Amy4452 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 (edited) :(My ex boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. We have been together for a year and a half. He was a really nice man and he cared about me a lot, but then he changed. Three weeks ago he told me that he slept with other girl and that he told me that he is not right for me and I can't make you happy. I was shocked that he said that he cheated. I never thought that he would ever do it because he never did it before, so I told him that I forgive him because he didn't mean it. But after ten days, he went again and had sex. This time I was so depressed, he told me that I can txt him whenever I want and he would do the same, but he can't stop what he's doing. Then, on easter he wished me a happy easter and I wished him back. His birthday is tomorrow and I feel like txting him but at the same time I don't want to. I am really sad that we over becasue he was such a nice guy and he changed. He wanted to get married next year but it will never happened. It's really painful that the one you loved and the one who would wipe your tears when your sad, gone. Now I'm crying but I can't help it. I always wished that he never change. Please help me. I need someone to talk too P.s Im 22 and he's 23 Edited April 4, 2013 by Amy4452
destroyed4sho Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Im sorry this happened to you. He doesnt deserve a happy birthday wish from you, so dont send one. The only way to help yourself is to go NC. NC is the only way out of this.
Author Amy4452 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 Yes, I will try. I just feel so lonely now. He was my everything and he was there when I need him, but now I have no one to tell how I feel I don't know why he did this to me
Author Amy4452 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 He texted me today. He said what happened did find another man? nd I didn't reply then he said that I guess you don't want to talk and I just wanted to say hi, but I didn't reply also. What do you think? do you think he will keep txtin and apologize?
iouaname Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Yes, but he's already shown you that he's a cheater so you need to tell him to get to steppin. Well actually, you need to SHOW him that you're already moving on by not responding to him.
Author Amy4452 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 I sometimes feel like I want him to stop what he's doing. He wasn't like that, I still don't know why he start having sex with h** . I want him to be the same as he was before. I thought if he ever wanted to come back I would just say that we can be friends but not back together, but Idk :/ I just wish that he would stop what's he doing
all_cats_rgray Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 (edited) NO What do you expect to happen; You: "Happy Birthday" Ex: OMG your text has made me realize the huge mistake I have made, let's work things out. Edited April 6, 2013 by all_cats_rgray 1
lovelifexx Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 He cheats on you, breaks up with you and then you wish him a Happy Birthday? It makes you look pathetic and that you don't have any respect for yourself. It screams "Doormat!" He has no respect for you and you will only confirm to him that he shouldn't.
TaraMaiden Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 Stay in No Contact. The less you reply, the less you'll care. The less you care, the more you'll see he's just trying to be manipulative. The more you see he's just trying to be manipulative - the more control you will develop. Do not, under any circumstances at all, whatsoever - break No Contact!! 2
Author Amy4452 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 I did not wish him a happy birthday and I did not contact him. He txted me yesterday tho but I didn't reply also. He knews my girl-bestfriend so he went to their house for launch and asked her what happened to your friend "Me", she told him that she doesn't know. Then they had a conversation about me and she asked him if he loves me. He told her that I would lie if I said I don't but I'm a jerk because I hurt her. Then she told him you should correct your mistake now or you will never find her later. He nodded! What you think?
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 (edited) No. Don't break NC. Remember how you forgave him? Remember how he continued any way? Remember how smug he was by telling you that you can text him if you want, but that he wasn't going to stop doing what he was doing? He doesn't respect, nor care for you. Whatever it was you thought you saw at the beginning of the relationship wasn't ALL him. What you see now is more of the true him....ugly and a cheater. Edited April 6, 2013 by soccerrprp 3
h3braica Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 be strong. go NC. ignore him for the rest of your life. you will only look miserable and desperate by clinging unto him. he knows you are there with open arms anytime you need him even if he cheated on you. do the opposite. disappear. i know it's not easy but it's for your own sake. get back your dignity.
Author Amy4452 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 even if he changed and wants me back? I do love him and I just wish he would be the same as he was. He said to my friend that he's a jerk and hurt me but he still love me and he admits that what he did is wrong
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 even if he changed and wants me back? I do love him and I just wish he would be the same as he was. He said to my friend that he's a jerk and hurt me but he still love me and he admits that what he did is wrong All classic responses from dumpee and dumper... He has shown you that he doesn't respect you. He has shown a side that you've been hurt by. Wonder what else he's hiding? Oh, he's apologetic now? Why? Ask him if he's still with the girl he cheated with? If not, hmmm, could it be that he's out of another option and is now trying to get back to his second option? You. Remember him saying that he couldn't give you what you wanted? Or, that he wasn't right for you and couldn't make you happy? Well, he was actively, again, trying to dump you and telling you that you don't meet his needs b/c he found someone else who did. What do you think is going to happen the next time he finds someone else he sees as better than you? And, oh, he doesn't love you. No way, no chance...
Author Amy4452 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 The problem is that he doesn't love this girl he just go see her for sex, in TJ
Simon Phoenix Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 even if he changed and wants me back? I do love him and I just wish he would be the same as he was. He said to my friend that he's a jerk and hurt me but he still love me and he admits that what he did is wrong You don't have much respect for yourself do you? This guy cheated on you multiple times and you want him back? That's dumb. His cheating is just as much of a part of who he is than whatever he was at the beginning of the relationship. You can't pick and choose. If you take him back, you are taking all of it back.
Author Amy4452 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 I'm sorry but everything was perfect until he went with his bad friends and made him go to bad places
Simon Phoenix Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 The problem is that he doesn't love this girl he just go see her for sex, in TJ How does that make it better? Arguably that's worse than if he was actually in love with the other girl. So you are basically saying he blew up a supposedly loving relationship with you just so he could get some strange from other girls? I don't see how that's a positive for you.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I'm sorry but everything was perfect until he went with his bad friends and made him go to bad places If it was perfect, he wouldn't have gone with bad friends. It's not like they held a gun to his head saying he had to have sex with other women. You dated a douche. It happens. Stop trying to defend him and look out for yourself.
soccerrprp Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I'm sorry but everything was perfect until he went with his bad friends and made him go to bad places HE CHOSE to do these things. This is a part of who he really is. He is easily influenced, fickle...he'll likely be like this in his relationship with you. He's already shown you that he can be mean and dismissive of your feelings. 1
Author Amy4452 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 So, you think he will never change? or try to change? I feel so depressed and tired. I just want someone to talk too!
Author Amy4452 Posted April 6, 2013 Author Posted April 6, 2013 I now have a trust issue. Even if I moved on I know that I can't trust another man because I wouldn't know if he's saying the truth or not. I can't be hurt again !
Simon Phoenix Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 So, you think he will never change? or try to change? I feel so depressed and tired. I just want someone to talk too! No, why would he? If you took him back, what motivation does he have to change? You would have let him go out and have sex with other women and took him back because you have no self-respect. You are basically telling him that he can go cheat whenever he wants because you don't have the strength to enforce consequences on that decision. And the concept of trying to change people is an awful one. Instead of trying to change someone into what you want them to be, why not find someone who is already there? People are who they are -- you shouldn't try to change them. I now have a trust issue. Even if I moved on I know that I can't trust another man because I wouldn't know if he's saying the truth or not. I can't be hurt again ! And this doesn't make sense. Just because one guy is a prick doesn't mean all guys are pricks. And that's why it's important to set boundaries. You have a standard and if someone violates that, they are gone. Trust someone until they are untrustworthy, then ditch them once they betray you. 1
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