New to "dating" - this sound normal to you?

April 3, 2013

Hello everyone,

I'll "bless" you with my story first before asking for your opinion so, to those of you who actually read all of this: Thanks a bunch!

Alrighty then - here goes: I'm a guy, 27, pretty good looking (or so Ive been told ^^), have a fairly good career/income, etc. --> in short, I've got my life more or less handled pretty well.

Had 1 "serioues" relationship during college (all 4 years) which went on and off and ultimately blew up after graduation. Besides that one, I have just had hookups (either 1-night stands or few-night stands) without any emotional attachments. I had fairly many "hey, you look nice, lets flirt, then sleep together, it was nice, all the best, bye" kind of things over the past 3-4 years.

Recently, I realized that I actually want something more - as in a person I can really like, look forward to hanging out with (not for sex alone) and trust - so, a serious girlfriend/ally-type of thing.

So I started dating a few months ago and about 3-4 dozen dates with 10+ women in, here's my "scorecard" (questions at the bottom):

1. Date "pickup" sources

I've used various places/venues with fairly good success

- bookstores

- supermarkets

- graduate school info events

- online websites (ex. OKCupid) - girls I met this way were actually perfectly nice for the most part (so much for online dating being creepy...)

2. Date Progression

- get number, quick chat, leave (<5 min. total) OR send a few fun messages around if through online portal

- call 1 day later & set date up

- meet for a coffee & walk

- if I like them, send text next day

- have a few text exchanges in days after

- then set up date 2

- continue

3. Touchy/Feely Part

- Date 1: wrapping my arm around her shoulders during date + full-body hug at end of date

- Date 2: some arm wrapping (not throughout entire date), maybe a massage, kiss at END of date

- Date 3: hug/maybe slight kiss at beginning of date, afterwards, game for everything depending on how things turn out

First 2 dates are for scoping out whether I'd be able to tolerate the girl longer-term (and vice versa)

4. "Hit" Rate

- dated about 10 different women

- shortest dating was 1 date (7 of them, just didnt call them back bc of lack of interest)

- 2 went to date 2 and then it fizzled (1 I didnt call back, the other told me that she didnt feel it, which was kinda mutual, so no big deal)

- 1 I'm up to 4 dates now (with everything but sex on date 4) and we're setting up date 5

- 1 I "dated" for 2 months until she told me that she doesnt want anything serious

And then there's this new chick that I had 2 dates with so far - and my questions happen to be related to her.

Quick summary:

- "met" her online

- Date 1 (Sunday) went very very well - she told me how she had a really good time multiple times, she laughed a lot and sent all those good signs my way. I played kinda hard to get but I did wrap my arm around her for the last 10 min. Before we said bye, she gave me a full frontal full-body hug and an "air kiss" when saying bye.

- pinged her day after for a short text exchange

- she pinged me the next day for another short exchange

- afterwards I asked her out for the following Saturday

- prior to Date 2, she warns me that she may be late. I tell her that she better be on time in a funny way. And she ended up being on time (I was a few min. late actually)

- Date 2 (following Saturday): in 1 word - weird. She was supposedly sleepy (only had 5 hours of sleep the night before) and yawned every now and then. Also, she apparently had a deadline looming & was checking her phone from time to time. Both things kinda pissed me off but I decided to see how thing'll turn out. Despite her "rude" behavior, she was engaged in the convo and actually spent the whole day with me (from 2pm to 11pm). At about 7 pm she asks me whether I have stuff planned later in the evening. I didnt answer directly but we kept hanging out. All the while, I did NOT wrap my arm around her - partly to play hard to get but partly because I didnt really feel it since her behavior was off (at least in my book). So we walk a lot, talk a lot, and in the end, I decide to make it convenient for myself and walk home. I asked her up. She was really interested in my place and checked my entire apartment out multiple times complimenting me for various things like cleanliness..etc. (she did call it "spartan" tho, which was annoying) We watched a movie, midway through which, I did give her a hug. After the movie, I gave her a nice back rub during which I let my hands slide under her shirt a bit (just hips). Stopped there tho - remember my Date 2 rule I should probly also mention that she had told me that she had to leave at 9pm bc of her deadline and was checking her phone religiously. That said, she kept pushing off the deadline all the way until 10:30pm at which time she finally decided to go. I jokingly made her say please when asking me to bring her to the metro station, which I did. Hugged her half the way there. Then, when saying bye, I reached over and kissed her. She leaned in BUT her first kiss was a little hesitant. I went in for 2 more lip-locks, which did get warmer from her side and then pulled away. Immediately after, she moves over and gives me a tight, frontal, full-body hug saying that she usually hates hugs but not this time. After about 5 min., during which I tease her saying that she'll have to try harder with less yawning next time, I let her go.

- next day (Sunday) I dont call

- I send her a short text on Monday asking about her weekend, to which she responds.

- then I send her another text to which she does not respond (maybe because it was a joke and not a real question)

- I pinged her again with another short joke yesterday but still no response

Alright, now here are my questions:

1. I think she's fairly into me. Right/wrong?

2. I think by playing too-hard-to-get, I may have caused her to wonder how serious I am which has resulted in her backing away now. Right/wrong?

3. If I dont send a text today but ask her out on another date tomorrow (for this weekend) she'll likely say yes. Right/wrong?

I'm not trying to be a dick here. I'm just being selective AND at the same time, I'd like to learn given that I have never really "dated" before.

