Author tuxedo cat Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Let's cut the bull - we all know he likes her in "that way". Why should she talk to him? Just to encourage him to ask her out so she can reject him? The more she interacts, the more he will build the attraction. Seriously, that led me to having semi stalkers in the past. There is an inherent sense of creepiness when you are being pursued by someone you have zero attraction to. Guys, think about that obese girl that you wouldn't f...if she was the last one on earth...and her trying to get "closer" to you. Feels creepy yet? It almost makes me feel violated when someone like that builds up fantasies in his head while staring at me :sick: There is also his apparent lack of reading social cues that adds to the creepy vibe. Yeah, I don't get the advice for me to chat with him so that he can ask me out and I can reject him. Won't that make things more awkward? And what if he doesn't ask me out immediately because he's planned out a drawn out approach and I have to endure weeks of humoring him and essentially leading him on? Wouldn't it be better for me to communicate my lack of interest non-verbally? I tried to yesterday in class. I gave him a one word response when he tried to chat with me. Then he tried to chat with me again later in the class. He just doesn't seem to be getting the message.
grkBoy Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Yeah, I don't get the advice for me to chat with him so that he can ask me out and I can reject him. Won't that make things more awkward? And what if he doesn't ask me out immediately because he's planned out a drawn out approach and I have to endure weeks of humoring him and essentially leading him on? Wouldn't it be better for me to communicate my lack of interest non-verbally? I tried to yesterday in class. I gave him a one word response when he tried to chat with me. Then he tried to chat with me again later in the class. He just doesn't seem to be getting the message. Well, good luck with that. I'll bet he turns into online stalker or drama queen. Maybe you should unfriend him on FB as a "message". Bear in mind I used to be the shy guy who couldn't "get the message". Only when I got a polite rejection is when I felt that she respected me enough to be honest, but I didn't see her as some smug gal who is full of herself. I'm not calling you that...but the pre-meditated rejection will make a woman look like a smug b---h to a guy like that. Let us know how it works out. I hope I'm wrong and you get to walk away conflict-free.
JuneJulySeptember Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Yeah, I don't get the advice for me to chat with him so that he can ask me out and I can reject him. Won't that make things more awkward? And what if he doesn't ask me out immediately because he's planned out a drawn out approach and I have to endure weeks of humoring him and essentially leading him on? Wouldn't it be better for me to communicate my lack of interest non-verbally? I tried to yesterday in class. I gave him a one word response when he tried to chat with me. Then he tried to chat with me again later in the class. He just doesn't seem to be getting the message. Because it will get him off your back. If you're nice to him, then his interest will just increase. If you blow him off in a mean/cold way, then he will think of you as a b@tch. But if you give him a no in a situation like that, then it will dissolve the situation. Ideally. Looking back on it, and me being 'that guy' in the past, I'd prefer you to blow me off in a mean/cold/b@tch way. BTW, you might be making a way bigger deal out of it than he is. For all you know, he does this women everywhere, anywhere. 1
Imajerk17 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 (edited) I dunno, I just don't see the point in RUDELY IGNORING someone unless they give you a REAL REASON to do so. Why? Manners, class, treating people with respect you'd like to be treated with... I don't think this guy has given you a reason to rudely ignore him. Yes, he stared at you a little too long in class and "FB-friended" you too early but those are hardly serious offenses. Especially since you ACCEPTED his friend request. No one is asking you to be friends with the guy but hardly even acknowledging him does strike me as cold on your part. Methinks you're being a tad too sensitive Tuxedo Cat. Edited April 3, 2013 by Imajerk17 3
JuneJulySeptember Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I've seen a bunch of threads like this. And the answer is always, "Do what you did the last time you rejected a guy." I think the women enjoy the attention they get from the men have no interest in and make a bigger deal of it than it should be. Not that there's anything wrong with that per se. Everyone wants to feel attractive. And attention means you're attractive. 100% the guy's fault for having any exaggerated interest in any woman before he gets a solid yes (physical contact) no matter what kind of signals he thinks she's given him and no matter what kind of a rapport they have. 1
TheGuard13 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Yeah, I don't get the advice for me to chat with him so that he can ask me out and I can reject him. Won't that make things more awkward? And what if he doesn't ask me out immediately because he's planned out a drawn out approach and I have to endure weeks of humoring him and essentially leading him on? Wouldn't it be better for me to communicate my lack of interest non-verbally? I tried to yesterday in class. I gave him a one word response when he tried to chat with me. Then he tried to chat with me again later in the class. He just doesn't seem to be getting the message. Here's the sad truth. He's not getting the message because you're not communicating it very well. You cannot assume that he communicates as well, or in the same manner, as other guys you have rejected in the past. Awkward? You made things more awkward than they needed to be when you friended him on Facebook. You all talk about social cues, messages, etc...friending someone you've never talked to on Facebook is idiotic in this context.
