markus36 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 (edited) I'd daftly stayed in limited contact with an ex who really hurt me. Essentially, the story is when we met, she was allegedly single but had recently broken up from her boyfriend. She told me "it would never work", "we've broken up so many times", etc, etc. We get together, she tells me she's head over heels in love with me, and I fall in love with her. After a while she tells me she has feelings for her ex, and goes back to him. So, roll on six months, we've had some limited contact. She had told me things were going well, I said the same, and I say I'm glad it's worked out for them. She replies "actually, it's not, and we're in the process of breaking up". I say I'm sorry to hear that, all the best. I told a mutual friend this. A few days later (literally four days after she told me they were breaking up), this mutual friend (who is friends on Facebook) tells me she's just updated her status to "in a relationship with X". (I didn't really need to know this). So, does this sound like she's playing games? Or is she just a poor confused soul? Was she dangling a carrot, expecting me to bite, and I didn't? Obviously this has got me wondering, is she happy, isn't she? Is she telling the truth? Isn't she? etc, which may well have been her intention Edited April 3, 2013 by markus36
Flier Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 She is not being open and honest with you. Is that the kind of person that you want to be with?
Author markus36 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Not at all - she lied to me when we got together about precisely what was going on with her ex - and now she's doing it again.
steveT95 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Everyone hates to hear it but you were probably a rebound. Let him have her, it's hard I know, but probably for the best. He can't be the only in their relationship and after the way she's treated you, he's probably putting up with some of her nonsense as well.
Author markus36 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 I think I was a rebound, and honestly, I wouldn't want to get back with her - after the lies, I don't like her anymore... but obviously she still has an effect on me. I just don't get what she's playing at - I know I shouldn't care, but of course, I still do
Flier Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Isnt it weird...how we should not care and should move on with our feelings but get into the ditch of thinking about the ex. when we need to stop the painful thoughts? I am right there with you in that space.
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I think I was a rebound, and honestly, I wouldn't want to get back with her - after the lies, I don't like her anymore... but obviously she still has an effect on me. I just don't get what she's playing at - I know I shouldn't care, but of course, I still do The question is never 'why/what are they doing.....?' The question is always - "What do I do now?" What do you do now....? tell us. (And make sure the answer is right, or we'll all be down on you like a ton o' bricks.... )
Author markus36 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 I know the answer is no contact - not only do still give her the power to hurt me, but she is still playing games, and I don't have the emotional energy to deal with that.
Author markus36 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 I think it demonstrates she's a bit messed to be so changeable like this
NoLeafClover Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 No No No...you're doing it wrong. The question is ..."Who gives a F**K if she's happy or not - with him or not with him?"
Minneloa Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I think it demonstrates she's a bit messed to be so changeable like this Luckily, she is no longer your problem.
Author markus36 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I wrote last night to say I didn't want to be part of her drama - her continual break ups and getting back together with her boyfriend. She wrote back to say she was sorry that her life affected me, but she had been upset when she wrote to tell me about their break-up. It just highlights what a lucky escape I've had with her, as that volatility must be very exhausting
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I know the answer is no contact - not only do still give her the power to hurt me, but she is still playing games, and I don't have the emotional energy to deal with that. Oh really? You do know that, yeah? is that right? so the next thing you do, is - I wrote last night to say I didn't want to be part of her drama - her continual break ups and getting back together with her boyfriend. She wrote back to say she was sorry that her life affected me, but she had been upset when she wrote to tell me about their break-up. It just highlights what a lucky escape I've had with her, as that volatility must be very exhausting Given your power away again. It doesn't matter why, or what you said. You gave her the attention. You really need to give a complete rat's ass one way or the other.,... and not indicate quite clearly, by even giving her the time of day, that you're still remotely interested in anything about her and the drama. D. R. A. M. A. Damn Retard After More Attention. Sheesh... people sure ain't quick learners in that thar part of the wurld, nossiree.... 1
Author markus36 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 So I wrote to tell her we can't be friends - she replied "If that's how you feel, let it be so. I still love your sense of humor ... I really do, too, wish we could be friends honestly. I do miss talking to you and the intellectual connection we've had. I wish I could ask you what you really thought about this job move ... I have to go into a whole new place and situation and start over alone... I'm scared and really get confused at times, life seems easier when you've at least gotten used to being someplace and doing things. But anyway, not the type of thing I can dare ask for advice from you for as I don't want to burden you. I'm going to have to make a decision next week." So, of course, I'm interested as I care about her - the LS advice is to ignore, but it's so hard when I care so much
Chi townD Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Wow, Loved the text she sent you. She kind of just skipped over the fact that you pretty much told her that you can no longer be in contact with her and she changes it into it being about her and her problems.
Author markus36 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 It's so hard isn't it? The truth is of course that I still care - it's classic breadcrumb territory, but I'm reading between the lines "I made a mistake", "it's you I think of", etc., etc.
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 There is NOTHING between the lines, but there are an awful lot of "I"s in there... I, I, I. I..... I want.....I miss..... I wish.... I still love your sense of humour.... All yearnings for something she doesn't feel she wants to actually work for. See, she's telling you what fun it WAS - but telling you absolutely unequivocally, that the past is where it's staying. There is nothing there, nothing at all, absolutely nothing in any way shape or form that hints at, or suggests it could be that way again. She would love you to be her friend.... but nothing of the past will feature.
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