So, while I'm not too crazy about this girl, I may actually call her back.

Thx for bearing with me & your input

Em

April 5, 2013

1. You met online, her agreeing to meet you in the first place suggests she is into you. She came back for a second date, still getting to know you. She was tired, and worried about a deadline for something. Shes probably distracted but still interested.

2. Sort of answered in 1, your actions didn't seem like you were playing hard to get, it seemed like you were just taking things slow which actually usually gives the opposite effect and she may think you are more serious about it than she originally thought. Depends on who she is though.

3. The only way to find out is to text her and see.

There is no simple answer to any of your questions, it all depends on how she feels but you wont know how she actually feels unless you talk to her more. She let you go in for the kiss even though she was worried about meeting a deadline and she pushed time back as much as possible to spend more time with you. Text her and see what happens.

April 5, 2013

if i am serious about a guy when i date i turn my phone off,or even better leave it at home if i am totally comfortable, it wont hurt to leave a phone off for a few hours,if there is a serious problem at my place it is still going to be there when i get home if i am not serious about a guy ill leave it on and have some one call me at a set time to get me out of the date or situation if things are uncomfortable for me, if they get the phone turned off signal its obvious i am ok, they stop ringing......some people i guess dont have that luxury of leaving their phone at home,do you think she is dating others?

in my opinion the woman sounds interested in you, the rudeness is a bit of a worry checking her phone constantly,but you have some intimacy there with no back off vibes so .....seems to be progressing.......for me to go on a date there has to be interest there to begin with a common interest or attraction or both, and i think most women would be that way, i guess you should ask her out on a another date and see how it goes.....i wish you all the best..playing hard to get......dont play that too hard......non interest is a turn off to some.....deb

April 6, 2013

two texts and no responses back after having had 2 dates - move on IMO. Something didn't mesh for her.

April 6, 2013

Consider stopping texting entirely with newly met women. Call to ask out, little contact other. When dating women OLD, you -must- look over her shoulder and imagine 5 other guys there, some from OLD an ex, a FWB or two, a crush, who knows. They are always there even though you don't see them. Sometimes it's only one or two, sometimes 10, imagine five. One of those may be her top chihuaha or it could be you. Will assume for the following that she is very good looking and in demand from all angles.

If you are the top dog, she is likely proactive in contacting, instantly responsive, will -not- be yawning on dates, will be assertive physically such that she literally puts her booty in your hands in various ways.

If you are not the top dog, but in the running, or top dog is being iffy, then they act like this one's acting. Your decision then becomes whether to keep on and figure out how to move your resume' up the stack, or move on to other options more responsive.

If you decide to keep on, you must -kill- with your dates, light, funny personality and seduction. Come up with fun, active things to do that allow flirtation, get her blood rising, set you apart. NEVER movies or long dinners, NEVER 8 hour long hangout dates. 3 hours tailored to her interests that are something you'd like to do also. You should know at the end of a good date when she is giving you the hungry dog look. THEN YOU LEAVE when you know you have killed it (unless she wants sex, then you sex her and leave soon after). As George C. said, "always leave them wanting more," (and not saturated with your presence). Repeat this weekly, excellent dates, with low contact in between, and you will then at least get a chance for sex. But that doesn't mean those other guys have gone. Often, she is having sex all along with one or more of them.

You then have to lock in your lead with oxytocin. Give her excellent orgasms, your looks become somewhat irrelevant at this point, already cleared that hurdle, your skill makes her come over and over again. Then you will find that the other guys are ditched, you annihilated the competition and you can then keep things up and move forward. Good luck whatever you decide. Make sure she's really worth it before engaging effort.

Edited April 6, 2013 by dasein

April 6, 2013

Hello everyone,

I'll "bless" you with my story first before asking for your opinion so, to those of you who actually read all of this: Thanks a bunch!

Alrighty then - here goes: I'm a guy, 27, pretty good looking (or so Ive been told ^^), have a fairly good career/income, etc. --> in short, I've got my life more or less handled pretty well.

Had 1 "serioues" relationship during college (all 4 years) which went on and off and ultimately blew up after graduation. Besides that one, I have just had hookups (either 1-night stands or few-night stands) without any emotional attachments. I had fairly many "hey, you look nice, lets flirt, then sleep together, it was nice, all the best, bye" kind of things over the past 3-4 years.

Recently, I realized that I actually want something more - as in a person I can really like, look forward to hanging out with (not for sex alone) and trust - so, a serious girlfriend/ally-type of thing.

So I started dating a few months ago and about 3-4 dozen dates with 10+ women in, here's my "scorecard" (questions at the bottom):

1. Date "pickup" sources
I've used various places/venues with fairly good success
- bookstores
- supermarkets
- graduate school info events
- online websites (ex. OKCupid) - girls I met this way were actually perfectly nice for the most part (so much for online dating being creepy...)

