i've noticed alot of threads about dumpers coming back after rebounds

[iouaname]

Cal, I sort of understand what you mean about wanting the apology and wanting her to come back to you as some sort of form of self-validation. I feel sort of the same way. I want my ex to reach out and apologize and to say that he made a mistake in dumping me, even if it all means nothing towards reconciliation. I get it. I think it's just a stage of thinking that we have to get past.

[Jono85]

Nonsense.............

 

I'm not overly religious and I still believe in the concept of forgiveness. Does that make me wrong cause some random psychologist says so? I could post a million positive articles (Why is Forgiveness So Important?) about forgiveness.

 

I guess only Calgary can do what he feels what is best for him. I will continue to advise him as best I can. I hope other posters do the same. He can then use what works for him..

 

Telling people to forgive someone and to let go of resentment is as useful/practical as picking out a stranger and telling your friend to love that person.

 

I don't think many people would say they WANT to carry resentment for someone not even in their lives anymore. But getting to a place of ridding it, or forgiving someone, is not some magical button you can press to make it happen, hence it's useless preaching it. Might as well tell everyone on here to just "get over it" and "move on" while we're at it.

[Mack05]

Jono forgiveness isn't a black and white process. What works for one, might not work for another. For me it was something I worked towards. I knew it was something that I wanted to achieve. I felt the anger and worked through the anger. I didn't stay angry and bitter very long, as I felt what is the point? Eventually I made a conscious decision to move forward with my life and I choose to forgive myself and me ex(s) to remove any strangle hold she had over me. It worked for me. If it doesn't work for others, not sure what I can say to that.

 

You are entitled to your opinion, but don't belittle mine yeah...

[drpepper1886]

Jono forgiveness isn't a black and white process. What works for one, might not work for another. For me it was something I worked towards. I knew it was something that I wanted to achieve. I felt the anger and worked through the anger. I didn't stay angry and bitter very long, as I felt what is the point? Eventually I made a conscious decision to move forward with my life and I choose to forgive myself and me ex(s) to remove any strangle hold she had over me. It worked for me. If it doesn't work for others, not sure what I can say to that.

 

You are entitled to your opinion, but don't belittle mine yeah...

 

Pretty sure that's exactly what the woman suggested in my video. You can't control how long you are angry at someone, or whether or not your forgive them. You have to work towards a greater understanding, and the rest will take care of itself.

[Jono85]

Jono forgiveness isn't a black and white process. What works for one, might not work for another. For me it was something I worked towards. I knew it was something that I wanted to achieve. I felt the anger and worked through the anger. I didn't stay angry and bitter very long, as I felt what is the point? Eventually I made a conscious decision to move forward with my life and I choose to forgive myself and me ex(s) to remove any strangle hold she had over me. It worked for me. If it doesn't work for others, not sure what I can say to that.

 

You are entitled to your opinion, but don't belittle mine yeah...

 

so one day you just chose to forgive yourself and your ex, and walla, the resentment was gone? i just find it hard to believe. i think it takes time for the emotions to die off. many variables are in play (eg. you meet someone that makes you forget about your ex, or a lot of positive developments in your life, or your ex is miserable and not as happy as they thought they'd be, or how badly your ex hurt you and whether they ever seemed remorseful for certain actions etc etc).

 

you're telling me not to belittle your opinion when you JUST belittled the psychologist and anyone who agrees with her..

[shayla]

I forgave my ex simply because I didn't want to be sitting around years from now chewing on anger and hate of him and the other woman. I want my years to be filled with life and love and laughter, and that wasn't going to happen as long as I was pissed off and hated them.

 

My breakup was 2 years ago. After a 3 year relationship, and I was mad for a long time. And I'm not going to lie. I did smile when I heard that the other woman is starting to experience some of the mistreatment I suffered at the hands of my ex. And it helped alot with my healing. Even though my mind knew that he wasn't going to change, part of my suffering was asking myself the question of why he treated me like **** for 3 years, then dumped me and married another woman 2 months later to treat like a queen.

 

Of course the answer to that question is.....he isn't treating her any different that he treated me. She just thought that she was special and that I wasn't, when it was never about me in the first place.

[Mack05]

so one day you just chose to forgive yourself and your ex, and walla, the resentment was gone? i just find it hard to believe. i think it takes time for the emotions to die off. many variables are in play (eg. you meet someone that makes you forget about your ex, or a lot of positive developments in your life, or your ex is miserable and not as happy as they thought they'd be, or how badly your ex hurt you and whether they ever seemed remorseful for certain actions etc etc).

 

you're telling me not to belittle your opinion when you JUST belittled the psychologist and anyone who agrees with her..

 

I disagreed with her. I wasn't a condescending smartass like you. I ain't going back and forth with you. I have as much respect for your opinion, as you do for mine (little). There are tons of articles out there on forgiveness and how you would like it to work for you. I'm not wasting time going back and forth with you. I am here to try help a guy I like (Calgary). Not to talk nonsense with you.

[Jono85]

I forgave my ex simply because I didn't want to be sitting around years from now chewing on anger and hate of him and the other woman. I want my years to be filled with life and love and laughter, and that wasn't going to happen as long as I was pissed off and hated them.

 

My breakup was 2 years ago. After a 3 year relationship, and I was mad for a long time. And I'm not going to lie. I did smile when I heard that the other woman is starting to experience some of the mistreatment I suffered at the hands of my ex. And it helped alot with my healing. Even though my mind knew that he wasn't going to change, part of my suffering was asking myself the question of why he treated me like **** for 3 years, then dumped me and married another woman 2 months later to treat like a queen.

 

Of course the answer to that question is.....he isn't treating her any different that he treated me. She just thought that she was special and that I wasn't, when it was never about me in the first place.

 

lol doesn't sound like forgiveness or a lack of resentment to me. if you get pleasure out of your exes misfortune, that isn't forgiveness i don't think.

 

i'm not trying to single you out b/c i think that 95% of people would also be happy in that situation. which furthers my point that a lot of people want to say they've "let go" or have forgiven their exes, or don't carry resentment, when in reality, we're all smiling when they're miserable lol.

[Jono85]

I disagreed with her. I wasn't a condescending smartass like you. I ain't going back and forth with you. I have as much respect for your opinion, as you do for mine (little). There are tons of articles out there on forgiveness and how you would like it to work for you. I'm not wasting time going back and forth with you. I am here to try help a guy I like (Calgary). Not to talk nonsense with you.

 

so calling it "nonsense" isn't condescending?

 

lmao ok buddy. carry on with your shtick sir.