Necris Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I noticed when I tell people if I ever get into a relationship with a girl at some point in my life I plan on doing the no sex until marriage thing they always say I might as well just be friends or I'm basically shooting myself in the foot as no woman would want that. I'm a complete virgin myself so hopefully I'll meet a virgin girl, but that's way too high of standards I think in today's times unfortunately:(. Anyway I was wondering why do people think sexless relationships are basically friendships? Does sex actually define the relationship? And why does everyone say its such a bad idea?
KungFuJoe Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Necris, I'm sorry to say...but this is one of those "if you don't already know, you'll never understand" scenarios. Just imagine how you feel when you're hungry. You have to eat, right? Or pretty much any uncontrollable urge...like having to pee. What if you couldn't eat when hungry...or pee when your bladder was about to explode. Now imagine you can NEVER eat or pee EVER again. That's what a sexless relationship feels like. 6
CarrieT Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Anyway I was wondering why do people think sexless relationships are basically friendships? Yes. Does sex actually define the relationship? No - but bad sex can ruin a good relationship. Even worse, mis-matched sexual interests and chemistry can make for a bad marriage. And why does everyone say its such a bad idea? Because of what I stated up above. 1
pteromom Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Everyone is different. Some people highly prioritize sex and wouldn't be in even a short-term relationship without it. Some don't care about it at all. Some feel it is something sacred only shared in a very serious relationship. None of the viewpoints are right or wrong. The key is finding someone who shares your values, not in using other people's values to make sure yours are acceptable. Be who you are, and let others be who they are. If you want a virgin girl, you have to ask yourself why. If it is because sex is sacred to you and you want to experience it with only one person, great. If it is because you are insecure and would be afraid of being compared to former lovers, or afraid she still has feelings or whatever, then you need to work on yourself. 6
soccerrprp Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 (edited) I didn't have intercourse with my late-wife until the wedding night. Old-fashioned? Not really. I was willing to wait for her. She was an incredible, beautiful woman. But now, nope. Having a very physical relationship is important and can't see myself waiting too long w/o sex while in a relationship. People immediately assume that a relationship w/o sex is a friendship??? OP, does this also preclude grinding, touching? Sex, yes, but w/o coitus some feel that this is acceptable as "no sex." Edited April 3, 2013 by soccerrprp
El Brujo Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Necris, You could always look up AVEN and ask for a little help making up your mind. There are plenty of adult virgins who know they can't be shamed (despite dogged smear campaigns by promiscuous people), and there are plenty of men AND women who've tried sex and decided they didn't enjoy it. As a straight, openly asexual man... I can tell you I know the difference between sex and love like the difference between s**t and Shinola. But a lot of unintelligent people don't.
Author Necris Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 People immediately assume that a relationship w/o sex is a friendship??? OP, does this also preclude grinding, touching? Sex, yes, but w/o coitus some feel that this is acceptable as "no sex." Grinding and touching (assuming you mean touching each other "privately") I would say is a bit too much. As for acceptable "no sex" I've even heard people claim anal or oral sex don't count somehow:confused:. To me that's over and beyond the line. I was thinking of completely no sexual contact at all.
ThaWholigan Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Grinding and touching (assuming you mean touching each other "privately") I would say is a bit too much. As for acceptable "no sex" I've even heard people claim anal or oral sex don't count somehow:confused:. To me that's over and beyond the line. I was thinking of completely no sexual contact at all. Yeah, that's a friendship. No sexual contact at all? No kissing or nothing - just holding hands? Good luck with that. Friends forever. In all seriousness, what you're looking for (if that's what it is) is gonna be difficult. You still have to demonstrate some kind of sign to show that you want this girl if you want to be in a relationship with her (hypothetically). I'm confused about what exactly you want out of dating, in fact it could hold the key to why you even struggle in the first place. 2
xxoo Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Grinding and touching (assuming you mean touching each other "privately") I would say is a bit too much. As for acceptable "no sex" I've even heard people claim anal or oral sex don't count somehow:confused:. To me that's over and beyond the line. I was thinking of completely no sexual contact at all. I've heard of this in very strict religious communities. However, those individuals are usually only interested in someone who shares their religion. Is this a religious conviction?