2. Date Progression
- get number, quick chat, leave (<5 min. total) OR send a few fun messages around if through online portal
- call 1 day later & set date up
- meet for a coffee & walk
- if I like them, send text next day
- have a few text exchanges in days after
- then set up date 2
- continue

3. Touchy/Feely Part
- Date 1: wrapping my arm around her shoulders during date + full-body hug at end of date
- Date 2: some arm wrapping (not throughout entire date), maybe a massage, kiss at END of date
- Date 3: hug/maybe slight kiss at beginning of date, afterwards, game for everything depending on how things turn out
First 2 dates are for scoping out whether I'd be able to tolerate the girl longer-term (and vice versa)

4. "Hit" Rate
- dated about 10 different women
- shortest dating was 1 date (7 of them, just didnt call them back bc of lack of interest)
- 2 went to date 2 and then it fizzled (1 I didnt call back, the other told me that she didnt feel it, which was kinda mutual, so no big deal)
- 1 I'm up to 4 dates now (with everything but sex on date 4) and we're setting up date 5
- 1 I "dated" for 2 months until she told me that she doesnt want anything serious

And then there's this new chick that I had 2 dates with so far - and my questions happen to be related to her.

Quick summary:
- "met" her online
- Date 1 (Sunday) went very very well - she told me how she had a really good time multiple times, she laughed a lot and sent all those good signs my way. I played kinda hard to get but I did wrap my arm around her for the last 10 min. Before we said bye, she gave me a full frontal full-body hug and an "air kiss" when saying bye.
- pinged her day after for a short text exchange
- she pinged me the next day for another short exchange
- afterwards I asked her out for the following Saturday
- prior to Date 2, she warns me that she may be late. I tell her that she better be on time in a funny way. And she ended up being on time (I was a few min. late actually)
- Date 2 (following Saturday): in 1 word - weird. She was supposedly sleepy (only had 5 hours of sleep the night before) and yawned every now and then. Also, she apparently had a deadline looming & was checking her phone from time to time. Both things kinda pissed me off but I decided to see how thing'll turn out. Despite her "rude" behavior, she was engaged in the convo and actually spent the whole day with me (from 2pm to 11pm). At about 7 pm she asks me whether I have stuff planned later in the evening. I didnt answer directly but we kept hanging out. All the while, I did NOT wrap my arm around her - partly to play hard to get but partly because I didnt really feel it since her behavior was off (at least in my book). So we walk a lot, talk a lot, and in the end, I decide to make it convenient for myself and walk home. I asked her up. She was really interested in my place and checked my entire apartment out multiple times complimenting me for various things like cleanliness..etc. (she did call it "spartan" tho, which was annoying) We watched a movie, midway through which, I did give her a hug. After the movie, I gave her a nice back rub during which I let my hands slide under her shirt a bit (just hips). Stopped there tho - remember my Date 2 rule I should probly also mention that she had told me that she had to leave at 9pm bc of her deadline and was checking her phone religiously. That said, she kept pushing off the deadline all the way until 10:30pm at which time she finally decided to go. I jokingly made her say please when asking me to bring her to the metro station, which I did. Hugged her half the way there. Then, when saying bye, I reached over and kissed her. She leaned in BUT her first kiss was a little hesitant. I went in for 2 more lip-locks, which did get warmer from her side and then pulled away. Immediately after, she moves over and gives me a tight, frontal, full-body hug saying that she usually hates hugs but not this time. After about 5 min., during which I tease her saying that she'll have to try harder with less yawning next time, I let her go.
- next day (Sunday) I dont call
- I send her a short text on Monday asking about her weekend, to which she responds.
- then I send her another text to which she does not respond (maybe because it was a joke and not a real question)
- I pinged her again with another short joke yesterday but still no response

Alright, now here are my questions:

1. I think she's fairly into me. Right/wrong?
2. I think by playing too-hard-to-get, I may have caused her to wonder how serious I am which has resulted in her backing away now. Right/wrong?
3. If I dont send a text today but ask her out on another date tomorrow (for this weekend) she'll likely say yes. Right/wrong?

I'm not trying to be a dick here. I'm just being selective AND at the same time, I'd like to learn given that I have never really "dated" before.
So, while I'm not too crazy about this girl, I may actually call her back.

Thx for bearing with me & your input
Em

She is interested, but playing hard to get as well

Enjoy the game

April 9, 2013

Thx for the responses/input ladies & gentlemen.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid I have a little bit of a let-down for ya:

I texted her again - she said she was just busy - started being more responsive to texts - last weekend I asked her over to grab some food that I had cooked (yes, there are men out there who actually cook - even for themselves

) - she came over all lame and depressed and started talking how much she hates her job, how she's trying to figure out whether to change jobs or stick it out, how unhelpful her family is, tralala.

Not to soud like a dick but that kinda pissed me off - I'm not a free therapist after all - so I brought her to the train station and said bye.

Now, onward. I also had date 5 with yet another girl who I think is very much into me (too much, I might add). On earlier dates we talked about how I like fitness, being lean, etc. (which I am - hovering at 7% body fat here ). Now, shes def. not fat and fairly cute, so I made out & folled around w. her. This weekend, she asked me for some workout & nutrition advice because she want to get leaner all of the sudden. Now, I may be making stuff up here but it strikes me as some sort of a move to become more like what she thinks I'm looking for...

This is especiallyweird given that I am not playing with her - I'd call what we've been doing "normal dating based on mutual attraction".

Am I reading too much into this?

Lets see how this goes on - date 6 is lined up for the coming weekend.

Now - on to my last topic/question.

I'm using OKC more and more given that it is so easy and I've been pretty successful in lining up dates through that site (12 with another 2 new ones lined up this coming weekend over the last 6 weeks).

dasein brought up a pretty good point - competition - esp. w. the prettier girls out there - must be quite high.

