with them. I guess I want to be the guy on top and I feel with American women I will be below since most American women I met are not shy. My shyness is not severe where I won’t talk to anyone. Let’s say I see someone in the room who catches my attention, how should I approach them while showing interest? I never had ever complimented a girl ever, and part of the reason is I’m a bit embarrassed. I had couple of girls in the pass complimented on my looks and said I’m handsome and have nice mixture. Had one recently said I had a nice haircut, so I must got some appeal to women. Also how would I know if they are single? I would think it would be awkward if I ask do you have a boyfriend, but I guess that would be the only way to know. I don’t know how people get around that component. Let’s say I get the date setup. I live in San Francisco and I wonder how important it is to have a car for a date? San Francisco has a lot of public transportation and car is really not needed and if you drive it’s really difficult to get around the city. I’m working on my confidence and it’s getting a lot better and I’m practicing with few girls I know and gotten lot more comfortable then I used to be. Women can send replies too.
NeoGen85 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I guess people would say confidence is everything. But I think we all get butterflies. For me, I learned to be comfortable with myself and cope with the idea of getting rejected. It helps a lot. I find myself to be a very successful yet...eccentric..person. Everyone wants someone they can relate to or have things in common with. That's where I kind of hit a brick wall. But that's okay. You might get lucky on your first date and meet you life long partner. But for others dating shows us what we're looking for. AND DON'T GET DISCOURAGE WITH IT! Since you live in San Fran you have way more outlets to meet women and so many different social circles to dabble in. I suggest taking your interest and finding a place that complements what you like. You'll meet women that you're comfortable around which makes it easier to ask someone out.
grkBoy Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 You're asking a lot. Here's my viewpoint: 1) Make some friends. I don't mean just people from your school or classes, but go do social things (like a social sports team or meetup). Be friendly and make friendships. 2) Those friends know people. Maybe the girl you befriended and found she's married will know some female coworker who also wishes she could meet better men. Maybe this new friend will introduce you at some social gathering. 3) You meet her (or someone single) and you chat, get to know, etc. If you make an impression she'll want to stay in touch (give you her number or email). 4) You two continue to stay in touch outside of the mutual friends, and you ask her out on a date. If she says "yes", then you set up definite plans. That means a place, day, and time. 5) You go on the date, have the same kind of social fun you had before, and see if the chemistry builds to the point intimacy happens. Don't sit there worrying if you should make a move or what not. You'll just feel in the moment if it's right. 1
Author Locust Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 When I want to ask someone out I say "would you like to hang out sometime." I usually only end up and usually never hear from them again. I'm not sure if that is or not a direct way to asking someone out. That is when I stopped trying for a while because it wasn't getting me anywhere. 1
somedude81 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 From how I understand, modern dating is like this now. You to go a party, get drunk and meet a girl who is also drunk. Go to a private place and have sex. Tada, you're now dating. Note: Dating usually doesn't last more than one night.
Author Locust Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 From how I understand, modern dating is like this now. You to go a party, get drunk and meet a girl who is also drunk. Go to a private place and have sex. Tada, you're now dating. Note: Dating usually doesn't last more than one night. So you saying women just want a fling and not a solid long term relationship with a guy. I'm sure they are some but I think most want something long term. I don't want a quick fling but something solid and having a good bond with that girl whom ever she maybe.
normal person Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 When I want to ask someone out I say "would you like to hang out sometime." I usually only end up and usually never hear from them again. I'm not sure if that is or not a direct way to asking someone out. That is when I stopped trying for a while because it wasn't getting me anywhere. Choice of words might be something to consider. This isn't a horrible way to go about it, but you could do better. When you say "Would you like...?" you're making her response out to be a very definitive, salient judgment of you which might be uncomfortable if she doesn't like you but wants to be nice about it. She can't really make an excuse that saves face. "No, I would not like to do that with you" sounds so harsh and you're kind of making her say that in a way when she'd probably be nicer about if you didn't box her in. If you say something that puts the ball less in her court, she doesn't feel so much pressure to weigh in on you as a person right in that moment, it's less tense of a situation. If you say "Come hang out with me," it's 1). More confident sounding on your part and 2). Giving her an easier way to refuse without it making her sound like a bad person. It's easier for her to say that she's busy, she has a boyfriend or whatever than asking her whether or not she wants to see you. Just my two cents.
somedude81 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 So you saying women just want a fling and not a solid long term relationship with a guy. I'm sure they are some but I think most want something long term. I don't want a quick fling but something solid and having a good bond with that girl whom ever she maybe. I'm saying that most relationships start with a hookup.
Author Locust Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I'm saying that most relationships start with a hookup. Only issue with that is I don't have any sexual experience, only thing I did is a small kiss from this girl back in 9th grade in high school other than that no. Hook up is all about sexual connection with my experience I will be knocked off her list. I feel dating will give her a chance for me to hear me out if it gets that far. I'm trying to take small steps, but sexual activity might make me have a nervous break down because of the pressure needed to please her. I wouldn't make it with a hook up. Virgin men like me would never survive.
Author Locust Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 If you live in a moderate size city is it really necessary to have a car to take a girl out on a date. I'm not sure, but I have seen many guys with the dates/girlfriends riding the bus.
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