icantbelieve Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 what is the avg time of no contact it takes before an ex starts to miss you/ rethink whether breaking up was a good idea? i want to hear any past relationship experiences-good and bad- doesn't matter if you were the dumper or dumpee just curious to hear from everyone 1. how long were u guys going out 2. how long were you guys in no contact for before dumper contacted you 3. did you guys ever give it another shot 4. are you guys still together 5. how long do you think it takes the dumper to contact you if they have any feelings of getting back together: 1 month, 2 months, 3 months----? feel free to answer these for as many relationships youve been in I understand most of these responses will be slanted since most people that reconcile dont return to these sites so past relationship experiences are welcome interested in hearing from everyone, thanks for your response!
Appleness Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 what is the avg time of no contact it takes before an ex starts to miss you/ rethink whether breaking up was a good idea? i want to hear any past relationship experiences-good and bad- doesn't matter if you were the dumper or dumpee just curious to hear from everyone 1. how long were u guys going out 2. how long were you guys in no contact for before dumper contacted you 3. did you guys ever give it another shot 4. are you guys still together 5. how long do you think it takes the dumper to contact you if they have any feelings of getting back together: 1 month, 2 months, 3 months----? feel free to answer these for as many relationships youve been in I understand most of these responses will be slanted since most people that reconcile dont return to these sites so past relationship experiences are welcome interested in hearing from everyone, thanks for your response! I don't think there is a magically equation tho calculate this "average" that you're looking for. I CAN tell you that they will miss you, provided that you had good times in the relationship to look back on and that you gave him/her a decent amount of time to not miss you (NC, work on yourself, etc). What I know is only from what I read here, the experience of a few close friends who I confided in, and lastly, my own experience. Hopefully, that will answer your questions: 1. We were together for 8 years, living together for the last 2.5 years. We met in uni and it seemed almost magical at first that we bonded over so many differences but I guess as we got older, these differences became starker to the point where they drove us apart. 2. This is a tricky question. I know what you want to look for is signs of the dumper missing the dumpee. I'll just tell my story and let you decide. After the breakup, I wanted to go NC right away but we had to stay in LC because he owed me money. Then, just a few months ago, I went to a mutual friend's party and he was there. The friend was actually very kind and warned me that he was invited but I rarely have time to see her and her family so I went anyway. I arrived, greeted everyone, and started the pleasantries. about 15 minutes later, he walked over and started with usual "How have you been? Is school alright?". I stuck to the script. Vague answers, one word responses. At the end of the party, I was hugging people good-bye and he stood next to my friend's husband, Sam. I gave Same a hug, then gave him a slight nod and waved good-bye before turning. It was then I realized that he had his arms held out but I didn't care. I had boundaries now. Boundaries that I never enforced with this person and I didn't want the others at the party to think that things were now good between us. "Over is over. They don't get to touch you and they are not privy to your life" is mantra running through my head. Then about a month ago, on a Saturday morning, I went out for to the beach and left my phone. When I came home at night, I got a text from him (had to look up the number even cause his number wasn't in this newer phone) that said "I tried calling you a few times, left some messages but got no response. Please look after yourself." I was confused by the message but I didn't reply back or check the phonemail. It was almost a year since he started with "I don't know how I feel about you anymore." At the present time, I don't feel anything either. 3. and 4. No and No. (I think after #2, you can see that clearly). 5. I never thought he'd contact me after he paid me honestly. I had my friends tell me he would (I have many close male friends, so half of these were guys says this.) My sister said he would. My mom was with me and said he wouldn't. She said it was because he was very prideful. Me secretly, I didn't think I'd be so resilient to get over it so quickly and so I hoped he wouldn't so I wouldn't have to make the decision on whether to have him back in my life. Now it makes no difference. I do know this much though: love is simple. If someone wanted to be with you, they'd make the effort. Every day that they make the decision not to contact you and be with you, take it at face value. If you wanted ice cream but halfway home you realized that you forgot, do you go back? If you REALLY wanted that ice cream, you would. It's a bit like that. I hope that helps answer you're question. You should read some of the other posts. Get some male and female perspective. It will help you to understand that you're not alone and yes, you will get past this. Good luck.
Sheilalou008 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 what is the avg time of no contact it takes before an ex starts to miss you/ rethink whether breaking up was a good idea? i want to hear any past relationship experiences-good and bad- doesn't matter if you were the dumper or dumpee just curious to hear from everyone 1. how long were u guys going out 2. how long were you guys in no contact for before dumper contacted you 3. did you guys ever give it another shot 4. are you guys still together 5. how long do you think it takes the dumper to contact you if they have any feelings of getting back together: 1 month, 2 months, 3 months----? feel free to answer these for as many relationships youve been in I understand most of these responses will be slanted since most people that reconcile dont return to these sites so past relationship experiences are welcome interested in hearing from everyone, thanks for your response! 1. We were together just shy of two years. Living together for 9 months before he kicked me out. 2. It was about 2 1/2 weeks, I ignored it all for another 3 before I responded. 3. No, we did not. We both loved and missed each other but we are not good for each other. It was nice to come to peace with everything. 4. See above. 5. There is no time limit or average. By thinking this way you are setting yourself up for failure and not moving past it.
