LDR Break-Up but Now More Then Friends Again...

[Tk123]

Hey there! This past week I was in a LDR breakup. She said she wanted to be alone and find herself and I respected her choice. A couple of days of NC past, she was still messaging me as if we were friends and at the time I was on the fence about talking to her again.

 

After the couple of days I couldn't take it anymore and I texted her back telling her how much I missed her. She said the same and we got talking again... We started talking to each other for long amounts of time like we did when we first started dating and it felt like deja vu all over again.

 

Just these past couple of nights, we joked around about being friends with benefits and what it would be like. One thing lead to another and now we are in the same routine when we were dating...the sexual texts and calls and all of that.

 

I guess the best way to describe it at the moment is that we aren't together again, but we aren't dating other people because of each other if that makes any sense whatsoever.

 

Anyways, my main reason for making this topic is because this still is some sort of LDR. She's in Florida and I'm in New York. Summer is just around the corner and I feel like I NEED to meet this girl (we have never met before and started having feelings for each other in January of this year).

 

My question to you all is how do I go about asking her to meet this summer? I feel like it still is too early to ask but then at the same time I feel as if summer is basically here. I don't want to seem clingy by asking her or come across as hounding if she says that she doesn't know yet and then asking her again at a later date. The reason I ask is because she works a job at a chain restaurant and I'm a college student with plans to start working this summer. I would have to know when I need to take time off to meet her and I would need her to have to ask her boss for time off as well. I know she wants to meet me and I want to do the same thing. Do I wait to ask her since its still only April? Or is now a good time to ask with summer just around the corner? I feel like this is a silly question but it really has been driving me crazy these past couple of days and I need to ask her!

 

Any help I can get is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much in advance and I hope to hear from you! Oh and I'm not sure if this matters at all but we're both 20 years old if anyone was wondering our ages.

Edited April 3, 2013 by Tk123

[justwhoiam]

So, if I understood correctly, she works in a restaurant and you're a student. I guess you could ask her if she's ever been to NYC. She might be interested in visiting Manhattan. Anyway, you could invite her over for like 3 days in June. If things are OK with you both, and you want the same things, you can then arrange a stay in florida for 3 or 4 days in July. If she works shifts, you'd be able to spend time with her anyway, even if she were not able to take days off.

 

After that, if you both think it's worth it, you could arrange a vacation together (like a week somewhere in the Fall). I assume your finances are quite limited, so you could consider couchsurfing with her, choosing places where you can have at least some intimacy (houses or apartments with a spare room).

 

Anyway, before getting to that point, you need to get to know her in person. Also, I'm not sure she would be worth it as a FWB, because it'd be too expensive in the end to keep up with all the traveling. Unless you mean you can keep her as an online side girlfriend.

[Tk123]

So, if I understood correctly, she works in a restaurant and you're a student. I guess you could ask her if she's ever been to NYC. She might be interested in visiting Manhattan. Anyway, you could invite her over for like 3 days in June. If things are OK with you both, and you want the same things, you can then arrange a stay in florida for 3 or 4 days in July. If she works shifts, you'd be able to spend time with her anyway, even if she were not able to take days off.

 

After that, if you both think it's worth it, you could arrange a vacation together (like a week somewhere in the Fall). I assume your finances are quite limited, so you could consider couchsurfing with her, choosing places where you can have at least some intimacy (houses or apartments with a spare room).

 

Anyway, before getting to that point, you need to get to know her in person. Also, I'm not sure she would be worth it as a FWB, because it'd be too expensive in the end to keep up with all the traveling. Unless you mean you can keep her as an online side girlfriend.

 

 

Thank you for the response. Correct, she's working right now and I'm a student for another month then I need to get a job. I want to start talking to her about our plans for the summer but feel like she'll think I'm asking too soon. I was going to tell her I am going to be meeting my boss that I work for during the summer and that we need to schedule our plans ahead of time so we can both get off at a given time or work around our schedules. I just am worried she's going to brush it off or ignore it. I know she wants to meet me and I want to meet her but I'm having trouble conveying it across to her.

 

I know she's never been to NYC and that's one of the things we've always talked about doing when we were a couple. I'm sure she would still be interested in doing that even though we are only FWB right now.

 

Fact of the matter is that I cannot do a whole summer of LD without meeting her at least for a couple days this summer. It seems like there would be no reason for it and that she would have to get off sometime. I'm really not worried about my end, I'm just worried about her coming through on her end. It was hard enough for me to get through the winter without seeing her and now it's spring, with summer right around the corner.

Edited April 4, 2013 by Tk123

[justwhoiam]

Ok. I'll tell you what I think.

 

1) Don't let her think you're ok with the FWB thing, in no time she will find someone else and you'll be kept in the friend zone.

 

2) How do you do #1? You don't have sex with her, unless she wants you as a BF. You can't help it? Then just know the risk of point #1. And blame yourself for it. You can blow it for a one-night stand. Think about it.

