I don't know what we are, FWB or something more?

[beelibra]

So I have been exclusively talking to this guy that I met for 2 months now. We move pretty fast, we've had sex, sleepovers, I've met his family, and we talk everyday. We support each other, and it pretty much seems like we're in a relationship. I do have a 2 year old daughter, and I don't know if this makes him feel like he doesn't know how to approach asking me out. I would like to be in a committed relationship with him, we have gotten to know each other a lot and I only see things moving forward. I have learned that he has trust issues, and I've shown him he has nothing to worry about, and he has apologized and told me that his trust issues won't happen again and that it's not okay. So we are like I said moving forward. I was talking to my sister in law, and she was telling me that she ask my brother after they had spent the night together, so what are we? Because I don't hook up and have sleepovers with friends? And then he asked her to be his girlfriend. I'm thinking maybe I made the mistake by not doing this in the first place? I know he likes me, he gets jealous and is paranoid I'm talking to other people. If we were in a relationship there wouldn't be much to worry about. I'm not in a rush so please don't go on a rant talking about that with me, I know how things feel right now between us and yes a little more time with her, but it also wouldn't make much of a difference. So question being, should I ask in the? Or maybe in a different way? He's not very expressive with his emotions and feelings verbally or physically, so I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. But I also don't want to let him think he can have his cake and eat it too. I know I'm a good catch, and I won't be waiting forever...

 

Here's another thing that confuses me about us. He's not physically or verbally affectionate to me. I know that some guys are like this. As we text throughout the day he'll call me gorgeous and beautiful and things like that, he's always looking out for my best interest if I'm not feeling well making suggestions, asking how I'm feeling, I know that he likes me or he wouldn't act the way he does. If he thinks I'm upset he'll call or text me and ask me if I'm upset or if he did something wrong. So why is it that we act like friends with benefits? It really throws me off. If I say something that is intimate between us, relating to anything like that, he'll beat around the bush and find a way out of it and change the topic. It's like he doesn't know how to act with that. So on one note he's perfect, is a total caring sweetheart to me, but we hardly even kiss, hold hands, or cuddle. So on the other note its like we're friends with benefits. Thats whats making me feel like I should talk to him and say, I kind of feel like we are friends with benefits and I'm a little confused what we are? You don't talk about how you feel or show it so I don't really know what to think... And I don't sleep with my friends. Would love some advise thank you for your time guys! New to this forum and looking for some great answers :-)

[mammasita]

I don't even need to read your entire post.....ASK HIM....better yet, TELL HIM what you want and expect. Just be prepared and have the strength to walk away if he doesn't want a commitment.

[SJC2008]

He sounds like he's emotionall unavailable. Why do you want to date him if he's unaffectionate and emotionally closed off?

[SJC2008]

A real man asks to be exclusive. I don't care about any rules about waiting for the woman to ask first. If I scare her off she's either not interested or has a validation issue and pairs up with EA men.

[Noproblem]

I don't even need to read your entire post.....ASK HIM....better yet, TELL HIM what you want and expect. Just be prepared and have the strength to walk away if he doesn't want a commitment.

 

Well, I think if you stop sleeping with him, you'll understand more what he really wants or feels.

 

I think he likes you and by time he will love you .....Just be more clever with him, some guys get bored so easily.....You should not let him think that he got you and you are all over him .....

[outsidethebox]

Do you want to be a gf to a guy that doesn't physically act like a bf? Do you think he's going to act like one if you force him to declare himself your bf? I don't. You'll have a pouty non-expressive fwb instead of just a non-expressive fwb.

 

You can do better than this guy. Trust issues? Give me a break.

[Ninjainpajamas]

You are sooooooo FWB, this guy reeks of it and so does your relationship, the things you place significance on are meaningless, this guy simply sounds insecure and jealous and puts a front like he really genuinley cares but I wouldn't buy it.

 

And how can people be in an unaffectionate, unemotional relationship even if it's FWB...sounds so retardly unsatisfying. But I guess that works for some.

[Quiet Storm]

Jealously and paranoia don't mean love. It usually means they feel a sense of ownership over you, like a kid who doesn't want to share his toys. A man can have 10 FWBs and feel jealous about all of them simultaneously, because it's not related to his feelings about the girls, but about his own issues.

[ses]

I echo the chorus. You're providing him all the benefits of a relationship without the explicit acknowledgment of exclusivity and commitment. It's an unequal dynamic, and you deserve better. Confront him. The truth may hurt but you have every right to know where you stand with him. Best wishes.