Sivok Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Accepting his friend request is a big mistake on your part. Why accept it if you never planned to have a conversation with him? That was a really contradictory move and - if he was looking for any sliver of hope that you MIGHT be open to conversation - you gave him it. 1
Author tuxedo cat Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Here's the sad truth. He's not getting the message because you're not communicating it very well. You cannot assume that he communicates as well, or in the same manner, as other guys you have rejected in the past. Awkward? You made things more awkward than they needed to be when you friended him on Facebook. You all talk about social cues, messages, etc...friending someone you've never talked to on Facebook is idiotic in this context. I pretty much friend back anyone who adds me on facebook unless I have no idea who they are. It doesn't mean anything.
TheGuard13 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Guess what? To him, it does. It's just like your little "messages" that are supposed to mean something to him, but don't.
TigerCub Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I don't get the advice about ignoring him because TC is not interested in him romantically? So to those that give that advice - are you only polite and friends with people you'd like to ****? I have guy friends and I'm sure some of them would like to **** me, some wouldn't but if it stays as just being friends and being nice then what's wrong with that? I can't believe that people out there advocate being rude, and cowardly. 3
JuneJulySeptember Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I don't get the advice about ignoring him because TC is not interested in him romantically? So to those that give that advice - are you only polite and friends with people you'd like to ****? I have guy friends and I'm sure some of them would like to **** me, some wouldn't but if it stays as just being friends and being nice then what's wrong with that? I can't believe that people out there advocate being rude, and cowardly. In retrospect, getting rejected by women I actually got to know and like, hurt a lot sometimes. I still remember. But those women I barely knew who totally blew me off, barely even registers nowadays. In fact, I can pretty much laugh at it most of the time. So, theoretically, her being mean to him is letting him down easy. But in practice, I agree it's weird and socially uncouth. After reading the OP again, the guy sounds like a poor shmuck who has OP up on some kinda lame a@@ imaginary pedestal. If only I could have a talk with him. Just curious, what age range is the class, OP?
Author tuxedo cat Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 In retrospect, getting rejected by women I actually got to know and like, hurt a lot sometimes. I still remember. But those women I barely knew who totally blew me off, barely even registers nowadays. In fact, I can pretty much laugh at it most of the time. So, theoretically, her being mean to him is letting him down easy. But in practice, I agree it's weird and socially uncouth. After reading the OP again, the guy sounds like a poor shmuck who has OP up on some kinda lame a@@ imaginary pedestal. If only I could have a talk with him. Just curious, what age range is the class, OP? Age range is early twenties to late thirties. I'm mid twenties--he is probably about 31?
JuneJulySeptember Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Age range is early twenties to late thirties. I'm mid twenties--he is probably about 31? Sad. Just sad. No man should ever put himself in that situation.
CryForNoOne Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I pretty much friend back anyone who adds me on facebook unless I have no idea who they are. It doesn't mean anything. Can I friend you on facebook? ;)
TigerCub Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 In retrospect, getting rejected by women I actually got to know and like, hurt a lot sometimes. I still remember. But those women I barely knew who totally blew me off, barely even registers nowadays. In fact, I can pretty much laugh at it most of the time. So, theoretically, her being mean to him is letting him down easy. But in practice, I agree it's weird and socially uncouth. After reading the OP again, the guy sounds like a poor shmuck who has OP up on some kinda lame a@@ imaginary pedestal. If only I could have a talk with him. Just curious, what age range is the class, OP? I can see what you're saying. I guess instead of her just being rude and giving 1 word answers when he tries to talk to her (hoping that he will get the hint), maybe she should just unfriend him on FB and he can be more clear on that. Either that or just be nice and polite. I think anything in between will come off as rude, mean and hurtful.