Author Necris Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 (edited) Yeah, that's a friendship. No sexual contact at all? No kissing or nothing - just holding hands? Good luck with that. Friends forever. Kissing would be alright actually. Edited April 4, 2013 by Necris 1
Pompeii Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Because it is. If I wanted a deep connection that didn't involve any physical intimacy, I would seek out one of my many female girl friends. Also, just because a girl is a virgin doesn't mean she's waiting for marriage or not desirous of physical contact. She could be waiting for the right person and could be waiting for a serious relationship. You seem to act holier-than-thou than all the rest of those "heathens" for having sex. Why is it unfortunate that girls are not virgins? Most girls want to have a guy who is adventurous and open minded in bed. if you think even grinding is too much, how will you act when it comes to the actual act? Will missionary be too much? If you don't screw a girl right or not at all, she will inevitably go somewhere else for her needs. Based on what threads I've seen from you, good luck because you will need it. You seem to have a child's mentality on modern dating and how modern women work. My 10 year old cousin doesn't even think this way. 1
Author Necris Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 Because it is. If I wanted a deep connection that didn't involve any physical intimacy, I would seek out one of my many female girl friends. Also, just because a girl is a virgin doesn't mean she's waiting for marriage or not desirous of physical contact. She could be waiting for the right person and could be waiting for a serious relationship. You seem to act holier-than-thou than all the rest of those "heathens" for having sex. Why is it unfortunate that girls are not virgins? Most girls want to have a guy who is adventurous and open minded in bed. if you think even grinding is too much, how will you act when it comes to the actual act? Will missionary be too much? If you don't screw a girl right or not at all, she will inevitably go somewhere else for her needs. Based on what threads I've seen from you, good luck because you will need it. You seem to have a child's mentality on modern dating and how modern women work. My 10 year old cousin doesn't even think this way. Your 10 year old cousin knows more about dating and women than me? Well I don't know what to say. You seem defensive as if something I said struck a chord within your soul in some way? Anyway as for wanting a virgin, that's the only girl that would be compatible, a girl who is used to regular sex with guys would simply run off or cheat in a no-sex relationship. Also with a virgin the whole sexual chemistry thing and what not becomes a non-issue since neither of you have an experience in that subject. Unfortunately for me I'm terrible as is with women and virgins so rare especially as I get older so that's probably not going to happen though that would be my ideal. And the whole "bedroom adventure" topic actually has no real correlation with no sex till marriage. From what I've heard people generally have tons of sex before marriage and then within the marriage the sex just stops and becomes infrequent, but if you wait till marriage you might actually have a better sex life than those who do not within the marriage.
Krieger Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 today's woman well most of them want sex more then men IMO so i do not see this working. I am talking about once a girl in a relationship woman want sex more just look around hear and all the ? of my bf will not have sex with me and ? like it.
Author Necris Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I've heard of this in very strict religious communities. However, those individuals are usually only interested in someone who shares their religion. Is this a religious conviction? Actually there are a few reasons I desire this. I am a Christian so I should follow God's laws, fornication is a sin so I won't engage in it. Also from what I can tell sex before marriage just seems to cause unforeseen consequences for people and their relationships so I'd just like to avoid these issues myself. Plus I like the whole idea of the specialness behind it, not sure how to explain it besides it just sounds more special and more meaningful to wait.