Based on your experiences, is it actually worth it to try to find something serious through those websites?

April 9, 2013

Thx for the responses/input ladies & gentlemen.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid I have a little bit of a let-down for ya:

I texted her again - she said she was just busy - started being more responsive to texts - last weekend I asked her over to grab some food that I had cooked (yes, there are men out there who actually cook - even for themselves ) - she came over all lame and depressed and started talking how much she hates her job, how she's trying to figure out whether to change jobs or stick it out, how unhelpful her family is, tralala.

Not to soud like a dick but that kinda pissed me off - I'm not a free therapist after all - so I brought her to the train station and said bye.

Now, onward. I also had date 5 with yet another girl who I think is very much into me (too much, I might add). On earlier dates we talked about how I like fitness, being lean, etc. (which I am - hovering at 7% body fat here ). Now, shes def. not fat and fairly cute, so I made out & folled around w. her. This weekend, she asked me for some workout & nutrition advice because she want to get leaner all of the sudden. Now, I may be making stuff up here but it strikes me as some sort of a move to become more like what she thinks I'm looking for...

This is especiallyweird given that I am not playing with her - I'd call what we've been doing "normal dating based on mutual attraction".

Am I reading too much into this?

Lets see how this goes on - date 6 is lined up for the coming weekend.

Now - on to my last topic/question.
I'm using OKC more and more given that it is so easy and I've been pretty successful in lining up dates through that site (12 with another 2 new ones lined up this coming weekend over the last 6 weeks).
dasein brought up a pretty good point - competition - esp. w. the prettier girls out there - must be quite high.

Based on your experiences, is it actually worth it to try to find something serious through those websites?

I can already see the women on here hating on you ("another PUA!") but you need to think about what you are looking for.

If you are looking just to have fun and meet and date a lot of women (perfectly fine in my book) then keep doing what you are doing. You might end up with (a) a few women who are turned on by your indifference, and (b) a few women who disappear when they see that hanging out with you isn't leading to a relationship.

If you are looking for a girlfriend though then you will have to deal with days when the woman is talking to you about her problems.

April 9, 2013

This weekend, she asked me for some workout & nutrition advice because she want to get leaner all of the sudden. Now, I may be making stuff up here but it strikes me as some sort of a move to become more like what she thinks I'm looking for...

This is especiallyweird given that I am not playing with her - I'd call what we've been doing "normal dating based on mutual attraction".

Am I reading too much into this?

I'm using OKC more and more given that it is so easy and I've been pretty successful in lining up dates through that site (12 with another 2 new ones lined up this coming weekend over the last 6 weeks).
dasein brought up a pretty good point - competition - esp. w. the prettier girls out there - must be quite high.

Based on your experiences, is it actually worth it to try to find something serious through those websites?

Her asking you for advice could just be her reaching out and wanting to have more in common with you, not trying to lose fat to be more attractive to you. I have done this before with running, actually I started running because one of the guys I was dating was a runner and I thought it looked like fun and it was something maybe we could do together.

We didn't date long but I've been running now for over 2 years. So who knows?

Regarding the online thing, the people you meet online are the same people that are roaming the earth. I have met a lot of great guys that way, have some great friends now that I wouldn't have had otherwise, etc.

So don't discount it. Also something you said in one of your other posts about the girl who came over and then started complaining about her job. That's sometimes what people do when they feel close to you, feel like they are starting some sort of relationship, etc., they feel comfortable enough to let you know what's going on in their life. Completely different from people who complain to just complain.

Good luck!

April 9, 2013

Thx for the responses/input ladies & gentlemen.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid I have a little bit of a let-down for ya:

I texted her again - she said she was just busy - started being more responsive to texts - last weekend I asked her over to grab some food that I had cooked (yes, there are men out there who actually cook - even for themselves
) - she came over all lame and depressed and started talking how much she hates her job, how she's trying to figure out whether to change jobs or stick it out, how unhelpful her family is, tralala.

Not to soud like a dick but that kinda pissed me off - I'm not a free therapist after all - so I brought her to the train station and said bye.

Now, onward. I also had date 5 with yet another girl who I think is very much into me (too much, I might add). On earlier dates we talked about how I like fitness, being lean, etc. (which I am - hovering at 7% body fat here ). Now, shes def. not fat and fairly cute, so I made out & folled around w. her. This weekend, she asked me for some workout & nutrition advice because she want to get leaner all of the sudden. Now, I may be making stuff up here but it strikes me as some sort of a move to become more like what she thinks I'm looking for...

This is especiallyweird given that I am not playing with her - I'd call what we've been doing "normal dating based on mutual attraction".

Am I reading too much into this?

Based on your experiences, is it actually worth it to try to find something serious through those websites?

Damn. Im not trying to be mean but you sound really shallow. You made out and fondled with a girl who you describe as "fairly cute" She def. picked up on the fact youre into looks. You sound heavily into looks. I have learned the hard way whenever you have to bust your ass physically (when you arent even fat to begin with) for a guy that guy will not be a good boyfriend for you.

When you think she is fairly cute and you describe her as being "too into you"..thats not mutual attraction. Clearly you dont like her as much as she likes you.

Also the fact you went on 5 dates with her and you are still trying to pick up more girls online makes it seem youre not that into her.

If somebody is being majorly depressed and pretty much killing a good time, thats annoying. The girl you dropped off at the train station, was she doing that? Or was she just not in a good mood? If its the 2nd you, yes you are a dick.