ChatroomHero Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Let's cut the bull - we all know he likes her in "that way". Why should she talk to him? Just to encourage him to ask her out so she can reject him? The more she interacts, the more he will build the attraction. Seriously, that led me to having semi stalkers in the past. There is an inherent sense of creepiness when you are being pursued by someone you have zero attraction to. Guys, think about that obese girl that you wouldn't f...if she was the last one on earth...and her trying to get "closer" to you. Feels creepy yet? It almost makes me feel violated when someone like that builds up fantasies in his head while staring at me :sick: There is also his apparent lack of reading social cues that adds to the creepy vibe. So you're saying I should ignore all fat, ugly women automatically and make sure not to say anything nice or start a conversation with them because I am too good looking for those creepy/stalker/losers that would then obviously sit around and fantasize about me? All these years when someone I was not attracted to talked to me, I guess I made the mistake of being flattered and treating them like I wanted to be treated. When I treated them with respect and simply told them I was not interested I guess I should have asked them where they get off thinking someone as attractive as me would ever consider talking to a loser-slob like them. Seems a little cynical and self absorbed to assume every person you find unattractive and looks in your general direction is a creepy stalker lusting after you. All I would say to Tuxedo is I guarantee there are guys you would find attractive that would consider you ugly no matter what you look like. You don't have to be his friend or talk to him but treating him like he is a loser for possibly being attracted to you is childish. 6
somedude81 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 He is short--probably about 5'8", [insert hateful comment to the OP here] Listen tuxedo kitty, you're a woman, men are going to be interested in you. Get over it. 2
ChatroomHero Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 So you're saying I should ignore all fat, ugly women automatically and make sure not to say anything nice or start a conversation with them because I am too good looking for those creepy/stalker/losers that would then obviously sit around and fantasize about me? Actually this reminded me of a girl that was at my place at college with her friend. We talked for about 2 minutes, I was doing other things and they left shortly after. I had no attraction to her at all. Afterwards she raved about me to her friend. Her friend told me she said, "He is hotter than a movie star. He's better looking than Tom Cruise". (This was the mid 90s). To this day I am still pretty flattered by that. It wasn't creepy to me in any way, in fact I thought to myself, "finally there's a girl who really knows her sh*t and has great taste in men." 3
Krieger Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 tell him this I rather Go Christmas Eve fishing with Scott Peterson then go out with you . Just do it
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 So you're saying I should ignore all fat, ugly women automatically and make sure not to say anything nice or start a conversation with them because I am too good looking for those creepy/stalker/losers that would then obviously sit around and fantasize about me? All these years when someone I was not attracted to talked to me, I guess I made the mistake of being flattered and treating them like I wanted to be treated. When I treated them with respect and simply told them I was not interested I guess I should have asked them where they get off thinking someone as attractive as me would ever consider talking to a loser-slob like them. Seems a little cynical and self absorbed to assume every person you find unattractive and looks in your general direction is a creepy stalker lusting after you. All I would say to Tuxedo is I guarantee there are guys you would find attractive that would consider you ugly no matter what you look like. You don't have to be his friend or talk to him but treating him like he is a loser for possibly being attracted to you is childish. After being accused of leading men on more times than I care to remember, I am now taking this more drastic approach. As someone said earlier, rejecting a man after he got to know you for bit on a friendship level hurts him TON more. At this stage, it's actually doing him a favor to think that she is just a smug biatch. I have had to endure uncomfortable post-rejection conversations with men that interpreted me smiling at them, conversing, "my eyes lighting up when they are around" (wtf) - all as signs that I am romantically interested. Most of these signs were produced by their own imagination. Men are fed this line that women love to be pursued and are just playing hard to get. How awful for them I am not saying that Tuxedo rejects him now as there is nothing to reject. Just to completely avoid him, not respond to his messages and not to engage him in conversation, beyond giving him short answers when directly talked to.
truth_seeker Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Let's cut the bull - we all know he likes her in "that way". Why should she talk to him? Just to encourage him to ask her out so she can reject him? The more she interacts, the more he will build the attraction. Seriously, that led me to having semi stalkers in the past. There is an inherent sense of creepiness when you are being pursued by someone you have zero attraction to. Guys, think about that obese girl that you wouldn't f...if she was the last one on earth...and her trying to get "closer" to you. Feels creepy yet? It almost makes me feel violated when someone like that builds up fantasies in his head while staring at me :sick: There is also his apparent lack of reading social cues that adds to the creepy vibe. Funny... when a woman, attractive or unattractive, gives me attention, it makes me feel good. It's nice to know you appeal to the opposite sex.
somedude81 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I'm wondering how many times this guy has been rejected. Women just don't have a clue how hard many men have it. Yeah I'm sure it's awkward for a girl to reject a guy, but think for a second how awkward it is for the guy. Also for a girl, the only time they have to deal and think about the guy is during the actual rejection conversation. The guy has probably been thinking about her for much longer and trying to plan out how he's going to do it. Then once it's done, the girl will forget about it and move on, while the guy will most likely keep thinking about it, wondering if he's a loser and what he did wrong. Girls have it easy. My suggestion to Tuxedo, do what ES said, just avoid the guy. Don't respond to messages. If he does end up asking you out for real, be nice and be honest. "I'm sorry I'm not interested." Don't make up a line because he'll try to think of a way around it.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I'm wondering how many times this guy has been rejected. Women just don't have a clue how hard many men have it. Yeah I'm sure it's awkward for a girl to reject a guy, but think for a second how awkward it is for the guy. Also for a girl, the only time they have to deal and think about the guy is during the actual rejection conversation. The guy has probably been thinking about her for much longer and trying to plan out how he's going to do it. Then once it's done, the girl will forget about it and move on, while the guy will most likely keep thinking about it, wondering if he's a loser and what he did wrong. Girls have it easy. My suggestion to Tuxedo, do what ES said, just avoid the guy. Don't respond to messages. If he does end up asking you out for real, be nice and be honest. "I'm sorry I'm not interested." Don't make up a line because he'll try to think of a way around it. Girls get rejected too you know
somedude81 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Girls get rejected too you know Do you know any women that has asked out or strongly expressed an interest and gotten rejected by at least five guys?
Recommended Posts