Sexless relationships are friendships? Why?

[Pompeii]

Okay still at 10 he shouldn't be thinking like me that's a given.

 

Of course he doesn't think like you. He thinks more realistically than you.

 

How am I out of touch with reality? I know this whole wanting to marry a virgin thing is probably not going to happen, but a man can dream can he?

 

You can dream, sure. Doesn't make it reality. The more time you spend dreaming about the future, the less time you spend in the real world actually getting things done and seeing tangible results. You may not be out of touch with reality, but it is quite evident that you're socially retarded and don't have a clue as to how dating and women actually work. Most likely, this isn't your fault. I know several people who were very sheltered as children with overprotective parents and they grew up to be socially retarded as well. Very hard to undo childhood programming.

 

You make this much harder than it actually is. Seems like no one can really help you here, because you already have too many limiting beliefs about yourself and what you want from a female. Once you shed those, then maybe you'll see some progress.

[zanzi]

Iv'e always said, myself, from observation that ignorance and religion often times go hand in hand.

I bet his pastor told him he should marry a virgin.

I bet his pastor didn't wait either.

 

I find it laughable. You are hidden in a dank cave and the light is shining in but your eyes are firmly shut while you repeat what you've been told and hope that it is true. Outside the cave is a universe of possibilities. Inside is your beliefs.

 

Muslims think once they die, they will have forty virgins in heaven.

The problem with that is, there aren't that many virgins left. forty virgins sounds pretty tedious to me.

Give me forty sexually experienced lesbians any day.

oh. and if you had ever watched two lesbians having sex, you would wonder why the bible doesn't say they SHOULD do it instead of banning it. hot damn.

[Krieger]

Iv'e always said, myself, from observation that ignorance and religion often times go hand in hand.

I bet his pastor told him he should marry a virgin.

I bet his pastor didn't wait either.

 

I find it laughable. You are hidden in a dank cave and the light is shining in but your eyes are firmly shut while you repeat what you've been told and hope that it is true. Outside the cave is a universe of possibilities. Inside is your beliefs.

 

Muslims think once they die, they will have forty virgins in heaven.

The problem with that is, there aren't that many virgins left. forty virgins sounds pretty tedious to me.

Give me forty sexually experienced lesbians any day.

oh. and if you had ever watched two lesbians having sex, you would wonder why the bible doesn't say they SHOULD do it instead of banning it. hot damn.

 

Seventy-two virgins -- does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

[todreaminblue]

I noticed when I tell people if I ever get into a relationship with a girl at some point in my life I plan on doing the no sex until marriage thing they always say I might as well just be friends or I'm basically shooting myself in the foot as no woman would want that.

 

I'm a complete virgin myself so hopefully I'll meet a virgin girl, but that's way too high of standards I think in today's times unfortunately:(.

 

Anyway I was wondering why do people think sexless relationships are basically friendships? Does sex actually define the relationship? And why does everyone say its such a bad idea?

 

 

sex shouldnt define a relationship, i think where sex does define a relationship its short term.........doesnt last....intimate relationships with a bf/gf is not a friendship it is more than that

 

 

 

that relationship is defined by your own definition no one elses......kissing someone is more intimate to me than sex...but i am messed up......i dont kiss friends mouths........i dont let them kiss my mouth....that to me defines a relationship without sex from friendship.....my mouth my lips......belong to a partner of mine not to my friends.......i dont even initiate hugs with guys unless i like them ....i mean truly like them...i am aloof to a certain degree with male friends..........so....thats my definition....what are your defining points necris....thats all that matters.....and the person you are in a relationship with their defining points....any one elses.....moot point.......deb

[todreaminblue]

Seventy-two virgins -- does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

 

 

7 foot 2 persian woman.......poor guy........lol....deb

[Krieger]

News flash : This just in woman love sex stay more on this news at 11 pm now back to your regular schedule programming.

 

Sex is important part of a relationship sure other things are important to but let's not kid are selfs.

[Drseussgrrl]

Is this question for real?

[todreaminblue]

News flash : This just in woman love sex stay more on this news at 11 pm now back to your regular schedule programming.

 

Sex is important part of a relationship sure other things are important to but let's not kid are selfs.

