emotional3 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Hi there, thank you for taking the time to read this. I have been dating a guy for just under a year, we are totally in love with each other, when we are together it all seems too good to be true. But.... i have daughters from my previous relationship as does he, this means there are always children around which is by no means the problem as we knew that would be the case when we got together. My partner is very busy with work and in his spare time he plays football alot or has his girls. I see him as and when, now the reason i am on here is because a few months ago we planned to have a weekend just us, no kids, just me and him as this very rarely happens. We planned the date 4 months in advance and now it is coming up he has said he cant do the whole weekend as he has to work and have his girls, so out of 3 days i may now get 1 evening and half a day?!?!?!?! I understand work but am a little annoyed that he cannot give up just 1 weekend of having his girls for me, i have never asked this before so its not as if i make a habit of it. He has his girls more than the mother which i admire as my childrens father does not bother with them so i love that he is a hands on dad but every time we plan something even if it is a take away at my house it gets cancelled because his ex needs him to have the girls. Am i wrong to be upset by this and what should i do because as much as i love him more than anything i am getting to the stage where i dont want to feel last on the list anymore, i want him to make time for me but i dont want to sound a nag for asking all the time.
soccerrprp Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Hi there, thank you for taking the time to read this. I have been dating a guy for just under a year, we are totally in love with each other, when we are together it all seems too good to be true. But.... i have daughters from my previous relationship as does he, this means there are always children around which is by no means the problem as we knew that would be the case when we got together. My partner is very busy with work and in his spare time he plays football alot or has his girls. I see him as and when, now the reason i am on here is because a few months ago we planned to have a weekend just us, no kids, just me and him as this very rarely happens. We planned the date 4 months in advance and now it is coming up he has said he cant do the whole weekend as he has to work and have his girls, so out of 3 days i may now get 1 evening and half a day?!?!?!?! I understand work but am a little annoyed that he cannot give up just 1 weekend of having his girls for me, i have never asked this before so its not as if i make a habit of it. He has his girls more than the mother which i admire as my childrens father does not bother with them so i love that he is a hands on dad but every time we plan something even if it is a take away at my house it gets cancelled because his ex needs him to have the girls. Am i wrong to be upset by this and what should i do because as much as i love him more than anything i am getting to the stage where i dont want to feel last on the list anymore, i want him to make time for me but i dont want to sound a nag for asking all the time. Personally, I would be a little peeved. But only b/c this seems to be a pattern on his part...to cancel for his ex. It seems to me that he's still committed to his ex in some way. Or maybe there are other dynamics involved that compel him to jump when his wife says "jump." So, you have NEVER been alone? You say "every time" you plan something. Schedule another time. See what happens.
Author emotional3 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 He cant stand her but just wants to do everything he can for the girls. She is just awful. I tried to plan some time recently but he ended up unexpectedly having the children. He just says he cant plan anything as he has work, football and the girls and things change last minute. Where do i go from that?
Noproblem Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Your daughter comes first, right? Same for him!!!!!
soccerrprp Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Your daughter comes first, right? Same for him!!!!! On the surface this sounds reasonable. I have children too and have and do try to make appropriate attempt to making certain that my SO is a priority at times. You can't have a relationship where your children ALWAYS trump the needs of the person you are trying to have a loving, meaningful relationship with. What the OP is and has been asking for is entirely reasonable. Making infrequent time for adults only does not show in any way that anyone has placed their kids at a lower priority. You have been dating this guy for just under a year AND you say that you love each other. What you are asking for is not unreasonable. 2
Mint Sauce Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 daughter first is in principle understandable, and perhaps he feels he is already compromising on work to take care of his girls, so he can't do much more in that department. Football should be below you on his list, and he should put another support system in place for when his ex suddenly dumps the kids on him, e.g. the grand parents. I think you have justified reasons to be unhappy. Perhaps it's more fundamental than practical issues: some people see their relationship as A pillar to their happiness in life, others see it as THE pillar. Perhaps you have different views on the importance of your relationship? 1
Author emotional3 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 Thank you for your replies, he does not have family here so cant rely on outside help with the children. We get on amazingly but i am not sure if i need to bring this up or just let it go and accept that this is the way it will be and adapt around it. He has already said he will not go a weekend without see the children so maybe its just something i need to live with but should i talk to him about feeling like this or will that push him away?
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