Pompeii Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Your 10 year old cousin knows more about dating and women than me? Well I don't know what to say. You seem defensive as if something I said struck a chord within your soul in some way? Anyway as for wanting a virgin, that's the only girl that would be compatible, a girl who is used to regular sex with guys would simply run off or cheat in a no-sex relationship. Also with a virgin the whole sexual chemistry thing and what not becomes a non-issue since neither of you have an experience in that subject. Unfortunately for me I'm terrible as is with women and virgins so rare especially as I get older so that's probably not going to happen though that would be my ideal. And the whole "bedroom adventure" topic actually has no real correlation with no sex till marriage. From what I've heard people generally have tons of sex before marriage and then within the marriage the sex just stops and becomes infrequent, but if you wait till marriage you might actually have a better sex life than those who do not within the marriage. I never said he knew more than you, I said he doesn't think like you, as in he has a more realistic vision on relationships than you do. Smart kid. Anyway... I'm not defensive, you're just out of touch with reality and indecisive. You say you don't want to date girls, then you make up your mind and say you aren't giving up. Then, you seem to try to want to prove something with every interaction with a girl. You seem to want to force things rather than them happening organically. You also say you see no point in dating whatsoever because you experience no success. To top it all off, you overanalyzed the hell out of naturally talking to a girl and taking her somewhere private, as if its never happened before. It will only happen if you're the kind of guy who makes it happen. It won't happen if you're awkward or project a loser vibe. It's funny how you think a girl being a virgin makes her not want sex because she's not having it. I know some girls who are virgins and they want a relationship to have sex. They just have self-control. If these girls were in a relationship with a guy who wouldn't have sex with them, they would just break it off and go into a relationship with someone who will. Just because someone has sex doesn't mean they won't have self-control in a relationship. 3
Author Necris Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 (edited) I never said he knew more than you, I said he doesn't think like you, as in he has a more realistic vision on relationships than you do. Smart kid. Anyway... I'm not defensive, you're just out of touch with reality and indecisive. You say you don't want to date girls, then you make up your mind and say you aren't giving up. Then, you seem to try to want to prove something with every interaction with a girl. You seem to want to force things rather than them happening organically. You also say you see no point in dating whatsoever because you experience no success. To top it all off, you overanalyzed the hell out of naturally talking to a girl and taking her somewhere private, as if its never happened before. It will only happen if you're the kind of guy who makes it happen. It won't happen if you're awkward or project a loser vibe. It's funny how you think a girl being a virgin makes her not want sex because she's not having it. I know some girls who are virgins and they want a relationship to have sex. They just have self-control. If these girls were in a relationship with a guy who wouldn't have sex with them, they would just break it off and go into a relationship with someone who will. Just because someone has sex doesn't mean they won't have self-control in a relationship. Okay still at 10 he shouldn't be thinking like me that's a given. I remember when I was 10 this whole subject of dating, sex, and relationships wouldn't have even really crossed my mind. Astronomy would have been something that I would be thinking about. How am I out of touch with reality? I know this whole wanting to marry a virgin thing is probably not going to happen, but a man can dream can he? I know I over analyze alot, I over analyze everything, I overanalyze buying a bag of chips that's just how I am. Though I will have to say in regards to the other thread talking to a girl who's having fun with her friends and getting her to go to a parking lot to you to talk in private seems a bit much, and yeah it won't happen because I am awkward, I'm always a little awkward in social situations I never been the "smooth guy". As for virgins I never said a virgin girl wouldn't want sex but they are far more likely to wait for something they never experienced than someone who experiences it regularly. Girls aren't all that dissimilar to guys so just ask a guy who's not a virgin and gets regular sex if he'd be willing to wait a year or two or three to have sex with a girl, he'd most likely say no. But if you've never experienced it, waiting isn't going to be as big as a problem (though for people who don't believe in waiting till marriage for sex its still going to be a problem). If a girl is a virgin by choice rather than circumstance she'd be alot more likely to believe in a no sex till marriage relationship, naturally a girl who is not a virgin most likely doesn't believe in such a thing if she did she would still be a virgin. Also considering I'm a virgin finding another virgin just seems more special, especially if she has similar values. Edited April 4, 2013 by Necris
pbjbear Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I dont think theres anything wrong with a virgin wanting a virgin. You wont meet many virgin girls (start going to church if you dont...) but theres nothing wrong with wanting it. I dont get why people that decide to wait are judged as freaks nowadays anyway. The whole sexuality thing has completely swung the other way. If you arent whoring it up youre a weirdo
