A new relationship has begun; I'm interested in how it can develop.

[sunrise24]

The last relationship I discussed dragged on for 14 months before I spoke up; this time, I strive to gain insight into a relationship that's still early in development and nip potential issues in the bud.

 

This relationship began 5 days ago from a Craigslist post titled: "Looking for a best friend... maybe more? Not your usual girly girl..."

 

Friday:

I decided on a long, thought-out reply, as the content of the post strongly resonated with me. She responded later that night: Hi there - thank you for your thoughtful and revealing response. Are you open to talking on the phone to get an immediate feel for each others' personalities? I like everything you wrote and believe that emailing leads to an endless cycle that is hard to break. I believe that the sooner a real connection is made - the less B.S. there is to filter.

If you're not turned off by this short and demanding response, let me know and we can talk.

 

I replied that I agreed to phone contact; we immediately exchanged numbers.

 

Saturday:

Over the course of 7 hours, we texted about her work and discovered a bunch of shared hobbies. I then mentioned a local farmer's market that occurs on Sundays; she said she will be there. I suggested that would be a great way to meet in person, to which she agreed.

 

Sunday:

Without following the standard Craigslist protocol of exchanging pictures or age, she and I met in person at the farmer's market in the morning. She had intended to go to (extra credit) work, but decided to take the day off. We spent 13 hours together; just the two of us.

 

Some highlights of our get-together (because it was too jam-packed with depth to include everything in one post):

> I'm 25; she's 27. She expressed that it was a welcome change meeting a guy close to her age; all other guys she knows are much older.

> In sharp contrast to most of my past relationships, I was not only able to openly discuss my financial situation with her; it deeply resonated with her. She has also experienced being broke for a significant time period; she used to live in a trailer, hunting & gathering food.

> She works about 60 hours/week (Monday-Saturday); her financial situation is such that she can start saving up to invest in her dreams. We are both past the point of wanting to work for someone else and discovered significant common ground regarding our dreams in life.

> We share highly compatible attitudes regarding health & wellness, religion, politics, economics, and outlook on life.

> Throughout the day, we often gazed at each other in silence; she would giggle in response and open up about her thoughts. Among other things, she expressed that she enjoys my company, she is so happy we met, she is surprised with how comfortable she feels around me, and that my being in her life gives her hope.

 

Monday:

She messaged me: Hey - I was thinking... I was gonna go pay for a massage somewhere but I'd rather pay you and I would be more comfortable with a business like arrangement. What do you say?

 

I replied: What do you mean by business-like arrangement? As in receiving massages, or as in how we interact with each other in general?

 

She replied: I do not mean about our relationship... remember... we were cats in the window?

I just mean it would be more comfortable and platonic to have an arrangement around any physical interaction such as massage. I was under the impression you were trying to offer your services so that's what prompted my email. Plus I know you need the cash and I need the massage so it seemed like a sign (I'm kind of big on signs if you couldn't tell).

 

Tuesday:

I followed up on her last message: I understand what you mean; thanks for the clarification. I could tell that you're big on signs; so am I.

I think the best way to make this happen is for me to save up money for a new massage table & sheets, and store them at your place.

Plus, I believe that the presence of massage equipment at your place can create an association with relaxation/stress relief (further aided by convenience), which will add further health benefits, making massage therapy from me a gift that really does keep giving. =)

How does this all sound?

 

She replied: Sounds excellent. If you want to create an area in my kitchen, you could even use my space for other people if you want to.

Anyways if you want to talk about it let me know - I like talking in person much better as I am developing tendinitis from computer work and can barely do my work functions on the computer right now. Who knows if I will even have a job in a few months at this rate.

 

She mentioned seeing a physical therapist for her tendinitis, so I inquired: Did your physical therapist mention anything about massage therapy as part of a useful protocol?

 

She replied: They never call me back after 3 calls... those healthcare people are rude and irresponsible.

 

I then finished with a short reply encouraging her to hang in there.

 

Wednesday (today):

She messaged me this morning: You are an inspiring person to know (!) and I want to nurture our friendship in a beneficial way. Let me know if you find a massage table and want to pursue that. If not then let me know when you want to meet up again for a Sunday brunch-lunch hiking/whatever day.

I hope all is well with you and that you are using this week to open yourself to the vibrations of the Universe

 

*This post is getting too long for me to include more details; if you have further questions about me or her, feel free to ask.

 

I feel like I'm at a crossroads. It surprised me that she offered to help with my finances; I see two choices regarding where to go from here:

> Accept, and give her massages; I believe this would change the relationship into a hybridized personal and business relationship; to me, she sounds confident that we can successfully blend business and [close] friendship.

> Decline, and encourage her to go elsewhere for massages; I believe this would keep the relationship developing in a personal context; based on the title of her CL post, it sounds to me like she would be open to more than just friendship in the future.

 

What are your thoughts on the nature of this relationship and how it can develop from here given the choices I mapped out?

Edited April 4, 2013 by sunrise24

[sunrise24]

Sunday, April 21:

After several delays, she and I finally saw each other again at the aforementioned farmer's market; she was with a friend and was getting ready to go. She mentioned that she doesn't go to the farmer's market anymore; is this a coincidence or a red flag? (the day before we met for the first time, she had mentioned that she is always there)

She asked when we could meet up again and we decided on the upcoming Tuesday; she mentioned that she would get off work at 5PM.

 

Tuesday, April 23:

I texted her at a little after 5PM asking if we were still on for meeting up. She never responded; I finally headed back home at around 8:30PM.

 

Friday, April 26:

I texted her: I never heard back from you after we last saw each other; how is everything?

Again, no response.

 

Thursday, May 2:

I texted her: I had a strange dream last night which involved you...

Again, no response.

 

***

 

I never heard from her again after April 21.

 

I'm going to have to change my phone # within the next 2 1/2 weeks (the story behind that is beyond the scope of this topic); the big decision for me now:

Do I let her know that my phone # will be changing and offer her my new # when I make the switch, or do I just consider this relationship a dud that was never meant to be?

Edited May 5, 2013 by sunrise24

[soccerrprp]

Dud. I really don't (didn't) see anything necessarily romantic evolving here. It doesn't appear that she is interested any longer. No need to keep her in your life by giving her your number, imho.

[sunrise24]

As it turns out, I never had to change my phone number. Nevertheless, I deleted all her contact info (without memorizing any of it). Over a month later, I still have yet to ever hear from her again; no surprise or longing on my end.

 

Whew! Looking back on what I wrote in the introductory post, that was a lot of hype on her end, wasn't it? Well, life happens in its strange unpredictable ways; thanks for the input soccerrprp (and anyone else who decides to comment).