joystickd Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I see people on here talking about waiting or amount of time to get to know a person. Is it really? How do we know that person is not just playing a role? How do we really know they are truly what they think they are after this amount of time? Shouldn't asking the right questions be more important than time?
soccerrprp Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I see people on here talking about waiting or amount of time to get to know a person. Is it really? How do we know that person is not just playing a role? How do we really know they are truly what they think they are after this amount of time? Shouldn't asking the right questions be more important than time? Time will eventually tell. As he/she is placed in varying circumstances/situations, you will start to see habits, responses, behaviors that cannot be subdued for long. I think it's easier to give the candy-coated answers to questions than it is to keep ones true personality and intentions at bay after some period of time and circumstances/events that require one to act on. 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 You can always tell what a person is like by the way they talk to, and treat the people who are of no use or consequence to them.... In other words - how do they address shop staff? Waiters/waitresses? Cab drivers? Road sweeps, trash collectors? People from different cultural/racial backgrounds? It tells - and a lot more quickly than you'd think - if you're alert to the signs..... 2
soccerrprp Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 You can always tell what a person is like by the way they talk to, and treat the people who are of no use or consequence to them.... In other words - how do they address shop staff? Waiters/waitresses? Cab drivers? Road sweeps, trash collectors? People from different cultural/racial backgrounds? It tells - and a lot more quickly than you'd think - if you're alert to the signs..... Oh, heck yes on this! To add just a bit more....how he/she speaks of others within a political, social, discussion context. If you talk about politics, etc. you get a good feel of how they view people in general.
SJC2008 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Unfortunately you can never know 100% as some people are professional at hiding who they are. TBS most people can't hide who they are and start showing themselves very soon, I've seen it as early as 2nd/3rd date. They say it takes 3-6 months to get to know someone, I agree with this. There are 3 big things that you can judge a person on in getting to know them. One is how they argue; Can they compromise? Can they admit they're wrong? Can they agree to disagree and move on? People who are "never wrong" aren't healthy and is usually a red flag for being controlling. Second, are they respectful? Do they bring up red buttons out of spite? For example if I had a GF and hated to be called x and she called me x in an argument becuase she knows it pisses me off, that's disrespectful. I once got into a bad argument with a co-worker, cursing and everything but I didn't go for his red button and call him the word he hates- That's respect, even in an argument if that makes sense. Lastly, is consderation of your feelings. If you're uncomfortable with the way your so is behaving and let her know about it and she doesn't try to see it from your view and criticizes you for it and turns around and does the same thing. Talking to exes would be an example like in another thread here. 1
pbjbear Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 (edited) First- I want to thank you for posting this topic. Many people dont seem to understand this concept. They tell me Im cray cray when I date a nice guy and then he pulls a 180 2 months later and Im like waaaaa? YES If they are playing a role, time will eventually tell. How long can you convincingly 100% play a role? I say around months 2-6 true colors come out TaraMaiden, I tend to agree with you but I gotta say the guy I dated that was the most ass-holish did not do anything wrong in those areas the first 2 months. He must of taken acting classes Edited April 4, 2013 by pbjbear
normal person Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Lots of people will try their best to impress for a while. After the novelty wears off and some complacency sets in, some true colors might start coming out. There's been some good stuff said in this thread already, but I think people tend to show you who they really are in extreme circumstances. How someone acts in times of fear, anger, desperation, or even in bed can be pretty indicative of their true nature. Are they calm and collected? Reasonable? Selfish?
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 First- I want to thank you for posting this topic. Many people dont seem to understand this concept. They tell me Im cray cray when I date a nice guy and then he pulls a 180 2 months later and Im like waaaaa? YES If they are playing a role, time will eventually tell. How long can you convincingly 100% play a role? I say around months 2-6 true colors come out TaraMaiden, I tend to agree with you but I gotta say the guy I dated that was the most ass-holish did not do anything wrong in those areas the first 2 months. He must of taken acting classes 2 months - is 8 weeks - is not that long a time. Not really... Not when, as a lady I know, was married to a man for 17 years and 3 kids, before she finally discovered he was gay. Now that is good acting.
