IS IT Better late Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 So I was just wondering if anyone has gone through this. I had a 5-month relationship with a girl, everything was going well, but then she started to pull away the last few weeks for unknown reasons. Eventually told me a "relationship" is not a priority" at this moment. But she continues to keep contact and sends mixed signals about keeping me in her life and dating again. I've been backing away with less and less communication, no phone calls only the occasional texts. So I've been practicing LC. I miss her and would like to see her again and see what happens? I'm just tying to figure out the best course of actions to get a second shot at her. I'm concerned since it was a somewhat of short realationship going NC at all would just signal to her move on no point to try to rekindle. I would think NC would work better for long term relationships where lives were more intertwined? Thoughts? Suggestions? Thanks!
guysmily25 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I don't know what her mixed signals were exactly, but I would say you should just tell her how you feel again the next time a mixed signal comes your way. It seems like she is still interested, but if she is just putting you into the friendzone it might not be healthy for you to have her around right now.
Author IS IT Better late Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Its' been a tough haul bc I'm still into her and have a strong connection to her. I can't get her off my mind! Haven't seen her since Valentines day. Her mixed signals are she would like to see me again but doesn't put any effort to make it happen. Still uses the same BS excuses that she used when she started backing away from me the last few weeks of the relastionship. Just last Friday she sent me a somewhat of a flirty text but still does not speak about hanging out again. Very confusing stuff. I think she wants to keep me around for the attention but is not interested enough to put the effort needed to start hanging out again. I've been giving her less and less attention and have had mixed results so far? Not sure if I should speak my mind or keep pulling away?
McGriff Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Man, your situation is almost EXACTLY the same as mine. 5 month relationship, BU Feb 22ish, had a great valentines day, then the next week she just started going cold, used to call me 10 times a day, 30 texts---but then it went away. She started sending me mixed signals, even asking to come over and cuddle and then not show up. I backed off like you are, but the slide has continued to the point of NC for 8 days. I really wish I knew what to tell you, but we are definitely in the same boat, and we're taking on water fast
Author IS IT Better late Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Girls are crazy when they get confused. She chased me for the first 3-months and then did a 360 on me out of nowhere I didn't see it coming. She had me chase her last 2-months and I took the bait b/c I started to care about her. After our last phone conversation a week after V-day and the BU, she is still as confusing as ever. I get the sense that she's missing me but doesn't give me enough of a signal for me to really hang my hat on? All I keep hearing is back off and if she's really interested she'll let me know? But I also know she's afraid of rejection and I don't think she will put herself out on limb just in case I tell her to get lost. She wants to keep her ego intact. Speak my mind? Or deal with the pain and let her go? I'm stuck in the middle.
McGriff Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Wow, the similarities are eerie. Same thing, she chased in the beginning and then after I developed feelings, 2 months later she was gone. I hate to say this, but I think you (and I) are screwed either way. Think about it---if you tell her how you feel, you are gonna push her away (she already knows how you feel) and then you just lower her interest level even more, all while losing respect in her eyes and your dignity in yours. If you go NC (like me), she is just going to continue to pull away (but at least you have your dignity). I don't know man, I wish I had an answer, but keep me posted on what happens in your situation, because it's a lot similar to mine.
Author IS IT Better late Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Thanks bro! But do you want another crack at her? Or are you done? How are you coping with losing her? This isn't any fun!
McGriff Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Would I like another crack at her? I would be lying if I said I didn't. I mean, I really thought we were headed for an LTR. We were planning on moving in together in June, and she brought up marriage a couple weeks before the BU. I still love her and miss her like crazy, BUT she has said some things in the last couple weeks indicating she is moving on. It's hard for me to believe, because I think it's counterintuitive for people to walk away from good things, but that's exactly what's shes doing. One thing I DON'T WANT is a situation where I'm chasing her and ****. If she comes back, she is gonna have to do the work, and unfortunately I just don't see that happening. I have been an emotional mess behind the scenes, as I keep those feelings hidden from my kids and coworkers. Everyday that goes by, I realize the situation a little more firmly, and unless there's some Hollywood breakthrough plot coming, we are drifting further and further apart. Soon hopefully, I'll be able to answer that question of wanting her back in the negative.
