Bando89 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I had a bad break up. It happens. It took me some months to heal (and will probably take some more) but that's life. By looking back, I feel more anger than sadness. I felt this before - I had two relationships prior to the last one - and I know that I need time and patience. However, there is a new element in the picture which is worrying me. I realized that after my last break up I've started to fear women. I've started to be disgusted and horrified by their dirty talk (which between friends is WAY worse than men's one). I don't know why, it just sounds and looks wrong to me. Notice that this is not double standards: I dislike men who sleep with a lot of girls etc. However, there's something about girl that makes this more unappealling to me. We are teached from young age that girls are the pretty ones, the ones who play with dolls, who draw flowers, who wear nice coloured clothes. So when I hear them spitting out disgusting details about their careless sex encounters, it makes me feel sick. What is this leading to? I may like some girls, but my brain immediately processes them in one of this two categories: 1) had a boyfriend/had a sexual life: bad. Not suitable for a relationship. She's spoiled. 2) never had a boyfriend. Pure. Suitable for a relationship. Even if difficult, it's worth trying. As you can imagine, not many girls in their 20s are in category number 2. In fact I only know one in my social group (30-40 people). This change of mindset, as I told you, occurred after my last relationship. I was with a girl who had a turboulent past, I did my best to try to forget it, I continued to repeat myself that she had changed. In the end, she left me as she did with all her past bfs, giving my subconscious a feast of emotional distress. It's strange. My first girl treated me so bad in the end, but when we broke up and after I healed, I had the desire to go out there and find a better girl, not caring about her past. Now I do, in a worrying way. In all honesty, I have no idea how to overcome this. I obsess about past partners, I obsess about details that wouldn't matter at all. I can't stand the thought of a girl kissing you, while days/weeks/months ago she was kissing a dude's c***. You're telling me I did the same, and now I'm going by double standards? Maybe you're right, but I really wish I didn't. If I could go back in time, I would just wait for a girl to share my whole life with. No short stories, no liars, no bad exes. It may look silly, but this situation is so difficult to handle...
Drseussgrrl Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Please seek counseling before you end up alone. This is very unhealthy. 2
Standard-Fare Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Um, yeah, this line of thinking isn't going to get you too far. So you basically want an innocent virgin that only you can "corrupt"? All humans are sexual creatures, and almost all adults have a sexual past. It doesn't make them bad people. I think the only answer is acknowledging your mindset is completely unrealistic and unproductive, and trying to change that.
Author Bando89 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 I feel like giving up on something good for something which is not, only because people do so. I find bad that people (i.e. one of my friends) met a girl in the morning and that same night they had sex. How can you do something like that? Where's the trust, the things you build with time? I don't want to be a raging animal...
Noproblem Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Typical thinking of an eastern guy You should move there, you wouldn't feel awkward there! I don't know how to help you, but I really think past has some value, but what is important is how this person is treating you and how much you care about him or her. If you are a good match who complete each other, why care about the past!
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