April 9, 2013

He deserves the hate. Honestly, guys like this need to stay away from genuinely kindhearted women. He doesnt deserve them.

EDIT: This is one of the reasons why I dont do online dating. Guys who use women and care more about being rejected than the other person's feelings are rampant on these sites

Edited April 9, 2013 by reaver

April 9, 2013

Imajerk17 & curlygirl40 - thanks for the input.

pbjbear - I AM shallow. I take care of my body and I know what I like a woman's body to look like. So what? Doesn't mean I'm telling my dates to loose weight for me. Also doesnt mean I'm not a nice, charming guy. Lastly, we're talking about girl with whom I've spent 12 hours max. - its not like we owe each other anything as we would if we had "dated" for months...you sound a bit jaded.

reaver - thanks for your comment. My response to you is the same as to pbjbear. I KNOW wtf I want - for the first time in my life. And I'm out to FIND it. So, what's wrong in looking around? I'm not leading any of these girls on - not in any way, shape or form.

Ok - now on to that girl I was talking about.

It was "date 3" with that girl this Sunday and I guess she was in a bad mood or something - came to my place all glum, sat there in a fetal position-type pose on my couch and looked like she was the most uncomfortably-feeling woman on earth. Now, this pissed me off because:

- on date 1, she was happy & sweet

- she was late for our date 3

- if she was in a bad mood or sth, she could've cancelled

But no - instead she just sat there whining about how horrible her job is and about how her mom is not supporting her (calling her a looser, etc.). She then proceeded to tell me about a nice streak of alcoholism in her family, about how she dated an ex-boss, then got him fired, got his position, and then left her job (and London) to move here because things got "weird". Oh, and by the way, she had done cocaine as well - multiple times.

Regardless, I was nice enough to:

- excuse her for being late

- listen to her

- feed her good home-cooked food

- bring her to the train station

- trying to comfort her a bit (though it felt weird - we were only on date 3...)

That said, she was very distant the whole time - allowed me to put my arm around her and put hers around my waist for a while.

We parted with a sideway hug (mutual) - no kiss this time. And with her saying that "this would end badly for her"....

Well - needless to say - this was not the one. Also, I dont want any drama. So I wrote her a nice email saying "Btw - appreciate the fair ending. All the Best to u ;)"

She responds with "you're focused, I'm presently unfocused. It would be unfair to drag you into the confusion"

Well, excuse me for not wanting to pursue this but she didnt seem too keen on doing so either

PS: IF she was waiting for me to open up first or smth to that effect - sorry - not willing to do that. Stuff like that has to be mutual. If I dont see a fairly clear hint from the other person, Im not putting myself out there -_-

April 9, 2013

"Doesnt mean Im not a nice charming guy"

Says the guy who immediately dumped a girl off because she had feelings.

Thats the opposite of nice and charming, sorry bud

I would bet good money you have realllly high physical standards beautywise. No, youre not telling that girl to lose weight but Id bet you wouldnt seriously date a girl who has a 20% body fat percentage or above, only use her for her body. That is shallow. You should find a girl at your gym who exercises obsessively...youd be perfect for each other.

April 9, 2013

Ok well you say initially you'd like to have an actual serious relationship/girlfriend.

I'd therefore try to focus more on quality than quantity. You should know after 2-3 dates whether you coudl picture someone as a long term GF. If you cant, then move on. Also, dont go out with someone unless you think they could be that long term GF. Try to get out of the dating for fun mentality, and focus on the substance of these girls, and selecting 1 or 2 girls who really impress you - looks, job, personality -- and try to get to know those girls, as opposed to the dating marathon/GF audition you are currently holding.

Also, do all these girls you are up to 4 + dates with know you are dating others?

True - I'm looking for something more.

I'm on date 5 with only 1 girl. The rest I've dropped after a max of 2-3 dates (latest one being the girl in my story) - or more like, we've dropped each other mutually.

Simple enough to find a girl thatl ooks cute and to ask her out BUT how can I learn more about her if I dont date her for a while - i.e. I dont really see a way around the dating marathon.

As I said, I'm on date 5 with only 1 girl and I like her just fine. We havent had the exclusivity talk yet.

April 9, 2013

"Doesnt mean Im not a nice charming guy"

Says the guy who immediately dumped a girl off because she had feelings.
Thats the opposite of nice and charming, sorry bud

I would bet good money you have realllly high physical standards beautywise. No, youre not telling that girl to lose weight but Id bet you wouldnt seriously date a girl who has a 20% body fat percentage or above, only use her for her body. That is shallow. You should find a girl at your gym who exercises obsessively...youd be perfect for each other.

U didnt read my most recent post, did u? That "date 3" was LOADED with baggage. I know everyone has some, but if a grown woman of 29 years still has trouble handling her life to such an extent, Im not willing to become her BF/therapist/dad/whatever else she needs all the while risking her dumping me bc of a random whim.

And yes - I have high physical standards. I like beautiful, fit women who also have a brain, ambition, a sense of humor, etc. - i.e. the full package.

So what? I'm young. I've got the opportunity/time/looks/resources to look for someone like that. Doesnt make sense to me why you hate me for doing just that...

