richard9 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 So I decided to change my number to further NC initially it felt good. But now I find myself totally paranoid about her coming to work or bumping into her in some random place. I know in the past she would have text me if she was coming to my pkace of work, I no longer have that, together with the closure of the last window into her life I find the What if's getting even stronger. I feel paranoid to the point of a panic attack coming on sometimes. I would just like to know if anyone else has suffered from anxiety, especially paranoia, when closing the last avenues of contact. And any advice when thoughts of bumping into her start flying around my head. I now have no idea at all where she is, what she is doing / thinking... it shouldnt bother me but this paranoia is dibilitating! Thanks in advance.
Author richard9 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 Anyone? A few words about how they deal with the possibility of bumping into their ex?
Limbo21 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Anxiety - check Depression - check Hopelessness - check Yup, all of it in spades Only when the fog clears do you realise they aren't worth a moment of your worries. Keep working out, busy busy busy. Use this time to better yourself, to be the person you know you can be. If you bump into her then either ignore or smile, make excuses and run Either way congrats. You are now in control of your life 1
thefooloftheyear Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 (edited) So I decided to change my number to further NC initially it felt good. But now I find myself totally paranoid about her coming to work or bumping into her in some random place. I know in the past she would have text me if she was coming to my pkace of work, I no longer have that, together with the closure of the last window into her life I find the What if's getting even stronger. I feel paranoid to the point of a panic attack coming on sometimes. I would just like to know if anyone else has suffered from anxiety, especially paranoia, when closing the last avenues of contact. And any advice when thoughts of bumping into her start flying around my head. I now have no idea at all where she is, what she is doing / thinking... it shouldnt bother me but this paranoia is dibilitating! Thanks in advance. You obviously werent ready to close all contacts. You probably shouldnt have done it yet..I dont see any reason why it wouldnt be OK to have some contacts "open" just so long as you dont act on them and maintain no contact. If it gives you some "peace of mind" while you get through it, great. Kinda like weaning off something. As for bumping into her, well, its best to avoid the possibility by not going to places where she might go, but frankly in some cases its just not feasible. Dont make eye contact and go about your business I suppose. You could probably have just left your number intact and eventually just become indifferent, without causing yourself additional pain. Best of luck to you...Stay strong-it gets better. TFOY Edited April 5, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 1
cavalier99 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 (edited) Your just going thru withdrawl. Ive seen a number of posters get upset after blocking. So now your mind is onto the next best thing to get your fix which his the fantasy of her showing up at your work. So the next logical step is to quit your job and move! Lol Unfortunatly if you do this she might hire a private investigator and hunt you down and fly to where you are. ... so im sorry to say you might even have to change countries AND identity!! Lol Cav youll be fine bro! Just breath. Edited April 5, 2013 by cavalier99 1
Author richard9 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 Limbo21 the fog is starting to clear, having less anxiety. Working out helps and I continue to make plans for the future (also helps ALOT). Thankyou. Tfoty, true perhaps leaving that contact ability there would have been a good thing. One thing ive realised is that when you start to close doors on contact the anciety is substancially increased on the possible contacts remaining, after sll as cav points put we can all be found. Getting stronger though. Cav, thanks yes upon reflection a definate withdrawel. Your comments put things in perspective, time for me to stop illogical thinking of meetings and avoidance! Im sure dhes just getting on with her life. Prrvious contact was msde out of her boredom / curiosity, these are hardly motivations to seek someone out! N yeh breathing better bro, cheers!
thefooloftheyear Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Cut all contact..been about 4 months. Pretty much done with the whole deal..I do have one last vestige of "contact" that she shows up on my Google chat list. She sent me a few emails at the beginning that I ignored. The green lite goes on when she is online and I imagine it does for her as well on her end. The other day, I realized I can make myself "invisible" so I did it for about a day. She subsequently did the same thing for about the same time...I guess I might have broke NC:laugh: It was kinda funny, to tell the truth and didnt affect me at all. TFOY 2
Damaged23 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I think cutting ALL contact is the best thing to do, as much as it hurts. 2
cavalier99 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Richard you did the right thing. Dont second guess your decision. The fact that you made it shows that mentaly you realize you need to move on. Whether changing your number was necesary or not is irrelevant. You showed resolve and that action and actions like that are what will get you over the BU. Rock On! Cav
Compromize Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I find myself totally paranoid about her coming to work or bumping into her in some random place I think all of us who go through a BU unwillingly (and probably those who are the dumpers) feel this when they know it's really over. When previously it was hope that they would show up at your work or see them at some random place. I KNOW my ex isn't going to show up at my work, she was too "busy" when we were in a relationship anyway I do experience anxiety over seeing her at some point out around town, mainly because I am sure she will be with some random dude and I really would rather not see that. If we do happen to see our ex's out somewhere and make eye contact, I think a confident smile with your head held high and just walk on past without a second glance is the right thing to do. I now have no idea at all where she is, what she is doing / thinking... Nor would you want to. No good can come of it. For my ex (and probably most others) she contacted me a few times to: A. See if I still was there for ego reasons B. Make herself feel better and "vindicated" for ending it with me because "I deserved more than she could offer" C. Still cared for me and wanted me to know D. Getting the last "jab" in
denxnis Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Hey man I feel yah, but I think you made the right move. I still feel a bit of anxiety when I bump into the ex but the key is to remind yourself she isn't the one. You need to stop caring about her, once you can do that you will be free.
Author richard9 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 Thanks. I have decided to take it further snd seek job transfer to another location, and unfortunately seeking to distance myself and no longer visit a mutual friend (as she frequents there often). It is total avoidance on my part, but I feel when the chances of contact are virtually zero THEN I will not feel this anxiety. If I were looking in on my own situation I would perhaps say do not let her continue to let her make decisions in your own life. But I feel I will be more free and the reduced thought of contact will help me. I feel I am running scared and as a fighter I do not like the sensation. However I know withput the possibility of seeing her again I will become more confident and stronger. Each to his own I guess. 1
denxnis Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I feel I am running scared and as a fighter I do not like the sensation. Couldn't agree more. I can't wait to move just so I don't have to worry about avoiding the ex. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 Thanks. I have decided to take it further snd seek job transfer to another location, and unfortunately seeking to distance myself and no longer visit a mutual friend (as she frequents there often). It is total avoidance on my part, but I feel when the chances of contact are virtually zero THEN I will not feel this anxiety. If I were looking in on my own situation I would perhaps say do not let her continue to let her make decisions in your own life. But I feel I will be more free and the reduced thought of contact will help me. I feel I am running scared and as a fighter I do not like the sensation. However I know withput the possibility of seeing her again I will become more confident and stronger. Each to his own I guess. Dont feel bad about it...Its important that YOU do what you need to deal with this.. TFOY 1
steveT95 Posted April 7, 2013 Posted April 7, 2013 I know how you feel about the paranoia of closing all contact avenues. I have my ex's number written down (from ages ago but I still have it.) and when a few people were regularly advising to block it, I refused. They thought in illogical but I wanted to know if I was getting texts from her (which I did) and have the strength myself to not reply (which I also did.) Things get better, just remember you are in control of the situation. Keep telling yourself that. It helps me. 1
Recommended Posts