Scared to hold out for him because what if he decides he doesn't want me

[13914594]

My boyfriend (well, now ex, I guess!) has been thinking of moving to a different city for the past month or so now, and during this time, I struggled to get him to open up as to where I fit in to his plans. I explained to him that I would be willing to move with him as moving to a bigger city would benefit my budding career and I would like to continue our relationship as I thought we had potential to be great (we have only been together 4 months). However at the time, he did not give much response as to what he thought of the idea.

 

Last week, I finally snapped and told him that I needed to know where we were at. I hated feeling like I was just being kept around temporarily until he moved. He's so closed off emotionally, it was impossible to know how he really felt about me. He got very upset (there were tears) and asked me to give him a bit of time to sort his thoughts in to words.

 

Finally two nights ago, he sent me an email with a letter attached, explaining that he thought it would be easier to write his feelings down as he struggled with confrontation. It was very long, but basically he said how beautiful I was and how he was still finding it hard to believe that he's able to call me 'his'. He explains that during this transition period of moving to the big city, he feels that he should do it alone at least for the first few months, as he will be adjusting to new life and a new career and thinks that a relationship will add extra stress to us both.

 

He then says that once he is settled he feels that we can discuss our relationship and decide whether me moving to live with him would be the best decision for both of us. He finishes by saying 'You will always be a part of my life. Your one of those people you meet in life and never forget for all the right reasons. I now know what it feels like to be in love! I believe in fate, if it’s meant to be it will be. Everything in life happens for a reason...

Love (his name) xx'

 

I told him that I understood and asked where that left us until he does move (about 4 weeks away). I went to see him and he said that he feels that a friendship would be best from now on. Obviously I was heartbroken and devastated...it still shocks me that I fell for someone so hard and fast in such a short time.

 

I guess my question is, where do I go from here? He seems pretty intent on being my friend for now, texting me throughout the day to ask how I am, what I'm up to, just being... A friend I guess. I know this will make it hard for me to heal my heart...but I cannot bear the thought of not having him in my life. I feel as though if I completely cut off contact now, there will be no chance of reconciliation in the future, which is what I want with all my heart, I love him so much. But on the otherhand, I'm scared to keep holding on because what if in a few months, he doesn't want me?

 

Basically my heart is telling me hold on, stay in contact and fate may bring us back together...and my head is telling me, get some distance, show him what he's missing and move on. I'm very torn.

 

If anyone has more questions about what was in the letter, in willing to explain more, it was just very long that's all!

[OwlSoul]

It's sad to read stories like this one.

 

My friend said yesterday: 'You do not need to know the person's reasons or thoughts why there should be a break'.

 

You might take the situation as in the person does not love you much and etc. etc.

I guess you should try to trust him, if you'll decide to not follow NC. If he needs some space away from the relationship, so be it. Any additional pressure would just kill the remaining feelings.

 

There was a situation with my friend, who's girl asked for some space. So he basically ignored her for 6 weeks minding his own business, until she started talking to him again. Now they're being in touch more or less all the time, except for taking it reaaaally slowly.

 

She was basically seeing some kind of issues in the relationship and wanted to take things slowly to resolve the issues or get used to them.

[mammasita]

Fate will bring you back together even if you move, stop talking, change your phone number......if he wants you, he will find you.....no matter what.

 

On that same note, holding on will drive you mad. I know, I've done it. For your sanity, let go and move on.