Cutiepie1976 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Another thing occurred to me - maybe he doesn't want to spend nights with you for whatever reason and is trying to blame it on his mom. Is that even a possibility? Because why would she suddenly have a problem with things? Bingo! His mom expressed an opinion. She didn't forbid him. When I first read the OP, I had the impression that he wanted his space but didn't care to hurt her feelings or deal with potential pressure to get him to change his mind. The OP seemed to be the only one agitated that he wasn't spending the night.
Janesays Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 If the boyfriend wanted to be there, he would be there. Don't blame this on his Mother. He's not hog tied in the basement, is he? The only one who is stopping him is him. Ever consider that HE doesn't want to stay over?
Author jtcb Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 TigerCub, CutiePie, and Janesays. Trust me, I have considered that. I asked him if he actually wanted to and he does. I've also heard him get into arguments about it with his mom and if he really didn't want to then why pick the fight? He didn't know I could hear the conversation. I'm not the only one agitated. I guess it would be a woman's logic to assume that every guy is a jerk but he isn't. He pushes his limit all the time when he comes over but once a certain time rolls around he gets screaming phone calls telling him it's late and he needs to get home. Still think it's him? Maybe he's paying her to do that and my whole relationship is a lie. Bingo. Mystery Solved.
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 (edited) Wanting a little space does not make a person a jerk. If you feel that way, his mother becomes a convenient cover and handy scapegoat. An easy way to avoid the pressure and recrimination. Since you have your own apartment, why not move in with you since his mom is so bleeding unreasonable. Edited April 4, 2013 by Cutiepie1976 1
Janesays Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 TigerCub, CutiePie, and Janesays. Trust me, I have considered that. I asked him if he actually wanted to and he does. I've also heard him get into arguments about it with his mom and if he really didn't want to then why pick the fight? He didn't know I could hear the conversation. I'm not the only one agitated. I guess it would be a woman's logic to assume that every guy is a jerk but he isn't. He pushes his limit all the time when he comes over but once a certain time rolls around he gets screaming phone calls telling him it's late and he needs to get home. Still think it's him? Maybe he's paying her to do that and my whole relationship is a lie. Bingo. Mystery Solved. I didn't call him a jerk. Those are your words, not mine. I just said he doesn't want to spend the night. Want proof? HE'S NOT SPENDING THE NIGHT. WHO CARES if she calls screaming? If he wanted to stay over, he'd just turn off his phone. What will she do then? Call the cops? They'll laugh at her. WHO CARES if she yells at him when he gets home. He can put on his big boy pants and deal. But he's not doing that, is he? Why? Who knows. My guess is he doesn't want to spend the night so bad as he'll listen to his Mother whine about it. But that is HIS CHOICE. Again, unless his Mother literally hog ties him in the basement, HE and only HE is making the CHOICE to stay home instead of spending the night with you. He's a grown adult. If he wants to go, he will go. And there is NOTHING, short of throwing him out (And let's be real here...she never even so much as THREATENED to throw him out according to your posts), that she can do about it. If your boyfriend wants to be treated like an adult, maybe he should start ACTING like an adult. Adult grown a$$ men don't fear getting yelled at by Mommy. Please.
Author jtcb Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I know that doesn't make someone a jerk but if he wants more space we might as well just not be together since we only see each other once or twice a week. That's not the issue. I just wanted to help him find things to say to his mom like Quiet Storm suggested many posts ago. Just because I asked some randoms' opinions on a forum doesn't mean I'm working harder than he is. He's talked to her many times but he has troubles putting thoughts into words. I asked for new thoughts. Thanks to Quiet Storm, I got them. Him & I can build off of that.
Janesays Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 He doesn't need to say a darn thing to 'convince' her or any other such nonsense. He is not a 15 year old child. He's a grown man. ALL HE NEEDS TO DO IS WALK OUT THE DOOR! If he won't do that, he won't. But quit blaming Mommy. It's on him.
Author jtcb Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I've brought up ALL of those points but I guess he's just not the type of guy to blatantly disrespect the people who have raised him. What a concept.
TigerCub Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I've brought up ALL of those points but I guess he's just not the type of guy to blatantly disrespect the people who have raised him. What a concept. That's great! I do think he should certainly respect the woman who raised him - so that would also include respecting her wishes on this. Shouldn't it?
Janesays Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I've brought up ALL of those points but I guess he's just not the type of guy to blatantly disrespect the people who have raised him. What a concept. Now it's 'blatantly disrespectful' to merely leave the house? You are eating that load of crap he's feeding you, aren't ya? How does it taste? Leave the poor guy and his Mother alone. It doesn't seem like either one of them need your 'help.' I agree with Cutiepie in that he's probably using his Mother as an excuse to why he can't stay over because he doesn't want to listen to YOU whine. From these eyes, it doesn't seem like your boyfriend is all that into you. Sorry.
Author jtcb Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 Right, but she said her opinion was different from his and he could decide. So that seems to me like she's going to give him grief but allow it. I'm trying to spare him grief.
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Sorry, but you're clearly clutching for straws to blame anyone and everyone but your boyfriend for his disinterest in spending the night with you. Honey when actions and words are at odds, pay attention. Rather than steam roller ahead with your agenda, re-evaluate the situation. Words are cheap...completely meaningless unless backed by actions. At the end of the day, actions ARE reality. "Oh baby, I really want to spend the night." His actions and reality paint the complete opposite picture. Become angry and defensive with us all you want. That changes nothing about the underlying dynamic with your boyfriend. 1
Janesays Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Right, but she said her opinion was different from his and he could decide. So that seems to me like she's going to give him grief but allow it. I'm trying to spare him grief. So now she even said she's allow it and it's STILL her fault if he CHOOSES not to go over? Hey, I know that some MIL's are a real piece of work, but you are simply not giving this lady a fair shake. I know it's easier for you to blame Mommy than to take a good long hard look at your boyfriend and your relationship together and wonder why HE doesn't want to spend very much time with you (You see him once a week or so, really?), but hey. You have to live with your denial, not me.
Author jtcb Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 Sweet Jane, Who broke your heart to make you so bitter? You know nothing about our relationship or what we've been through besides this one tiny portion of it. I don't whine about him not staying. But I guess it's easy to say things like that from behind the safety net that is your computer screen. Those eyes should get glasses. I didn't ask for ignorant assumptions or judgmental comments. I asked for help. Since you are not providing that, I bid you good evening.
Author jtcb Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 She barely said that last night and yes if you would read he has firefighting training SIX DAYS A WEEK FIVE TO TEN HOURS A DAY.
Janesays Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Sweet Jane, Who broke your heart to make you so bitter? You know nothing about our relationship or what we've been through besides this one tiny portion of it. I don't whine about him not staying. But I guess it's easy to say things like that from behind the safety net that is your computer screen. Those eyes should get glasses. I didn't ask for ignorant assumptions or judgmental comments. I asked for help. Since you are not providing that, I bid you good evening. Eh, my fiance lives with me and I see him every day. Heck, he even rented the home he OWNED, threatened to quit his job (they ended up letting him work remotely from home) and moved 1.5 hours to be with me. Of course, I blame his Mother for that. Why can't she keep him home more!
Author jtcb Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 There is no disinterest. What part of that do you not get?
Janesays Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 There is no disinterest. What part of that do you not get? Ha. Keep telling yourself that, darling. Tell yourself that all night long in that cold and empty bed of yours.
Author jtcb Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I guess I'll let you know next week if there is any disinterest, darling.
Recommended Posts