siankat Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 My mum always said, 'if a man takes one step back, you take two' Not sure if it applies the other way round. I have asked guys in the past for the truth about certain things but if u ask the hard questions...some people just don't have the guts to give you the difficult answers so, i have learned in my experiences that we don't always get the answers by asking the questions. You just have to use your instinct and the evidence and not base judgement on what you hope for (very hard i know). If that was me behaving how she has (although i have no problem in telling a guy straight whats what cos the alternative is just even more painful to be honest), it would mean i am not interested. Sorry, just my two bits worth
Author IS IT Better late Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 McGriff it's scary how close our situations are and the feeling we're are experiencing. I too thought we were headed for a LTR, we spent the holidays together. I introduced her to my parents and she introduced me to hers. Everything was going find and then 2-weeks later she became distant, cold and less available to me. I def want another crack at her, but knowing what I'm dealing with I would be way more cautious and closed off to her emotinonaly, but you know what, that's how I was at the begining with her and she was more interested, (Silly girls!). I don't know if it will happen so I'm trying to accept and that's harderst part about this, that I may never see her again. I've lost about 15 pounds and I wasn't overweight to begin with since this all went south on me. I lost interest in eating, had trouble sleeping, then trouble getting out of bed going to work. I too was emotional mess. The positive is I hadn't cried in a few years before all this and I've cried a half a dozen times os over the last month or so in away Its opened me to let my sadness, anger and all the other emotions I used to always keep bottled up inside of me. Keep your head up and update as to what becomes of your situation!
alexuk Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 My situation is close to yours to. I had my girlfriend for 5 months, then she got cold in literally a 2 day period, and dumped me over lunch saying she wasn't sure about her feelings n stuff.. We'd spoken about lots of longterm stuff to before, then it came out of the blue. I know how your feeling and it sucks.. Mine has literally said we're back together 4 times in 8 days.. that's how crazy she's been, and the last updated I got when I tried to arrange a meetup was "Im not sure yet.." It's simply a waiting game. I think either send her light positive texts gradually, or don't talk for a while.. and start talking to other girls (I have and it make you feel a lot better).
McGriff Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 ISBL, Wow, even more simarities---I met her family at Xmas and we all had a great time, and she met my family as well. I remember one night in late January, we went to see a band, and she turned to me with her eyes all glowing, and said "you know you're the love of my life, and you're gonna marry me someday". I remember feeling soooo happy to have this beautiful woman on my arm, happy as can be, without a care in the world. I felt the same as her, said some loving stuff back, and we were on the top of the proverbial mountaintop. Fast forward 1 month later, without any fighting or drama---she broke up. Go one more month later, and we are not even in each others lives. It's so puzzling, I can't stand it. Inseparable for 5 months, and now it's like she died. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do but NC. She has pretty much distanced herself from me and nothing I can say or do is gonna give me answers or change her mind. I don't even think she knows. I am picking up the pieces slowly, but not an hour goes by without me thinking of her or being reminded of her. I always wonder if she is doing the same.
Author IS IT Better late Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 Damn that's Crazy! We never had a fight except for our last phone conversation a week after V-day, it was always fun, we had a lot of great dates together and she was always very affectionate in person but towards the last few weeks would go cold on me 3-4 days or so after we hungout. Now she is legit a perfeconist, and workaholic she had a full time job, also did side work for a professor, is getting her second masters degree and was doing and internship at the same time. She we also talk about future events together. So either she met another dude or she doesn't wasn't feeling like I was. But she's a damn good actor b/c she was all over me when we hung out. How old was your girl? This chick was 29, I'm 35. It's scary I thought on young girls do this kind of thing b/c they are pulled in so many direction but girls even in there 30's can pull the rug out from under you. They're ruthless little creatures sometimes!
McGriff Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 My girl was 27, I'm 42 so we did have the age thing. She used to make fun of the age thing, but it was never a problem, as I could easily pass for early 30's. I don't THINK there's another guy---initially I thought it might be her ex, but she has steadfastly denied that he is back in the picture. I honestly think she's alone, but the weird thing is, I almost wish it was some dude, because then things would make sense. She does have a 3 y/o kid, that takes up alot of her time.
Recommended Posts