April 9, 2013

While I dont care for your attitude like you are doing these women some immense favor by spending time with them, I do agree that it is really lame to come to a 3rd date in a bad mood, whining and complaining. At that stage, you should be able to either say "Oh things are crazy at work, but I dont wanna get into it, lets just have some fun!" or "I'm sorry I'm mentally exhausted from work, can we reschedule"

Exactly!

And maybe I'm coming off too strongly here - I do not consider spending time with a girl a favor and, just to make sure this is clear, I am not leading anybody on or dumping anybody in a mean way. Every parting with a girl was very civilized and cordial.

That said, I do get annoyed when I invite a woman over and go through the trouble of making a nice meal for her only for her to arrive late and in a piss-poor mood all the while being distant as hell while using me as her "venting ground".

If that was a sucky first date, I'd laugh about it but the fact is that it was date #3 and, back me up here guys, at that point a guy does expect some affection in return (no, not the physical kind - I mean affection as in nice behavior, smiling, etc. - the exact opposite of what that woman pulled).

April 10, 2013

Hello everyone,

I'll "bless" you with my story first before asking for your opinion so, to those of you who actually read all of this: Thanks a bunch!

Alrighty then - here goes: I'm a guy, 27, pretty good looking (or so Ive been told ^^), have a fairly good career/income, etc. --> in short, I've got my life more or less handled pretty well.

Had 1 "serioues" relationship during college (all 4 years) which went on and off and ultimately blew up after graduation. Besides that one, I have just had hookups (either 1-night stands or few-night stands) without any emotional attachments. I had fairly many "hey, you look nice, lets flirt, then sleep together, it was nice, all the best, bye" kind of things over the past 3-4 years.

Recently, I realized that I actually want something more - as in a person I can really like, look forward to hanging out with (not for sex alone) and trust - so, a serious girlfriend/ally-type of thing.

So I started dating a few months ago and about 3-4 dozen dates with 10+ women in, here's my "scorecard" (questions at the bottom):

1. Date "pickup" sources
I've used various places/venues with fairly good success
- bookstores
- supermarkets
- graduate school info events
- online websites (ex. OKCupid) - girls I met this way were actually perfectly nice for the most part (so much for online dating being creepy...)

2. Date Progression
- get number, quick chat, leave (<5 min. total) OR send a few fun messages around if through online portal
- call 1 day later & set date up
- meet for a coffee & walk
- if I like them, send text next day
- have a few text exchanges in days after
- then set up date 2
- continue

3. Touchy/Feely Part
- Date 1: wrapping my arm around her shoulders during date + full-body hug at end of date
- Date 2: some arm wrapping (not throughout entire date), maybe a massage, kiss at END of date
- Date 3: hug/maybe slight kiss at beginning of date, afterwards, game for everything depending on how things turn out
First 2 dates are for scoping out whether I'd be able to tolerate the girl longer-term (and vice versa)

4. "Hit" Rate
- dated about 10 different women
- shortest dating was 1 date (7 of them, just didnt call them back bc of lack of interest)
- 2 went to date 2 and then it fizzled (1 I didnt call back, the other told me that she didnt feel it, which was kinda mutual, so no big deal)
- 1 I'm up to 4 dates now (with everything but sex on date 4) and we're setting up date 5
- 1 I "dated" for 2 months until she told me that she doesnt want anything serious

And then there's this new chick that I had 2 dates with so far - and my questions happen to be related to her.

Quick summary:
- "met" her online
- Date 1 (Sunday) went very very well - she told me how she had a really good time multiple times, she laughed a lot and sent all those good signs my way. I played kinda hard to get but I did wrap my arm around her for the last 10 min. Before we said bye, she gave me a full frontal full-body hug and an "air kiss" when saying bye.
- pinged her day after for a short text exchange
- she pinged me the next day for another short exchange
- afterwards I asked her out for the following Saturday
- prior to Date 2, she warns me that she may be late. I tell her that she better be on time in a funny way. And she ended up being on time (I was a few min. late actually)
- Date 2 (following Saturday): in 1 word - weird. She was supposedly sleepy (only had 5 hours of sleep the night before) and yawned every now and then. Also, she apparently had a deadline looming & was checking her phone from time to time. Both things kinda pissed me off but I decided to see how thing'll turn out. Despite her "rude" behavior, she was engaged in the convo and actually spent the whole day with me (from 2pm to 11pm). At about 7 pm she asks me whether I have stuff planned later in the evening. I didnt answer directly but we kept hanging out. All the while, I did NOT wrap my arm around her - partly to play hard to get but partly because I didnt really feel it since her behavior was off (at least in my book). So we walk a lot, talk a lot, and in the end, I decide to make it convenient for myself and walk home. I asked her up. She was really interested in my place and checked my entire apartment out multiple times complimenting me for various things like cleanliness..etc. (she did call it "spartan" tho, which was annoying) We watched a movie, midway through which, I did give her a hug. After the movie, I gave her a nice back rub during which I let my hands slide under her shirt a bit (just hips). Stopped there tho - remember my Date 2 rule I should probly also mention that she had told me that she had to leave at 9pm bc of her deadline and was checking her phone religiously. That said, she kept pushing off the deadline all the way until 10:30pm at which time she finally decided to go. I jokingly made her say please when asking me to bring her to the metro station, which I did. Hugged her half the way there. Then, when saying bye, I reached over and kissed her. She leaned in BUT her first kiss was a little hesitant. I went in for 2 more lip-locks, which did get warmer from her side and then pulled away. Immediately after, she moves over and gives me a tight, frontal, full-body hug saying that she usually hates hugs but not this time. After about 5 min., during which I tease her saying that she'll have to try harder with less yawning next time, I let her go.
- next day (Sunday) I dont call
- I send her a short text on Monday asking about her weekend, to which she responds.
- then I send her another text to which she does not respond (maybe because it was a joke and not a real question)
- I pinged her again with another short joke yesterday but still no response

Alright, now here are my questions:

1. I think she's fairly into me. Right/wrong?
2. I think by playing too-hard-to-get, I may have caused her to wonder how serious I am which has resulted in her backing away now. Right/wrong?
3. If I dont send a text today but ask her out on another date tomorrow (for this weekend) she'll likely say yes. Right/wrong?