 

3) How to let her know you want to meet her. Just tell her your boss wants to know what days you want off right away, so that your schedule will be set up. As you think there might be a chance of meeting her, you'd like to know from her what days would be best for her. At the same time you tell her that she could come to NYC and you would show her around. Offer to arrange for her stay. Make it an offer it would be stupid to refuse. But don't put any pressure on her. Ask once and give her a deadline. Like: I need to give my boss an answer by [April 20]. Something like that. Then you remind her on April 18 if she didn't mention anything until then. So that you have the time to still get an answer, in case she forgot.

[Tk123]

Ok. I'll tell you what I think.

 

1) Don't let her think you're ok with the FWB thing, in no time she will find someone else and you'll be kept in the friend zone.

 

2) How do you do #1? You don't have sex with her, unless she wants you as a BF. You can't help it? Then just know the risk of point #1. And blame yourself for it. You can blow it for a one-night stand. Think about it.

 

3) How to let her know you want to meet her. Just tell her your boss wants to know what days you want off right away, so that your schedule will be set up. As you think there might be a chance of meeting her, you'd like to know from her what days would be best for her. At the same time you tell her that she could come to NYC and you would show her around. Offer to arrange for her stay. Make it an offer it would be stupid to refuse. But don't put any pressure on her. Ask once and give her a deadline. Like: I need to give my boss an answer by [April 20]. Something like that. Then you remind her on April 18 if she didn't mention anything until then. So that you have the time to still get an answer, in case she forgot.

 

Thanks again for another great response. So lets say for arguments sake she still is unsure of a date to meet by the time the "deadline" comes around. Is it safe to say she's not committed to this whole thing and should I even waste my time with a purely virtual relationship?

 

 

And about the FWB thing. It's only been a week since we split up with each other. You think it's even worth a shot asking her to be my GF again? We obviously still have strong feelings for each other but i don't wanna come across as desperate or clingy to her.

Edited April 4, 2013 by Tk123

[justwhoiam]

Thanks again for another great response.

You're welcome

 

So lets say for arguments sake she still is unsure of a date to meet by the time the "deadline" comes around. Is it safe to say she's not committed to this whole thing and should I even waste my time with a purely virtual relationship?

The date might go haywire for a number of reasons. Her not being too much into it is only one of them. It might also not apply.

 

 

And about the FWB thing. It's only been a week since we split up with each other. You think it's even worth a shot asking her to be my GF again? We obviously still have strong feelings for each other but i don't wanna come across as desperate or clingy to her.

I can only speak for myself here. I don't know her. If I'm in love with him, and he asked me to be his girlfriend again or that he's my boyfriend again, I would be more than happy. Unless he did something really really bad, or I have made up my mind that he's not good for me. I'm not sure why you two broke up. Maybe it was the distance that let her have second thoughts? Who knows...

[Tk123]

You're welcome

 

The date might go haywire for a number of reasons. Her not being too much into it is only one of them. It might also not apply.

 

 

I can only speak for myself here. I don't know her. If I'm in love with him, and he asked me to be his girlfriend again or that he's my boyfriend again, I would be more than happy. Unless he did something really really bad, or I have made up my mind that he's not good for me. I'm not sure why you two broke up. Maybe it was the distance that let her have second thoughts? Who knows...

 

Again, thank you!!

 

 

Our breakup was not a violent one. She broke up with me because her depression got the best of her. Her grandfather just died of lung cancer, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and another couple of tragic things happened to her in a few weeks time that really brought her down. I did everything I could to be there for her and support her every step of the way but it got the best of her and she said she needed to be alone for a bit.

[justwhoiam]

she said she needed to be alone for a bit.

Ok. Well, it's very strange, as you wouldn't want to be alone on such moments. You need to bond even more... But if a strong feeling was there (love), it shouldn't be vanished so easily/quickly.

 

Good luck with everything.

[Tk123]

Just a little update for anyone who cares to take a look:

 

 

I told her about the "meeting" with my boss on Friday and told her when the deadline was (I made it for this past Tuesday). When I first told her, she made it seem like she was really going to consider a date to meet.

 

The weekend passed and I didn't bring it up at all. Monday night came around and I reminded her that I'm supposed to tell my boss about the dates I need to get off to see her. She told me exactly that she "just doesn't know what's going to happen this summer".

 

So it was another failed attempt in trying to figure out if/when I will ever meet her. I feel like she wants to meet me and I know I want to meet her but anytime I bring up meeting up it just ends in an "I don't know"

 

My plan at this point is to let the rest of April go by and continue doing what I'm doing in keeping this LDR together. I want to see if she would be willing to meet during Memorial Day weekend, however I don't know how I will go about doing it in the beginning of May when I bring it up.

 

Part of me just feels like I'm going to be shot down again when I mention it and part of my questions why I'm even still trying in this LDR. I need some motivation or some confidence boost and I would be so appreciative if anyone has anything else to add about my current situation.