ThaWholigan Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I dont think theres anything wrong with a virgin wanting a virgin. You wont meet many virgin girls (start going to church if you dont...) but theres nothing wrong with wanting it. I dont get why people that decide to wait are judged as freaks nowadays anyway. The whole sexuality thing has completely swung the other way. If you arent whoring it up youre a weirdo He doesn't have to be whoring it up - and I of all people don't think there's anything wrong with waiting. I just think his attitude towards it is defeatist and he won't even succeed in this area unless he is more proactive. He either seems confused or despondent. He needs to be neither. Even as a virgin, one must have a level of perseverance to strengthen ones character regarding the things we find difficult - including dating. OP doesn't seem to be doing that, he's constantly declaring his fate like he's trying to convince himself he will never do it. That's what we are trying to get to here, not his wish to wait. And even if he were to wait, he still has to display some kind of level of physical/sexual interest outside of actual sex (he did say kissing was fine so good). Unless he's an asexual, but how would he know? 1
Author Necris Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I dont think theres anything wrong with a virgin wanting a virgin. You wont meet many virgin girls (start going to church if you dont...) but theres nothing wrong with wanting it. I dont get why people that decide to wait are judged as freaks nowadays anyway. The whole sexuality thing has completely swung the other way. If you arent whoring it up youre a weirdo I do think its unfortunate that people think you're wierd for not being overly sexual, even my dad seems to be concerned if something is wrong with me at times since I'm a virgin with no relationship experience. Anyway as for church in my experience church isn't really that good of place to find single women in general (I noticed not many unmarried young people seem to attend churches where I live). Right now I'm not overly concerned about the virgin thing but it would be ideal.
zanzi Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 only a virgin would ask such a question. If you had ever had sex, you would laugh at such a question. 2
Noproblem Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I think, you shouldn't care for what others say about the matter... Do what you please and of course you will find someone who share the same opinion with you
sillyanswer Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Anyway I was wondering why do people think sexless relationships are basically friendships? Does sex actually define the relationship? And why does everyone say its such a bad idea? I enjoy sex, so I like to have sex. I don't have sex with my friends, so I have it with people I'm dating or in a relationship with. How you define your own relationships is up to you, but for me I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't want to have sex with me. 1
Author Necris Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 He doesn't have to be whoring it up - and I of all people don't think there's anything wrong with waiting. I just think his attitude towards it is defeatist and he won't even succeed in this area unless he is more proactive. He either seems confused or despondent. He needs to be neither. Even as a virgin, one must have a level of perseverance to strengthen ones character regarding the things we find difficult - including dating. OP doesn't seem to be doing that, he's constantly declaring his fate like he's trying to convince himself he will never do it. When I say possibilities are low, I'm just being realistic here. I could say I'll meet the love of my life next week that's possible but not really probable. That's what we are trying to get to here, not his wish to wait. And even if he were to wait, he still has to display some kind of level of physical/sexual interest outside of actual sex (he did say kissing was fine so good). Unless he's an asexual, but how would he know? I'll have to worry about that later, though wouldn't dating itself be showing interest? I really can't think of ways to show sexual interest without being sexual atm.
ThaWholigan Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 When I say possibilities are low, I'm just being realistic here. I could say I'll meet the love of my life next week that's possible but not really probable. I'll have to worry about that later, though wouldn't dating itself be showing interest? I really can't think of ways to show sexual interest without being sexual atm. Touch her damnit, that's how you show interest. Read up on how to control your own body language as opposed to reading about hers. As for your possibilities - you make them. So when you say your possibilities are low, that is just you making that reality happen by telling yourself that's how it's going to be. It's a vicious cycle. Start having a more balanced perspective on it. Your "realism" is simply pessimism.
zanzi Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 you sound inexperienced in more then just sex and quite naive about life in general. How old are you? I wont bash your personal beliefs but imagine per say, that there was no god. Then you are simple wasting your time following the words of a book which also advocates stoning people. You can close your mind to the possibility but every time you pray to *nothing* and hear no tangible answer that question will be in the back of your mind. You've let other people decide for you how to live your life. I happen to know that in the bible a man has sex with his niece, there is violent rape and murder, and other such things. as for saving sex until marraige, if you can keep to that, I suppose there could be advantages. For example, you won't get your heart broken in the way you would after being separated from someone you've slept with many times. However, aside from in church or church groups you are unlikely to find a women who isn't a naive annoying child who parrots the bible like a brainless idiot who has been fed too much religion who doesn't want sex. 1
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