SJC2008 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 2 months - is 8 weeks - is not that long a time. Not really... Not when, as a lady I know, was married to a man for 17 years and 3 kids, before she finally discovered he was gay. Now that is good acting. When I was a kid I was in Royal Rangers (boyscouts in the chruch) and years later I found out the head commander divorced his wife and went the other way, surgery and all. They had children and if I remeber they were in their late teens/early 20's when this happened. You NEVER know!!!
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I have to say that the H in my scenario hid his homosexuality because of the strong social stigma against homosexuals. It was simply not 'the done thing' to be 'gay'. He did the only thing he could in his heyday. He complied with convention, and hid his 'true identity' from everyone; he conformed to the then social requirements. I believe his wife heavily suspected there was something amiss with his 'whole presentation' fairly early on in the marriage; but she too, being a product of her era, simply did not mention it or discuss such matters with others. That too, was not then, 'the done thing'. I think the above scenario is in a slightly different context to the OP's original question.....
Star Gazer Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 You can always tell what a person is like by the way they talk to, and treat the people who are of no use or consequence to them.... In other words - how do they address shop staff? Waiters/waitresses? Cab drivers? Road sweeps, trash collectors? People from different cultural/racial backgrounds? It tells - and a lot more quickly than you'd think - if you're alert to the signs..... Some of the douche-y-ist people I know are the most wonderful people on earth to wait staff and the like. I think it tells far less than you think. Are they an arsehole to these people? If yes, that's a sign to run. If no, that doesn't really tell you anything.
El Brujo Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Yep, it's true. My best buddy was in a huge rush to marry Miss Right... then a year later, she became Mrs. ALWAYS Right. He put up with her for 9 years before divorcing her. 1
ffw Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 You can always tell what a person is like by the way they talk to, and treat the people who are of no use or consequence to them.... In other words - how do they address shop staff? Waiters/waitresses? Cab drivers? Road sweeps, trash collectors? People from different cultural/racial backgrounds? It tells - and a lot more quickly than you'd think - if you're alert to the signs..... This ^^. In my opinion, there is one more point. See the person's reaction & not the action because reaction is very difficult to fake. Action can be faked that's it's called "acting". 1
SJC2008 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 This ^^. In my opinion, there is one more point. See the person's reaction & not the action because reaction is very difficult to fake. Action can be faked that's it's called "acting". This is a very good point and never heard this one before for some reasons. It reminds me of when things fell apart with the last woman I dated. We were talking on the phone about our misunderstanding and I had one of those weird burps and she thought I was about to cry. She said "Are you" and that's it because she realized I wasn't crying. Anyway, her reaction and tone in how she said "Are you" was "OMG you're such a pussy". No compassion whatsoever, cold person. Like I said I wasn't crying but this "incident" showed me who she is. 1
dasein Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 How they talk about their friends and family How much time they spend looking in the mirror How they talk about their life experiences How they treat their pets How they treat their children or others' How they handle stress How they handle when the butterflies fade How they talk about work and the people there How they handle their finances How they spend their free time How they act in public and at parties How they talk when you have hypnotized them How they act when they are tied up in the basement How they act when they find your other victims Yep it takes time, sure does.
SJC2008 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 How they talk about their friends and family How much time they spend looking in the mirror How they talk about their life experiences How they treat their pets How they treat their children or others' How they handle stress How they handle when the butterflies fade How they talk about work and the people there How they handle their finances How they spend their free time How they act in public and at parties How they talk when you have hypnotized them How they act when they are tied up in the basement How they act when they find your other victims Yep it takes time, sure does. I don't know about the how they treat their pets on hell even Hitler had a dog lol 1
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