me n my gf of 22 months broke up and I've come to realise what a fool I am

[troubledm1nd]

I'l try break it down as im typing on my s3 and it's hard to hit the right keys as fast as I like..

 

She is a lovely girl loves to dance is kind and caring and has been there for me through some tough times..I love her to bits but dont want advice on how to get her back as i know ive effed up bad and any abuse for my subsequent admissions are welcome...because ii cheated on her 19 months in n told her AFTER we broke up...

 

She now finds me sickening and wants nothing more to do with me ...I dont blame her

 

Its not an excuse because I know I am to blame but I was unhappy with our sex life and the lack of intimacy and the fact that when we get together she was more interested in getting high pigging out to movies and then crashing out something we had argued/spoke about several times and I would end up accepting that her libido isnt as high as mine.. and that she enjoys sleeping alot..however I wouldnt end up feeling resentment again and we kept going round in circles with me always finding reasons to justify my lustful desires with the girl I claim to love...anyway this drove a wedge between us and I began fantasizing about cheating...and ended up following it through which left me racked with guilt resulting in me pushing my ex gf away resulting in our break up. Since the break up I have been "liaising" with a lady friend who has a high sexdrive and I recently had sex with another woman I have no desire to commit to...which she is aware of...however, I feel sick with myself afterwards...dont get me wrong I enjoy the pleasure but I just regret it so much and feel despair at the fact ive hurt the girl I love and ruined a relationship that was worth much more than I realised just because I was following my d*ck

 

What is just as bad is the fact my dad cheated on my mum the year before and left her for another woman after 25 years and it caused alot of issues which im still having to deal with as theyre still married , he has been playing between my mum and his new woman and something kicks off at least once a month with my dad getting violent and accusing my mum of ruining his life when she splits them up with her drunken antics involving my mum turning up at her house to expose some truths. Im glad my ex no longer has to put up with my family issues now because it is really stressful and she deserves more...

 

Anyway I feel sick and disgusted with my hypocritical actions my disloyalty and my attitude towards sex...and I want to better myself as i have a good heart just a troubled mind sorry to anyone disgusted with me dont hold it against me though I just need some guidance and honest advice so I dont break down mentally ...and please forgive my grammar and punctuation but there was too much to say and it is such a pain typing touchscreen...some additional points I used protection I know that isnt foolproof but I will encourage her to get checked for STDs in case and get tested myself she is 19 im 23 yrs old so there you are my predicament hope it gets some decent replies...thanks in advance and sorry there's so much

[nada2013]

That is bad, dude. I never cheated but I have been cheated on. It is terrible to be treated like this by someone you love and trust. lost trust is almost impossible to restore. Anyway, two things you can do now, give her time. In fact she may never forgive you but all you can do until she lets you know is just wait.

 

Tell her how much you love her. Tell her that you are very sorry and never meant to hurt her. This is a good place to leave the conversation, and take your leave.

Edited April 4, 2013 by nada2013

[denxnis]

Live and learn. If this hadn't happened and she just brushed it off I'll bet you $100 bucks you'd do it again.

 

You'll become a better person from this life lesson, I hope, and you need to accept this and move on.

[troubledm1nd]

I dont like to think of myself as a hurtful person, I feel terrible that I hurt her...seriously feeling resentful towards myself. I think if I never put so much emphasis on sex and let my hormones get the better of me then I wouldn't have become a lying cheating scum bag. So, I am going to attempt to abstain from any sex, sexual thoughts or actions and stop watching porn as I believe it led me to be misguided on what sex in a relationship should be until I feel that I'm worthy of a woman like her again, so I dont take a good woman for granted again.

 

Also, I'm not going to try to win her back as I know that I've ruined any chance of that. I just want to get over my self hate and allow her to overcome the pain I caused her. I will find it hard though because I know that chances are I will see her at least once a week, and I know she will feel sick at the sight of me. I can't help being at the same college on the same day as her plus she works 300 yards from my house and she is always at our mutual friends house over the road from me.

 

What can I do while I'm studying towards a long term career and working part time, thus stuck living with violent abusive parents that keep screwing each other over.

Edited April 4, 2013 by troubledm1nd
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