iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I want to become more social and meet many new people, to increase the likelihood that I'll meet women to be friends with and to date. I haven't been with a woman in a very long time and my social circle is tiny, which I want to change. There doesn't seem to be many opportunities to do this where I live and it's frustrating. Several years ago, I lived in a big city, where it seemed I could meet many new people every day. It was a college town and there were attractive young women everywhere. Sadly, my mother became sick with cancer back home. I was the only person who could take care of her, which I proceeded to do for the next three years, until she passed away. I had to sell her home, manage her estate, handle her affairs, legal matters and debts, then find a new place to live, find new employment, pay off my own debts. I was exhausted and I withdrew from friends and family, some of whom unfortunately turned out not to be the kind of people I could lean on in stressful times. The past two years have been pretty calm. I have a full time (if low paying job) and recently started working a second part time job with a lot of flexibility. I live alone in an apartment and have lived alone for the past three years. I'm a part time musician. Where I would like my life to change and reach more of a balance, is in the social arena, the dating area and in the love arena (not to mention the physical!). I don't have a core group of friends, they're scattered all over the place. I don't have anyone I can confide in about my insecurities surrounding women and dating, so I hope I can gain some insight from online forums like this one!
Lani Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your mother. You are a wonderful person to have dedicated that time to her, and she'll have appreciated it more than you could know. Anyway, in terms of meeting new people, you have an advantage by being a musician. Are you in a band? Or just a solo artist? Playing at new places, lining up some more gigs or open mic nights will really kick things off. And you know what? Chicks love musicians.
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I'm currently in a band I recently joined after the band I was previously in dissolved. This band has been together for decades and rarely practice. They play about six or seven shows per summer, at fairs, campgrounds and benefits. Theses guys are laid back and good players, though they're all a good twenty plus years older. They play covers of rock/pop/country songs. The previous band was much heavier, metal music. It was the same scenario in the previous band with the guys being much older and as a result I was often the youngest person at the gigs. I also have a writing and recording project with a friend of mine and write on my own. I have done open mics, but as a duo with this friend I'm recording with now. Haven't done it on my own yet I've heard that chicks dig musicians, never made a connection with one at the show though, again I've played where the women are much older lol
Lani Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I think you should try and team up with another band, one that is younger and more suited to the kind of people/places you want to hang around with. Get into some open mic nights, on your own, at younger and cooler places. This musician thing can open so many doors for you, you just need to unlock them first. Make the most of your talent, and use it to your advantage!
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I'm sure that would certainly help me. It's tough to find a band when you're not hanging about in a scene constantly. In THAT regard, I'M the one ten years older. They're all college age kids. Since I'm not living communally in and around the colleges like a lot of the people I'm acquaintances with, it's tough to build friendships. That's one of the main things that drove me to seek help from these sites! I'm socially isolated in general, let alone having problems meeting single women and having very little experience in dating!
Lani Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I'm sure that would certainly help me. It's tough to find a band when you're not hanging about in a scene constantly. In THAT regard, I'M the one ten years older. They're all college age kids. Since I'm not living communally in and around the colleges like a lot of the people I'm acquaintances with, it's tough to build friendships. That's one of the main things that drove me to seek help from these sites! I'm socially isolated in general, let alone having problems meeting single women and having very little experience in dating! Oh, sorry Being the older one is fine, but you still need to be around more people in your own age group. As you get older, it is hard to make new friends, I do feel your pain on this one. Why are you so socially isolated in general? Do you have anyone at work you could go out with as a mate any time? Because so many of my friendships have stemmed from other people that I don't even keep in contact with anymore. Are there old friendships you can rekindle? Obviously not those ones who turned out to not be the ones you could turn to, but maybe those that were neglected solely due to the time constraints etc.?
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I'm at a strange age (30). It certainly is harder to make new friends. All friendship and family groups seem to be established. At this stage of life you either settle down, or you grow ever more particular and eccentric with increasing number of years by yourself. The reasons I'm socially isolated much of the time are complex. Often, I can't put my finger on it. I'm not shy. I'm a positive person. I've been told how much people care about me. But people in my life never seem to contact me. It could simply be they're busy with their own lives, I don't know. I could be keeping people at arm's length without realizing it. You know, referring to your question about work, I've never actually made a friend through work, meaning we become friends outside of work. I have friends who I consider close, but who live in other states. Sometimes with busy lives people drift apart. But because people don't really touch base with me, sometimes I end up wondering what I did, or whether they even care about me being in their life, even if it's all in my head. One thing I HAVE done, especially in recent years, is that the further away I've gotten from actually pursuing intimate relationships with women (almost seven years now), I over invest emotionally in friendships with women, so that it feels terrible when they drift away, find a relationship, etc. I've had this happen with female friends. It's easy to then feel like you made a mistake trying to be vulnerable, and retreat into your shell even further.
picaso28 Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 Hey mate, I understand how you feel. I don't get to meet that many women through my limited and small social circle. I decided to start online dating. Had couple of dates, not really led anywhere but its a way of me being proactive and try to alter my situation. Maybe try it yourself, even if you make some friends from it. Also as others suggested try social groups, bands etc. Good luck
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