 

what is more important is that you dont compromise who you are to be in a relationship you dont compromise core values to fit in............more important than sex in my opinion.....deb

[Krieger]

what is more important is that you dont compromise who you are to be in a relationship you dont compromise core values to fit in............more important than sex in my opinion.....deb

 

True I just saying most woman would not be down with no sex IMO. It is going to be hard for the OP to find a girl that has the same values as he does. I can be done but the odd are not in your favor.

[zanzi]

maybe you get that gold-painted xerses guy off that movie 300.

 

TROLOL

[zanzi]

looks like Im going to have to polish up on my knowledge of muslimology...

[zanzi]

Apparently as well as all those fabled virgins, you also get an eternal erection as a pose to a five minute one...

 

"The sensual pleasures are graphically elaborated by Al-Suyuti (died 1505 ), Koranic commentator and polymath. He wrote: "Each time we sleep with a houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [ie Muslim] will marry seventy [sic] houris, besides the women he married on earth, and all will have appetising vaginas."

 

well that sounds dandy. I'd love for my man to get a long term erection. An eternal one sounds a bit exhausting. Apparently, religion has never considered the restrictions of basic human anatomy in keeping permanent blood in the penis. Or perhaps in paradise biology no longer matters, but you would think it would, since if you had a penis you wold also presumably need a functioning body.

[todreaminblue]

True I just saying most woman would not be down with no sex IMO. It is going to be hard for the OP to find a girl that has the same values as he does. I can be done but the odd are not in your favor.

 

 

the fact is there are women who would wait....i am one.......there are many....compromising a guys values and principles isnt in my nature......i would be willing to wait...good things are normally worth the wait.......i have a high sex drive with the right guy...and more experience than most.......i think i grew up and would rather quality over quantity...not into casual sex its unfulfilling no matter how toey i get....i just dont..feels like whoring without the money to me..i have the opposite problem....sex is expected.....from me.....guys probably once they hear my history think i should compromise my beliefs.....which sucks.....so i am celibate voluntarily until the right guy comes my way i will know that guy ...because he will accept my values that i have now and i will accept his..i am not wired about the sexual relationship i might have because i know i can give and receive pleasure..sex isnt the be all and end all with me....i do believe there are many women who feel the same....sex is great if its right................deb

[Necris]

you sound inexperienced in more then just sex and quite naive about life in general. How old are you?

I wont bash your personal beliefs but imagine per say, that there was no god. Then you are simple wasting your time following the words of a book which also advocates stoning people. You can close your mind to the possibility but every time you pray to *nothing* and hear no tangible answer that question will be in the back of your mind. You've let other people decide for you how to live your life.

 

I happen to know that in the bible a man has sex with his niece, there is violent rape and murder, and other such things.

 

as for saving sex until marraige, if you can keep to that, I suppose there could be advantages. For example, you won't get your heart broken in the way you would after being separated from someone you've slept with many times. However, aside from in church or church groups you are unlikely to find a women who isn't a naive annoying child who parrots the bible like a brainless idiot who has been fed too much religion who doesn't want sex.

Ah an atheist I see. Particularly one who considers religious people to be "naive, annoying, brainless idiots" I noticed this topic of waiting till marriage has been surprisingly controversial for some people.

 

I'm not going to get into a religous debate on a dating site so I'm going to keep this simple. Honestly a universe without God makes no sense at all to me. God's existence makes far more sense than any explanation I've seen from atheism.

 

I came to believe in God not through following others, I never lived in a religious area, and my dad, cool guy and I love him but he isn't religious in fact he is against it. My mom is religious but this wasn't something she forced on to me. This is a choice I made myself. While some might try to argue religion and science are at odds with each other for me science actually is/was quite helpful in my spiritual life, just looking at the world around me the evidence of a creator is there. From the fine-tuning of the universe, existence of intelligent life (we humans), the pixelization of the universe and the massive implications that brings, etc. Also my study of religion and personal experiences have brought me to a deeper understanding of God, my prayers being answered (I have had prayers answered) have no bearing on my belief in God, I don't think of God as a wish fairy in a far off kingdom in the clouds but rather the omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient programmer of existence.

 

 

Many great minds throughout history and even today believe in God, even in our modern times (interestingly enough despite popular belief that scientists are mostly atheists this is actually not the case) we have people like John Polkinghorne, physicist and surprisingly also a priest for the Church of England, Christopher Langan creator of the Cognitive-Theoretic Model of the Universe has an IQ between 195 and 210 making him amongst the most intelligent minds on the planet, and many others.