I'm not trying to be a dick here. I'm just being selective AND at the same time, I'd like to learn given that I have never really "dated" before.
So, while I'm not too crazy about this girl, I may actually call her back.

Thx for bearing with me & your input
Em

Ok, this one is easy.

You said it was a Sunday? She probably had a late night the night before, cool beans. Most likely she had a disappointing night, met nobody and was horny.

She met up with you, prompted you to bring her home which you put off, acted too shy to initiate contact, then went WAAAAAAY too slow and didn't push things any further despite the fact that she kept "pushing out the deadline" for you. (There was no deadline, she wanted to hook up and kept waiting for your move which never came).

I would be very surprised if this wasn't dead in the water, you've lost her.

Sorry man but she was looking to hook up and you came off weak.

The reason for the lack of kiss at the end was because the moment had passed. She was IN YOUR APARTMENT and you made no moves, she was turned off, didn't get the hookup and her interest was gone.

Sorry man but I've been there and learned from it. You had sex on a plate but wanted to play the nice guy when all she wanted was a man to just bang her. You didn't man up... she's gone now... next girl...

April 10, 2013

Imajerk17 & curlygirl40 - thanks for the input.

pbjbear - I AM shallow. I take care of my body and I know what I like a woman's body to look like. So what? Doesn't mean I'm telling my dates to loose weight for me. Also doesnt mean I'm not a nice, charming guy. Lastly, we're talking about girl with whom I've spent 12 hours max. - its not like we owe each other anything as we would if we had "dated" for months...you sound a bit jaded.

reaver - thanks for your comment. My response to you is the same as to pbjbear. I KNOW wtf I want - for the first time in my life. And I'm out to FIND it. So, what's wrong in looking around? I'm not leading any of these girls on - not in any way, shape or form.

Ok - now on to that girl I was talking about.

It was "date 3" with that girl this Sunday and I guess she was in a bad mood or something - came to my place all glum, sat there in a fetal position-type pose on my couch and looked like she was the most uncomfortably-feeling woman on earth. Now, this pissed me off because:
- on date 1, she was happy & sweet
- she was late for our date 3
- if she was in a bad mood or sth, she could've cancelled

But no - instead she just sat there whining about how horrible her job is and about how her mom is not supporting her (calling her a looser, etc.). She then proceeded to tell me about a nice streak of alcoholism in her family, about how she dated an ex-boss, then got him fired, got his position, and then left her job (and London) to move here because things got "weird". Oh, and by the way, she had done cocaine as well - multiple times.

Regardless, I was nice enough to:
- excuse her for being late
- listen to her
- feed her good home-cooked food
- bring her to the train station
- trying to comfort her a bit (though it felt weird - we were only on date 3...)

That said, she was very distant the whole time - allowed me to put my arm around her and put hers around my waist for a while.

We parted with a sideway hug (mutual) - no kiss this time. And with her saying that "this would end badly for her"....

Well - needless to say - this was not the one. Also, I dont want any drama. So I wrote her a nice email saying "Btw - appreciate the fair ending. All the Best to u ;)"
She responds with "you're focused, I'm presently unfocused. It would be unfair to drag you into the confusion"

Well, excuse me for not wanting to pursue this but she didnt seem too keen on doing so either

PS: IF she was waiting for me to open up first or smth to that effect - sorry - not willing to do that. Stuff like that has to be mutual. If I dont see a fairly clear hint from the other person, Im not putting myself out there -_-

Sounds like she was just complaining to complain. If I were only on date 3 I would still be working on getting the guy to like me, not off complaining about my super personal life. I don't complain about those things anyways and no body should. If you are unhappy with the way your life is then change it, don't complain about it. People make me angry sometimes.

What you are doing is not wrong or immoral in any way what-so-ever. It's an online dating website, obviously you are going to hook up with more than one girl before you 'fall in love' as for how well they work, I have no personal experience but my grandpa did meet his fiance on one of the ones for old people...so why not ha. Plus they are on there too so that means they are looking for a relationship, right?

I don't think you are a dick by the way. You know what you want and you know what you don't want. Pretty simple, not complicated at all, honestly I wish more guys were like that.

April 10, 2013

@ Estate - that thought had crossed my mind. That said, I'm not looking for random hookups of that type. I want to get to know a girl better before I take it to the next level just in case she has a bunch of hidden baggage and, imagine that, this one ended having plenty of that -_-

If she wanted someone to bang her, I likely would've been that guy a few months ago. Now I'm looking for just a tad bit more than a pretty place to park my penis in, if you get my drift.

Btw - she actually came back to my place for some food & date 3 (see my previous posts) but was not very pleasant company. Maybe ure right and she was annoyed. BUT, again, I want a girl with more substance.

