McGriff Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I woke up with an overwhelming feeling of wanting to contact my ex gf this morning...while I know this is a mistake and more heartbreak is waiting for me on the other end of the phone line, I need reassurance that this is/would be a mistake. I am 8 days NC, and I feel like my head is being forced underwater and I'm grasping for a breath of air...
geegirl Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I woke up with an overwhelming feeling of wanting to contact my ex gf this morning...while I know this is a mistake and more heartbreak is waiting for me on the other end of the phone line, I need reassurance that this is/would be a mistake. I am 8 days NC, and I feel like my head is being forced underwater and I'm grasping for a breath of air... Noooooooooooooooo!!!!! The feeling is normal. You must not act on it because it will pass. It will pass, I tell you. The first couple of months is the hardest. You are literally trying to detoxify yourself. Breaking an addiction is very difficult. You cannot seek comfort from what pains you, McGriff. Contacting her will give you relief for just a little while. But soon enough you go right back where you started. You go back to that hole and in a few days you will feel this emotion again. What will you do? Contact? It's a cycle you have to end and the only way to do it is to feel the discomfort and ride it until you get past it. The mornings are the worst. They were for me as well. But you have to restrain yourself because it's an emotion that will pass. I can't stress this enough. 1
Appleness Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Not sure if you have anything against country music but when this song came out, I had it set as my "wake up song" for a while. It helped me a lot. You'll get through it. See, the thing is, the brain is lazy. It wants to feel good and it wants what familiar. When you give your brain no other choice but to get through it, it will. Keep your head up
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I woke up with an overwhelming feeling of wanting to contact my ex gf this morning...while I know this is a mistake and more heartbreak is waiting for me on the other end of the phone line, I need reassurance that this is/would be a mistake. I am 8 days NC, and I feel like my head is being forced underwater and I'm grasping for a breath of air... everyone has this 'overwhelming feeling'. It's only overwhelming if you give into it. Which you won't. Because if you do - you'll have my blisteringly scathing tongue to deal with... And believe me, that will be far, far worse. True dat. 2
Author McGriff Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Thanks guys. Man, I've never done drugs, but if this is anything like getting over a drug addiction, I now see the difficulty. I am going to ride it out because Geegirl, I know what you said is true by experience, I would have a temporary "fix" whether the contact was pleasant or not, and then would be in the same place in a few days. Just a really tough morning! And I will check out that song. Thanks guys, seriously.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Thanks guys. Man, I've never done drugs, but if this is anything like getting over a drug addiction, I now see the difficulty. I am going to ride it out because Geegirl, I know what you said is true by experience, I would have a temporary "fix" whether the contact was pleasant or not, and then would be in the same place in a few days. Just a really tough morning! And I will check out that song. Thanks guys, seriously. Its a correct analogy...It is very similar to a drug addiction... The worst part(and I hate to tell you this)...It WILL get worse before it gets better. Just put one foot in front of the other...Call a buddy, pinch yourself..whatever.. TFOY 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Its a correct analogy...It is very similar to a drug addiction... The worst part(and I hate to tell you this)...It WILL get worse before it gets better. Just put one foot in front of the other...Call a buddy, pinch yourself..whatever.. TFOY ^^^ this. ^^^
Author McGriff Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 TM and TFOY---you guys are right on. It's amazing how this whole situation has affected mentally and emotionally. It's obvious to me that I have a huge ego, as I'm not used to being rejected. I have always been a person driven by success (in my career and my relationships) and although I have been married and divorced, I considered even the divorce a success because I knew what the problems were and we are able to remain friends and raise our two children in as positive an environment as possible. This situation though, is unfamiliar to me and I just feel like I want to fix the failure, but I know it's out of my control. I fell completely in love with this woman after she chased me for a couple months, only to be unceremoniously dumped for no substantive reason. I'm not a controlling person, despite me seeming need for it in this situation. I know I need to move on and chalk this one up to experience, but I can't help thinking that she will wake up and/or is waiting for me to contact her and fix things. I'm not gonna do that, because she is the one who left, so I continue on, hurting and thinking. It really sucks.
destroyed4sho Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 meh, why be the first to break NC?...she will break it first at somepoint later.
LMNO Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I hear ya McGriff.....I deal with it on a daily basis. Be happy you don't have children with her. I call daily to speak to my son, and I want more than anything to engage in conversation, and just hear her voice really. Luckily she is not capable of being friendly enough to even say hello when answering, so she just hands it straight to my son. As much as I want to, I think shes def doing me a favor. When I do hear her voice the pain is 100 times worse.... Spare yourself brother. Stay NC.
misswillow Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Don't do it!!! I did it two weeks ago, and am still paying the price emotionally. I still get urges to do it again, but I have realized I am in no position to think straight at the moment. So I've turned any decision-making, with regard to my ex, over to others for the foreseeable future. If I have a thought to make some sort of contact with him for any reason, I check with someone...either here, a family member, friend, or therapist. Invariably, any one of the above will tell me not to do it. And because I know that pretty much everyone else in the world is more clear-headed about this than I am, I am going to try very hard to listen to everyone else instead of myself. And hopefully one day I won't have to ask anyone, instead I will be confident that making contact is a very bad idea. And hopefully one day, probably way into the future, I will have no desire to ever talk to him again. 2
SJ777 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 That panicky, anxious feeling of wanting contact will pass. It is going to suck for a while..... I broke NC a few times and always regretted it and it put me back at square one. It will get easier. Hang in there!
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