 

Brief summary of Polkinghorne's reasons to believe in God, that I share.

The intelligibility of the universe: One would anticipate that evolutionary selection would produce hominid minds apt for coping with everyday experience, but that these minds should also be able to understand the subatomic world and general relativity goes far beyond anything of relevance to survival fitness. The mystery deepens when one recognizes the proven fruitfulness of mathematical beauty as a guide to successful theory choice.

The anthropic fine tuning of the universe: Freeman Dyson once said "the more I examine the universe and the details of its architecture, the more evidence I find that the universe in some sense must have known we were coming". there is a wide consensus amongst physicists that either there are a very large number of other universes in the Multiverse or that "there is just one universe which is the way it is in its anthropic fruitfulness because it is the expression of the purposive design of a Creator, who has endowed it with the finely tuned potentialty for life."

A wider humane reality: He considers that theism offers a more persuasive account of ethical and aesthetic perceptions. He argues that it is difficult to accommodate the idea that "we have real moral knowledge" and that statements such as 'torturing children is wrong' are more than "simply social conventions of the societies within which they are uttered" within an atheistic or naturalistic world view. He also believes such a world view finds it hard to explain how "Something of lasting significance is glimpsed in the beauty of the natural world and the beauty of the fruits of human creativity."

 

 

As for violence in the bible of course there is, honestly if there were no violence in the Bible that wouldn't make any sense, stuff happens as we should know humans are pretty evil and in the case of divine punishment sometimes things have to be done for God's plan for humanity. But just because there was violence, rape, etc. in the bible doesn't mean God condones it all especially when such things are stated to be evil.

Edited April 6, 2013 by Necris

[Necris]

Iv'e always said, myself, from observation that ignorance and religion often times go hand in hand.

I bet his pastor told him he should marry a virgin.

I bet his pastor didn't wait either.

 

 

 

As for my belief to not have sex till marriage besides the religious reasons honestly I feel this is the best way. No I wasn't told by anyone to do this, even my own dad thinks my decision just sounds weird.

 

Sex before marriage seems to only cause unforeseen consequences for those who engage in it from my observations, I would like to avoid these issues my self, sounds fun, but in the end doesn't seem worth it.

 

The marriage itself would be far more special and possibly stronger as well when you haven't let sex enter into the relationship.

 

Some people have mentioned problems with sexual compatibility but the way I see it if you manage to incredibly find a virgin and you're a virgin yourself sexual compatibility should be less of a problem its not like you both have any experience in the subject and you can just grow into being the perfect partners for each other over time.

Edited April 6, 2013 by Necris

[carhill]

What differentiates a romantic relationship from a friendship is how one feels. Sexual desire is one of many results of those feelings that separate romantic relationships from platonic relationships.

 

Hence, in your virgin scenario, how you feel about your partner with whom you may have chosen to wait until marriage or other ratification to have sexual relations is very different than how you feel about a friend, how you feel about a family member, etc, etc.

 

What I noticed, as an outlier virgin in my demographic, was that, after conforming to the exigent social norms in it, I no longer felt 'outlier' and also no longer felt the desire nor need to 'wait'. All waiting had done prior was reduce the already minimal options open because of incompatibility, essentially sexual incompatibility, with potentials who were not willing to wait for ratification. They saw sex as a normal part of romantic/interpersonal interaction, regardless of commitment/ratification, and moved on from someone who had a different timeline (me). We missed.

 

The long and short of it is you should prosecute your life how you see fit. If your methods speak to you, they are you. You get no rewards at the end of it for how you lived it. You get dead. Perhaps, if your ideology is valid, your spiritual life beyond will provide the benefits of/rewards for choices made here in the mortal coil. Perhaps not. No one really knows for sure. IMO, live in the now. It's all we have. Good luck.

[Necris]

Of course he doesn't think like you. He thinks more realistically than you.

 

 

 

You can dream, sure. Doesn't make it reality. The more time you spend dreaming about the future, the less time you spend in the real world actually getting things done and seeing tangible results. You may not be out of touch with reality, but it is quite evident that you're socially retarded and don't have a clue as to how dating and women actually work. Most likely, this isn't your fault. I know several people who were very sheltered as children with overprotective parents and they grew up to be socially retarded as well. Very hard to undo childhood programming.