Now, here is the funny thing. On date 3 she did mention a couple of weird things:

a. she said that she didnt expect me to be so nice to her (invite her over, cook for her) without "wanting anything in return"

b. she offered to make me muffins for "next time"

I'd say she was partially still into me but, HELL, this girl is NOT what I'm looking for. If she expects to dish out sex to guys on date 2 in return for their time, somethings is seriously wrong...

Whether my approach (no sex for first 3 dates) is right or wrong, I dont know. Thats what Im trying to figure out and thats why Im here getting you input btw.

Appreciate the perspective!

@ hannah11 - thanks a lot I am pretty open about things and about whether there will be a next date or not. I think it is only fair.

April 10, 2013

Ok, this one is easy.
You said it was a Sunday? She probably had a late night the night before, cool beans. Most likely she had a disappointing night, met nobody and was horny.

She met up with you, prompted you to bring her home which you put off, acted too shy to initiate contact, then went WAAAAAAY too slow and didn't push things any further despite the fact that she kept "pushing out the deadline" for you. (There was no deadline, she wanted to hook up and kept waiting for your move which never came).

I would be very surprised if this wasn't dead in the water, you've lost her.
Sorry man but she was looking to hook up and you came off weak.

The reason for the lack of kiss at the end was because the moment had passed. She was IN YOUR APARTMENT and you made no moves, she was turned off, didn't get the hookup and her interest was gone.

Sorry man but I've been there and learned from it. You had sex on a plate but wanted to play the nice guy when all she wanted was a man to just bang her. You didn't man up... she's gone now... next girl...

Is taking a girl to my place automatically code for sex?

Back in my hook-up days, I'd definitely say - YES

But when you're out on a date to get to know the other person, cant u just invite them over for a movie and maybe some cuddling & light kissing (again, dont want too much physical contact on dates 1-3)?

April 10, 2013

Is taking a girl to my place automatically code for sex?

Back in my hook-up days, I'd definitely say - YES
But when you're out on a date to get to know the other person, cant u just invite them over for a movie and maybe some cuddling & light kissing (again, dont want too much physical contact on dates 1-3)?

Some girls might think it is code for sex, depends on what type of person they are. Also depends on what type of person they think you are. If they see you as the player type who hooks up with a bunch of girls then yeah they will probably think you are going to try and make a move. If you were awkward and shy then they probably wouldn't think anything of it. If you want the relationship to remain with little physical contact then just keep it public and don't bring them to your place on date three and make home cooked meals. Save the good surprises for later Also if you just keep it simple until you know if you really like her then you don't waste your time making delicious food for someone you find out you don't even like that much and it keeps them from thinking you are just trying to get them into your apartment to have sex.

April 11, 2013

Some girls might think it is code for sex, depends on what type of person they are. Also depends on what type of person they think you are. If they see you as the player type who hooks up with a bunch of girls then yeah they will probably think you are going to try and make a move. If you were awkward and shy then they probably wouldn't think anything of it. If you want the relationship to remain with little physical contact then just keep it public and don't bring them to your place on date three and make home cooked meals. Save the good surprises for later Also if you just keep it simple until you know if you really like her then you don't waste your time making delicious food for someone you find out you don't even like that much and it keeps them from thinking you are just trying to get them into your apartment to have sex.

lol - you definitely have a point.

Guess I just wanted to make things more convenient for myself and sent out the wrong message in the process...

So, basically, do you also think that this girl was expecting sex on date 2 and was then disappointed with the lack thereof?

April 11, 2013

lol - you definitely have a point.
Guess I just wanted to make things more convenient for myself and sent out the wrong message in the process...
So, basically, do you also think that this girl was expecting sex on date 2 and was then disappointed with the lack thereof?

I think its more likely she disappeared because she doesnt like you enough.

April 11, 2013

Is taking a girl to my place automatically code for sex?

Back in my hook-up days, I'd definitely say - YES
But when you're out on a date to get to know the other person, cant u just invite them over for a movie and maybe some cuddling & light kissing (again, dont want too much physical contact on dates 1-3)?

Referring to your first reply.

If you're not looking for a quick hookup, that's great. But if she wanted you to initiate something and you didn't, it looks like she lost some interest, you didn't man up enough.

It seems like she wanted the opposite of you, so best to leave her go then instead of making yourself crazy, no?

On the above quote... yeah, sure, there's no problem with that but you're not taking HER into account here.

There's plenty girls who would probably like that and actually RESPECT that... but when you take a girl you've been seeing, back to your place for the first time then it implies intimacy... you said yourself, even SHE was pushing for you to be alone and kept pushing out her "deadline" while you stalled.

And after all that, you didn't push things forward, you were too nice.

Again, it just sounds like she wanted you to make a move and gave you plenty oppertunity. If you'd rather take it slow then that's no problem but you need to date a different girl who is also looking to take it slow.

April 11, 2013

Well you said she was complaining about her job and stuff a lot so I don't think she was trying to get you to make a move. Maybe it was her way of pushing you away or making you less interested. I don't know, but like you said, she is not what you had in mind and you are still working on it. Maybe you will find what you are looking for and maybe she will just show up out of the blue and you won't even have seen it coming. That's always the best, when it is least expected. Also if she was expecting sex on date 2 and wanting it then she probably doesn't have all that much self respect.

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