OwlSoul Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Got dumped twice. 1. For about a year. Knew each other for 3.5 years now. 2. We've been in a very-very light contact all the time (never initiated more or less deep talsk and etc), however, I went for NC for like a week right after the BU to heal myself. 3. 4. Yup. Still going through it though. 5. I think it happens within a month, if the dumper lost the feeling in a short period (2-3 weeks). More time the dumper spend in the relationship getting colder and colder, longer it should take to contact you back in my point of view. 1. 3 months. Knew each other for 4 months. 2. It was basically 1 month of NC, untill I felt like breaking it. Very soon he started chasing me and tried to get back saying he loves me and etc. 3. I was hesistant to give it another shot, since inner gut feeling said I should not. But said yes, since he seemed to be really into it, even crying, which is very unusual for such a proud person. 4. Nah. It lasted only 4 months after the reconcilation. We're rather in a very bad terms now, since he lied to me. We were in a LDR, so I was saying to him if he'll find someone else closer to go for it. However he decided to say that he knew me better and doesn't love me anymore, making it look like it's my fault. Whereas in reality he just was after another girl. 5. In this case I think it's again about little bit around a month. Guess if I wouldn't contact him first, he would do it instead.
Author icantbelieve Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I don't think there is a magically equation tho calculate this "average" that you're looking for. I CAN tell you that they will miss you, provided that you had good times in the relationship to look back on and that you gave him/her a decent amount of time to not miss you (NC, work on yourself, etc). What I know is only from what I read here, the experience of a few close friends who I confided in, and lastly, my own experience. Hopefully, that will answer your questions: 1. We were together for 8 years, living together for the last 2.5 years. We met in uni and it seemed almost magical at first that we bonded over so many differences but I guess as we got older, these differences became starker to the point where they drove us apart. 2. This is a tricky question. I know what you want to look for is signs of the dumper missing the dumpee. I'll just tell my story and let you decide. After the breakup, I wanted to go NC right away but we had to stay in LC because he owed me money. Then, just a few months ago, I went to a mutual friend's party and he was there. The friend was actually very kind and warned me that he was invited but I rarely have time to see her and her family so I went anyway. I arrived, greeted everyone, and started the pleasantries. about 15 minutes later, he walked over and started with usual "How have you been? Is school alright?". I stuck to the script. Vague answers, one word responses. At the end of the party, I was hugging people good-bye and he stood next to my friend's husband, Sam. I gave Same a hug, then gave him a slight nod and waved good-bye before turning. It was then I realized that he had his arms held out but I didn't care. I had boundaries now. Boundaries that I never enforced with this person and I didn't want the others at the party to think that things were now good between us. "Over is over. They don't get to touch you and they are not privy to your life" is mantra running through my head. Then about a month ago, on a Saturday morning, I went out for to the beach and left my phone. When I came home at night, I got a text from him (had to look up the number even cause his number wasn't in this newer phone) that said "I tried calling you a few times, left some messages but got no response. Please look after yourself." I was confused by the message but I didn't reply back or check the phonemail. It was almost a year since he started with "I don't know how I feel about you anymore." At the present time, I don't feel anything either. 3. and 4. No and No. (I think after #2, you can see that clearly). 5. I never thought he'd contact me after he paid me honestly. I had my friends tell me he would (I have many close male friends, so half of these were guys says this.) My sister said he would. My mom was with me and said he wouldn't. She said it was because he was very prideful. Me secretly, I didn't think I'd be so resilient to get over it so quickly and so I hoped he wouldn't so I wouldn't have to make the decision on whether to have him back in my life. Now it makes no difference. I do know this much though: love is simple. If someone wanted to be with you, they'd make the effort. Every day that they make the decision not to contact you and be with you, take it at face value. If you wanted ice cream but halfway home you realized that you forgot, do you go back? If you REALLY wanted that ice cream, you would. It's a bit like that. I hope that helps answer you're question. You should read some of the other posts. Get some male and female perspective. It will help you to understand that you're not alone and yes, you will get past this. Good luck. thanks for sharing your experiences
Author icantbelieve Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 interesting interesting, it seems that the saying if it's meant to be it'll come back is not really true.... its more like if it's meant to be, it would have never ended 1
Author icantbelieve Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 1. We were together just shy of two years. Living together for 9 months before he kicked me out. 2. It was about 2 1/2 weeks, I ignored it all for another 3 before I responded. 3. No, we did not. We both loved and missed each other but we are not good for each other. It was nice to come to peace with everything. 4. See above. 5. There is no time limit or average. By thinking this way you are setting yourself up for failure and not moving past it. what do you mean you guys were not good for each other?
Sheilalou008 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 what do you mean you guys were not good for each other? Just didn't get along. Lots of fighting and not enough communicating. We were good for a period of time but we were just too different. I could deal with him and his crap but he couldn't.
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