 

You make this much harder than it actually is. Seems like no one can really help you here, because you already have too many limiting beliefs about yourself and what you want from a female. Once you shed those, then maybe you'll see some progress.

 

Like I said I know my goal is extremely unrealistic, but nonetheless its a goal. High personality standards are a must for finding a wife, you are going to be with that person for the rest of your life.

 

Right now however in the present, I'm not trying to find a wife, I just want a relationship, no sex though. And my standards for this are low.

 

I am a bit socially awkward but not socially retarded and I didn't grow up sheltered, hell way back in middle school people were talking about sex. My parents didn't force idea of no sex until marriage on me, in fact I was told the opposite by my dad, this is something I want. Though I will have to say part of my social awkwardness probably comes from childhood, I was the intellectually gifted kid that couldn't relate to anybody, had no friends, and always picked on so I just withdrew from people until about highschool, yeah I know it sounds lame and cliche but oh well.

[Locust]

This is a interesting question. I'm a virgin too and 26 years old and I wondering if I were to begin dating a girl, is it possible to keep it sexless but tell her I like her and all. I will hold hands with her and give her hugs.

[Pompeii]

the intellectually gifted kid that couldn't relate to anybody, had no friends, and always picked on so I just withdrew from people until about highschool, yeah I know it sounds lame and cliche but oh well.

 

It sounds lame and cliche because it is.

 

"Oh man, I'm just so misunderstood, let me retreat to my corner of the world and withdraw because no one can possibly understand me. Waaah" - every prepubescent child and teenager ever

[Necris]

It sounds lame and cliche because it is.

 

"Oh man, I'm just so misunderstood, let me retreat to my corner of the world and withdraw because no one can possibly understand me. Waaah" - every prepubescent child and teenager ever

 

After being bullied every single day I just didn't feel like talking to other kids, think about it would you want to talk to a bunch of violent dumbasses? When I was little I didn't know how to handle bullies so trying to reason with them wasn't helping especially when you got that charismatic bully who can get all the other kids in the class to gang up on you and attack you. I had no friends, everyone seemed to just hate me, so I did my own thing.

 

Though by the time I got into highschool I started making friends, learned how to fend off bullies, and became more social.

 

 

Anyway I have no idea how this is related to the central topic at hand about sexless relationships. Somehow wanting a sexless relationship makes me socially retarded in your opinion, perhaps I just do not feel like following the conventional social norms of dating? Oh well to each his own.

Edited April 6, 2013 by Necris

[zanzi]

Honestly? I do think that religion makes people a lot dumber then they could be if they explored their own desires a little.

 

I come from a christian background, and have indeed become more of an atheist with a mixture of pan-paganism because my mother was very abusive and used her religion in her arguments against me calling me a "satanist" because of my fascination from childhood with paganism and alternative religion. From a young age I used to tell her I didn't believe in the jewish god and that would get me some soap in my mouth. She also hates gay people, I happen to have some very close gay friends who I would not want to ever change. Once, she and I were sitting in the park and a happy young male couple walked by holding hands and looking very much in love. My mum took one look at this tender scene and said, I quote "how disgusting." This made me feel great sadness for her, that she could look at something so tender and loving with such ignorance.

 

I have seen smart and stupid christians and smart and stupid atheists. In fact I was very much taken, at one point, with the essays of C.S Lewis. I could have almost believed them. I was in fact reffering to your lack of insight due to a 2000 year old book already deciding who you are for you.

 

I think if you spend your life with only one women, you are bound to get sick of her and cheat. It is inevitable.

[readytodate123]

Sex doesn't define relationships but I think physical love is as important as emotional love. An intimate sex with your lover can boost your love life.

[fortyninethousand322]

I think OP's idea is perfectly reasonable. Personally, I actually want a sexless relationship, though I'd have sex with the girl if it was really important to her. I guess on days I wasn't feeling it I could always say I had a headache or something.

 

As far as "living by an outdated 2000 year old book", eh, whatever. It's either that or live by billions of years old DNA encoding. Nothing sounds more outdated than that...

[zanzi]

um no nothing sounds more realistic.

[Silly24]

Well I don't have sex with my friends....