malxme Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I'd love some feedback, feeling very confused and unhappy.. I'll try to make this long story as short as I can. He and I were together for 2 and a half years, it wasn't an easy relationship, we had a couple of on/off stages, but really there was a lot of love so we just kept making it work. It was long distance for alot of the time, so that caused trouble. He broke up with me after alot of little things happened. Stuff like I caught him flirting with a girl (ex gf) via text (I know, snooping is wrong, but i had a gut feeling) and it turned out he was meeting up with her (movies, ice cream etc) and keeping it from me, when he knew it made me very uncomfortable (she made no secret of wanting him back. We had been fighting a bit, alot of pressure was on us for various reasons, and he ended it. I was crushed, and for 3 months begged him to take me back, tried everything I could. A couple of times we'd kiss etc etc, but still he said 'it wasnt the right time' to get back together. SO basically he was bailing out of sticking with me through the hardest time of my life (away from home and studying), but when I was done and came back he might be interested. So the last time we did 'stuff' and i didnt hear from him for days, I felt like he'd just used me. I was crushed. And finally after about 3 and a half months, I knew I had to let go. And then out of nowhere I met a guy. I was noway near ready to move on, and I told the new guy that, but he just thought I was amazing and was so kind to me. We spent heaps of time together, things were going pretty well. Then my ex starts texting me, saying he wants me back. He's angry at me for trying to move on with my life, acting like I basically cheated on him with this new guy. I ended things with the new guy because I wasn't sure what i wanted to do about my ex and didnt want to lead him on. I was extremely unhappy about this, but I just didnt want to hurt anybody. Now me and my ex have been spending a little time together, texting and calling a fair bit, just seeing how things go. But I have just found out he has still been spending time with his ex gf (who essentially caused the breakup) and keeping it from me. Ive made it clear that if we were to ever work things out, she can't be in the picture at all. I just cant deal with everything that happened with her. She's been in his bed, she's kissed him. She tries to get him to be with her. I'd just really like opinions from people about how they interpret my story. He says he has changed, I'm the love of his life, he'd do anything for me etc, and yet after finding this out, I dont feel like I can trust him. He had every opportunity to tell me the truth about spending time with his ex, but he kept it to himself. Am I wrong to be so hurt by this? Should I just take his word for it? Help?
OwlSoul Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 My personal opinion: After any break-up if the dumper went after someone's ass, there is no way for me to accept the person back. The ex who left the relationship because there is someone else is a big red flag for me. Flirting, casual dating, hanging out with another girl = no way of getting back. In general: I know some couples who handled such situations when one of the partners is running between two people. However, they were bound together by children, years of living together, years of dating before the marriage and etc. but still there were times when one of the partners would occasionaly cheat. Unless the dumpee would get the total control over the relationship. 1
iouaname Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 How long was it in-between the time that the two of you stopped talking and the time that he texted wanting you back? Or did you never take space?
Author malxme Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 My personal opinion: After any break-up if the dumper went after someone's ass, there is no way for me to accept the person back. The ex who left the relationship because there is someone else is a big red flag for me. It wasn't so much he went after someone else. He claims he isn't attracted to her and that 'nothing happened' (I found them in bed together about a month after he left me), but he was definitely flirting and meeting up with her behind my back while we were still together... And now he's STILL spending time with her, after all the trouble it caused last time, and I feel like he must not be serious about wanting it to work if he's doing that. I told him several times, her or me...
Author malxme Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 How long was it in-between the time that the two of you stopped talking and the time that he texted wanting you back? Or did you never take space? We had stages of no contact (generally initiated by me, because it hurt so much), but in the first 3 months of being broken up, I spent alot of time texting him, going to see him and trying to get him to take me back. After the very last time that things happened between us and I finally just gave up, it was maybe... two weeks of minimal contact-a brief text on his birthday (started by him) and that was about it. Hence why when the new guy came in my life, I knew I wasn't at all ready, because the breakup was still very fresh in my mind- I hadn't had alot of time to deal with it properly and actually accept it.
Amahon06 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Omg we should be best friends I'm kind of going thru the same thing but my ex is ex of 8 years!!! It sux!!!
OwlSoul Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I mean even after you two were no longer together officially it is still a red flag. It would be acceptable with the dumpee, but not with the dumper. For me, it just means that the person was usatisfied with me and was urging to find someone else, so the person left the relationship. Telling you or her is an ultimatum. Which should be used only once. Saying it a lot of times will just lower your value in his eyes and he won't take your words seriously. Usually (not always), the man who is running between two women choses the one who is more likely to leave.
Recommended Posts